Personification

If i where to be a flower
Which of the fairest would you desire
A carnation , the envy to all honey bees
A rose where romanticism drifts so carefree
Or a dandelion, Fragile on a calm day
would you weep if a breeze came and swept me away
For we all change upon october moon
and my home disappears by mid afternoon

If i where to be an ocean
Would you swim admits my devotion
sit upon my shore as i howl at the moon
and show me affection, privy to my wounds
Would you embrace me if tears filled the sky
and a storm submerged you in solemn lullaby’s
No matter how tender i feel for you
My home disappears by mid afternoon

If i where to be the man that led you away
as my reflection stalks me in states of dismay
could you stand to forgive me under the willow tree
or would you weather an angry black sea against me
For every year shall burst anew
and in my corner i’ll remember you
but your picture will burn before the moon
and i will leave home that mid afternoon

Property of LoveLand.Inc

What do you guys think?

Christ you guys are cold lol

I liked it. it is beautiful. u shouldnt dont care for the lack of responses, there are people here who could post a song about eating vomit and people will review it, and there are so many good thigns that wont be popular. your poem is very good

yeah, he said it. your poem really is awesome. unique. i never use like 50% of the words in that poem, haha.

Thanks guys
i appreciate your feedback
christ if this is how cold you guys react to my writings
i really don't wan't to post any music lol

In the worst cases they will say it sucks, but what do they or we know? It does not matter, just share

Structurally and rhythmically this is good. Nice imagery and use of figurative language. Where you've gone astray is some punctuation errors and spelling mistakes - these are distracting if you really want your work taken seriously. I'll point out two of them for you - It's "were" not "where" and "amidst" not "admits." I have to give you credit for some of the vocabulary, though. Makes it a lot less fluff and "Hallmark card-ey," which is a big pet peeve for me. A lot of people make the mistake of adding the 's that makes something possessive rather than just plural - watch that!! So...nice work and hope that helps!

thanks artist that helped alot

i've never been too good with grammer and punctuation

lol you should be my editor lol