Prince started the decade with a full page advertisement in the Rochdale Chronicle stating ‘I am no longer an unpronounceable symbol, I am called Prince again’.

The newly renamed superstar then released 2001's The Rainbow Children, an album that caused much discussion amongst critics. What people didn’t know is that it was actually an album about Star Wars, the narrating voice is Darth Vader and the story is the day in the life of a Tie Fighter pilot. A rift was caused with bassist Larry Graham after Prince refused Graham the opportunity to sit in the life size x wing outside Prince’s house.

In 2003 Prince toured Australia and was involved in an unfortunate altercation with a halfwit from the North of England who during the soundcheck at the Sydney Entertainment Centre slapped Prince on the back with a hearty ‘well in Prince’ sending the genius flying.

In response, Prince released the instrumental album N.E.W.S. (Now Everyone Will Sleep).

In 2002, Prince released his first live album, One Nite Alone Live, which features performances from the One Nite Alone tour. This was a comedy album inspired by Prince’s love of Eddie Murphys comedy albums of the 80s and Celine Dions of the 90s. Princes comedy catchphrase was debuted at this time ‘if you’ve come to get your purple rain on you’re in the wrong house’ then performing a 4 hour medley of his greatest hits.

In 2004 Prince appeared at the Grammys with Beyonce. Prince was about to steal the show when Beyonce stole the microphone later claiming ‘it wasn’t me it was Sasha Fierce’. Prince replied ‘I can’t stand loonies who blame strange behaviour on a weird sounding altar ego, I’m going to talk to Jamie Starr about this’.

Prince then released Musicology and went on a tour with a poster claiming ‘the hits for the last time’ accompanied by a photo of a chuckling Prince jogging behind a wheelbarrow filled with cash on his way to a bank.

In 2005 Prince released 3121 and performed Las Vegas shows with a big poster behind the stage saying ‘the last time I am going to say this is the hits for the last time’ with a picture of Prince dressed as Scrooge McDuck in a vault filled with doubloons.

Prince then released ‘The Song of the Heart’ in 2006 claiming ‘Penguins built the pyramids, it’s all connected’.

In 2007 Prince performed at the Super Bowl, people proclaimed this as a so-called career renaissance; however what fans didn’t realise was that it was Prince’s last ditch attempt to launch an unlikely career in Rugby League with top club St Helens. After his songs, Prince refused to leave the field and spent the second half screaming for the ball.

Prince announced that he would play 21 concerts in London over the summer of 2007. The poster said ‘last hits all the time for’ accompanied by a shot of Prince buying Sweden.

He announced that at the aftershows fans would have the opportunity to perform on stage with him. As thousands of people started practicing on the recorder, kazoo and slide whistle, Prince retracted the offer.

On June 28, 2007, the UK national newspaper The Mail on Sunday revealed that it had made a deal to give Prince's new album, Planet Earth, away for free with an "imminent" edition of the paper, making it the first place in the world to get the album. Newsagent owners previously used to customers asking for Paprika Max crisps now had the following exchanges – “I’d like some funk” “I am going to report you to the police for asking me to commit an act of gross indecency”

The Cloverfield film was released and Prince attended the premiere commenting “it’s all connected; it’s back to the pyramids. Giant lizards created the pyramids; hmmm I feel a concept album coming on”

Prince then announced his intention to release three separate albums in 2009: LOtUSFLOW3R, MPLSoUND, and an album credited to his new protege, Bria Valente, called Elixer

Fans greeted this news with excitement with the first web messageboard posting stating ‘yes how exciting, great to have a new Prince release’, five minutes later this thread had turned to ‘I bet the cover is garbage and looks like he’s made it himself with scissors’ followed by ‘Oh God he’ll have been at the Photo Shop again the t**t’.

Prince was stung by this criticism and released an answer song to his fanbase called ‘go on f**k off (the lot of you)’

Prince was then interviewed on TV stating “when an airplane flies over my house, I see cockatiels in the sky and gibbons.” Prince was then strapped to a trolley and wheeled away gibbering to himself about elves

Prince then launched the Lotus Flower website saying that fans could expect 12 albums worth of unreleased material; this has yet to occur although Prince has said ‘I will explain all in my new autobiography Moonbeam Levels’.

BRILLIANT

well done my fellow Northerner, lets see if the humour translates across the pond!.
p.s. I'll put the Stockport Times West- Thursday night free edition up against your Rochdale Chronicle any day of the week. Ours has a 'can you house this lost cat' section - hows that for Pussy control!!. [Lots of Americans now sctraching their heads! ]

funkyhead said:

I made up the Rochdale Chronicle, I'm from St Helens, as the old joke goes it's not the end of the world but you can see it from there!

darlingomo said:

I second that...