It's better if you have read:

http://prince.org/msg/7/413626

August 13^th, 2014: Athens Georgia: Georgia Square Mall

I would be telling a lie if I did not remember the time I met Prince and had a very strange experience almost every day. Should those events had happened with anyone else would be remembered with the same jumble of unsorted emotions. Of course it had deepened my admiration for Prince, not because of his unknown super powers or his pop celebrity status, but because he seemed to be a level headed guy as opposed to all of the rumors we see and hear. I certainly don’t know if I could keep my head about me if I were being hunted down by funkpires.

I was in the food court of the Mall, doing some shopping for my wife after my meal and meeting her later that night for a dinner date. I was ordering a slice of pizza when the young man behind the counter said, “You should really have an ice cream first.”

I smiled, “Yeah, always room for ice cream.”

The young man looked at me seriously and said, “No, you should really have an ice cream.”

My expression was most uncertain, “um, okay. I want some pizza though…”

He then stared right around me and said, “Next.”

I was outraged, “What… I need to see the manager…”

The boy continued to take the order of the next person, as if I did not exist. I exclaimed to the other worker behind the register, and she too ignored me perfectly. I simply shrugged and backed away, intensely angry. The last time I could remember anything this strange happening was… was….

No, it couldn’t be related to the events I had on the day I fought the funkpires. This was insane. I stepped back and felt a bit dizzy, a bit nauseous. I had no intention of going through anything like that again. I wanted to run out the front door, but I suddenly felt watched. I looked around at the busy crowd, and saw no one noticing me. I sat down at one of the food court tables.

“Sir?”

My heart jumped and I was trembling, a young man in a white smock and paper hat was in front of me holding an ice cream cone in his hand. I asked, “What the hell is going on?”

He offered me the cone, “It’s our most popular flavor, the Ice Cream Castle. Today, we are giving out free samples.”

I nodded, “I bet you are. Come on kid, keep that thing. I don’t even want to know what’s going on either. Just let me leave.”

“You don’t like ice cream?” he asked.

“I like ice cream just fine. There is no telling what that thing is made of. Whose jizz is in the cream?” My voice had elevated with excitement and carried over the court. I saw parent’s covering the ears of their children and scowls upon me everywhere.

“You don’t understand, Jeff. Much is at stake.”

My voice cracked, “So handle it without me. I have to meet my wife later tonight; I have shopping to do. I have my life, which needs to stay normal.”

The young man said calmly, “I’m afraid if you don’t help, then life will be anything but normal for you or anyone else. If anyone lives at all, that is.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If you really care for your wife and kids, or this world with everyone on it, then you will take a lick of this ice cream.”

I could feel the mental pressure of the moment beginning to get the better of me, “I don’t understand. I don’t want to be involved.”

The young man placed the cone in my hand, “Unfortunately, there is only one way to stop the end of the world, and you are it.”

I looked at the ice cream fearfully, and then at the young man, “Better not be any jizz in this.”

The young man smiled, “I assure you, nothing like that.”

Hesitantly, I protruded my tongue and touched the ice cream. It had to be the best tasting ice cream ever to touch my taste buds. “Hm, not bad at all.” I took one mighty lick and swallowed. It was absolutely delightful. I smiled at the young man, “Very good ice cream. Nice rich…” and then was when the brain freeze struck me. “Ouch,” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I hate it when this happens.” The pain intensified, and soon I could tell this was no ordinary brain freeze. “MMMM,” I balled my fists in pain and dropped the ice cream to the floor. Everyone, everything, was moving in slower and slower motion, until everything stopped.

A soft drink being spilled by a woman at another table was frozen in a splash, like a photograph. A man tossing his kid in the air was stuck in the moment where the child was at its highest. An arguing couple was frozen with beast like snarls directed towards one another. I was the only thing still in motion. The ice cream shot up from the floor and towards the inner mall, it stopped and began to spin in the air, and it imploded into a rip in space and time. I had seen one of these before, one day on a roof while assisting Prince with his funkpire problem.

I stepped through the portal, which was like stepping through any other ordinary door way. I was in dark room, wall to wall in large computer displays. The portal closed behind me. There were many busy figures working away at workstations through the room. One figure off in the distance, leaning over a work station, stood and looked my way. He walked over, it was Morris Day.

“Hello,” he said.

I eagerly shook his hand, “Hello Mr. Day. What a pleasure to meet you.”

He smiled, “Yeah, cool. Good to meet you. I just wish it were over better circumstances.”

I looked around the massive headquarters, “What is this place?”

“This,” he turned and spanned his arms in the air, “is the watch center, the nucleus. This is the protection post and executive center. This is…. Graffiti Bridge.” He stood there, arms spanned, with a rapturous smile on his face. He stood there, and he stood there.

I cleared my throat, “Mr. Day?”

He realized he was in an absurd pose and quickly gained his composure, “Ah, yes, Graffiti Bridge.” He briskly walked through the bustling headquarter and motioned for me to follow. “So, this is the heart and synapsis to many things going on all over the world. Lot of ins and outs with info and occurrences.”

I asked, “How… this is weird as hell. Why are you in charge of this?”

He smiled and looked back while keeping his frantic pace, “Who said I was in charge? The history here is a long story and one we will not have time for today.” He stopped and turns towards me, “Okay, let’s begin debriefing.”

“This would be good.”

He touched a pad console attached to a wall and it lit up. Morris began to type and suddenly there was a loud rumble. Huge metal blinds were rising on the wall to reveal several massive windows. Beyond the windows and below, in a dimly lit chamber of huge proportion, was the sparkle and glimmer of a pool of water. There was something in the water, something I could not make out.

“Okay,” Morris said, “What you are looking at is hot skillet awesome. This is the newly implemented and experimental project ‘Third Eye.’”

“Third eye? What does that mean?”

“It’s a new system where we can keep up with stuff before it actually happens.”

I looked at him doubtfully, “Bull shit.”

“What, no.. yeah, for real. We can see things before it happens. Well, we can’t, but they can.” He pointed down below to the pool. “In the pool is three women, a hive mind. They have extreme psychic powers which can see in to the future. Still experimental. Largest problem is they cannot see far in to the future. Usually only a matter of hours.”

I still had the doubtful look on my face, “You are trying to tell me you can see in to the future by using these three women as some kind of psychic antennae?”

“Wow, yeah, couldn’t have said it better. That’s what they do. Of course the liquid they are in is like a super conductor which amplifies their psychic waves.”

“What liquid is it?” I asked.

“Water mainly,” he said. I nodded. Then he added, “Mixed with essence of funk.”

I shuddered, “I knew that stuff would show back up. You mean to tell me they are lying around in a pool of James Browns semen?”

Morris sniffed and rubbed at nose, “Gross ain’t it. Lord.” He mildly shuddered himself.

“So I am guessing they have seen something bad. Something really bad and you think I can do something about it? What is it? A huge funkpire invasion?” I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

“No man. Much worse. Much much worse. Prince is going to have his voice stolen two hours from now if you don’t stop it.”

I was shocked, “You are crapping me, right? Prince is going to lose his voice? Big deal! He might as well, have you listened to last two or three albums? And I am a huge fan, Morris, huge fan.”

Another person appeared out of the dark corridor where we stood, it was Jesse Johnson. “Morris, you needed me?”

Morris said, “Jesse, is the Cloud ready?”

Jesse stepped closely to Morris, “Yes, it is Morris. But Morris, I can do this. We don’t need someone from the outside.”

I could barely hear Morris speaking to Jesse, “I know, we all know, you play one bad ass guitar Jesse. The Cloud is… well you know… Jesse you can’t handle the Cloud.”

Jesse frowned and growled lowly, “I know I could if you just let me…”

“No!” Morris said, “End of discussion. We don’t have time for this Jesse.”

“Yes…. Sir.” Jesse said, sarcastically, and he walked away.

Morris muttered, “He has always had an attitude problem.” He quickly turned to me and said, “If Prince loses his voice, the universe as we know it will cease to exist. On May 6^th, 1986, Prince was secretly ordained by the council of the universe to sing the harmonics of the universe. He will have this duty until they ordain someone else. If he doesn’t sing this harmony tonight, like all nights, things will get real ugly very fast. Planets will spin out of control; stars will explode, meteors and asteroids will crash all over the Earth, dogs and cats will be sleeping together. You know, real end of time stuff.”

I paused, “Are you for freaking real?”

Morris looked at me dead seriously, “Bad shit will go down.”

“Can you just tell me, why me?”

“Because, Prince gave you the touch.” Morris began walking again and I followed.

“The touch? What is the touch?”

Morris stopped by an enormous steel door and placed his palm on a pad by the door. It opened, “On your accidental little adventure with Prince in November of 2012, during the final moments you spoke with Prince, he placed his arm around you and gave you the touch. It’s a special touch. You weren’t aware of it, of course, but he did.”

“Why me?” I asked.

Morris laughed, “Who the hell knows. Never can tell what is going on in that man’s head. Does it really matter?”

“Am I the only person he has ever given the touch?”

Morris blew through his lips, “No, he has given lots of folks the touch.”

“Oh,” I said. “Then I go back to my previous question. Why me? There has to be someone else out there with the touch that is more qualified than me.”

“Nope,” said Morris as we stopped at another door. “You are the most qualified one for this job.”

I asked again, “Why?”

“You’re the last one living.” The next door opened and Morris stepped through.

I exclaimed, “Wait just a damn minute. What do you mean by that? How did the rest of them die?”

Morris said, “On duty, of course. There is always some kind of shit going down.”

Behind the last door was the Cloud guitar, on a pedestal, shimmering beneath a spot light. “You recognize this? Right?” I nodded. He said, “You will take this guitar and play it to insert Prince’s voice back to him.”

“I can’t play guitar.”

“This one you can, because you have the touch. You will play Purple Rain, and his voice will come back to him. It will heal his vocal chords and then you have to help him escape back through the portal you will arrive in.” Morris raised an eyebrow, “That’s all you have to do. Any questions?”

“Why not Jesse? He can probably play Purple Rain with in his sleep.”

“If you don’t have the touch, you can’t play the Cloud. It’s far too powerful for an average person.”

I nodded, and reflected. “You do know, you people have the most fucked world I have ever seen.” I also asked, “Just one more question, if you know he is going to be abducted and have his voice removed, then why not stop it before it happens?”

“We thought about that, and then crunched then numbers. If we were to miss the window of opportunity in stopping them, then the guitar would have to be used. Besides, we felt it was best to let them think they had succeeded. Then we could sneak in after the point, restore him, and escape. No one the wiser.”

This was the first thing which did indeed sound sensible. I asked one more thing, “Who is behind all of this? What sort of monster am I going to run in to on the other side?”

Morris said, “That is a security issue, and you shouldn’t run in to anyone. Future projections show they will leave him alone, bound where he is after they remove the voice. Go back through the portal as soon as you have restored his voice and you should not run in to anyone.” Morris eyed me curiously and said, “Come and take your sword.”

I slowly approached the Cloud and tried to lift it. It would not budge. Morris appeared upset, “Dammit. Jesse! Get down here and unlock this thing like I told you just a minute ago.”

Jesse came in through a side door. Morris was giving him a serious staring down, but was between Jesses and the guitar. Jesse said, “Do you mind?”

Morris stepped out of the way and Jesse unlocked the guitar. He lifted it and gave it to me, “So,” he said, “You really think just because you have touched you can play this better than me?”

I shrugged, “Man, I don’t know. I’m just going off what Morris said.”

“Yeah,” and I swear Jesse looked at me with the most disdaining expression, “You don’t know.”

A portal opened near the rear of the room, and I strapped the Cloud on. It was light, almost no weight at all. It was as light as, “a cloud,” I thought.

Morris called to me, “Remember! Get in, play the song, get out. Don’t mess around.”

I gave him the thumbs up and stepped back in to the portal. The portal snapped shut. “Think he can pull it off?” Morris asked Jesse.

“Don’t know.”

Morris looked at his watch, “He better. The universe doesn’t have much more time.”

As soon as I stepped through the other side of the portal, someone hit me on the back of the head and knocked me unconscious. I had barely caught a glimpse of Prince, but he was there, slouched in a chair. When I came back to, I looked over at Prince, who had been severely drugged. He looked at me with his slouched head and said, “What you in fo?” His voice was hideous; it was the voice of…. Bobcat Goldthwait. “What day is it?”

I told him, “Prince, you are drugged up and your voice is, well, horrible.”

He laughed as a drunkard, spraying me with spittle, and said, “And you fugly.”

I was tied to a chair, and I was searching for something to use in order to get free. There was a clock on the wall, a metal table across the room with a strange glowing cylinder, and a door to my left. Prince was also tied, and I saw it was plastic zips binding him to the chair, as well as me. Prince looked up at the wall to the clock, “Oh look, it’s almost time.”

I looked at the clock, “Almost time for what? To sing the harmony of the universe.”

Prince laughed, “Yeah, how did you know? Say, who are you? Do I know you?”

“No,” I said, “You don’t know me.” I asked him, “How much time do we have?”

“Oh, I would say, about fifteen minutes.”

The door to the room opened and in walked a woman. It was, unbelievably, Tipper Gore. I was flabbergasted. “Tipper Gore?”

She looked at me and said, “And who are you? How did you get here?”

I was looking around, the Cloud guitar was missing. “Where is the guitar I came in with?”

She said, “The guitar is mine now. Who are you? How did you get here? Who sent you?”

I was beginning to panic, “Tipper, do you know what you have done? You have to give Prince his voice back.”

She said, “I do not have to do anything. I certainly will not give his voice back.”

I gave a desperate laugh, “Why are you doing this?”

She said, “Did you know this man is planning to re-release Purple Rain. Do you know he is planning on making a fresh version of that nasty, deplorable song, Darling Niki?

At this point my mind was reeling, “Tipper, I think, by all of the rumors I have seen, he is going to make a cleaned up version of the song.”

She yelled at me, “That’s not the point! It’s worse, as a matter of fact, if he does. Then it could be played on the radio, conversations will happen about the old version, people will be curious. A whole new generation of our youth will go out and by the original just to see what the difference is. It will then corrupt a whole new generation of our youth.”

I tried to reason with her, “Tipper, no. It may not happen that way. You know, the song isn’t that bad.”

She gritted her teeth and furrowed her brow, “It was the number one song on my Filthy Fifteen! Don’t tell me it’s not nasty. It speaks of a woman being proliferate with her flower.”

“Being prolif… doing… what?”

“She is masturbating,” and Tipper slammed her hand on the steel table and caused the glowing cylinder to almost fall over.

“Tipper, you are going to destroy the universe. Prince needs his voice back or the universe will be destroyed; Earth will be destroyed.”

She laughed, “Sounds like you have reading some of that sorry nonsense my ex-husband used to write about.” She waved her hands in the air, “Oh, we are getting the Earth too hot! Maybe, if he had tried to get me hot every once in a while instead of every other woman out there, we would still be married.”

I was so lost, “And maybe he left you because you’re crazy.”

She sized my face by the cheeks with one hand, “Don’t you call me crazy.” My cheeks hurt, but I was more interested in looking at the clock on the wall. Only ten minutes left.

The door to the room suddenly busted open again and Jesse walked through. I sighed, “Jesse, thank goodness.”

Tipper looked over to Jesse and said, “Do you have what you want?”

Jesse turned his back towards us, “Here it is,” he was wearing the Cloud guitar.

“Jesse,” I pleaded, “the universe! The Earth! You have to set me free and hand me the guitar.”

Jesse laughed, “Don’t worry. I am not going to let the universe go to pot. I am going to take this guitar and ordain myself as the harmony of the universe.”

I was so confused. “What? Will that work?”

He stepped over to Prince, “Big man. Look at you now. Took your guitar and your voice. Always trying to hold us back. You know I was a better singer, player, and lover than you any day.”

Prince’s head wobbled, “I don’t eat meat, just a salad,” in the Bobcat voice.

Tipper said to Jesse, “Thanks for helping me take his voice, and also for letting us know this guy was coming to rescue him.” She smirked at me, “Not much of a rescue. Maybe you should have kept your day job.”

I told her, “I’ve been up against worse, I think.”

Jesse turned the guitar in front of him and said, “Now all I have to do is sing ‘Jungle Love,’ and the ordaining will be mine. He raised a pick, “Say hello to your new leader.” He brought the guitar down and stuck the strings. There was a deafening reverb in the room as the table and chairs began to vibrate and slide around the room. Prince said, “Wheeeeee.”

Jesse wore a frightened look on his face; I believe he was beginning to understand what Morris had warned him of. Tipper was screaming at the top of her lungs. A bolt of energy radiated out of the guitar, sending both Tipper and Jesse to the ground. I was blown out of my chair as my binds were destroyed. Prince too was lying on the floor and moaning, “I don’t eat meat.”

Jesse was still in daze, and the Cloud was lying on the floor four feet away from him. I made a lunge for the Cloud. Jesse saw me coming and he rolled over, grabbing the Cloud and raising it high above his head. “I will bust the hell out of it. Don’t come any closer! If I can’t have it, then no one can!”

Suddenly, Jesse’s face contorted and he yelped in pain. He released the guitar and it began to fall to the ground. I caught the guitar and saw Prince was biting Jesse on the Achilles tendon. He kicked Prince away and started for me. I swung the Cloud and caught Jesse in the head. He fell unconscious. Prince sat up spitting rubbing his tongue, “See, that’s why I don’t eat meat.”

I looked at the clock, only three minutes left. I began to strum the guitar and Purple Rain was coming from it. I began to sing. The glowing cylinder began to pop and bounce, its glow intensified. A stream of energy left the cylinder and flowed into Prince’s mouth. Prince sat up and said in his own voice, “It’s good to be back.”

I exclaimed, “Prince, no time!” The clock was only moments away from the cut off time to saving the universe. Prince began to sing the most beautiful harmony I have ever heard, almost bringing tears to my eyes. When he was finished, he looked at me and said, “Don’t I know you?”

I shrugged, “I think you gave me an autograph once.”

He raised his hands and screeched in only a way Prince can, and he vanished in flashing brilliance. A portal opened for me I started through it. I looked back at Jesse, “You need to be ashamed of yourself.” And I also said to Tipper, “And you need to get off. Damn, you need to get off.”

I stepped back through to the other side in to a very dark room. The portal snapped shut behind me. “Morris?” I called. “Morris, where am I?”

Morris’ voice came back over a speaker, “We aren’t sure where the portal opened. Try to find a door or something.”

I began to walk through the darkness and fell in to a deep pool of water. I came up gasping. I heard some grinding and rumbling, there was some light from above. High above me, there was a wall of metal blinders opening. I saw Morris on the other side, “Oh, there you are,” he said.

I looked around me and saw that I had fallen in to the pool with the third eye girls. I remembered it was a pool full of James Browns jizz. “Dammit!” I screamed. “I swallowed some!”

[Edited 1/19/15 14:34pm]

[Edited 1/20/15 14:16pm]

You're my kind of people HollywoodDove.

what is this supposed to be ?

luvsexy4all said:

what is this supposed to be ?

fun