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PRINCE & THE NEW BREED


Prince awoke in his California mansion eager to begin a new day. He had just slipped on his 100% organic cotton robe when he heard a moan come from downstairs. Prince took his symbol cane from its display rack, and very quietly, crept down the stairs.

**OOOOrg!***
Another moan, it came from the game room. Prince took a deep breath and flung open the door only to see an Asian man with blonde highlights strapped to his pool table! He was awake, and fully naked with a purple 'P' surrounded by a circle tattooed on his chest. His scrotum stapled to a large sheet of plywood and his arms and legs splayed out in a big “X”. Moreover, there was a small metal pipe protruding from his anus that emitted a low level hum each time he had a bowl movement.

Prince ran over and removed the ball gag from his mouth. The stranger ran his tongue around his mouth to moisten it, and said....

"Thanks so much, " AsianBomb777 said to Prince.

"One minute I'm playing a game of twister at Zelaira's house, and the next thing you know, I find myself in this situation."

Prince sat stone faced looking at AB777. "I like your hair" Prince finally said.

"Thanks ", ab777 replied, "It's a 44$ at Toni & Guy, complete with shampoo, head massage, consultation, and a nice wax treatment.

"44 dollars won't even pay for one strand of my expensive weave, " Prince replied.

It was at that momment that the roof collasped!

Prince just barely had time to escape, but ab777 was crushed to death.
Ab777 gasped his last request to Prince, "Priiiiinccce, please make sure my hair is perfect if my funeral is an open casket." And with that ab777 died.

Totally shocked Prince sat motionless staring at the dead asian in his living room.

Then he noticed that in Ab777's had was a little piece of paper with some writing on it.

Prince took the note and read it.

It said:

"2 Whomever It May Concern
U Must Come 2 Ure Senses
If Anybody's Hair's Gonna Look Good
It's Not Gonna Be Prince's"

That's when...
[Edited 8/14/05 19:12pm]

sitruk7 said:

oh lawd.


OK anyways :



The note continues:


Meet me at the local Country & Western Line Dance club at 10 PM tonight.
Ensure you dress appropriately. Things can get pretty hairy when people
show up dressed inappropriately. Oh, and bring some cheetos.

Imago777 said:

prince closed up the note and stared in the distance wondering what to wear.then
kelly from breakin' asked prince what line dancing was like..he replied "like warm apple pie "

Christopher said:

Prince then asked 'How the HECK did you get in my house?!'

Kelly 'Thru the roof. Sorry about our friend. He was part of the New Breed.'

Prince 'I don't know the unlucky bastard, but I really like his hair. Hey, will you help me move him. I don't want this showing up in the Enquirer.'

Kelly agreed and removed the bonds and staples, while Prince pulled out the pole from his anus.

Prince 'WOW! There's jewels up this a**!!'

Prince started to beat AB777's hind quarters with the pole like a pinata, sending jewels everywhere.

Prince 'I going to have the best bling in Hollywood!'

Once all the jewels were out, Kelly and Prince put the dead New Breed in the freeze until Prince could sell him to a butcher. After all people who eat meat will eat anything, Prince reasoned. Then he sent Kelly to the store to buy some cheetos. While Prince was happily designing his new bling on his trusty notepad and sipping mint tea, a holographic image appeared before him....

none other than TC Ellis

TC "Yo Kid. Haven't we suffered enough?"

Prince "Shhh. I have company."

TC "Sorry but it's gettin' crowded here in the Phanton Zone.It's cool that the three villians from Superman II aren't here anymore but with Millenia,Good Question, Brenda Bennet,Susan Moonsie, Tony, Damon and Kirk in here, it's still crowded. Man, I've been here 15 years and I still can't find Cat! Any idea where she is?"

Prince "U tried Googling her?"

TC "Yep."

Prince "Don't know what to tell u partna."

TC "C'mon Kid! When you gonna let me rap again?"

Prince "When I start cursing again."

TC "When you gonna start cursin' again Kid?"

Prince "When u start rappin' again."

Before TC could respond...

sitruk7 said:

he got run over by jerome on who borrowed princes bike to run morris' errands that day. jerome just shrugged and said "sorry cousin!" and him and princr went to get a smoothie.prince asked jerome..

Christopher said:

'Want to go mountain biking?'

Prince 'YEAH!! Let's go to the state park, I know a back way that's really private. I'll get my helmet and lycra unitard!'

With that Prince dropped his notepad, and got his gear. Prince took his very very favorite bike from the garage, the purple one with a headlight, white seat, and lavendar and yellow streamers dangling from the handlebars. Just as they were rolling out Kelly returned with the Cheetos.

Kelly 'Prince you won't believed what happened...
[Edited 8/18/05 16:31pm]

Shabadoo and Turbo have joined Morris' group!"

Prince "Appolonia 6?"

Kelly "No, the other group!"

Prince "Vanity 6?"

Kelly "No, the Time. Morris decided since he won't sing songs other than from the 80's except for Jerk Out, he might as well add breakdancers from the 80's as well."

Prince (dropping his Cheetos)"I really do need 2 get back in the studio with them."

Kelly "Tell me about it!"

Prince "Wait a minute...this thread has taken a turn 4 the serious."

Kelly "Don't worry...I said the word 'Shabadoo' in it. It's all good!"

Prince "Cool. How much longer til we get 2 the park? This unitard is giving me a wedgie!"

"Maybe I can fix that" said a voice behind them. It was...
[Edited 8/18/05 19:10pm]

sitruk7 said:

Aunt Esther.

Aunt Esther 'I drove here all the way from Watts, because you never return my phone calls. And you still have the nerve to call yourself a nephew, Mister Purple Rain Pretzel Stick Tight Pants! Turn around here!' Aunt Esther spun Prince around and gave him a hard tug on the seat of his unitard. Now it had a baggy bottom.

Prince 'AUNTIE!! You're embarassing me!'

Aunt Esther 'You weren't embarass when crashed at my house for two weeks when you first came to California, and you needed your lace blouses washed!'

Prince(sigh) 'Yes, Aunt Esther. I was going to call you tonight...'

Aunt Esther 'Don't lie, God hates a liar. You should try to be more like your
Cousin Lamont, he's a nice boy.'

Prince 'I do try to be like Lamont, I copied his mustache remember? What did you want to talk about Auntie?'

Aunt Esther 'I got something for you' She said as she stuck her bible under her arm, opened her purse and pulled out.....

littlemissG said:

"a sex pamphlet".now baby,i figure you're old enough you need to learn about sex.now go on i got a few for your lil friends to.a slightly embarrassed prince,jerome,kelly,shabado,and turbo took the booklets and aunt esther went off to bingo. prince asked shabadoo and turbo if it was true they joined morrises group?

Before Prince could reply, Mariah Carey pulled up in a long stretch limo.
'Prince,'she said, 'I want to talk to you about Emancipation.'

Prince 'You copied my album title isn't that enough?'

Mariah 'Prince do you think we could ....

Suddenly Mariah's cell phone rang.

"Sorry," she told Prince holding up a diamond studded finger, "it's Lamont, I need to take this."

"Hi Lamont," Mariah warmly bubbled into the phone. Then, her expression changed. From a Saturday sunshine smile into a six-whiskey Sunday morning hangover. "Baby don't be like that... Baby no, listen... Baby don't, don't say things like that. Lamont! No!"

Prince and Aunt Esther gave a rather inconspicous ear to the conversation.

"I'm not with him! Don't tell me how to live my... Baby no, don't say that! That's crazy talk!"

Prince hushed to Aunt Esther, "You want me to be more like that? Don't you know what Lamont has been into? Don't you know why I left that place?"

Before Aunt Esther could reply, Mariah burst into tears and hung up the phone.

"Girl! What is wrong with you!" Aunt Esther demanded.

"Oh Aunt Esther... what am I gonna do?"

"Is he on the marijuana again?" Prince asked.

"My Lamont don't do the marijuana!" Aunt Esther demanded.

Prince adjusted the seat on his unitard further and approached the limo with a pimply strut.

"Mariah, you can tell me. You can... trust me."

Fighting through intense sniffling, Mariah looked up to Prince. "Yes," she reluctantly admitted. "He's been hopped up on the marijuana for two weeks now. That's why I came here to see you. He said he doesn't want to sell junk anymore. He's gained forty-six pounds and he...he shaved his mustache. I... I'm so scared, Prince."

Before Prince could speak, Mariah's phone rang again.

"It's him," she informed Prince.

"Let me take it, Mariah. Let me talk to him, cousin to cousin."

But before Prince could hit the green answer button, Aunt Esther's voice called out with further distress...
[Edited 8/21/05 4:01am]

Aunt Esther 'Baby, Morris and Jerome are here.'

Prince looked out the limo window to see Morris Day and Jerome Benton in full combat gear. Morris carried an automatic rifle and hand gernades, and Jerome was toting a rocket launcher.

Prince 'Excuse me Mariah, I got to take care of some business.' Prince walked slowly but deliberately up to Morris just a few inches from his face.

Prince 'What's the story cousin?'

Morris 'Prince you are going to help us put The Time back on the charts, if you want to or not. What do you say to that cuz?'

Prince rubbed his chin and said....
[Edited 8/25/05 17:10pm]

littlemissG said:

Prince 'U wouldn't pass the initiation'

Morris'What initiation??'

Prince'Well for starters u have to purify yourself in lake of your choise'

Morris 'Prince stop that purple rain shit,i ain't Apollonia'

Prince realising the terrible mistake he finally said.....

mirri said:

ok...ill help you guys.but i get to write all the songs and no cursing morris .morris wasnt havin' it! so he said "Jerome..." and jerome grabbed prince and threw him in the trash bin. just then marish rolls her window down....

Christopher said:

Mariah 'Prince! Lamont just called he wants to meet me tonight at the local country western line dance club!'
Prince was shocked by the coincidence remembering the note he took from the hand of the strange new breed who died on his pool table.

Prince 'That's great Mariah, Kelly, TC, Morris, Jerome, and I will go with you. We'll make it a party.'

Jerome 'Cool! I got this gold lame cowboy outfit I've been dying to wear!
Morris 'We ain't strolling in looking like the Village People without the indian! Take me to my tailor!

Prince said goodbye to his guests, agreeing to meet back at his house before going to the club. Prince was lost in thought about the day's events as he pedaled his bike when he found himself in front of....

littlemissG said:

3 ladies.They were Krystal,Hotlegs and Mirri from the Org.Needless to say they
were the New Breed.Ladies were dressed like Apollonia 6.

Prince'Oh lawd ya'll look nice 2nite!

Ladies'We know'
Each lady had their own request for Prince.


Krystal'I wanna duck u,i know a barn nearby..Let's go!'

Hotlegs'As a certified Org Dickologist i want to measure your treasure,there
have been some serious debate of 7 or 7,5 " and then i'm gonna duck u!'

Mirri' Let's go study zen and taiji and only after that we can duck 'till the
dawn.'

Prince not at all suprised by the requests said'I have a better idea,I'm
going to make ya'll my new girl group and then we'll rule the world,OK?
After than i'll give my freakstyle ducking.Is than a deal?'

mirri said:

The trio smiled and shouted 'HECK YEAH!'

Prince pleased suggest 'It looks like rain, let's go into the barn and you girls can give me a sample. Of ur vocals that is.'

Giggling Mirri, Hotlegs, and Krystal followed Prince. As they stepped into the barn a thunderstorm released it fury.

Prince 'The rain sounds so cold when it hits the barn's roof.'

Suddenly the superstar and his new friends were startled by the sounds of lovemaking. Prince crept over to a stall and his eyes widen when he saw a young couple making out in the hay. Instantly from the skillfull technique, Prince knew they must be part of the New Breed. Prince and the ladies watched for several minutes. Finally the attractive female open her eyes during the action.

New Breed Female 'IT'S PRINCE!!'

New Breed Male 'I'M YOUR PRINCE!! I'M YOUR PRINCE!!

Giving her partner's head a twist, the male froze with surprise.

New Breed Male ' OMG! It is Prince!!' the guy proclaimed springing to his feet, 'I guess we should introduce ourselves....

littlemissG said:

I'm Maz and this is Luv4U.'

Luv4U 'We Very Very Pleased Meet To You!!'

Prince somehow kept a smirk off his face as he met the naked couple and said...
[Edited 9/1/05 7:30am]

"Do u own your own masters?"