The CELL PHONE rings. John reaches behind him and pats around the couch until he finds it.


JOHN

Hello? Yeah Paul. Hi. No,
I’m afraid I can’t pick you
up. I’m waiting for the phone
guy.


We hear PAUL’s voice on the other end.


JOHN

I don’t know exactly. He’s supposed
to be here by 1 o’ clock this after-
noon.


(PAUL again)


JOHN

Yes I know it’s ridiculous. I’m the
one who has to sit around and
wait. I’d rather blow my own head
off with a rifle. What’s that, then?


We hear PAUL yelling animatedly on the other end.


JOHN

Oh God. I forgot all about your
father’s accident. No I wasn’t
trying to be a jackass, honestly,
I’m sorry…

Is that dark humor?

Just means that Paul's dad blew his head off with a shotgun


[This message was edited Thu Jun 17 14:34:38 2004 by summerdawn]

Can you reveal where the dialogue comes from Starkitty?

'k thanks, someone told me i need to set it up better.

2the9s said:

not really, does it suck?

Is it about the Beatles?

madartista said:

That's what I thought but.....'The CELL PHONE rings'.

madartista said:

clever boy.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

my head?

starkitty said:

Really? Was it a dream?

starkitty said:

starkitty said:

about the apostles?

JDINTERACTIVE said:

no, it's part of a short i'm writing.

starkitty said:

a film short? will you produce it?

starkitty said:

It seems intriguing Starkitty. Good luck with it.

it originally read:

JOHN

Oh God. I forgot all about your
father in the war. No I wasn’t
trying to be a jackass, honestly,
I’m sorry…


better or worse?

madartista said:

oh no. i'm totally inexperienced.

starkitty said:

i like the other version better.
same idea, but leaves more for
the viewer/reader to fill in, rather
than spoon feeding.

madartista said:

how would one blow one's head off with a rifle?

hmm... i was thinking suicide but i suppose it doesn't have to be. it could have been a hunting accident.

starkitty said:

and with it being an "accident", it still could have been in a
war -- either self-inflicted or not.

madartista said:

ok. accident it is.

thanks!

starkitty said:

"..I saw the photograph. He blew his mind out in a car, he didn't notice that the lights had changed. A crowd of people stood and stared they'd seen his face before, nobody was really sure if he was from the house of *Paul*.."



Just an idea.

I'd like to read more Kitty.

starkitty said:

sure -- I guess it all really comes down to how important the father is to the story.
If it is relevant that he was killed at war, or killed himself, then you can word it that way.
If just the fact that he somehow died of a gunshot wound is what matters, I like
the fill in the blank approach.

I'd like to read the finished product!

starkitty said:

Wouldn't it make more sense if there was an awkward silence on the other end when John mentions shooting himself? Rather than "Paul yelling animatedly"?

Lleena said:

that will be arranged! i'll note you when i'm finished. just started the 7th page, i'm expecting 10-15 (but it's a quick read). i'll note you when it's done.

2the9s said:

oh that's great.

not sure how to word it but that's great, and much funnier.

2the9s said:

Interesting. Very possibly -- Depends on which reaction is
most true for the character.