some of you remember doing these(thanks to imago for supplying such threads)

basically the next poster add's to the story until its done or whatever. anyways




/


It was late april and prince was poolside at PP reading people magazine whilst selma hyack pedicured his feet."i wonder why my album isnt doing so good anymore? " said prince. "LOL cause it sucks?" replied selma. "huh?!" ..."umm j/k really i like it!" a scared selma said. prince not happy with her little joke sent her inside.he sat there in deep thought as if he was on the toilet planning a new way to catapult his album back to the top of the charts(AND how to evict selma from PP).just then lisa calls and ask if she left her pack of methols at his place.... "lisa,im glad you called...i wanted to.....

"i wanted to know if you're still interested in re-forming the revolution cause i really need some folks
who are more skilled at serving me than these new cats i've got these days" Sure, Lisa said, let me
finish my vanilla tart with custard and i will call K-Fed to drive the car in front and bring me to P Park.

So while he was waiting for Lisa to come over, prince snuck away into his office and took a beef jerky
from his secret stash of salted meats as suddenly the doorbell rang. it seemed Selma had locked
herself in the toilets, crying so he had to open the door himself.

through the glass he could see Oprah waving at him but however much he wanted to open the door for
her, prince had no idea how one would go about opening a door all by himself. he strained to think how
his servants did it but couldnt remember. so he asked Oprah to yell instructions through the mailbox.

but just as Oprah got on her knees.....

IstenSzek said:

someone put a firecracker down her pants. she yelled "stedman.....help girlfrienddddd..my vaginas on fireeeee!" and began to stop, drop, and roll. all the while prince fell on the floor laughing so hard his makeup was running all over his burberry blouse and his beef jereky treat.....just then selma and mani walked in to find prince with some beef jerkey in his hand ...prince quickly got up and....

Christopher said:

swore that someone tossed it in through the mailbox and he had no idea who did it. He said he heard a dog yelping outside too and was gonna throw it at him. Mani looked confused but suspicious at the situation and handed Prince a hankerchief. Selma rolled her eyes and said, "Ayiee, papi. Porque mentiras? I know there is no dog out there. Y why is Oprah on the ground outside?" Prince looked amazingly shocked and got back on his feet. He told Selma, "I have NO idea what you are talking about. Well, I need to freshen up. Why don't you investigate after I've left." Prince handed the beef jerky to Mani and...

Moonstar319 said:

.. quickly compiled an album based on the incident. He called the album “Jerk Off” and immediately called Universal records demanding it be promoted. A deep bellowing voice at the other end of the phone quickly retorted with “Not on your life kid!” to which Prince squeeled “Why, good god?”. The man with the dangerously baritone voice continued, “Its hard to promote meat-based funk to the young these days, it would require personal appearances by you too!”. Prince pondered the situation with gile and grit and came to the conclusion that he would go on tour and give it away with a free stick of beef jerky with every ticket. And so off he went to….

Rebeljuice said:

the gardenhouse where Mani had taken up residence after prince had kicked her
out of the house for drinking cow milk, or "mucus" as prince calls it. Yo Mani
prince shouted, pack yo shit, daddy's gonna make some money by going on tour!!
"when does it start?" asked mani, as she quickly logged off Tomy Lee dot org
and put on her most angelic Vanity face.

"what do you care?" quipped prince. "well, i just bought some A*Teens tickets,
-you know how they are my favorit band e.v.e.r." Mani replied "and i would so
hate to miss the show because i was on tour with you, being mistress of your
high heels wardrobe".

at which prince pulled out his cursing jar, ran back into the house for a pile
of dollar notes and proceeded to curse up a storm. reports (although they are
just rumors) stated that the word "pigfucker" was heard more than once. just as
prince was about to John L-slap mani, the door swung open and Lisa stepped into
the gardenshed, dressed in a pink latex catsuit and velvet purple boots.....

Lisa said; Mani?
Mani said; Yes Lisa?
Lisa moans; Is the vaseline ready?
Mani chirps; Yes Lisa
Lisa coughs; Cuz I'm stuck in this suit
Mani; Fuck, Lisa, I told you you are too big a girl now for that suit!

Prince holds out the cursing jar...

HamsterHuey said:

[Edited 4/28/06 7:07am]

Mani quickly dragged Lisa into the other room, closing the door behind them, leaving Prince behind.

Hey girls! Open that door! Prince stomped his high heel down hard.
You owe me a dollar!

The girls giggle; Sorry Prince, we're stripping down now and are off for a shower!

Prince walks out of the room, agitated.

I'm going to write a song about this RIGHT NOW!

In the meanwhile, Kirky J is busy copying the vault outtakes onto his UBS stick, while humming "Jughead"...

Kirk! Open that door or I'll kick it down! You hear me!

He quickly hides the UBS stick and runs to the door.

Kirky J hid behind the mixing desk as Prince kung fu’ed his way through the door. Prince looked around and saw nobody concluding to himself that the voices had returned. With this in mind Prince exclaimed “Fuck!”, and so it came to pass. The skinny mother fucker with the high voice was reborn. “Fuck, shit, bastard mashed potato!” Prince squealed as he did the splits.

He threw his body high in the air and came crashing down, legs pointed in opposite directions. Pop! His hip displaced causing him to scream. “Ow oooh Ah!..... Too fonky!”. Prince lay motionless on the floor as chewed on the jerky. “God damn shit mother fucker” he said to himself….

'Hey Kirky' he says, 'stop humming that nasty offensive shit, and go get me some jars' says Prince.

'Jugs?' enquires Kirky.

'No, Jars, you deaf motherfucker' screams Prince, 'Like this' shaking the now overflowing curse jar.

'How many' whispers Kirky.

Prince stands there a moment working out how many jars he wants.

'Five' he eventually says

'OK'

'No make it six. And bring them to my office', Prince turns on his heel and heads back to his office.

A few minutes later Kirky arrives, struggling with 6 large jars, to find prince smiling beatifically at him.

'Put 'em on' instructs Prince, nodding at his desk.

Kirky looks down to see six neat labels, each with the by now obligatory symbol, and written in Prince's most elaborate script, the words 'Shit', 'Fuck', 'Cunt', 'Motherfucker', 'Arsehole', and 'Tony M'.

'Here' says Prince, throwing a roll of sellotape to Kirky.

In an attempt to avoid being hit in the head by the industrial sized roll of tape, Kirky instinctively raises his arms, and in so doing drops all 6 jars, which smash to the floor in a million pieces. He still gets hit by the tape.

'You fucking stupid shit-kicking son of cunting motherfucker' screams Prince 'You're clumsier than a Tony M. rap. Clean that shit up and get more jars'.

Crying in pain and gibbering with fear, Kirky heads off and returns with six more jars, and a pan and brush. After he has cleared up the mess and stuck the labels on the new jars, Kirky smiles nervously at Prince.

Prince stands up, does some quick mental calculation, and accurately fires a volley of quarters into the 'Shit', 'Fuck', 'Cunt', 'Motherfucker', and 'Tony M' jars. As an afterthought, he tosses four quarters into the 'Arsehole' jar. He then silently glowers at Kirky and points at the door. Kirky wastes no time in scarpering.

Sighing again, Prince sits down to work on some lyrics he's just thought up, based on today's dramatic events.

'Maybe I should drop the meat concept', he muses, as he nibbles on his fifth Pepperami of the day, which he, almost subconsciously, had just taken from his 'meat drawer'.

He picks up his gold adrogyny-smybol shaped pencil with the purple fur on top, and starts scribbling furiously.



'Oprah lying outside my door... too hot to handle
So come inside, let's try on some chocolate sandals
something, something, something (work this bit out later)
Why don'tcha have a suck on Prince's candle'



'Fuck it, this is shit' sighs Prince, throwing down his pencil, and digs into his pocket for more quarters.

Just then, there's a knock on the door.

'Who the fuck is it?' shouts Prince, digging into his pocket once more.

'It's.....
[Edited 4/28/06 8:51am]

it's Larry graham...

Larry Graham, Tina's right behind him,waving her white towel.

'Why aren't you in the Kingdom Court, Prince? We gotta pray!'

Prince just frowns.

'Don't wanna! Lisa's wearing my old pink outfit and Mani's pumps...'

'Now,now,Prince. We talked about that in bible class; we're beyond that material stuff.'

'But I want my catsuit back. Lisa will just stretch it.'

'No, no; you only wear suits like me now. You're a MAN, not a sissy no more!' Larry says. Tina mumbles; 'Say it, Larry!'

Prince's frown deepens. Then a smile appears on his face.

'You know what?', he says. 'I will.....'

HamsterHuey said:

I will get myself together for bible class in a few minutes. you guys
go ahead and i will be there shortly.

Now, muses prince as he struts to his wardrobe, "what to wear for the
bibleclass today?"

IstenSzek said:

Ping! An idea. He goes into his wardrobe, walks past 3 cars, a motorbike and 25 boxes of unsold Kamasutras and takes out a pair of black, skimpy underpants, thigh boots and an old raincoat.

"That oughta doit!" he sings melodically as he spreads a gallon of lard in his hair...

Rebeljuice said:

...and wipes the head of his dick across the lips of Sonny T who was snoozing on the airbed. Adding just a touch more lard to his burns, he then dons a fedora, surgical mask and conical bra.

"Sorted!"

On his way back to where his guests are waiting, he hears an unusual sound emitting from his underlawn hideout. Spinning on his heels, he goes to investigate...

Cloudbuster said:

its chuck norris in a leather daddy cop hat.

prince says wanna play, I got the ride. come here cowboy. chuck says save a hourse ride a cowboy. just as Chuck is to commince riding Prince Mani @ Lisa walks thought the door. Lisa says Mani @ I are bored can we watch.

Before P could answer, they all heard a muffled cry coming from a corner of the room.
Tied to a vaseline coated chair was Hulk Hogan with masking tape across his mouth.
"What the duck?!" gasped P in falsetto.
He tore the tape from Hulk's mouth.
"Thanks, man" sighed Hulk.
"What in Dog's name are you doing here?" demanded P.
"THOPFP brought me here" answered Hulk
"I beg yo pardon?" squeaked Ye Olde Purple One, pulling a joint from a raincoat pocket as he did so. He sparked up and took a toke or twelve.
"THOPFP", continued Hulk. "The House Of Prince's Failed Protégés".
At this, Prince pulled a face from his other raincoat pocket and held it up in front of Hulk.
"This will be you if I don't get all the information I want" leered the loftily challenged one...

"no way" hulk shook his head firmly. "NO WAY you're gonna put me on the album all smeared up with milk and honey. i'm a MAN and men don't do that"

RING RING

Suddenly Prince bolts upright in his chair, awakened from this increasingly silly dream...

RING RING

Prince answers the phone

Prince: What it is?
female voice: Will you please stop dreaming about me! ...and I'm not overweight anymore, little man. Welcome to the now!
Prince: What the... Lisa? How did u know?
Lisa: Lesbionic super powers
(click)

Prince placed the UTCM prop phone back in it's cradle and gazed, bewildered, around the room before his eyes come to rest on the clock.

"OMG! I've been sleeping for 7 weeks and I have an album to promote!"

Prince quickly jumped into his car and drove to the one place he knew he could promote his album - The Play Boy Mansion

He got out of his car and walked the long trek between the driveway of the mansion to the front door.

The door opens and he steps into a wide open space resembling a mix between a space aged hotel lobby and an upscale Miami South Beach ultra lounge, complete with lava lamps, and an ice sculpture.

He is escorted into a large room on the upper floor which resembled--yet again an ultra lounge, but with a bed in it.

The escort, a playboy bunny looking like a mix of Amy Lepore and Jocylin Wildenstien stepped out of the room leaving Prince alone....or so he thought.

To his left as Prince stared out of the bedroom balcony was an open door which appearently lead into a bathroom. Prince could hear the shower just turning off. Someone was in there!

Before he had time to react, out stepped Morrissey. "Hello Prince, " Morrissey said in a rather seductive british accent, "I've been waiting for you."

"what?" Prince asked a little stunned.

"Yes, Prince...you!" Morrissey continued, "Contrary to popular belief, I have never slept with a man before and I would like you to be my first."

Prince could feel Morrissey's warm breath against his neck and smell the kamasutra brand scented bath oil on Morrissey's soft, warm, moist skin.

Morrissey caressed Prince's shoulders slowing, moving his hands in slow circular motions, massaging his tense muscles, penetrating Prince's skin with the warmth of the erotic man-on-man touch. He then slid his hands down Prince's chest slowly, gently rubbing his now perky nipples, tapping them and pinching them, and ever so gently twisting them.

"You do this better than Morris, " Prince's voice now quivering.

Morrissey, then slowing rubbed the bulge that was slowly growing in Prince's silky pants, gripping deeply and tugging ever so slowly.

They both retreated slowly to the bed, shedding what little clothes they had off, and climbed on top of each other completely naked. Morrissey could smell Prince's sweat which was a mixture of essence of man and Dolce and Cabanna with only the slightest hint of clove cigarettes. It was only a matter of minutes before Morrisey had consumed Prince's manhood, bobbing his head up and down the diminutive rocker's member.

The pressure and pleasure was mounting as Prince could hear himself moan. It was only a matter of minutes before Morrissey pushed Princes legs back, nearly over his shoulders and entered him.

"nooo!!!" Prince said in an unconvincing whisper, "I...I...I don't want this..."

"I'm ya nigga now, " Morrissey responded just before nibbling princes ear and leaving a trail of spit from his mouth to the side of Princes face as he pulled his head away.

Game over. Morrissey started to thrust his member in Prince's little black hole of love--His event Horizon had been breached and there was no turning back.

"Yesssss....." Prince moaned, "His, I'm your sally now Morrissey. I'm YOUR SALLY NOW!!!!!"

"Yes, " Morrissey said
"Yell yes, " Prince screamed
"Oh Fuck yes!!!" Morrissey screamed.
"Tear this pussy up cuase it ain't built right no way!" Prince moaned.
"yes" "yes" "yes"
"oh lawd, yes" "yes,....Governor...yes..."
"oh fuck" "yes, yes, yes, yes."

Later that night they lay in bed giggling and whispering to each other.
"Morrissey, " Prince said in his coy little school girl voice.
"Yes, Prince?" Morrissey responded.
"Do you own your masters?" Prince quized him.
"what?" Morrissey responded, "of course not. I haven't released anything worth listening to since Johnny Marr broke the band up."

Prince was stunned.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

he responded.....

well damn
the end


/

he responded....

wtf?! i had a kirky j. coming over to remix and re-produce your old albums with larry and everything..didnt you hear 1999 new master!?!@!@ !@! moz-just shruged a bit and lit a ciggy....

umm okay i gotta go re-up my foundation and rinse my ass off said prince.while prince talked to himself in the mirror and sang songs off mj's bad album to himself.....he knew he had to make an excuse to exit this now disturbed meeting with moz. "damn,maybe if i tell him i gotta get up early tomorrow and pay my cable bill or something i can jet outta here?" prince thought to himself.

then he quickly exited the bathroom and quickly started to put on his clothes....moz looked at prince and asked "whats wrong,little one?"..well ya know moz i gotta go i have to be up at like 6am and go pay for my digital cable,..we just got hbo you know?....comcast hates to wait for payment...so ummm c-ya! and with that prince swiftly left the room. whew! wiping the sweat from his forehead prince tried to dash off when carmen elektra bumped into him in the hall and he almost made her spill her drink...careful asshole! i just got this dress from TJMAXX! uggh!....just then carmen realized it was none other than princey .....

umm prince i...

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[Edited 5/21/06 1:27am]

This thread iz hilarious!

Carmen: umm prince i... i been waiting to hear from you why haven't you called?

Prince groaned inwardly. He had hoped to avoid Carmen, he was thinking how to handle her.
I have narrowed it down to a few choices as to what i will say her to if she asks what has been going on...

1. The truth. Although she could get pissed off and there will be no sacktime in the future. And i could really use some sacktime right now since Mani is acting like a woman scorned since my short little trip to Panama.

2. I have been really too busy to call.

3. I'll Say "Its Not you, it's me. I have been hurt before. Be patient with me". It's cliche but it could REALLY get her interested. Just kidding. Only a sissy boy would do that one.

4. I lost her phone number.

I am leaning to being too busy. Oh Fooey I'll just ask what she wants.

What do ya want Carmen? I gave you all your Tom Lee and Monkies records back.

Carmen reached in her purse and pulled out....