I wrote this the day we all got this tragic news. I left work early and knew I would not be in the next day. People wondered why this was such a big deal for me, lots of people I worked with liked his music, but they were not leaving work because of this...

Today is April 21, 2016. I learned that Prince died today. He was 57 years old. I am saddened by this news. I am not sad because Prince was my favorite singer, although he was. I am not saddened because he was my favorite musician or entertainer, although he was. Music has been such a huge part of my life. Anyone that knows me will attest to just how much music is involved in my daily life. These things are all true, but these are not the reasons for how I feel hearing the news about Prince’s death.

When I was a very young man, my older sister would play Prince Records frequently. I would listen to them with her, sing and dance along with those songs, and be overly excited if she got new Prince Records. She took me to see Purple Rain when it was originally released. She made me leave Purple Rain when she realized that Prince and Apollonia were going to be more than just friends. Everything that I had seen and heard in the first parts of that movie had me hooked. I had seen what in my mind the absolute coolest guy was ever. I would soon become incredibly obsessed. I would spend every opportunity listening to and reading about Prince. Little did I know at that time that I was just beginning to experience what Prince would mean to me.

My mom, knowing that Prince was everything to me, always made sure that I had access to as much as possible. If he was on a magazine cover, she got it for me. If he had a new single, remixes, or cd, she bought it for me. She bought me calendars that featured him. Posters, yeah she bought those too. She did not freak out, when I covered every visible inch of the walls in my room with a picture of Prince. During this time, I was alone with this thing, this Prince obsession. My mom, as always, supported me in this. It was a time in my life, when things were uncertain. I was unsure of whom I was, my emotional status, and how to deal with teenage life can be difficult. I was not made in the same mold as my brothers or my dad. I never felt alone. I had my mom, and Prince. It was that important to me. To this day, neither has let me down.

As I got a bit older, I started to get a better understanding of the man and his music. My first college paper was written about Prince. I still have it. My freshman year at North Carolina A&T State University I spent all of my free time in the computer lab in the McNair building. I was researching and reading everything I could possibly find online about Prince. It was a whole new world. Prince was still everything to me. My best friend Steveland had his own computer. He printed for me every song lyric he could find. He found songs I had never heard. He found B-sides, unreleased songs, and even full lyrics to unreleased albums. My free time would never be the same, and I studied lyrics, the way Prince had written the songs, every little nuance. I read the liner notes, and compared to what I had printed from the computer. I began to see even more of his genius. Steveland would at times regret his decision to help me further this obsession with Prince, but he would always know my password. When we were roommates, Prince is all he would hear. Prince would be brought into nearly every conversation. Prince was going to be a part of his life, even if it was against his will.

There was a guy I had met named Monty. We worked at pizza hut together. We had a lot in common. We shared the same sense of humor; we shared a love of sports, and music, more specifically Prince. We bonded over this. We became friends. He became a mentor to me, so very many of the things I have learned, reaffirmed and believed came from him. We became so close, because we loved talking about Prince. All of those other things he did for me came as a result. This is something that would repeat in my life.

I walked into the Record exchange the same day Prince concert tickets went on sale. I heard the guy who worked there, Danny, talking on the phone about Prince tickets. Naturally, we started talking. I had shopped that store many times, and perhaps I had talked to him on any or all of those other occasions, and I remember none of them. However, this day was different, this day we were talking about Prince. By this time I had been able to track down some of those elusive recordings that Steveland had printed lyrics for. I had a fairly decent Prince collection, everything officially released and some bootlegs to add to it. That day I was introduced to someone who would become one of on my greatest friends. We spoke about tickets for the show that was going to be in Charlotte. We spoke about the music. We started comparing notes. Before I knew it, he had asked the manager if he could take off for a bit. We left the store and each went to get all of our Prince items. We compared each track list; we talked about favorite songs and moments. We had just met, and were acting like we had known each other forever. He was going to be out of town when the next sets of tickets were to go on sale. I told him don’t worry, I will get us tickets. I did, and we went. We traveled to these shows and solidified a new friendship. This was important to me. Through the years Danny, had become like a member of my family. We shared a lot of good times, emotions, and continuously created memories. We will be adding this to the list.

The aforementioned Monty was a person of great importance to me transitioning from high school to college. A lot of my friends were leaning of the likes of Kurt Cobain to help them understand those difficult times and transitions in life. I had Monty, my mom, and Prince. Monty was older, and had graduated college before me. While it may seem strange, we were really that close but did not stay close. I spoke to him only briefly after he went back home to Virginia. It was usually about something Prince was up to. When Prince was returning to Greensboro, I got Monty a ticket. Danny, Monty and I went to the show. There were other people there, but in my mind it was us and Prince. That night we had such an amazing time. Danny was lucky enough to get himself on stage with Prince. He danced with Prince. Danny and Monty had only briefly met prior to this day. When we left the arena, Monty and I carried Danny out. We didn’t want his feet to touch the ground. He had been on another level, and we wanted to keep him there.

The next morning Monty left. He went home to Virginia. I have not seen him or spoken with him since this magnificent evening. People have asked me, many times over, why I haven’t talked with him. We had a perfect friendship. It never ended, it simply moved on. I have the perfect memory of my last time with someone who meant so much to me. Prince gave me the back drop and reason to remember every moment about the last time I spent with one of my heroes, my friend Monty.

My love for Prince has transcended the music. It went far beyond the man. It had been a huge influence on my life. Prince had affected who I was as a person. There were times when it was hard to be a Prince fan. There were many times, that people would be shocked that Prince was my all-time favorite anything. I knew early on that it was more than just a song, but damn what songs. I found ways to relate any emotion I had ever felt to something Prince had written. I was able to experience emotions that were not mine, but make them mine, because of something Prince had written. I remember listening to Another Lonely Christmas on repeat and feeling heartbroken. I had never had heartbreak before. I sat in the corner of my room, at this huge brown wooden desk that my mom had gotten me and listened to that song over and over again. Each time it played I got sadder. He was wrecking me. Through his music, his words and how he sang those words, he had allowed me to experience things that were foreign to me.

I grew up around guys who qualified as a “guy’s guy”. I think today I would fall into that same category as well. My dad would make jokes about Prince, as would my brother Jamie from time to time. There were times when I didn’t really have my dad as a very active part of my life, my brother Jamie either for that matter. My mom was always present. Prince was always there as well. They were constant. They were dependable, and never let me down.

When people looked at Prince, it would be easy to judge the book by its cover. It would be easy to listen to one part of a song and try to complete the story of the man. Prince was too complicated for that. He was too much to fit one label despite so many attempts to label him. I gained a certain level of my own personal confidence from Prince. I remember when I went to the senior prom; I took the pictures by myself. I had a date. I knew she wasn’t going to be a permanent fixture. The picture would be. She stood to the side as I had my picture taken, solo. They played Prince twice at my senior prom, I felt vindicated in my decision. In college, a girl that I had been on a few dates with had referred to my love of Prince as a fad that would pass. She was dismissed immediately. Prince gave me that kind of confidence. I still have it. They were going to show Purple Rain in the movie theater on campus at Carolina. Steveland, and I were going. It was done. His then roommate, Greg wanted to go. This was great the more the merrier. Greg’s girlfriend and friends wanted to go. That’s fantanstic. Be ready the ride leaves at 6pm sharp. The movie was going to be shown twice, back to back showings. Steveland and I were committed to seeing both showings. He could be very supportive like that. We went to UNCG campus dorms to pick up those girls. They were not ready. Greg pleaded his case, his girlfriend and her friends weren’t ready just yet. Needless to say, he was given the option to get out of the car and wait for them. At 6:01 we left UNCG’s campus. Steveland and I left. Greg had made his choice. He was in the car. Those girls were not. Greg would have to work that out on his own time. Prince gave me that kind of confidence. We did however; get a speeding ticket on the way. We got there, and my friend Steveland and I sat through 2 screenings of Purple Rain, back to back. It was great. Greg sat through one and then went on to his own experience.

Prince was considerate of everything life put in front of him. At one point he described everything as an experience. I began to describe everything as an experience. But even more so, I began to understand everything as an experience. The idea that everything is part of the experience you are going through and will move you to the next is not new. I get that. I know that Prince did not invent that idea. He was just the one to get me to understand it completely.

I have enjoyed what is known sometimes as the Prince community, the purple collective, the fams, people who understood Prince in the same way. It was a strong community. If you met someone who shared the love of Prince in the same way, it has been my experience that you were meeting someone who was a decent person. My cousin Sandy loved Prince. She liked to talk to me about Prince. Sandy had never heard every song. She had never heard bootlegs, the deep cuts, the unreleased gems, that Danny and I would geek out about for hours and days even. Yet, she loved Prince. She thought he was the best. When she found out she had brain cancer, she begged the doctor to fix it in time for her to see the next Prince concert. My cousin Sandy was crazy at times, and was well known for saying things that were unexpected. As the tumor continued to spread through her brain, she handled it like a champion. She smiled. She laughed, and she still wanted it fixed before the next Prince concert. My wife and I knew, this was not a realistic goal. Prince has a history of announcing shows out of the blue, but we didn’t think she was gonna be so lucky. Before she passed away, we gave her a Prince concert. I have many memories of my cousin Sandy. She was older than me. She was always around as I was growing up. She was great to my mom. That last Prince “concert” is my favorite memory of her. My wife had the brilliant idea of inviting Sandy to my mom’s house we would decorate. We hung purple streamers, we had purple plates for sweet treats. I gave everyone, my ever supportive mother included, a Prince shirt to wear. We played some of those wonderful bootleg concert dvds. We were in my mom’s living room, no stranger to Prince shows. My Wife, mom, Cousin Sandy and myself, danced at this “concert.” When my mom had all she could handle she and my wife went to another room and chatted. Sandy and I continued to enjoy the show. She shouted at me, as though we were really at the show and the music was too loud. She danced, and smiled. My wife had come up with a great idea. My Cousin Sandy’s wish had come true. She was once again, before she died, at the Prince show. My wife along with Prince had helped create this most amazing moment for her and memory for me.

Not one of, but the very first argument I ever had with the young lady who would become my wife was Prince related. I had told her I would call her in a bit. We had different definitions of a bit. Her definition was a short amount of time. My definition of a bit, was when Danny and I finished up the custom bootleg dvd covers we were working on. Danny’s wife will tell you that in our world, a bit could last for hours. My future wife was unaware of this. She was not happy upon learning this news. Years later my wonderful wife, would accuse me of having an affair…with Prince. Any news was big news. He had a new band. I had to read about it. See I was still very much the same guy I was that freshman year of college but now the information was more available. The purple collective had gotten stronger and was sharing more. Not a single day would go by that I wouldn’t check to see what he was up to, looking for any newly leaked songs, recent concert recordings, remixes, anything. Prince had become so much a part of the fabric of my life. He was there before my wife. I knew it would be hard to understand this love affair I have with Prince. I have tried to be aware of her feelings. She has worked to be aware and understanding of mine. She has allowed me to continue this affair.

Today is a very sad day for me. It’s a confusing day. I know and completely understand that Prince was an influential musician, but not everyone was impacted by him in the same way. When my dad died, I listened to Prince. The songs were not about my dad, I had Pearl Jam for that. My dad did not like those songs; he wasn’t much for Pearl Jam either. Prince just made me feel better in that moment. I needed him and he was there for me, just like always. When a family member dies, people understand your sadness, no one really questions it. I had two brothers. One died somewhat recently. I was not sad. Why that statement is true is another story altogether, but had I said I was sad people would have understood. Prince has had a bigger impact on my life; I’m going to miss him more. I’m going to feel this loss more. It feels strange to write that, but it is true. Prince is many things, honest is one of them.

Prince in my life has been about the music, the self-realizations, the friendships and the memories. He has been a part of my family in many ways. The things taken into this account are just a fraction of my Prince experience. He has given me so much. I will miss him dearly. I have received a lot of messages asking if I’m ok with what has happened today. I know some of those people know that I am not. I know that people know I was a big fan. Some even knew just how much he meant to me. If I get sad about this and people don’t understand why, I can ask them if they really care to know why, I have something for them to read.

Prince meant so much to me. I have been driving, and the hair on my arm would stand up at a note he sang, a way he phrased, or something he did with his guitar. I know that the music will live on. There will be a ton of music released one day that he never intended on releasing. A lot of I will have already heard, being fortunate enough to get myself among the group of that purple collective that shared so many hidden treats amongst us. My daughter who is now three once made a plate for lunch. She made me “Starfish and coffee”. Her little body came to me with a plate that had a plastic cup and starfish on it. She sang the chorus of that song to me. When we were at Fonzy’s house one evening, she sat at the piano and sang Purple Rain. I posted it on YouTube and had a new claim as my proudest moment as a father. Previously it was her ability to say “Duke Sucks” at eight months clearly. My wife told her I was sad today, and put her on the phone. My daughter knew I was sad, she sang Purple Rain for me. She was smiling as she sang it, and I cried. She did not know that. Tears rolled down my face as she was indeed cheering me up. Prince will always be magical that way to me.

Such love in this. Be well, friend.

Great post. I love to read the personal stories from the real fans.

One of the bright spots has been so many stories that have been shared. As the music is shared, so now are the wonderful stories that go beyond the music.