In the dense jungle, Prince rolled out of a stone ruin predominately hidden within vines and forage. In his hand he had a stone tablet with the first music ever written engraved upon it. Before he had time to sit upright and admire it, it was snatched from his grip.

Sinead O’Conner was holding the tablet, “Once again Prince, there is nothing I cannot take from you. However, I do admire your ability to obtain these treasures against the odds of success, especially in heels.”

Prince sarcastically chuckled, “You may take what I have, but nothing compares to me.”

She slightly bowed and smiled, “Whatever. Ta tah.” She turned to a cloud of black smoke and wisped away.

Prince sat alone and reflected on the moment, “Crazy bitch.”

…………………………………………………………………………………

Back at Paisley Park, another recording session ended, Prince is practicing some licks on his guitar when George Clinton walks in Prince, “Prince, my man. Sounded funky there, dangerous.”

“Yeah, got some strong chords going in that.”

Clinton rubbed his beard and said, “Sorry about the tablet.”

Prince shrugged, “Win some, and lose some.”

Clinton said, “Seem to lose to Sinead a lot. Anyway, forget about it. Have another one for you.”

Prince looked up curiously, “Yeah, what?”

Clinton smiled, “The Bag.”

Prince was silent, “You don’t mean… the Bag?”

Clinton nodded, “The very one.”

Prince became excited, “How, who?”

Clinton, “Some real government stiffs. They say it’s important. They want to talk to you.”

Prince thought for a moment, “They want to talk to me? They want me to find the bag?”

Clinton nodded and said seriously, “They are willing to pay the whole way.”

Prince sat down, “No way. The Bag.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

In a large auditorium, two suited men sat. One was short and balding, overweight; the other was tall and greyed. They shook Prince’s hand, “Pleasure to meet you Mr. Nelson.”

He smiled, “Like wise.”

The men sat at a table and the plump one said, “So, let’s get down to business. We were told you would be the man to seek in this effort, and your reputation does proceed you. How much do you know, Mr. Nelson, about ‘Papas Brand New Bag’?”

Prince said, “Recorded by James Brown and is noted as the first ever funk song.”

The plump man said, “Yes, we all know it is a song. We are referring to the actual bag.”

Prince nodded and said, “Right, I am getting to that. It is legend the bag is real, and was the inspiration to the song, and is therefore the origin to funk. It is claimed the power of funk has many mystic qualities, and the bag is still the ultimate source.”

The plump man and the tall man gave confident nods to one another, the plump one said, “Yes. You seem to be knowledgeable. We want you to get it.”

Prince laughed, “But no one knows where it is. There is some legend around it though.”

The plump man said, “We have word the Belgium terrorist Glenn Moore is amassing an expedition to Vegas, to visit Miss Tomi Hynie.”

Prince drummed his fingers on the table, “The bling. They are after the bling.”

The plump man asked, “What’s the bling?”

Prince said, “It’s a charm on a gold necklace James would wear for luck while on show. Legend also says, if you stand in the correct location and look through the charm, it will give the location of the Bag.”

The plump man asked, “You believe this is why they have an interest in Tomi Raye?”

Prince said, “It has to be. That charm is the only thing she took from Brown’s estate, and she had to sneak that out.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later, back at Paisley Park, Prince was sitting back on a large sofa and relaxing. A knock came at the door. Prince welcomed whoever to come in. It was George Clinton again, “Well,” and he smiled brilliantly.

Prince sat up, “They said yes?”

Clinton held his arms out, “They want you.”

Prince jumped up and hugged Clinton. The two released the hug and Prince said, “Do you know what this means? The source, George! I will have the source of the funk!”

George said, “The Bag Prince. Whatever is in that bag was the inspiration and power to steer music in a whole new direction through one man. Brown found it necessary to hide it from mankind. It’s not to be taken lightly.”

Prince said, “George, here we are on the verge of the most significant find for raw funk creation and you want to scare me with some sort of boogey man stuff? Besides, you know how careful I am?” and he tossed a gold microphone the shape of a gun in his bag.

George asked, “What the hell you gonna do with that silly thing.”

Prince said, “That is the golden gun microphone.”

George said, “I know what it is. It’s the silliest piece of shit prop you ever come up with. You must have been high as hell.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

In Vegas, Tomi was finishing a set and in her dressing room. Prince came through her door.

“Prince,” she said, “ever heard of knocking?”

Prince said, “Tomi, I need something. It’s important.”

“We all need something, don’t we? Remember when I needed a job as a backup singer with your band and you turned me down?”

Prince said, “I’m sorry, Tomi, but you sing like shit.”

“What is it you want Prince?”

Prince put a roll of money in her hand, “This is two thousand dollars. I am looking for a charm, on a chain. James’ bling.”

She took the money and said, “It’s going to cost you five. Come back tomorrow Prince.”

Prince left, but soon afterwards, three goons barged in her dressing room. They made it clear they were after the bling also. She told them she did not have it. Prince came back in and a fight broke out. A candle fell over and Tomi’s costumes began to burn. The charm was in the fire, getting hot. Prince punched the lead goon; he fell back and landed on the bling with his butt. Howling, he fled the room and found a fountain to dip his butt in.

Prince and Tomi were in the hall, she had found the bling and picked it up with a thick scarf. The room was engulfed in flame. “Well Prince,” she said, “You sure know how to cause a bunch of crap. Now I have nothing. All of my costumes were in there. I was living in that room.” She shook the bling in his face, “Bet your sweet ass I am your backup now!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Prince knew of one person who could decipher the jive on the bling. He was on his way to Queens New York to visit the last know cypher of jive, Steve Martin.

Steve Martin was in an abandoned and dilapidated apartment building. He welcomed Prince in, “Come in.”

Prince gave him the bling and said, “I need this interpreted.”

Martin looked it over and said, “Someone has already been in here with the very same encryption. It was scalded to his ass.”

Prince said, “Oh no, they have a head start.”

Martin looked it over and said, “No, wait. He only had one side scalded to his ass. There is writing on both sides. He failed to flip it over and get the other side.”

Prince said, “Yeah, that’s a common mistake made by a lot of people. It is always important to flip it over and get the other side.”

Martin read it aloud, “Been shuck up, yo mama slam it right on, dig it, dig it, dat ass, dat ass.” Steve looked up and said, “It’s longitude and latitude coordinates. I will write it all down for you.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Prince and Tomi were the stage of the Apollo after hours. He looked through the charm and certain patterns on the walls became letters for him. He smiled and said, “Got it.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They arrived outside of a club called the ‘g Lounge’. Tomi asked, “This is the place?”

Prince said, “Yes.”

She asked, “Have you ever been here before?”

Prince said, “No. The bag is supposed to be hidden in the ceiling of the restroom, third stall.”

“Which restroom? Men’s or women’s?”

They opened the door and discovered it was a gay night club, Tomi said, “I guess there will only be one restroom.”

When the men saw Prince come in, they went wild. He was being pulled and asked to dance several times on his way to the restroom. When they made it to the restroom, they locked the door.

Tomi laughed, “Seems like you do have a lot of fans here.”

Prince went to the third stall, popped open a ceiling panel, and felt around. He came out with a purple bag. Tomi said, “You have got to be kidding. What are the chances it would be purple?”

Prince held the bag up, “It’s Crown Royal.”

The second stall came open and out walked Sinead and five goons. Prince asked, “How in the hell did you all fit in there?”

The goons pulled guns on Prince and Sinead held her hand out.

Prince said, “I should have known you would be working for the bad guys, Sinead.” Prince pulled out his golden microphone gun.

Sinead asked, “Is that a microphone?”

Prince looked at it and said, “Damn! I meant to get the real gun. Maybe George is right. Maybe I need to get rid of this thing.”

Sinead took the Bag, “And once again, we see there is nothing you can get which I cannot take from you.” She had an evil glare in her eyes, “Now, take off your clothes Prince.”

Prince said, “Hell no!”

The goons cocked their pistols. Prince asked, “Can I keep the underwear on?”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sinead stepped out of the restroom and held Prince’s clothes up, she yelled, “Alright boys. Come and get it.” She held the door open and the men stampeded in.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

It took much smooth talking to convince the men in the restroom the he was not intentionally nude, but Prince did. Along the way, he talked three men in to become Jehovah’s. Several men donated him pieces of garment when he explained the predicament, and Prince left fully, though absurdly, clothed. Sinead had an incredible head start on him now, and he had to hurry.

They were on the trail of the Bag when they were discovered; Sinead had sensed him behind them. She sent several goons to capture the two. Prince said, “You can’t take it to the Belgium Sinead. If he destroys it, the world will lose funk. Creation, love, and joy will lose inspiration. The world will become a much darker place.”

Sinead said, “I do not care what the Belgium wishes to do with it. I want to open it myself, and absorb some of the funk, and then he can do whatever.”

Prince said, “Sinead, no one knows what is in there. No one knows what sort of power it will unleash.”

Prince and Tomi were taken to an empty stadium. The goons had the stadium lights shining on the Bag. Sinead had a tall golden head ornament on, Tomi said, “There is really nothing good she can do to her head, is there?”

Sinead began to open the bag, and a glowing light came from it. Clouds formed over the stadium, with lightning and thunder. A magnificent funk groove came from the Bag, and was getting louder and louder. Prince yelled at Tomi, “Put your hands on ears, don’t listen.” He placed his hands on his own ears.

The funk became louder, and soon, Sinead and the goons were forced to dance by the music. But the music became more and more powerful, and as it demanded more creative moves, the goons began to snap off body parts from their attempts, and sooner or later, their heads would roll off. Sinead suffered the same fate. The Bag was still open, and Prince knew he had to close it.

As he walked to it, with his hands on his ears, he knew he would have to remove his hands in order to close it. He hoped he could do it quickly. He removed his hands and instantly went in to dance. Each time he would reach for the Bag, the music would cause him to throw his arms in a different direction. With each shift in the funk, Prince kept measure, constantly changing his own moves and getting down in only the way a funk master can. The music would change and change; and Prince would shift and move. The pitch of the music rose, as if the funk were determined to break Prince. Prince would dynamically and aggressively meet the challenge despite the burning pain in his hip which was increasing with every second of the battle.

Suddenly, there was a thunderous note from the bag, and Prince was down in a split. The music had stopped, and Prince was grimacing in pain. Prince touched the Bag and a purple glow engulfed them both. The glow died away, and the bag was gone, and Prince had changed to a purple Yoda.

Prince looked himself over and said, “Changed I am. One has the Bag and I become.”

He closed his eyes and concentrated, his form changed back to Prince.

“Funk I am.”