"eye love u prince" then prince replied ...

"u know eye love u 2 cow .. but not like eye love my guitar" .. then in all prince new power generator glory out comes a guitar reigning love down all over the purple people of the universe .. finally thru prince purple power percolater all atoms vibrate at a higher frequency .. all forms become energy synchonize and open like a lotus the akashic records stored in our dna .. suddenly a crack in the sky opens by the hand of god .. god peaks thru the heavens and says ...

[Edited 10/31/12 16:55pm]

"Tell me who in the place don't know about the quake and even God realised how funky the Purple Messiah was, he decided to let Prince take a break from saving the world and Prosetlysing the Theocratic void, for everyone to get down and have a party like it was in 66 or 67 or even 1999. Jesus came over 2 God and said I have a lion in my pocket and baby he's ready 2 roar. Prince meanwhile floating about on a cloud pointed to another cloud with some misty figures of men and women playing instruments and said "Real Music by real musicians, you can not reproduce this on no autotune".

The band strated playing and got funky through a high octane version of the Dance electric before they segued into the other great party starter called Alphabet Street.

Folks looked up in the purple sky and saw the life of the party. The music flowed down and the world began to jam, people thronged record stores and anything by Prince or symbol sold out in nano seconds, others held up iphones until Prince sent a few goons down on clouds to beat the snot out of anyone filming the scene.

Even the beatien I-phone users were enlighten. Even Foster of Foster the People got into the purple groove. The talking cat licked it's poop shoot to the heavenly beat further adding dimension to the music, like Prince sniffing in Human Body. However in the shadows there was one who was not pleased. The summit of all evil....

[Edited 11/1/12 6:11am]

It was Spooky Electric (who oddly enough looked like Justin Timberlake but that goes without saying). Spooky Electric, in his deep booming voice, said, "Prince, you are becoming too big again. Now I've made you do stupid things in the past to diminish your fame but you are even too big for me to embarrass now. I think you have actually done everything possible to make people think you are an assclown and they still love you more than ever. So you must die."

"That's right, cousin," said the demon, who looked oddly enough like Morris Day, as he came lurking out of the shadows to stand next to Spooky. "Better log on to Rollingstone.com and tell them your ass is gone."

"No," Prince said, almost inaudibly like the low-talker from Seinfeld. "I want to battle!"

"Battle me?" asked Spooky.

"Yes, I'll bring my band and you bring yours and we'll battle tomorrow night," Prince said, gaining confidence.

"It is done," said Spooky and then he and Morris were gone...

Prince knew this battle would be he most important performance ever.

I must gather my band or should I say bands, the very best of my era.

Prince sprinted to a clearing and held aloft his magical 24 carat unpronouncable symbol medallion and said:

Oh mighty winds blowing North East West and South

Carry the words of my mouth

To those with funk and skill I summon to this hill

From Revolution, The Time, and New Power Generation

Bring them to me as I will

Prince's best singers and musicians from present and past appeared, but also.....

[Edited 11/1/12 10:26am]

The Cheeky Girls who had kidnapped the Twins and hatched a fiendish plot to take their place (Which to be honest wasn't that hard as nobody could tell the difference)

Prince decided first thing first: What to wear.

To the wardrobe!

Everyone followed.

"high heels or moon boots y'all" prince shouted from the back of his 900 square foot closet he lives in .. wendy replied "what does it matter, we're still a band right?" ...

"wendy? is that you?" prince asks .. "how the hell did you make the 'best band for god performance' cut .. and where are the twins and larry?"

wendy replies "turns out god doesn't hate lesbiens after all" .. hearing this prince emerges from the closet wearing his finest banana hammock from 1979

"in that case" prince replies "where is tony m.? .. i gots me some unfinished buzi ness to attend to"

[Edited 11/2/12 12:26pm]

Just then Vanity appears from deep within the closet.. holding a diamond encrusted vest,

“Hello lover” she purrs.. “you’ll be needing this”.

she scans him.. “but first, A bath”.

“A bath!?” Exclaims Wendy “you don’t have time for a bath!.. we need to leave!”

Prince smirks “Well I am a little dirty”..

“A mess” agrees Vanity..

Panicked Wendy pleads.. “Prince wait, what about the battle? what about Tony M!! “

“Who?” he says distractedly. He follows after Vanity as she sauntered off towards the steamy perfumed bathtub (first right at the lace gloves and just left of the platform boot collection)

As they disappear into the steam. Dez, Andre, Dr. Fink, Lisa & Brown Mark appear..

“Where’s the party?”

"Party"? said a voice, louder.

It was George Clinton, trying his best to stifle a fart. "I'll take u there fools".

After much splashing about, Prince and Brown Mark appeared naked and dripping wet from the bathroom. In all the steam there'd been some confusion and while Vanity had slipped out of sight, Brown Mark had slipped right in. Never one to pass up a splish and a splash he'd made the most of his opportunity. A dead Tony M was left face down in the water with bacon skin and a bottle of rock hard Matey, in a funky place.

Sheila was seen half naked in the hallway talking to Jill Jones and Bobby Z. They were looking for a ladder and a blue light so Jeff Katz could get some pictures.

"Yeah man" Says George, leading the way, "We gots Bootsy, Sly, all those cats man, we gon jump on the mothership and fly on". Prince started acting nervously, "It's the lights, they hurt" he said, as they approached the mothership. "Please, no pictures".

Inside the ship was like another dimension. It was the size of a football stadium. In the centre stood Patti Kotero on a purple stage, shaved, spotlit and covered in peanut butter. By the look of her she was charged up on Charlie. Her left hand was clenched, as well as her butt cheeks but in her right hand, were the scalps of Big Chick and Steve Fargnoli.

There was a pungent smell of...

..... There was a pungeant smell of GetWild in the air.

It was as if everyone in the stadium was wearing that putrid liquid for which the fumes were being released, but in reality only one person needed to be wearing it in order to create that effect. Besides, considering the promotion of it and 3121 perfume, statistically only one person in the audience would have heard of it.

Prince got bored with the crowd, so he walked out onto a nearby street and took a stroll to clear his mind.

Suddenly a limo drove up beside him and the window slowly rolled down.

"Hey, moneyboy...." whispered someone from inside the car. "How much?" he continued,.... "I got condoms...I got drugs...I got champagne....."

Prince wasn't too upset by this situation since he sort of dressed like a gay prostitute anyway. Hell, back in the dirty mind days, he was often mistaken for a female prostitute--which is of course rumored to be how he ended up signing with Warners and landing the Batman job.

"Yes?" Prince said to the car with his big do eyes.

"How much?" the voice persisted.

"If a big snake marries another snake, what will they have?" Prince responded.

"What? Shit, what is that hippy loving bullshit, boy? I want some ass"

Prince walked over to the car and realized it was Senator Lindsey Graham.

Within minutes Prince was in the back of his limo, tearing each other clothes off. The were sweating...panting...howling....

"Oh Lindsey!"

"Oh Prince!"

Passion.....

"Oh Lindsey"

"Oh Prince!"

Raw animalism...

"Oh Mayte!"

"oH Prin...." "Did you just say Mayte?"

"Erm..." Prince looking a bit perplexed... "Yeah, .... you don't mind do you?"

...back to the passionate love making

"Oh Mayte!"

"Oh Prince"

"Mayte, pour some oil on my testicles and set them on fire!"

... "then, .." Prince continued, " put my heels on and stomp on my balls!"

"Prince, are you serious? You want me to set your junk on fire, then start kicking them?"

Suddenly, the chaufer turned around. It was Patti Label!

She had miheard the word kicking for chicken...

"Did somebody say chicken? Chile I just love me some chicken."

Suddenlty the back door beside Senator Graham opened and there stood.....

Dorothy Parker.

The place reeked of her too. She rushed them back in the stadium, coaxing them in with magic mushrooms and talcum powder.

Then they saw the crowd. A crowd the likes of which had never been seen before.

Orgers.

Packed in like sardines in their thousands and they were chanting. "Scat, where you at, Scat where you at." Prince said he'd heard this before. He knew what they wanted and he wasn't about to give it to them.

Wendy was well up for it. "Come on Skipper, it aint so bad when you play a bit o jazz."

"That aint the kinda scat these fools up in here be wanting girl... Oh yeah, I check the place now an agin," Prince knew what they meant, the dirty buggers.

Security flashed past them, they were throwing some poor new power soul out of the building.

She was wearing a Parade tour t-shirt and Prince was in denial of his past. Larry graham was last seen heading back outside towards the car.

The chanting was changing, now they were singing...

[Edited 11/2/12 19:34pm]

.... OPA gangnam style.

Suddently a smoke filled the scene, and everything became misty in it.

There was a soft purple glow to everything as if everyone was in a dream.

Then out of the mist, a figure solidified.

And evil, putrid, retched figure. The personification of evil itself.

...it ws none other than ....

Sheena Easton!

"Prince, it's me. Why don't we get out of here and record a duet."

Prince was stunned. He guessed it was about that time. Everytime he had gained or regained fame in the past he inexplicably dotted the proverbial "I" by recording a duet with the Scottish siren. I mean true, "Arms of Orion" sucked donkey balls and caused a diabetic outbreak in 17 countries but what was meant to be was meant to be. He should just step out of the contest, head to the nearest studio and either record a syrupy ballad or a song that would somehow highlight the sex appeal of the 54 year old lucious lassie.

They could remake "Morning Train:, he thought. But they could make it funky, take out the bass, add some handclaps, insert a rap from Scrap D. They could release it on Itunes, make some remixes, release it in Europe about four months later. The possibilities were limitless.

But then he thought, why here, why now. At the apex of his purple life, why would she be here. Unless it was a mirage...

"I command you to show me your true form," Prince said, summoning all the power of the Purple Yoda.

And Sheena, in a flash was gone and replaced by...

MITT ROMNEY!!

Hey there Purple Rain Dude, how about...

Prince screamed and ran until.....

He tripped and hit the ground in an explosion of purple glitter..cause we all know running in five inch heels ain't no joke. Anyway P was knocked out cold when all of a sudden he was bathed in golden light and before him appeared a vision of...

Sven from Swiss Cottage.

He was in a ferocious tustle with the ghost of Richard Pryor and 'ol Richie', well he was looking fo tha monayyy... Monay, monay, monay, monay... Monay. Sven was just happy to be away from any fish. He'd been looking for some love, to go with Richards money.

"Show me your true form" ... "Turn all those lights off"... "I'm nae ye fuckin nanny twat" ... The words were tanzen around in Princes' purple afrosphere, he nearly went out of his unreleased mind and not for the first time.

Last he'd seen of Richard he'd been ruffling his hair and with soft and wet fingers they'd pawed at each others eyebrows til the dawn. Sun set in the West that mornin. Together they'd spent the night, squirrel-meated in scented candlelight... I don't think so?

Prince emerged in time for the morning papers with a thick Glaswegian accent.

"Sha sha, sha sha" he was starting to sing in a whisper, "Sha sha, sha sha" he was moving his hips. Sven looked at pains and was losing his grip on a now irate looking Pryor. " My Yuta" squealed Sven, "Nothin come fo free now" a look on his face much akin to that of a Dolphin... "What's it gonna be na-how"? he was squeaking.

It was a quarter to twelve, what the hell was goin on? Pryor was turning purple. Not a black haired beauty to be seen anywhere and Prince was looking to cancel.

They'd made a deal with the devil in the pale moonlight, at the crossroads up on 3121 way back why? Just up from KFC and the pound shop it was, least that's what Jethro was having tattooed on his forehead in the morning. Patti had a place up that way too. 'The Kickin Farm' she'd called it, due to a misunderstanding, a crossing of lines, if you will.

Prince thought Richie could be his new power protege. Much older than usual and they'd have to work on the sexuality, or 'spirituality', as Prince insisted on putting it but at least, they had something to work on. If they were just willing to do the work.

The Devil proclaimed his demands, affecting the voice Camille used in 'Bugsy Malone - The Ride' which was never released;

1. You will name any protege or gathered band in my honour but you may not call me Spooky.

3. When you next brush your teeth butt naked, you will rinse with the waters of dirtstinkytonka and think of new ways to delay any releases, particularly from any 'wonderful asses'. You will continue to bite the fan that feeds you. Just enough to keep em on the hook while endorsing the odd bootleg (Which we all thank you for, keep em comin, and would it be rude of me to suggest 'that mix of Lovesexy' would be lovely... TIA, LMAO, ROFL, NFT... NFT? n... f... ? Awww, Shit maing...)

4. You shall never mention the missing number, for you are now part of the 'new breed religion' and will deny all knowledge of any 'Ol skool' triumphs or links to your past days of glory. - Subject to purple coloured last minute rearrangements... Because... ~ Prince.

"Was it my lips" asked Prince, "Was it my hips", (The next spell was unfathomable) .. "Sugar tell me what did I do"? he was pleading now, sweat dripping all over his sequins. "Don't say na-huh-thin" said Sven, "Walk on by now", "I'm feelin like a feckin butterfly, get tae fuck, ye wee shitey"... It was catching on alright but what was it?

Prince asked the devil why he wanted to treat him so bad, "You know I love you, you know I care" he sang. Everyone was just feelin grateful Larry wasn't there to fuck it all up by singing and slapping on some scriptures.

"Oh silly man" came a voice, (Definitely not that of Shelbys, unless she'd been on the valium) ... "That's not how it works, you have to want it for the right reasons"...

Prince looked back, and to the left... Back, and to the left... Back! And to the left! He looked back. And to the left ... On the two and very much on the fo.

Someone turned on a blue light, Turnips, some bacon, green pancakes, a pair of high-heeled diving flippers and a Wally Safford hat pirouetted in a purple spotlight while a figure spun around.

Prince was completely unharmed. The ghost of Pryor was gone like the butter on a hot corn on the cob. All that was left was a short Betamax videotape and an Oberheim, ready for the funkin.

The tape had pieces of an 'internetisdead' recording of Pryors rehearsals, demonised by Sandra fuckin Bernhard. A puff of purple smoke and 17 days later, a cow was spotted on the horizon leading a black and white band of get-offs...

This was not the purple end, this was the...

Rehearsal

Then Prince came to. He had knock him self cold running from Mitt Romney. He had a boo boo on his knee and a bump on his forehead, and worst- he had lost all his glitter.

OOOOWWW!- Prince was a mess.

Limping back he knew he wouldn't be doing any dancing in his battle against the devil. Prince cried out to Jevohah for help. This must be the show to top every show he ever done or dreamed of.

I AM PRINCE!!

I AM PRINCE DAMN IT!!

i mean I AM PRINCE DARN IT!!

I need a set list, a B12 shot, and my.....

Suddenly inspired Prince needs to act quickly.

Prince had to answer the most pending question: What to perform?

Spooky Electric was undoubtfully thinking he'll go for his hits.

Prince wanted the element of surprise, but what?

What is the perfect set list when battling the devil?

Of course everyone has an opinion, just like everyone has the Hits and B-sides...

[Edited 11/5/12 4:42am]

I GOT IT!!! I GOT IT!!! Prince said, in a spark of brilliance.

Here's the set list:

12 minute jazz interlude with a 3 minute piano solo by Renato.

Then Shelby J. peroforms a soaring rendition of Everyday people

followed Nina Simone tearing up the stage with Skin Tight

Extended drum solo comes in with Shelby doing a 3 minute "throw yo hands up" chant to get the crowd going.

Then there's silence...... the crowd chants alone.....

And breaking the silence, you hear "SHUT UP...Already,,, HUH!"

and the crowd is treated to a soaring 30 second rendition of

housequake that seques into Take Me With You with Andy Allo.

Then Rock 'N' Roll Love Affair plays with Andy Allo on lead vocals

sequeing into one of her own songs.

Then a rip roaring instrumental version of the Charlie Daniel's band "The Devil Came Down To Georgia" before ending the

night with Purple Rain and Proud Mary with Shelby J.

The assembled bands listen and said:

WE ARE ALL GOING TO HELL!!

Miffed Prince asked for a better idea.

Someone spoke up...

[img:$uid]http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y60/jonwolslau/jcool-1-1-1-1-1.jpg[/img:$uid]

Eddie Van Halen said i have a great idea .. lets have some real fun and make a new band, you sing and I'll tear the roof off places with these here guitars and amps i have. IM sick of DLR and Goldilocks bs i need some funk.

[img:$uid]http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y60/jonwolslau/evh-3-1.jpg[/img:$uid]

.[img:$uid]http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y60/jonwolslau/evh-1-1-1.jpg[/img:$uid].

[Edited 11/5/12 8:46am]

so they sat down n prince said oh hell ya dude lets get all the hardcore rockinest fuckers we can get ahold of and do a world tour of every venue on the planet ..

[Edited 11/5/12 11:37am]

"We want the funk"...

From the bowels of a thick purple cloud came the unmistakable dulcet tones of George Clinton. "Gotta have that funk" there were more voices, probably Orgers. "There's others here with us" said Andy Allo to herself, followed by groans from Sheila and Bobby. At least they acknowledged her with knowledgeable acknowledgement. Lisa hadn't said a word and had "Andy Goodbye" printed on her sleeve in marmite, least that's what everyone hoped it was.

Emerging from the cloud and turning to Eddie Van Halen, George carried on, "You know, Eddie, I gots you down, I know who you is man, I seen ya, fool. I done turned y'all out sucka"... Wendy nudged Lisa, "Shit, it's all gonna kick off" she said.

George was waving a photo of 'Eddie' at Prince, "Know what time it is? he was saying, "This fool Eddie been jumpin up all over town Prince, all over town in a gussetless catsuit, standin right next to ma woman, he been standin right next to ma woman, he tellin folk he be Greame Le Saux man, he aint no 'saux man' damn".

Prince started fluttering his eyelids, proper lively, like a purple epileptic on a taboggan ride to funky town. He'd never heard anything like it. It was all too much for the poor sausage. He was feeling kinda funky too. Maybe he'd been wrong about the setlist? Maybe it wouldn't work?

It wouldn't, let's be honest, it'd just be too shit. Hilarious maybe, but shit. There'd have to be a rethink which would come as second nature to Prince. He knew they'd have to get in rehearsals for the gig and in a spin, started pointing purplexed poignant purple people out... "Wendy, you go on down there, that's your side, Boni, (reincarnated cos why not?), you come on down this side with me and Sly... SLY! Sly, is that you?" ...

Princes trousers started turning yellow, his hair was growing rapidly into a massive afro, double time. Everyone was soul-clapping on the two... everybody. It was Sly, it really was and he was sober! Better than that he'd brought along the family Stone and they were singing Prince a song.

Somethin funky telling their funny story of how they'd left Larry buried up to his neck in the desert back in Vegas. They'd given him a mouth organ to breathe through and left him a recorder playing loops of Wendy & Lisas' "Water". They sang it was "Gon be alright, sugar britches" and Prince was loving it.

There was a flash of light, and with the smell of fireworks hanging heavy in the air a big bucket of...

of water was dumped on the floor and a make shift hella sexy dance floor was created and this song starting playing over the incredible sound system hanging from the ceiling .. ed was hummin jbs make it funky

[Edited 11/5/12 19:22pm]

That's when Prince announced: People we are going to do something totally new and never heard before.

The crowd watched as Prince sat down at the piano and....

Rubbed his chin, then closed his eyes and ...

and then prince saw matt damon over him saying "wake up prince wake up" prince opened his eyes .. it was all a dream within a dream within a dream .. "you gotta get on stage man, or jimmy kimmel isn't gonna have time to fit me in, i never had this problem with sarah silverman". hearing that prince did a purple koolaid spit take .. turning his head to see andy allos long legs going round the bend with a container of purple liquid at her side .. that was it .. prince suddenly, as if an epiphany by god, realized he was just another sucka in andy's dream factory .. she had slipped him the purple koolaid and was gonna do the performance with out him .. "what the hell was i thinking?" mumbled prince to himself "letting that fine fine fine piece o hmmphf steal my show" .. prince turned to matt damon and said "apologies .. we WILL be running out of time tonight and won't be able to fit u in" .. then in a muttered voice "i know a few dames who can tho ... " they both cracked up .. "s'all good" said matt damon .. then prince did a back flip up off of laying on the floor into a full split then bounce back up again with a lovesexy "aaouuu" squeal .. proceeded to walk on stage up to andy "scuze me andy but i believe yo 15 minutes is up .. no go on" .. andy sulked off stage .. we doin "dark" into "the dance electric" and we go end it with "old friends 4 sale" .. of course recognizing this moment .. that the real prince was actually in the house ABC cancelled all comercial breaks ..

after the show in true black album form prince pulled "uneedanotherrocknrollloveaffairforasonglikeuneedaholeinyohead" from the shelves declaring it "utter crap" .. the download of the soundboard kimmell performance sold platinum in 3 weeks .. wb came begging prince to return promising him rights to all his past and future masters and a remaster deal fit for the new king of pop .. prince, sheila e, eric leeds, atlanta bliss, andre cymone, dr fink, wendy and lisa proceed to record the finest album in the history of time to presented to god himself on the day of the apacolypse ..

wait .. suddenly prince can't tell if this is real or if this is another dream within a dream within a dream within a dream .. "i am so confused" prince screams to the heavens .. "no prince" the heavens reply ... "now u are alive!"

this thread

and again

Election night - Obama wins.

Prince smiles, and gets ready for bed.

He takes extra care not to snag his prince albert in the sheets like that one time, because tomorrow....