A child; an extention of ourselves, a new begining, hope, innocence, life, and sharing love. Whatever it may be; I've always wanted to experience and be a part of that world. I am single *hint hint* ; and want a child. This has been a dream of mine for quite sometime. I love children and want to share my life with some of my own. Yes; I said some. 20 would be nice. But NOT in a Michael Jackson way!

A friend of mine (a single mother), called me the other day and told me she wanted me to come visit her and her daughter. How much she loves me (friendship) and wants to make sure I am a part in her daughter's life. For a brief moment I felt as if I had an actual obligation. One I'd be more than honoured to have. We've discussed the matter a couple times before about she and I having a child together...but that was just talk. We've talked, and She knows how I feel about her and her daughter. I'd marry that girl in a heartbeat. And adopt her daughter without question. Then I kick that dead beat, poor excuse for a father's arse!!
But...I'm afraid it may never happen for me.

I want at least 2 of my own flesh and blood. I'd love to adopt after that. Yes. I know it's expensive to raise a child let alone 20!! But a guy can still dream right?? I realize it is a full time, hands on, 'opportunity'. ( A child is not an obligation or a job.) IMO. I don't want a child out of vanity, or as a prize, or even as some type of accomplishment. So I ask myself WHY? I don't know....but I just do. I'm not in a hurry, and still have much to think about. Including learning to be selfless at all times. If that little rugrat thinks they're gonna touch my music collection, they've got another thing coming.

How do you do it day in day out? Our you proud of your decision? Do you have help, be it emotional or financial? Tell me everything! When your little one arrived were you somewhat prepared? (I know there are some surprises you're not ready for). Also did any of you feel or even say you wouldn't be a parent or had the desire; but when that child arrived your paternal/maternal instinct kicked into overdrive?

I'm not that young, nor am I looking into senior living conditions. But I'd like to have one in the next year or two. I think it's time. Well I hope. And if my mother asks me one more time "when are you gonna have a baby?" She's at the point where she's saying.."I don't care if you get married or not. I WANT A GRANDCHILD" God Bless mi madre.

So..for now I'll continue to hope and pray.
Thanks!

i didn't read any of that, but Single Mom here, present and accounted for...

I am a single mother by CHOICE. It wasnt planned but it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think that if you are aware of the compromises you have to make then it can work, but many times people say they are ready for one and there arent. I am still learning everyday from my daughter and feel overwhelmed on a regular basis. But I am happy with my decision to do it on my own and that I have my daughter to thank for all the happiness I feel everyday.

You will be a great father!

another single mom here. i love my daughter to death, and wouldn't trade her or change what happened if offered $50 billion dollars. i'm not exactly a single mom by choice. i would have loved to have been married to a wonderful man who wanted to love a baby as well, but that didn't happen. nothing came of my relationship with her father, (whom i affectionately refer to as "the sperm donor"- just kidding!) and he never sees her. said he'd want to, but never made the effort. so, here i am, raising her alone. well, not really alone. my family and friends are wonderful. i get so much help from my sister, she's almost taken the place of a father. (almost,b/c that never really could happen.) my parents have helped out a lot financially as well. i do have to rely on some aid from the gov't, but i'm in school right now, so i hope to be able to do it by myself soon enough.

day in day out . . . i just do it. i don't know how to explain it. it's what i'm used to now. i don't know anything different anymore. i look at my life a few years ago and wonder what i did with all that time. i can't imagine my life any different than it is now. you're right, it's not a job. it's a gift. and i'm loving every minute of it. you also have to decide what is important to you. do the dishes have to get washed? or could you play a little longer at the park? so, sometimes my house is a little messy, but my daughter is happy, as am i.

i am sorry though, that i didn't bring her into the world in a stable family environment. i would say that if there is any way possible, wait till you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. i truly believe a child deserves the influence and support of a mother and a father. i know many parents do it fine by themselves, i'm one of them, as was my mother. but the loving environment of a home with a loving mommy and daddy just can't be duplicated.

that said, i'm doing a wonderful job, if i do say so myself. i've heard from many professionals that i am an excellent mother. (i almost broke my arm patting my back that time! ) so, eat your heart out "sperm donor"!

sag10 said:

Thank you.

fantasyislander said:

That's exactly how I feel. I want my child to have a mother. Wether I'm married to her or not. That's something that I feel is very important! I also feel that I will never find the "one". So that's what brings me to the single parenting questions.

"sperm donor" i have coined that phrase many a times, whenever lilys father does take her(which is about once every 16.3 days, i have it calculated yes) his girlfriend is there, and no problem with her, just show me a little respect here now, last time i came over to pick up the baby and she runs downstairs because she knows im there in a towel. OK I dont want to see you in a towel lady, and then he tells me she didnt sleep well last night.....well I wonder why....


Ok sorry about that Chico I had to vent

Chico...let me know when you want to get started...

Chico1 said:

I'm curious about your age Chico1. How come you think you'll never find the 'one' ?
Oh, I'm a parent, not single parent though (thankfully). I can completely relate to your child-wish and i'm glad to read you realize a mother is of enormous importance. And as they say here in the Netherlands: geen hand vol maar een land vol (very loosely translated: keep looking for that girl)

ella731 said:

No. By all means go ahead. I have another friend with 2 little boys going through that same shit. Some of these people have children just to play house with, or have no respect for their partners children's other parent. (wasn't sure how to phrase that. )

That's something I never want to experience. I will snatch somebody bald if they disrespect my child's living environment. And I don't like violence.

applekisses said:

What time is now? I can be there in a few hours.

AlfofMelmak said:

How dare you ask my age. That's rude. Never ever ask a man his age.


Well let's just say I'm older than Britney Spears and younger than Prince. Somewhere right in between. As far as finding the "one". Well...I just feel that way. And NO; I don't want a child to fill any kind of love-voided in my life. Maybe I will find the one, maybe I won't. But a lot of people have children with the "one true love", then split uop before the child can tie their own shoe laces.





off-note: I can't wait to visit the Netherlands again.

Chico1 said:

it's nearly 4pm...and I'm ovulating...so, that's perfect

Seriously, though, I've wondered about the same things myself, Chico. I would really like a child/children in my life and if I don't get married by the time I'm 36 I've wondered if I'd just raise one on my own. I would like my child to have a father, though.
[This message was edited Mon Jun 28 12:55:24 2004 by applekisses]

applekisses said:

Get ready..I'm knocking your back out tonight!

Wait....you ARE Catholic right?

Chico1 said:

OF COURSE!

Chico1 said:

so you're 42?

mochalox said:

Chico1 said:

Kids tend to come between the one-true-love couples as ppl are usually mistaken about the amount of energy it takes to lovingly raise your kids; it can work out though.



off-note: I can't wait to visit the Netherlands again. [/quote]

Drop a note if you're coming this way !

AlfofMelmak said:

I will.
How many children do you have? Any advise you can give?

fantasyislander said:

NCC2012 said:

thanks! back atcha!

ella731 said:

can i vent a little more too?

i don't get it, and it irritates me. we were together during my pregnancy, and the whole time he was telling me about how much he loves his other kids (he was married before) and how he'd kill for them if necessary, but they live in Las Vegas with their mom and he never even calls them. so, he'll kill for them, but he won't pick up the phone? what the heck!?!?

he hasn't seen my daughter since she was six months old, she's almost two. i recently got a petition from the courts that he's trying to get child support lowered and establish visitation. i'm like, what the heck? he hasn't tried to contact me at all! and now he wants to establish visitatin, conveniently at the same time he's trying to lower the child support amount? whatever.

Chico1 said:

Gays can adopt these days, right?

.
[This message was edited Tue Jun 29 9:54:15 2004 by Chico1]

Cloudbuster said:

I'm sure they'd let you Cloudy! You'd make a great dad/mom.

fantasyislander said


ok, I think we need our own vent thread about this, so I JUST got a child support order in place, and he is fighting it to the death, he said well I have to pay for wverythinhg while shes here why should I have to pay you!! uummmm ok you see her 1-2 times a month, hope that doesnt break the bank. He doesnt even know what her daycare lady's name is and where it is, ok you REALLY care dont you. I have a lien against my name for the back bills from her birth ( she was a 30 weeker and NICU id mighty expensive) and he is fighting having to pay half of the bill, he likes to say ;what about the $250 i gave you when you were pregnant' ok I was on bed rest and couldnt work and i had to pay my damn DR.

OOPS sorry again I mean just because us single mothers have these problems with the childs father doesnt mean that married couples dont have them, its just a completely different ballgame, not to discourage anyone I just have ahd a Montel Williams last couple of months
[This message was edited Tue Jun 29 10:15:10 2004 by ella731]

ella731 said:

This sh*t pisses me off!!!

If you have a child, and I don't care if you're with the mother or not; you need to handle your business and take responsibility. I have the lowest respect for dead beat dads. "BOO HOO. I have to pay child support. I have to make things comfortable for 'them'.....Waaaa my f*cking waaaaa. You made your bed, now lay in it. Well maybe that's what got you in that mess in the 1st place. :hmmm: Yes you do. Why don't men, and some women get it? A child is not a temporary inconvenience, or something that will take care of itself. Food, clothing, education, daycare, medical expenses...sorry to inform you d*ck, those things are what you choose to accept when you decide to create a life. And if you didn't intend to; (which I think is stupid, because when you're doin' the do, you know what the possibilities are.) then you my friend have a major wake up call ahead of you. No. A woman does not NEED your ignorant ass. It's not about her needs. (in most cases ) It's that little person she carried for nine months called a child!!!!! So f*ck you, you f*cking f*ck!!!!

Once again it goes to show that having a child does not automatically make you a father. 1st lesson you need is how to be a man!




Hey..I had to vent to.

Chico1 said:

no prob! we all need to vent a little in a while.

fortunately i didn't have to worry about the medical bills. the state paid for it, then got it from him in the child support settlement. (nebraska is pretty good now about getting support established and activated)

he tried to fight that too, saying he still had other kids support to pay from another state. (the liar--he never bothered to provide proof that he was still paying, because his other kids are old enough he doesn't have an active order for support.) whatever!!! so now, he's upset because he has to pay child support, and they're taking more than just the monthly amount from his check to pay back support. (he owed $3000 in back support by the time they started taking it from his check) so that's dipping into his bar and cigarrette money, and he wants to get it lowered. well, i'm sorry, but my daughter's support is more important than spending $30-40 a day at the bar (he spends at least that much!) and smoking 2 packs of cigs a day!

get your priorities straight!

sorry, i had a little venting left in me i guess.