really where does one draw the line and says okay this person doesn't know me at all ?

When they don't.

But sometimes they do, people build bonds, and therein lies the rub.

It's a messageboard... but it's not just a messageboard.

starkitty said:

true u do make friends, but it's like u never know who u dealing with on the other line. this the reason why I stopped going to chat rooms, but from the looks of it I need to stop going to forums also.

Don't let it scare you.

I have developed some wonderful friendships...

Sounds like “others” have made comments about you that affected you, maybe??...If so, then yes, it’s always important to remind yourself “This person doesn’t know me at all”. It’s rare that someone says something about me on a message board site that affects me, no matter whether it’s flattering or insulting…and it’s precisely because I’ve always said from the beginning “This person doesn’t know me at all”…sometimes you have to remind others of that very real fact, as well.. As well as, you also have to remind yourself that you don’t know them at all, either…Over the years, I’ve seen too many wrong conclusions reached about others, based on surface observations and connecting dots that don’t really exist. People reach conclusions about you, right or wrong, and run with them.

For me personally, I started of precisely making sure nobody knew much about me, so it was easy for me to tell myself “This person doesn’t know me at all”. I just kept most of my private life private and secret, not mentioning it to anyone…But as mentioned above, you suddenly find yourself getting to know others, making friends, building bonds, no matter how strong or fragile…and I found myself asking if I should let them inside what I’d kept to myself. For a variety of reasons—some valid, some not—I told myself “No”…A mistake? Yes, perhaps…but if so, it’s one that, in retrospect, lead me to a far, far more peaceful place right now than perhaps I would have been at this point had I not…I truly believe every road will lead you to wherever your soul desires to be…it’s just that some roads are longer and bumpier. But you learn more along that path than you would have along the shorter, smoother one…you’ll arrive at your destination so much more aware and with such a deeper understanding of self and Life…so there’s always a positive to every decision made, as long as you have the temperament to see it, recognize it…and accept it.

So, yeah…we do take all this “internet” stuff too far, I think…if you’re lucky enough to grow close to a rare few that you meet on a message board site like this one, and then actually get to meet them face to face, then you can take it to another level of knowledge and understanding of who they are (and hopefully they will do the same). The more often you’re able to meet, the better you get to know their essence, their personality, their realness. And in the process, it will only go to further illustrate how what you see on a message board site doesn’t even come close to giving you everything you need to know about a person. Take it all with a grain of salt.

I've been reading the Four Agreements. The chapter on Taking Things Personally really struck me. Anything someone says about you isn't about you, it's about them. Even the good stuff. It's an interesting concept to think about in real life, and on the internet. Sure we are connecting in some way, but in a lot of ways we are in our old worlds, in our own reality.

Just keep things in perspective. I've learned a lot about myself by learning how to deal with this site.

VinaBlue said:

so have i apparently, i learned so much dealing with the internet and sometimes it's not too far fatch from reality, because the same drama that goes on real life, happens right on line. You meet people, y'all cool at first, then something happens, then rumors start, people do things behind ur back, people talk about u, sometimes i be like damn is the interenet or is it real life ?

Sometimes in *real* life you find *friends* dont know you at all, or maybe you dont know them at all... its a gamble, but you do have to keep your heart open, just be a bit more careful about people you havent met before, there can be some cruel lies behind a computer screen.

Having said that, some of my bestest friends I have met online, and I know we will be very very good friends for a long long time.. it really depends on the person, you and the relationship you have with them.

Good Luck!

VinaBlue said:

Very good book!

NEWPOWERBABY said:

I guess it depends on the kind of people you choose to interact with.

POOK said:

A virtual hug for you.