I have recently been talking to an orger via e-mail and telephone conversations about "swinging". This orger contacted me because she was wanting to approach her husband about doing a little swinging within their relationship. She had remembered comments of mine from years ago regarding this topic when AnotherLover had posted a few threads through the years about it. Through our conversations about this, and other things, she asked me to post a topic, pretty much asking me to bare my soul, or really, secrets, and see how the majority views, well... pretty much my life. She is interested in how I would be viewed, by my "org peers", if they new of my life and/or lifestyle. Our last conversation ended in her saying that I would never let anyone know about the real "Heather". Well... I'm usually not one to hide anything, as I think most of my posts would reflect, I usually post topics about issues that are going on within my life and with a few random posts about things that aren't. That's just how I am. She seems to think that I have "fooled" you all into thinking that I am something that I am not, and that if you all new better, you'd avoid me or view me differently. Well... I took up her challenge and if I am judged... so be it. Read on further if you like... if not... hell, it's probably better for me.


First of all, she had it wrong from my posts on AnotherLover's topics regarding swinging. I am not a swinger, but I do not see anything wrong with the lifestyle, if that's what both partners agree upon and if they can actually handle it, then good for them. Just because it isn't the "norm", should not mean that it is wrong... in my opion. Anyway, I have, however, been in a relationship with something similar.

My husband (from here on out he is called my "ex"... though we are not divorced) and I were/are married for eleven years. During the course of our marriage, we had talks and I have engaged in sex with other men/women, with his knowledge and consent. He was given the same to do, with "permission", however, he never came to me and asked me to have sex with another woman. The times that he had, I told him to, because I became bored with the woman that I was with and asked him to take her off of my hands. This is the only time that my ex has had sex with another, other than myself. Me... well, I would ask. Then, when he said it was okay, I would.

For me, this worked out great. I have only cheated on my husband with one person, and that was another orger on here. My ex knows about this, because I found that I could not lie to him about it. My ex didn't like it when I told him what I had done, however, after thinking about it and not talking to me for a while, he understood why it happened. This other orger gave me something that I was missing in my relationship with my ex at that time. I do not regret it, however, I am sad that I betrayed the trust that I did have with my ex. I am thankful to that orger for allowing me to see things in a different perspective and allowing me to see/feel feelings that I didn't know I could feel... and for helping me to see that I didn't need to wait for all of my ducks to get in a row.

With that being said, this orger that I have been speaking to about this stuff... wondered why I simply couldn't have told my ex that I wanted to "see" this orger. The answer is simple... the women/men that I wanted to have sex with were simply there for having fun with... this orger got me on an emotional level... and those who were here and saw my "org breakdown" will remember that it wasn't about sex or fun with him. I was stuck emotionally... having what I haven't had and not wanting it to go away. I betrayed my ex and while I do feel bad about having done so... betraying him only helped my ex and myself out in the end. For that, I do not regret having done so.

So the confusion with this girl that I have been speaking to comes in here: I am married, but yet I have a boyfriend, and my ex and I have a wonderful relationship. While she wants to dabble in the "swinging"... which, by the way, I don't think you can handle, my dear... she doesn't understand how, or why, my ex and I can be okay or why it is "right" that we are married, living apart, and doing our own thing.

I doubt that I can explain this to anyone... but it works. I love my ex. He is my best friend. He is an asshole... the biggest asshole I have ever met. But, he is the only asshole that I know that would take his own life before anything bad happened to me. Anyway... that is an entirely different story, and one that I do not need to get into here.

While this orger wants to engage in swinging, something that I couldn't do, she finds it odd that I am okay with what my ex and I engaged in and/or are currently doing... which, what we are currently doing is trying to decide if we're ever going to get divorced. Men and women are attracted to others... it happens. I am sure that there are many of you out there that become "bored" with your partner, and others who are not bored but would like a little variety. People don't like to admit that. Instead, people will turn to their computers or will flirt at work. Personally, I think that's all cool... the only time I, personally, think it is wrong, is when you do/say something that you would never want your partner to know. But, simply because we were taught that you have to be with the one that you're with... it is taboo to have a "swinging" lifestyle or to have what my ex and I had/have.

Could I be monogamous? Sure. I have been and I haven't been. As I said, I have only cheated once in my lifetime. That was do to other issues, other than sex. However, I also see no problem with going on our natural instincts, if your partner agrees.

Anyway... I think that's enough and I've done my "part"... are there any others out there who can relate or not? I do know that I'm not the only one. Many feel this way, but cheat instead of simply coming to an agreement with their partner. However, cheating seems to be viewed better than someone who is in a relationship and agrees upon it with their partner. Why is that?

And, you, dear... do not swing. You aren't emotionally ready.

what the fuck...


how is the candle and incense business going? i was thinking of you yesterday.

JasmineFire said:

I haven't decided on whether or not to start that up again. I don't have enough room to house the wax, etc.. I don't think. If I had a bigger place I'd being doing it now.

It is nice to be thought of.

Heather, keep doing what you think is right.
.

AzureStarr said:

langebleu said:

I always will... and, thank you.

This is about 2the9s, isn't it...

Byron said:

It always is, isn't it?! It's always about him.

Damn him...

This orger thinks that you are not being yourself and this is why you have posted this AZ?

Byron said:

Did you know he had "garbage houses" by three major landfills?!

He's my hero.

Lleena said:

This orger wants to swing and after many talks thinks that I am not myself to "you all". I posted it to give her a better feel for things and because she asked me to... I have nothing to hide. I see nothing wrong with that part of my life and am not ashamed of it. So, I have no problem posting it. However, she thinks that because society says you "shouldn't do that"... that it will change things with how I am viewed by other orgers.

Mind you... I do not go out and about and tell people about this. Only when conversation comes up do I talk. And, it's not like I had done it all the time. It's happened a few times with a handful of people throughout eleven years. But... to many it is wrong. That's what she wanted the take on.

AzureStarr said:

what the hell does you being homest with us have to do with swinging? this person sounds you should tell her parents what she's been up to.

AzureStarr said:

I understand, why didn't she post it herself though?

interesting post- one i certainly DID NOT expect to reply to .... but ...(lol)

the deal with "swinging" and "cheating" has always intriqued me ... NOT that i have ever done or partook in them ... but ... i have met others ... either online .. or offline that have ....

my observations are that it's interesting ... that in some cultures of course - Europe ... etc ... cheating isnt really looked down upon ... i guess i should rephrase that ... that in some european areas its just "natural" for the men to have mistresses , etc ... which goes along some of what azure says with "it happens" etc ...

I have always been too "disease freaked" to be into that stuff ....

the swinging thing is even more complicated - but also interesting... again ... i think in a perfect world ... i guess everything like that is cool ... it just complicates things in my opinion ... too much with a married couple with kids !!! ....

who knows ....

JasmineFire said:

Well... because I was... well... I don't know what you'd call me... anyway... she hasn't done anything yet. Swinging is what she wants to do... she thought, from my past posts on topics AnotherLover created, that I was one... which is why we started talking. Anyway... She wants to swing, but I don't think she's ready. (See that... you're not ready!)... She is a sweetheart, she's just too worried about what others think of her if she and her husband decide to do this.

I think, that if she's thinking of what others have to think about it means she's not ready. Because... no one has to know other than those involved, which tells me that she's not okay with it herself. Does that make sense?

Lleena said:

I had told her to, but she was worried about the response.

dagodfather said:

Diseases always freaked me out, too. I never had randomly picked up people. It's always been someone that I've known and have hung out with.

I could never handle swinging, nor would I want to. That's too much for me... though, that is only my preference. Again, I see nothing wrong with it... but, for me, it would never work.

As far as the kids, well... I had children and was/am married and it was never done while they were around. However, my ex and I were never than conventional either, when it came to home life or our kids.

Azurestarr I was wondering why you or whoever feel the need to explain yourselves here?
And I dont mean that in a asshole kind of way.Its just your personal life is nobody's business,least of all anyone here.

crazyhorse said:

I was just helping another see something and doing what she asked if I would do. You're right, it isn't anyone's business here and had I felt that it was, hell, I would have posted it years ago... lol.

Trust me... if I were ashamed or embarrassed in any way, I probably wouldn't have posted it for her. It's all cool.

AzureStarr said:

cool
LOL...."da weva eata"

crazyhorse said:

Is this a good time to explain why there's no such a thing as a "gay swinger"?

AzureStarr said:

I'm far too drunk to read all those words! Anyone care to summarise this for me?

doctormcmeekle said:

No problem:

you're drunk.

langebleu said:

Thanks.

You're my besht mate!

You realize, don't you, that many of us are sitting here trying to figure out who the married wanna-be swinger you've been talking to is?

P.S.--you're a SLUT!

crazyhorse said:

Co-Sign.....

AzureStarr said:

God I missed you!

AnotherLoverToo said:

Yes!
To the working out bit, not the slut comment.