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Printablecrazyhorse said: nakedpianoplayer said: understand crazyhorse, while i see your point, my children are no where near being afraid of me...however, when its called for, there is a time when your children must know that they have hit a dead end. the actions that they have taken will land them in "a world of shit" as i like to refer to it amongst my friends  i think that your parents moving you out of an area that is maybe not the best to raise kids in was a great move on their part, i could choose to live in the city, where life is a bit more 'hard' (lord knows it would be cheaper to do that) but, in return i would have my kids faced with situations on a regular basis that could lead to difficult decisions for them. so, i made the choice to bring my kids up in a different environment than i was currently living in, thus attempting to keep them out of trouble.
these are really two separate issues though. i truely believe that where you bring your kids up can be as much of a handicap as what you do for your kids..you can give them all the love and support you want to inside the home, but if outside the home they learn hate and dishonesty, you have shot yourself in the foot. the issues we were discussing, at least the ones i was referring to are how to deal with the mistakes that children are going to make. and whether its right or wrong to spank your kids we will never know...due to all the factors that fit into the picture. who knows, i may be wrong as hell about my views on raising children  but, if i do everything out of love, and do what i believe is best for them, im hoping that they turn out to be decent people capable of loving and respecting themselves and others.Its just a difference of opinion,nothing more.And I respect yours because you can talk about it like an adult.Not get all bent because another dosent agree with you.You no I think thats what buggs me the most about this place and people in general.They cant accept it when someone see's things different.They either try to change yours through arguing or blast your ideas down pushing them aside like your an idiot.  i didn't mean to imply that you are an idiot. child rearing is a sensitive issue and when people critize the choices of others, especially when those being critical have no experience, it get taken personally. definitely a loaded issue. | |
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JasmineFire said: crazyhorse said: Its just a difference of opinion,nothing more.And I respect yours because you can talk about it like an adult.Not get all bent because another dosent agree with you.You no I think thats what buggs me the most about this place and people in general.They cant accept it when someone see's things different.They either try to change yours through arguing or blast your ideas down pushing them aside like your an idiot. i didn't mean to imply that you are an idiot. child rearing is a sensitive issue and when people critize the choices of others, especially when those being critical have no experience, it get taken personally. definitely a loaded issue. very loaded in deed  but, i think we are all adult enough to discuss it here without goin crazy ..... crazyhorse, you know i luvs ya  One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
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no, I wasnt. My mom just let me do whatever. The only thing she asked is that I call if i was gonna be late. Maybe if I did get an ass whippin, I wouldnt have gotten preggers soo damn young. I do spank my kids when necessary. but I give them fair warning | |
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Even if we're not all parents, we were still all children at one point.
I got my ass "whupped" quite a bit: with yardsticks, or slapped in the face (given a bloody mouth) or the ass. Or she'd squeeze my upper arm with her long fingernails. My mother would also do very passive-aggressive things like, when washing my hair, put the water too hot or not support my neck or comb it so that it hurt. When we made her mad in the car, she'd drive really, really fast and not stop at stopsigns to scare us. I won't even go into the rest..... | |
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AnotherLoverToo said: Even if we're not all parents, we were still all children at one point.
I got my ass "whupped" quite a bit: with yardsticks, or slapped in the face (given a bloody mouth) or the ass. Or she'd squeeze my upper arm with her long fingernails. My mother would also do very passive-aggressive things like, when washing my hair, put the water too hot or not support my neck or comb it so that it hurt. When we made her mad in the car, she'd drive really, really fast and not stop at stopsigns to scare us. I won't even go into the rest..... omg ALT thats horrible !! im sorry that you had to experience that  One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
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i think it's possible to do it moderately, without malice, and be effective
it's a shame all one needs to become a parent is some help from nature instead of proof of the skills and makeup for the job [This message was edited Sun May 2 16:38:02 2004 by Puhchoolee] | |
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nakedpianoplayer said: AnotherLoverToo said: Even if we're not all parents, we were still all children at one point.
I got my ass "whupped" quite a bit: with yardsticks, or slapped in the face (given a bloody mouth) or the ass. Or she'd squeeze my upper arm with her long fingernails. My mother would also do very passive-aggressive things like, when washing my hair, put the water too hot or not support my neck or comb it so that it hurt. When we made her mad in the car, she'd drive really, really fast and not stop at stopsigns to scare us. I won't even go into the rest..... omg ALT thats horrible !! im sorry that you had to experience that Well, thanks, I guess . I'm ok, it's been a long time and my mom and I have long since dealt with it. I wanted to answer the question, cuz I think it's important to show that it can and does go too far. | |
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AnotherLoverToo said: nakedpianoplayer said: omg ALT thats horrible !! im sorry that you had to experience that Well, thanks, I guess . I'm ok, it's been a long time and my mom and I have long since dealt with it. I wanted to answer the question, cuz I think it's important to show that it can and does go too far.most definately i agree with you on that im glad you and mom are cool again...and you know, though i wanted to express my feelings to you - i did risk sounding judgemental as well towards your mother, that was not intended. i dont know about the other parents in here, but i checked my kids bags after we got home from the hospital.....not one freakin manual !! just goes to show you that we are all on our own with this, and none of us have the "right" answers.One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
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i was kinda having this discussion with my family the other day and for some reason, my two sisters are saying that we never got disciplined. mmy mom is even saying that she never laid a finger on us.
of course, i am like ,"are you people in some kind of parallel universe? are you not from earth?". i got a good dose of the belt, the shoe and the slap of a hand. i even had a broom a few times. i got cracked! my family have really put me in a bad situation cuz i feel like i am the only one facing this kind of thing. they are all in denial. it has severely angered me. what do i do? i am not saying that i got abused but its feeling like i was especially now with all this denial. | |
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Milty said: what do i do?
i would say bring it up, talk it over, clear the air .....maybe that will help you feel better about it One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
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nakedpianoplayer said: AnotherLoverToo said: Well, thanks, I guess . I'm ok, it's been a long time and my mom and I have long since dealt with it. I wanted to answer the question, cuz I think it's important to show that it can and does go too far.most definately i agree with you on that im glad you and mom are cool again...and you know, though i wanted to express my feelings to you - i did risk sounding judgemental as well towards your mother, that was not intended. i dont know about the other parents in here, but i checked my kids bags after we got home from the hospital.....not one freakin manual !! just goes to show you that we are all on our own with this, and none of us have the "right" answers.My mother was an alcoholic, and addicted to Valium. She was also in an unhappy marriage, and came from a family who dealt with conflict violently. She did what she knew how to do, which was hit and lash out. I know this now, but children can't understand such things, and automatically assume something is wrong with them. That is my core theme to this day--"what's wrong with me". Luckily for all of us, my mother just celebrated her 29th year of sobriety last week. | |
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nakedpianoplayer said: Milty said: what do i do?
i would say bring it up, talk it over, clear the air .....maybe that will help you feel better about it i hear you and i thought i would try but the couple of times we have talked about it or brought it up, they just say the same things over and over, "what parent was hitting you? or we never got hit". i remember my sister getting severely and i mean severely beaten cuz she was talking to some boy that my folks didn't like at all (i won't say why). now that was assualt in my eyes. she was bruised the next day. and we were just supposed to just forget about it. now if i was to bring that up, i would be put back on a plane back to London. there would be all sorts of denial. | |
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AnotherLoverToo said: nakedpianoplayer said: most definately i agree with you on that im glad you and mom are cool again...and you know, though i wanted to express my feelings to you - i did risk sounding judgemental as well towards your mother, that was not intended. i dont know about the other parents in here, but i checked my kids bags after we got home from the hospital.....not one freakin manual !! just goes to show you that we are all on our own with this, and none of us have the "right" answers.My mother was an alcoholic, and addicted to Valium. She was also in an unhappy marriage, and came from a family who dealt with conflict violently. She did what she knew how to do, which was hit and lash out. I know this now, but children can't understand such things, and automatically assume something is wrong with them. That is my core theme to this day--"what's wrong with me". Luckily for all of us, my mother just celebrated her 29th year of sobriety last week. i'm really glad your mom has stayed sober.
My contribution to this thread is gonna be pretty brief. I was hit, sure. My brothers and sisters were hit. And there ain't no way i'm ever hitting a child of mine. At uni one of my teachers was M Freeman, a leading writer in favour of childrens' rights, and this guy is a legend. Not that long ago it was not illegal in the UK to force your wife to have intercourse with you; there was no concept of intra-marital rape. It was similarly not considered rape to force your wife to perform oral sex. A husband was also allowed to reasonably "chastise" his wife. Action which can legitimately be taken against one's children has been further reduced and further specified in numerous countries. I genuinely think it's only a matter of time before violence against children becomes as unacceptable as violence against a spouse. And that time cannot come soon enough for me.  | |
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AnotherLoverToo said: nakedpianoplayer said: most definately i agree with you on that im glad you and mom are cool again...and you know, though i wanted to express my feelings to you - i did risk sounding judgemental as well towards your mother, that was not intended. i dont know about the other parents in here, but i checked my kids bags after we got home from the hospital.....not one freakin manual !! just goes to show you that we are all on our own with this, and none of us have the "right" answers.My mother was an alcoholic, and addicted to Valium. She was also in an unhappy marriage, and came from a family who dealt with conflict violently. She did what she knew how to do, which was hit and lash out. I know this now, but children can't understand such things, and automatically assume something is wrong with them. That is my core theme to this day--"what's wrong with me". Luckily for all of us, my mother just celebrated her 29th year of sobriety last week. Children do blame themselves, and only as an adult can you begin to understand the reasons behind certain behaviour, and come to terms with it. Congrats for your mum Carrie! | |
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Natsume said: REDFEATHERS said: Most definitely if they were naughty, I dont see what is wrong with a slap on the back of the legs or the ass... There are, surely, better (and, arguably, more effective) ways to discipline children than to strike them.   | |
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IAmTheTouch said: as a staunch opponent of any type of physical punishment of children (and adults or animals, for that matter), i often hear the question, "do you have any children?", when people try to invalidate my opinion. my answer is simply, "no, but i was beaten as a child."
violence is never right. violence is a last resort for those who have run out of legitimate, ethical forms of treating others. we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard.  Well Said IATT. Co-Sign..... | |
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IAmTheTouch said: violence is never right. violence is a last resort for those who have run out of legitimate, ethical forms of treating others. we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard.
I agree 100%, Martina. | |
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AnotherLoverToo said: nakedpianoplayer said: most definately i agree with you on that im glad you and mom are cool again...and you know, though i wanted to express my feelings to you - i did risk sounding judgemental as well towards your mother, that was not intended. i dont know about the other parents in here, but i checked my kids bags after we got home from the hospital.....not one freakin manual !! just goes to show you that we are all on our own with this, and none of us have the "right" answers.My mother was an alcoholic, and addicted to Valium. She was also in an unhappy marriage, and came from a family who dealt with conflict violently. She did what she knew how to do, which was hit and lash out. I know this now, but children can't understand such things, and automatically assume something is wrong with them. That is my core theme to this day--"what's wrong with me". Luckily for all of us, my mother just celebrated her 29th year of sobriety last week. i can understand the things you are talking about here, im happy for your mom for her ablility to overcome such a difficult situation, and for you to be able to try and understand things, know that none of it is a reflection on you One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift
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TheFrog said: I genuinely think it's only a matter of time before violence against children becomes as unacceptable as violence against a spouse. And that time cannot come soon enough for me.
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let me also state that there is a difference between spanking and abusing
http://www.pcaalabama.org..._abuse.htm PCAA defines the forms of abuse and neglect as follows: Physical Abuse: Non-accidental injury that may include severe beatings, burns, fractures, bruises, welts, or other physical problems. i really think that the difference is pretty clear. One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
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I blamed God... for years. Then... I came to the realization... break the chain Julie, too many remain in the mad over populated cycle... only to have children of their own and recycle the same behavior. The cycle of abuse is a difficult chain to break... although not impossible.
I have shared a few personal experience's here... not in too much detail, although I have mentioned a few. We were taken away from my biological mother at a young age by CPS... through my younger years I lived with a vengeance, now I live with conviction/belief. It's all about "power of choice" and no one can make that choice for you... but you. | |
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JasmineFire said: crazyhorse said: Its just a difference of opinion,nothing more.And I respect yours because you can talk about it like an adult.Not get all bent because another dosent agree with you.You no I think thats what buggs me the most about this place and people in general.They cant accept it when someone see's things different.They either try to change yours through arguing or blast your ideas down pushing them aside like your an idiot. i didn't mean to imply that you are an idiot. child rearing is a sensitive issue and when people critize the choices of others, especially when those being critical have no experience, it get taken personally. definitely a loaded issue. I wasn't critizing anything.There was an arguement made for it,I was just giving mine against it.I dont give a damn if you do or do not have children.You can still know how your going to act in certain situations.Example;I've never cheated on or struck a woman in my life.Growing up I watched my asshole friends treat there women like shit.And it was always there fault.She shouldnt be doing this or that or what ever the fuck.And they would always make there remarks,wait till its put in your face,you cant say no,if she did that you'd hit her to.On and on with there you dont have experience bullshit.Well I'm 35 now and have had it put in my face many times and still no how to keep my hands to myself.And that goes the same for 1,000 other of lifes situations.The"you dont have experience,you cant say if you would hit them or not" defense is bullshit.And like I said earlier,I respect your opinion I just dont agree with it. Feel like I'm on fucking" Law&Order" trying to sway the damn jury....lol | |
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Harlepolis said:[quote]LOL I'm wondering cuz I went to the mall yesterday and found this lil' punk loudmouthing over his moma in some store. I quickly thought of Eddie Griffin's words "You little kids 2day are nothing but bunch of fuck-ups, got no goddamn home training". I know I heard that 
I was looking at that shady lil' motherfucker & his mom like "Damn, if that woulda been me? I wouldn't survive to breath while posting this shit. My momma would chase my ass with a car TO HELL". Boy, was I a bad kid lol whew! Looking back at it, I'm glad at how tough my momma was with me, I understand the woman. She couldn't it handle it any other way if she wanted to, if you got a stubborn trouble-making lil' midget under yo nose like me, you wouldn't always handle her the easy way lol hell, you might settle them 4 adobtion too. I chuckle when I see some people look at "ass whooping" as a sign of ABUSE. Abuse? That explains why their kids would cuss them in front of their faces. It woulda been abuse if it ment 4 KEEPING THEM DOWN, but if it ment GETTING THEM UP then where the abuse. So my ?uestion,,,did you get some exclusive ass-whupping from yo pops? LOL Not hit,but as I walked away from my dad,he would give me a kick in the ass.Scared the hell outta me,but I probably got suspended from high school that day.  | |
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My mama would of beat my ass into the next week | |
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JDINTERACTIVE said: I was smacked, yes. I remember running away from my Mum once, giggling because I knew she was gonna smack my bare bottom. She started laughing too!
So that's why you weren't here on the org yesterday.  | |
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I dont condone it. It just seems to me to be a method of sating your own anger. I'm almost vertain that it doesn't achieve anything for the childs benefit (I'm talking about spanking here).
I spanked my daughter on the arse once a few years ago with an open hand and i was upset with myself for days about it. You know why? I did it out of frustration and anger. It was of no benefit to her. Listen, I was hit a few times as a kid (not beaten or abused) by both my mother and father and i dont think it achieved anything. There are more useful forms of punnishment such as removal of privelidges, sending them to their rooms etc. The hardest time to deal with misbehaviour is when you are out in public. Your children usually use such moments to embarass you. I dont think that beating them in front of a crowd does any good, especially when it is to appease the crowd. Because i almost never yell I've found that my angry voice generally gets the point across to my kids. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
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I came back home surrounded by 2 cops when I was 10 ( stones throwing at someone's house) I got my ass kicked  | |
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Violence is never the right way to teach your kids what they should know for life. And it makes me very sad that so many people here still think that talking about spanking your kids is funny  With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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JasmineFire said: well, i know natsume doesn't have any children but do you, redfeathers?
i don't have children and i don't really have anything to say on this matter. i don't think that children should be beaten to the point where they are black and blue and bloody but i've never seen any damage done to a child who got a smack across the hand. so if you can find someone else to discuss this with you redfeathers i'll be interested in reading. Well yes I got smacked as a kid, but only when I did something REALLY naughty, and I knew I was gonna get it, but a smack on the legs or bum was all I got, I was never hit anywhere else, kids that get striked around the head and face is wrong IMO, but sometimes disciplinary action taken where you *talk to the child* does not work, and say if the parent was soooo annoyed and could not *talk to their child in an adult way* (doesnt work ALL the time IMO, cos kids arent adults, some adults are unstable..blah blah..) I know some kids who suffer *emotional abuse*. Now hell, if that were me, I would rather have a whap, then I know I wont do it again, but to be told something, I dunno, threats, being told I am bad, evil etc etc whatever they tell kids these days, I wouldnt want that. Sometimes that is more damaging long term. That is my point. What I can say, is when I was smacked I deserved it, and it was never out the blue... I also have great respect for my parents, now, and when I was a child. [This message was edited Mon May 3 3:35:17 2004 by REDFEATHERS] | |
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AzureStarr said: I was only spanked once in my life. I didn't deserve it.
You are such a good girlie..  | |
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