Well it seems there were a number of different 'takes' of the Prince interview but fortunately I know a guy who works for PBS and he manged to email me the below transcript from the original interview which was deemed unsuitable for broadcast




Travis: Good evening from Los Angeles, I'm Travis Slimey, and welcome to Tonight with Travis Slimey.

(Introduction visuals and music - camera pans in on Travis and his puppy dog eyes).

T: Tonight I'll be talking to one of, if not 'the' most influential and important artists in the history of the universe, Prince.

The multi-award winning genius, humanitarian and entrepreneur has permitted us the rare privilege of his presence and I'll be humbly asking his permission to talk to him about what has made him the incredible, monumental, unspeakably gifted human being he is today.

We'll also be discussing the release of his new triple-CD album which he has graciously allowed myself and other mortals to purchase from his website lotusflow3r.com... that's lotusflow3r.com... with a '3' instead of an 'e'... so that's lotus, then F, L, O, W, '3', number three remember, then R, .com... and I'll also be finding out his views on a number of other subjects he has never discussed before in public, such as his opinion on the state of the blood-sucking and corrupt slave trade known as 'The Record Industry', and how he thinks we can stop the current system of things which is going down.

(Holds up a cheap-looking cardboard package in his hand).

This brand new 3-CD project not only features the gift of yet more incredible music from Prince himself, it also features a CD's worth of beautiful songs from an incredibly talented lady, boy she sure is hot, called Bria Valenta.

I just have to say folks, I've been listening to these three CDs non-stop the whole week and I think, actually I know, in fact, not think, know can justifiably be said to be the greatest work of art in the history of mankind.

So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, please join me in greeting his most noble highness... Prince!

(Cue card held up to audience to kneel and bow - studio lights bath Prince in a soft, purple light as he appears from the side of the stage sitting in a large gold & diamond encrusted armchair which floats across the studio via hidden wires to gently touch down in front of Travis's chair. Travis finishes bowing and makes his way to his chair).

T: Prince... may I call you that by the way or would you prefer 'your highness'?

Prince: Prince will B fine.

T: Thank you for graciously letting me refer to you by your most splendid first name. Now, as we all know, you essentially created music. At what age did you discover you had this god-like ability to turn sound into this new form of sonic poetry.

P: Well... ....eye guess.... ...eye was around 9 or 10 when...

T: If I could ever so humbly interrupt you there and just again say what an honor it is to be in your presence.

P: U may, and It is indeed.

T: Getting back to this new 3-CD set that's available from your new fantastic, fast-loading and easy to navigate website lotusflow3r.com, and features a CD from an incredibly talented lady called Bria Valenta... when did you decide that the general public were ready to blessed with the ability to listen to this creation?

P: Well... ...eye created this work 4 my fans... ...and U know... ...this gift - it's all 4 them.

T: That's a truly wonderful, wonderful thing to do for your fans, and by fans I guess we're talking about mankind in general as I don't know anyone who doesn't appreciate your genius and music.

P: That's nice of U 2 say... as well as being correct.

T: Oh no no no, it's nice of you to say it's nice of me to say.

P: By the way, eye watch this show whenever eye can... ...what's it called again?

T: It's named after me your highness.

P: Yeah that's right... eye watch The Tavin Smithy Show whenever eye can.

T: (laughs) hey that's a much better name for the show, yeah, yeah - I think we'll change it yeah, if you've just tuned in you're watching the Tavin Smithy show with me, Tavin Smithy talking to the legendary and semi-mythical entity known as Prince.

So Prince, because I know your wisdom is beyond reproach, what advice would you give to any young people watching who might - who I know, in fact, not might - will be helped by your answer to this question:

As a kid being teased so much - and kids get teased for all variety of reasons, but it must have been especially hard being teased for being the greatest human being ever to walk the earth - how did you grow out of that, not just into confidence but indeed into excellence... and then onto this higher state of being... and then onto yet a higher level which I don't think there are any words sufficiently incredible to describe as yet? How did you navigate yourself to this point of existence where everything about you is love? I mean, you create love all around you and right now in this space that you occupy in front of me... and I'm certainly feeling the love emanating from you as you graciously gaze upon me - to an extent where I'm feeling a love tingling and swelling from within me...

P: That's a good question.

T: Thank you. Back to your unattainable genius though. Talk to me about your genius. It's clear that you are head, shoulders, knees and toes above pretty much everybody else in the entire galaxy... and I'm including all those folks from the past who are dead now as well. That's my assessment, and all right thinking people would agree. We all say amen and praise be to Jehovah for blessing us with ears to hear you with.

P: U know... ...eye'm just thankful 2 B alive at this time... ...and have friends... ...and teachers who move me...

T: That's so incredibly profound, let me just write that down so I can repeat it to myself later when I'm alone. Anyway, getting back to your loveliness and love giving... how do you make love?

P: Excuse me?

T: Or maybe I put it in the wrong order; love and making. No wait, Let me back up. How do you - Prince - the legend, the purveyor of excellence - how do you go about making the love that you give out to all your fans?

P: Well... U know.

T: That's a great answer. Moving on from that though, you're well known for your incredible close and harmonious relationship with your most devoted fans. I believe one of your many unofficial fan sites which you actively encourage and support decided to close out of respect when it discovered you'd be revolutionising the internet with your groundbreaking website lotusflow3r.com... remember folks, it's a '3' instead of an 'e'...

P: There's something about having fans... ...or fams as eye respectfully refer to them... ...having them around U giving U support that is... it's motivating... and once eye got that support from them... ...and they understood that just because eye'd issued them with cease and desist orders, didn't mean eye didn't have love and respect 4 them... well then eye believed eye could sue, I mean do, anything.

T: I just want to take a moment to ask you about one of my favourite songs on Lotusflow3r. Actually that's wrong. Every song on there is my favourite, but I'd just like to ask you about 'Creamer' - what's it about?

P: Eye believe U're referring to the song 'Dreamer'... ...well...

(Prince clicks his fingers, and an assistant runs over clutching a frail looking hat seemingly made out of tin-foil, and places it carefully on top of Prince's head).

P: ...it's about how eye discovered that the people in power have been using commercial airliners 2 spray mind controlling drugs and poison on2 the population for years... ...it's a fact... ...eye know this because eye read it on the internet.

T: That's incredible. Moving on to a subject I know you don't really talk about, but I'm just gonna throw this respectfully at you, without warning, just hope you got an opinion on this, and if you do I'm sure it's a great one, but what do you - Prince - the legend, what do you think is wrong with the (leans to one side and spits on floor) dirty good-for-nothin record industry? I mean everybody knows that you got to number one with this here album Lotusflow3r, but those no-good folks in the 'industry' made out like some cowboy beat you to it? Man, I was so mad when I found that out I was ready to go bust some balls! That's just me talking.

P: Well, first of all, there's no hate involved... eye welcome the industry 2 stay and remain in the corrupt and despicable way it is... makes no difference 2 me.. it's just that what we believe happens in the music industry is this - is that U can put out a record and SoundScan refuses 2 believe U when U phone them up and tell them how many U've sold on U're website... now eye've asked them why that is and all eye got was a lotta talk about 'why are you calling us at 3 in the morning' and 'we only use registered sales figures' etc etc, but no one has yet given me a straight answer.

We never really knew what 'Purple Rain' sold. Eye don't know to this day. Eye only know what they tell me. We're conducting an audit, and when that's done people will realise 'Thriller' isn't actually the biggest selling album ever.

T: I wouldn't be surprised if Purple Rain was the biggest selling... you know... 'thing', ever.

P: Man, eye like this show.

T: You know why? We just tell the truth around here. We just tell the truth. I'm just trying to be a truth-teller.

P: That's Y eye like you Travis.

T: That means a lot to me Prince, it really, truly does... and you know what, I love you, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!

P: (nervous laughter) Erm, yeah... Love you back.

T: No, I mean it... I LOVE YOU. I've dreamt about this, literally. Now we gonna have fun!

(Travis moves off his seat and onto his knees and shuffles towards a nervous looking Prince).

(Credits roll as Prince's security guards move in to restrain Travis).
[Edited 4/30/09 15:53pm]
[Edited 4/30/09 15:55pm]
[Edited 4/30/09 16:04pm]

Tavis never looked better.

Does it look like Prince has a handle made out of hair and you can flip open his skull and get a cold drink?

TS was kinda dick ridin'

Wow. Comical, but I don't like seeing Tavis made to be a dog like that..... However, even though your idea will certainly offend several people, I must say, that's some excellent Photoshop (or whatever program) work.

WaterInYourBath said:

It's just meant to represent his 'puppy dog' like enthrall to Prince. I didn't view it as anything else, but I know this kind of thing can sometimes be construed in different ways by different people. Hopefully people will view it the way I intended it - as a light-hearted parody of the Travis Show 'Infomercial'.

EDIT: After consideration (and because I really can't be doing with any unnecessary hassle over how certain people may perceive the aforementioned image) I've decided to remove it.
[Edited 4/30/09 16:05pm]

Hahahaha that was awesome.

Well, I thought it was frickin hilarious, well done.

Tavis, bles his soul, was kissin' some ass. And Prince even acknowledged it with his little "I LIKE this show."

... but now, because of all the subliminal messages I'm now craving oranges

did your friend call him Travis Smiley too?

Reverend said:

Well, I actually understood your intention regarding the humor. Like I said, your idea and artwork are comical, especially the way U wrote the interview. But the image of Tavis itself, hmm, kinda controversial. If that picture were to spread without your spoof interview attached to it, there are too many negative connotations people would immediately associate with it, which wouldn't be very funny.

it's a good joke but uhh....it went on lonnngggg. You must of had a lot of time

WetDream said:

Didn't even read it... it's too long.

wildgoldenhoney said:

You should... it's funny!

Need cliffs notes.

Yeah, it was long, but funny as hell.

LOL!

I wish someone would make a spoof with this and put it on youtube

very funny.

Absolutely hilarious. I love how Prince even speaks Princebonics.

My favorite part:

Aren't you the guy from HQ that made Bria into a robot? Prince mentions you on Lotusflow3r, Somebody's lookin at you
[Edited 5/1/09 1:37am]

give it a break dayclear - dont post if ya dont like it... aint that your advice?


and this is just as hysterical as above.....
Purple Fact #405257: Prince regularly updates the Wikipedia page dedicated to him, but his Fams keep correcting it.

awesome.

Dayclear said:

What's he gonna do, beat them to death with his wig?

Dayclear said:

No, that was Prince.

Excellent work. I raise my (tin-foil) hat to you.

Um, why would you get rid of that pic of Tavis?