Dear Ghostl Nun,

Who put the "bop" in the "bob-shoo-bop-shoo-bop"?

Who put the "ram" in the "Ram-a-lama-ding-dong"?

Dear Nun

Here's an interesting dillema which I think manages to encapsualte man's oldest question - "Which is more important - sex or alcohol?".

Suppose a guy has a friend who is fit but she's very generous. She's always buying you drinks. Should you risk the friendship by attempting to have sex with her? You'd like to, but the drinks might stop. What would you do? She's great but so's alcohol.

dear ghostly nun:

i'd like to win the next florida open and take first pri$e but i can't play a lick of golf.
do you think i could win if i cheated? if so, how?

thanx.

sneakily, your pal x


ps: btw let's keep this between the two of us ok?
[This message was edited Tue Apr 20 11:08:24 2004 by XxAxX]

Lleena said:

Dear Lleena (And you certainly are dear. £45 per hour ,

The company concerned feel that other people's opinions should sway your own and you shouldn't have such a thing as free will. And the customers that they speak of are none other than the original cast of The Waltons.

Regards, GN.

Satan said:

Dear Satan,

Not again. Certainly not after the last time when you took me up the wrong 'un and then had the nerve to tell me that it would guarantee my eternal life.

So, fuck you.

Oh, and I'll just let all the mortals here know your little secret. That your real name is actually Quentin Pansy III.

Regards, GN.

JediMaster said:

Dear 'Forgot The Y In My Name' JediMaster,

Contrary to popular belief, it was Dolly Parton.

Regards, GN.

daned said:

Dear daned,

Alcohol is more important than sex. Let's face it, when you've had a skinful, sex is the last thing that you can manage, and yet you still feel great.

You can have as much sex as you want, but that alone won't get you drunk.

Does that make sense?

Neither do I.

I really musht tsop sdrinking, now.

Regards, NG.

XxAxX said:

Dear XxAxX,

Read my new book 'Possessing Other People's Bodies' and learn how to literally become your favourite golf player for the day. Use that day to win the Florida open! Easy.

And when you've done that, have sex in a public toilet, go on a very public drinking spree and then kill somebody. Once you've become yourself again, whichever professional golf player that you were, will have to face the music. Great!

Regards, GN.

Dear Sister Christian,

What orgers have you gotten unholy with, if you know what I mean. And have you ever let a lil' demon go, you know, to the basement of the chapel?

His Horny Holyness
Satan

Dear Ghostly Nun,

I work in the government and we desperately need money to improve the budget for the ministry of Silly Walks.
So what I would like to know now: is it better to put a tax on holiday snaps or on people who stand in water?

with best regards

Sir Dancelot
Department for Silly Walks and Spot the Looney


[This message was edited Thu Apr 22 5:01:32 2004 by Dancelot]

dear ghostly nun:

the paper here at work is far too sharp, and causes serious injury to my hands at times. who should i sue for damages? my boss for making me use dangerously sharp paper or the paper manufacturer ?

thanx, x
[This message was edited Wed Apr 21 10:42:35 2004 by XxAxX]

Dear Sister Silky Now,

Will you please sentence my heifer coworkers to eternal damnation and make me the boss while you're at it?

Chuuuuuch.

sk

Dear Ghostly Nun,


Have we met?

Who are you?

Are you me?

Dear ghostlynun:

Im in love with a fellow orger, what should I do?

Ghostly Nun will I ever meet the man of my dreams???

Satan said:

Dear Satan,

If you were the real Satan, then you'd already know.

Yours was the only little demon I've ever let go to the basement of my chapel. And little was the operative word.

Regards, GN.

Dancelot said:

Dear Dancelot,

I think a tax on holiday snaps that don't contain pictures of nice, semi-naked people should be introduced.

Aren't you disappointed when you look through somebody's holiday snaps, hoping to get an eyeful, only to be greeted with pictures of places of interest and dull monuments?

Regards, GN.

XxAxX said:

Dear XxAxX,

Your best bet for paper cuts is to apply lemon juice to them. That's only your best bet, by the way. Anybody else, I'd recommend that they stick some anti-septic onto the wounds.

Regards, GN.

GhostlyNun said:

Oh yes, and as for suing...

Sue both parties and then you'll never have to work again. Ha ha. Hahahahaha! Mwahahahahah!

Ahem - sorry, I just got a little carried away, there.

Regards, GN.

Dear GhostlyNun,

I recently purchased a slab of brie. The thing is, when I was about to start eating it, it began speaking to me in tongues and asking me to make sweet, sweet love to it.

Should I make sweet, sweet love to my brie? It smells a bit, but I reckon i could get used to it.

Yours adoringly,

Frog.

starkitty said:

Dear starkitty,

I'm afraid that your co-workers have already contacted me at my website http://www.nunsex.com and complained about one of their co-workers who never stops going on about Prince and his music. They also said that you smelled of poo and they wanted you to leave.

Regards, GN.

Puhchoolee said:

Regards, GN.

TaraPatrick said:

TaraPatrick,

Die an unhappy woman, simply because you know that this fantasy love will never become a reality. Or spend your entire life stalking the individual in question, finally breaking into their house and having your wicked way. They're bound to fall in love with you in the end.

Regards, GN.

luv4u said:

Dear luv4u,

The number of times I get asked this question... Three.




Would you really want to meet the man of your dreams? I mean, most of the people in my dreams are usually people that I know, with a surreal twist. Like my long-lost Uncle becomes a sinister man in a giant bird suit, skateboarding around my yacht. And I had a dream once where my Mother Superior was wearing nothing but a basque and a breadbin and was singing Meatloaf songs to me, while I vacuum-cleaned a lighthouse.

I think you'll meet Mr Right the next time you visit the dentist. He'll be sitting opposite you and he'll be wearing blue.

Regards, GN.

TheFrog said:

Yes, orally pleasure the brie. Suck it! Suck it like you've never sucked anything cheesy before. Caress it's fleshy base and keep with an in/out movement, all the time sucking and sucking until that beautiful, sweet cheese becomes liquified in your mouth and both you and the cheese reach levels of ecstasy previously unequalled.

Regards, GN.

Dear GhostlyNun,

There has been alot of bashing of fellow orger EvilWhiteMale of late.What bothers these people so much about him?His beliefs concerning religion,the truth about Prince,or that he speaks his mind?I find it remarkable that he's been able to not tee off on a few people.That in it's self is a virtue.Who is worse,the man who dosen't believe or the man who wants everyone to believe in what he does?

Respectively Yours,
cRaZYHoRse

crazyhorse said:

Dear crazyhorse,

Let's read a passage from Testament 3.

'...And Len spoke to them atop the mountain; 'Why does it concern you that Zebedee speaks against me at the log flume? His opinions are those of an independent thinker. Here, take my hand and break it, for without my hand I cannot be the giver of free-will. Here, take my foot and bleed it. For my blood will flow on this land and sink into the sand, as will your hearts if you allow somebody to upset you with mere words'. And the soul disciples understood what Len had said and realised that even a beautiful tapestry has threads that some cannot bear to look at and it was up to they to look away should they be offended'... Deirdre, Ch17 vs 8 - 24.

Regards, GN.

Dear GhostlyNun,

Why are you such a cunt?

Regards, R. Swiper.

GhostlyNun said:

Or spend your entire life stalking the individual in question, finally breaking into their house and having your wicked way.



Sounds kinda kinky, i like it. I can tie him up have my kinky way with him, and make him fall in LOVE

GhostlyNun said:

dear ghostly nun:

well of course i went to follow your advice, because you're a nun after all and who better than you to offer solace to someone wounded, as i was? but i was all out of lemon juice and when i went to the store to buy more the clerks were all frightened, said some weirdo in a nun's habit had bought last two quarts for herself. something about bleaching all that body hair the 'natural' way. i will try the super down the block and hope the weirdo in the habit didn't get there first. thanx again

yrs trly,
X