Back again to annoy all but us freaks.
Again, I'm looking for help in finishing the story.
[Prequal to Prince - A Short Story]

The small Cessna skimmed over the deep blue ocean headed towards the huge, emerald landscape of Costa Rica ahead of him.
Prince lay quietly in his seat setting down his favorite magazine, Guns-and-Ammo, to view the majesty of her rich green landscape crashing into the riot blue water.
This was the end of his journey, all the way from Minneapolis in search of the perfect nose, the perfect cheeks, to go with his button doe eyes.

“If I can have the perfect chin”, thought Prince, “I can finally forget about THAT place.”

He thought back to his childhood, a time of innocence and wonder, but also a time when he would always visit THAT place….

..
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 13:18:05 2004 by AsianBomb777]

but that wasnt a disscussable place let alone a thinkable 1,so the thought of it slipped away as he thought how luvsexy he would look after an operation or 2

he flipped a few more pages,an saw sumthing that caught his eyes


"wow a whole stake house devoted 2 rare t-bones,man im makin reservations"


but when he picked up the phone a voice answered him

"7 days u lil mf"

"o hi mom"replied prince

"7 days asshole"

"mom,trust me,that ring movie didnt scare me,i jus had a wordrobe malfuction"

the phone clicked

"fine,b that way!!!!" yelled prince,as he hastily dialed the # 4 the retaurant

then.....

...Then he noticed his ears popping. The plane was decending quickly now onto the runway. Momments later, Prince stepped off the plane and was greated by John Malchovich's second cousin, Nigel.

"Hello, Mr. Prince, are these your bags?"

"Only the prada ones, " He said, "I have no clue about the other bags."

A jeep pulled up with an a woman vaguely resembling Grace Jones, but with Queen Latifa's build, yelled "Hola. Hop in Mr. Prince."

He got in the jeep and the drove off into the Lush Costa Rican country side.

He gazed dreamily at the ripe green fields and saw an entire heard of goats grazing. Suddenly he realized that all of the goats--yes, all of them--where missing one back leg.

POP!! A flat tire.

..
[This message was edited Thu Jul 22 20:29:52 2004 by AsianBomb777]

AsianBomb777 said:

"Shit." Said the driver.
"what happened" Prince asked stupidly.
"Flat tire, i'm gonna have 2 call it in."
"Great..." He said sarcastically.
An hour later a big truck pulled up, a woman stepped out. At first Prince could only see her legs. But when she came out he almost said it aloud "Damn!"
Then he whispered 2 himself.."Another reason 2 get my face fixed."
The woman approached them. "Flat tire?" "Yes." Replied the driver. "We don't have a spare."
"I'll get it fixed in no time." She said smiling. Prince just stood there, staring at her witha stupid look on his face. It was then that he fell over because.....
[This message was edited Thu Jul 22 20:58:54 2004 by MaquisVixen]

..he fell over becuae he secretly had an addiction to taking GHB, the date rape drug, becuase of it's theraputic affects and tendancy to help you stifle the urge to eat Meat.

An Hour later an ambulance arrived (the spare tire had not been replace yet), and two dudes stepped out of the vehical looking like Starsky and Hutch. They where two cousins of John Malchavich, Jeremiah and Vesuvias.

Becuase GHB is exceedingly difficult to detect or determine, Prince was able to get away with telling them that he had been terribly tired from the flight and not use to the heat and humidity. The two men, left semi-convinced.

It was at that momment that Prince realized that one of the 3 legged Goats had run off with his last bottle of GHB. Freshly out of the drug, Prince knew that by nightfall, his craving for meat and alchohol would eventually return...

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. What was he going 2 do?
He knew that his cravings would come back full force. Especially the sexual ones. If he didn't get that bottle he would...he was gonna...
"Kill somebody!" He screamed aloud.
The car girl and the driver both looked at him suprised.
"What?!" They both said in unison.
"Oh, nothing..." He trailed off slamming his hands against the car...it began 2 roll down the street.....

MaquisVixen said:

LMFAO. That's the funniest shit I've read yet. Very well done. Kind of Alfred Hitchcock like. I gotta go to bed now. Check in tommorow afternoon.

Thanks for keeping up the groove!

AsianBomb777 said:

Welcome G'night.

Mayte Garcia woke up from what seemed like the longest night of her life. She’d accidentally taken half a bottle of sleeping pills and several teaspoons of a powerful laxative (a combination rarely endured) and it had been very tough on her.
She’d spent the night in a hotel in South Beach Miami called the Kent, on Collins Avenue just north of 11th street, behind the Versace Mansion where the famous fashion designer had been gunned down in front of his house.

As she struggled to focus her eyes while still laying in her bed, she noticed a obese white man with a very hairy back walking away from her pulling up his pants. “Hmmm, “ She thought to herself, “I must’ve gone home with this guys promising one of my after-party belly dances.”

It was at that moment that she remembered, “Holy Shit—I forgot to tell Prince!!”. He had to know—he just had to. For her to keep this nugget of knowledge from him would’ve weighed heavy on her conciouse and could cost him his life.

I must get to a phone, she thought to herself. She dashed for the door only to be greeted by two very sexy Cuban women wearing maid outfits.

“Stay right there M’am” one of them said.

“Who are you?” she looked suspiciously. She’d seen maids before and these girls where definitely not maids.

“I’m agent 34-DD and this is my partner Vejina” the short one replied.

“We’ve been hired by an admirer of yours to take care of your needs.”

Mayte looked at them for a moment, glancing from one and then to the other slowing looking back and forth.

“ALL of my needs?” …

Just caught up with the stories, sorry I couldnt continue but it was some good stuff
well done

DarkKnight1 said:

Thanks. THe other thread is really on autopilot. I didn't contribute to it at all today and it went off in all sorts of directions with the help of all those crazy ass and creative people. This one is more dificult, becuase it's the prequel. It has to end with a steak dinner and bing drinking.
[This message was edited Fri Jul 23 20:00:56 2004 by AsianBomb777]

Prince arrived at the front desk of the local Motel 8 in Costa Rica. “Hello, Mr. Prince” answered Maria the Hotel clerk—she was a the step daughter of the great American actor John Malchovik. Maria was a good looking woman, about 6 foot 2 inches tall, with long legs, and tan skin. Prince did noticed that she didn’t seem much to care about shaving her legs, and her armpits, and that her Heart-Of-Dixie rebel flag tattoo that covered half of her shoulder blade on the back, didn’t seem too stylish—but for the most part, she was a hot number.

“Are these Ur bags, sir?”
“Do U own Ur Masters?” Prince replied.
Confused now, she answered , “I..I.. Um, are these Ur bags?”
“My words of sharp wit shoot forth from my mouth and nullify any evil.” Prince said as-a-matter-of-factly.
“Mr. Nelson, I’ll just take these bags. Will U be needing a room with Internet Access?”
“Do U own Ur Masters?” Prince replied.

AsianBomb777 said:

She sighed...again confused she screamed at him. "I have no IDEA what U R talking about!"
He smiled knwoing he was getting 2 her, so he asked her again. "Do U own ur masters?" She screamed in outrage and stomped away leaving somebody else 2 tend 2 him. "Don't mind her." Said a woman of more beauty, and a woman who shaved her legs and armpits. She shook her head. 'She's just a bit mental...ADHD and all, here, come with me, I will take you 2 your room." Prince smiled. 'Why thank you." Once he was showed in he turned 2 her. "If you need anythign all you have 2 do is ask." She told him. He thanked her again and sighed as he dropped his belongings. He went into the bathroom and gave himself the once over...He didn't look BAD...but he thought his features could be a lot better, no matter what women thought of his looks...he just wasn't satisfied. He then sat on the bed and proceeded 2 call the hospitol.....

It was on a long fishing trip in the Catskills that Mayte Met Lou. She slept with him on occasion, but it was his brother Arnold whom she finally settled down with before meeting, Frank, then Jim, then Albert, then Buzz.

Buzz was the son of a rich oil tycoon, and often took her on long trips to Spain, Paris, and Miami. It was in Miami that she met Francisco and they fell in love. Francisco eventually introduced her to Patrick, the heterosexual hair dresser, who finally asked her to move in with him in the Coral Gables area.

She was a model citizen and ended up becoming the president of her Home Owners Association. It was at one of their weekly meetings that she met Tony, who eventually left her for another woman, but she’d moved on to Thomas, Gregory, then Phillip and finally Josh.

Josh lived in Melbourn FL and was away on a business trip when Mayte decided to attend a concert held by John Digweed at the Miami Crobar. It was at the club that she was told about the terrible situation with The Malano (The hospital in Costa Rica that Prince was visiting). IT had been 10 days since she met Lou, and even though she was now with Josh, she missed Lou deeply.

At the Crobar, someone sliped X in her drink and she ended up at the Kent Hotel. It was there that she was being kept prisoner by two women dressed up as nurses.

“You don’t understand, “ she said to the ladies, “If U don’t let me get to a phone, My ex Husband is going to end up being experimented on at that hostpital!”


..
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 19:55:45 2004 by AsianBomb777]

"Hello," said the voice on the other end. "Pardon me Madam, but do you have any Grey Poupon? Hahahaha," laughed Prince. "Oh God, not you again," said the woman. "I was just joking," said Prince, "I want to know if you can direct me to the nearest chinologist. I'm not happy with my chin...oh, and do U own UR masters?" The woman replied, "No, do you?" "Ahhh, Touche," replied Prince. "There's a phone book in the top drawer of your dresser, next to the Gideon Bible. They should have a plastic surgeon in there somewhere." "Thanks Ms. Operator," Prince replied. After hanging up the phone, Prince looks through the phone book until he realizes that....

estelle1981 said:

That the book he is looking through aint a phonebook...Prince flips it over...looks at it from all different angles...'This isn't....right.' He thinks 2 himself and almost laughs out lous at the content of the book. 'Is this a sign telling me that if I get my chin done this is what will happen?' "HA!" He laughed out loud. "I get this all the time..This aint nothin'..." Then he flipped 2 the next page. 'Oh my....' He thought 2 himself and almost blushed. But omsehting caught his eye.....

He puts down the book, which he had come to realize was the coffee table Madonna book, 'Sex'. "I have to call Maddy and tell her how much I still love that pic on page 23....what the hell is that?" Prince says out loud. "It looks like a camera. AHH, shit, I'm on film." Prince starts strikin' poses. "You sexy muthafuka," he sings. "Yeah, you like that don't ya." All of a sudden, the door bursts open and in walks...

estelle1981 said:

Vanilla Ice. "Though I saw you..." He says laughing. "That song gets me everytime." He said still laughing. "I so got you.." "Actually..." Prince cut him off. "No you didn't, I was about ready 2 go hump the camera when U busted through my door...What do you want? Weren't you like a one hit wonder or something. Nobody likes you." He said. "Well I don't like me either..I mean..You don't like me..err...I don't like myself.." Prince rolled his eyes. "I don't care! I've come 2 tell you that your ex wife is being held prosoner in a hotel." Prince looked at him. "And how would you know that?" He questions. "I have my sources.." Vanilla Ice replies. "Mmhmm" prince says sarcastically. "Your forgetting your a nobody now, U don't have 'sources'" Vanilla Ice almost replies when....

Prince cuts him off, "Muthafucka, I hope you plan on paying for that door you just busted through." Vanilla looks at him and says, "Man, I ain't got no money. I'm a nobody remember?" "Well, you better go work a corner or something and get the money, because I damn sho ain't paying for this shit." "ARE YOU GIVIN' ME ATTITUDE!!! WORD TO MOTHA, I'LL GO POSTAL ON YO' ASS!!!", screams Vanilla. "Damn man, you have some pent up anger. You need some anger management for real; I saw that episode of "The Surreal Life" and that MTV show, that song wasn't that bad....and you're still going to be paying for that door. Plus, why should I give a damn about my ex-wife being held prisoner. I hope they torture her ass for what she did to my career," says Prince. "Prince, you have to help her. She still cares for you." Prince thinks about it. "Ohh, allright, I'll save her, but if it was Carmen, you would have had to go and ask Rodman to save her ass, because I would have said, 'Hell Naw' and meant it." "Don't worry, Prince, I'll help you rescue her, Dawg, Believe dat, and then you can help me make my comeback." Prince looks at Vanilla, trying not to laugh. "Man, I don't know about all that and stop trying to sound street, I saw your 'Behind The Music', VanWinkle." Prince and Vanilla leave the room and....
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 21:01:36 2004 by estelle1981]

When Vanilla starts singing 'Let's Go Crazy' Prince smacks him harshly across the head. "Street talk is one thing...but singing my MUSIC is another!" Prince yells. "Ow! Muthafucka I was just trying 2 get U happy...aint no thang but a chicken wing!" Prince almost hits him again when around the corner a black cat comes. "ahhhhh!!!!!" Screams Vanilla. Prince laughs in his face. "Scared of cats?" He asks. "No...I'm just very superstitious..." He hides behind Prince who moves leaving Vanilla uncovered. "Maybe it's a sign..." Prince says. The cat meows and begins 2 lead them 2.....

A room just a few doors down. The door is slightly open. "Man, P, I ain't following no black cats anywhere," says Vanilla. Prince looks at Vanilla, shrugs his shoulders and just walks into the room. "AHHH, Damn," says Vanilla, as he follows Prince. "Yep, see that's why your career is all screwed up now, ya damn follower." "Man, back up off my tip, before I blast yo little ass," says Vanilla. "Bitch, you ain't goin' to do shit. I'm not the one whose ass was being hung over a hotel balcony because I chose to follow some big muthafucka in a red suit. And what did I just say about using the street slang." Suddenly, the phone rings and Prince answers it. "Bubba's Chicken and Waffles." "Who is it?", asks Vanilla. "I don't know, but however it is, they have some serious breathing problems," Prince says to Vanilla, "Use your inhaler, brotha," Prince says to the receiver. Suddenly, a automated services plays. "If you want to see your ex-wife alive, press 1. If you don't give a shit about your ex-wife, press 2. If you would like to buy a copy of 'Vanilla Ice's Greatest Hits', Press 3. For these instructions in Spanish, press 0 to be connected to an operator." "Damn, are villians that lazy these days?", says Prince. "Yo, P, press 3 man. You've got to hear my greatest hits, I got some tight remixes on that joint. They is dope, son", says Vanilla. "Didn't I just tell you about the street shit," says Prince. "Sorry," says Vanilla. "I'm tempted to press 2 and carry my ass back to my room. Jeopardy's about to come on," says Prince. Vanilla looks at him, with pouting lips and puppy dog eyes. "Ahh, shit, fine," whines Prince. He presses 1 and suddenly, a voice comes on the other end and says....
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 21:27:15 2004 by estelle1981]

"You pressed the number 1." Says the voice. "Correct." Prince says....Vanilla nudges him. "Wad up with the techno talk?" Prince shoves him away. "You have my ex wife, what is your exact location?" He asks. "That's for me 2 know and U 2 find out." The voice says. Prince rolls his eyes. "I'm sick of your games! Motherfucker you have 3 seconds 2 tell me or i'm gona put my head through that phone and bite your ear off!" prince screamed. Vanilla poked him.."This shit aint Ghost Dad...and U aint Mike Tyson." Prince glares at him. The voice on the other end hung up. "SHIT!" Prince yelled and was about 2 throlttle Vanilla when....
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 21:35:18 2004 by MaquisVixen]

Vanilla dropped his drawers to reveal that he had no penis.

"You wouldn't hit a man with no penis, would you?"

"Bitch, I slapped Apolonia silly in Purple Rain", Prince replied.

Smack! Vanilla came crashing to the floor. Slowy, he stammered up holding rubbing his chin with his right hand.

"I...I...I can't believe you did that!" Vanilla whimpered.

Prince glanced at him almost pittying the guy. "Look," Prince finally said, "I really am sorry about your missing penis. I ain't got an asshole myself. Hopefully, the doctor that works on my cheekbones and nose will give me a new asshole too--I heard Fridays are coupon days at the hostpital. Besides, ....

the phone rings again. "Hello!" says Prince. "We want to talk to the guy with you, because your attitude will not be tolerated and we have to get rid of this whiny bitch." "Hell, no," says Prince, "He can't relay messages properly and I ain't doin' no backtrackin' because of his ass. You goin' to have to talk to me." "Fine, but threats will not be tolerated. There is a black Volvo waiting for you downstairs." "Volvo, HAHAHA," snickers Prince, "sounds like Vulva and we all know what that is." "Focus, bitch," says the voice. Prince clears his throat, "Sorry." "Take the instructions from the driver and follow them, if you want to see your ex-wife alive. See you soon." The dial tone is heard. "We have to meet some guy in a black Volvo," says Prince. "HAHAHA, you said 'Volvo'," said Vanilla. Prince and Vanilla start laughing, "I know right, HAHAHA...okay, focus," says Prince. "Let's jet out, Money," says Vanilla. They walk out the door and down the hallway. "Stairs or elevator," asks Vanilla? "Man, I'm not going down 20 flights of stairs. I know you see that I've got my good heels on," says Prince. They enter the elevator and ride to the first floor. After reaching the first floor, the run to the entrance and outside to see the black Volvo parked in front of them. The window rolls down and out pops a hand with a manila envelope. Prince takes the envelope and the Volvo speeds away. "Bitch, you'd better be happy you didn't run over my shoes," Prince yells to the Volvo. He opens the envelope and pulls out a tape player. He pushes play and the voice says....

It's not like you not having a penis and me not having an asshole was planned in the firstplace." He finished. "It happened for a reason.." Just as Prince was about 2 get all holy on him Vanilla opened his eyes wide and screamed at the top of his lungs. "What?" Prince asked..."The...the...it's...it's..." "Who?!" He yelled. "Who is it...????" "It's...."

MaquisVixen said:

"it's what", says Prince? "Is it a suit sale at Macy's, because if it is, then fuck the mission." "No, it's....

The voice in the recording says, “Help Me Obi-wan Kenobe, U’r My only hope.”
The message kept repeating.
“The F@ck ?” Prince grimaced smaking the tape player.

KURCLUNK. SNAP!
“Prince, we meet again, “ the deep voice replied, “and this time on my terms.”

Shit! Prince thought to himself. “I know who that is, “ he said outloud to himself.
“Who? “ Vanilla asked.
“It’s the guy who narrated the Rainbow Children.” “I never paid his ass and never credited him on the album.”
“Why?”
Prince looked at Vanilla. “Did U actually HEAR Rainbow Children?”
Vanilla looke blankly at Prince. “No. I don’t think ANYONE listened to it all the way through.”
“Shut Up Bitch, “ Prince replied, “He did such a horrible job narrating the story that I decided not to pay him. I mean, I asked him to read what I had written down, and he went off an made up some story about digital gardens, feasts, Rainbow Children , racial equality. All I wanted that bitch to talk about was vaginas!!!”
The Voice on the recording continued ….

..
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 22:02:48 2004 by AsianBomb777]

AsianBomb777 said:

"I want you to do a sequel to 'Graffiti Bridge', and make me the lead character. Than, I want you to write all my songs and give me full credit," says the recording. "Man, can't I just pay you," whines Prince. "I know that you are saying, 'can't I just pay you', but I said only on my terms," the recording says. Prince pauses the recording. "Man, he can just kill her ass, because I ain't doing that shit," says Prince. Vanilla nudges Prince. "Man, I'm sorry, but Mayte's ass doesn't mean that much to me. He'd better go and ask Tommy Lee to save her. He was actually dumb enough to get her lips tattooed on his neck. Man, that was a good sex video...okay, Prince, focus," says Prince. Vanilla gives the pout and puppy dog eyes again. "Damn, I hate when you do that....but, sorry, it ain't workin' this time. That's like selling my soul to Satan," says Prince. "But, you already did that, remember Larry Graham," says Vanilla. "Haha, you're funny, just like those dance moves you used to do. You're whole career was a joke, you cornball." Vanilla starts to cry, "Man, P, that was really mean. I want an apology." Prince rolls his eyes, "Uhhh, no." Prince pushes play and the recording continues....
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 22:30:56 2004 by estelle1981]
[This message was edited Sat Jul 24 22:33:01 2004 by estelle1981]

The voice continues:

“I want you to taste the bitterness of defeat.”
“I want you to hire Redman and Methodman to replace all vocal tracks by Tony M. and Dougy Fresh.”
“I want you to stop hanging with Larry Graham and start chillin with Rick James.”

“I want you to rerecord all your duets with Morrissey.”

Prince listened blankly. “Who the F@ck is that?”
“I don’t know, “ Vanilla Ice replied, “probably one of the new cats from a boy band or something. At least the music will be cheerful and upbeat.” Vanilla gestures his arms as if reading a large Hollywood billboard sign, “I can see it now!—Prince and Morrisey, getting the club crunk!”

The recording interrupted. “This device will self-destruct in 10 seconds..”

I'm off to the land of dreams, where Prince is mine and serves me pancakes in bed every day. AHHH! Hope to see ya'll tomorrow or Monday. Later.