She Wants him Bad and she Wants him Bad ..She's ...a Hot Fox.....

I'd just sit back and watch at first.....
but if I catch her doin somethin she's not supposed to.....
.....pushin up on my man when she knows she's not supposed to.....
she'd wind up with at least one black eye by the end of the day.

I would kick her ass to the curb :bitchslap:

Why do women attack other women, when it's their MEN who need to step away from the situation?

Go smack your about-to-cheat man, not the woman. (I'm assuming the woman is someone you don't know, not a friend, since you don't specify)
[This message was edited Mon Mar 22 21:42:24 2004 by AnotherLoverToo]

I may be wrong however, it's on him. If I can't trust what I do see I am doomed likely by that which I do not. If he sets her straight she will learn her lesson. Then she is in the gutter as far as the friendship goes.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Tried explaining this to a girlfriend once about a sadly flirty associate. My g/f just didn't get it that, as long as I wasn't encouraging the flirtation -- and certainly not acting on it -- there wasn't a problem. Ah, said girlfriend just didn't get it... Even sadder.

He's mine all mine, right, Zelaira??...Well, in that case, I'd gloat with glee!

they would both end up with a black eye and then i would move on...

If she doesn't want me to participate? Hand her a box of Trojans and ask her to return him in good condition when she's through.

MelissaC said:

I likes ya thinkin'!

June7 said:

But would you still like my thinkin' if it were the other way around. . .do you loan out your ladies (or men, if you're queer)?

MelissaC said:

then what's the point of having a man in the first place? i know, i know, polyamory...it's all about love and not jealousy...

however, not being polyamorous, i would let her have him and not look back if he wanted her and if he didn't i'd have him tell her off. love isn't something you can force.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Exactly! I see this so much.. women need to unite, and quit beating the fuck out of each other.

jessyMD32781 said:

The point in having a [partner] in the first place is love, friendship, companionship, intimacy. . .none of which is compromised (for me) if we share those things with other people too. But I know I'm unusual.

AndGodCreatedMe said:

Co-Sign regarding the moving on part....But I wouldn't hit them because shit splatters and no-one is worth the bloody effort.

sag10 said:

co-sign! Muse has the right idea too!

MelissaC said:

yeah. the way i see it is that i deserve more in a relationsip than someone's divided attention.

the interesting thing about that is that while most guys don't mind wandering around on their woman, they hit the roof when their woman does it to them.

jessyMD32781 said:

Well, sure. I don't date those guys.

It's not a matter of not thinking I deserve undivided attention. I honestly think I'm a bit much for one person, and I also like quite a bit of time to myself, so it works for me.


(please pardon the mid-conversation account switch)
[This message was edited Tue Mar 23 17:07:16 2004 by tackam]

tackam said:

you better hope not.

jessyMD32781 said:

I'm pretty certain. Theory has already been tested, and everybody is cool with it, as long as I fawn over their respective hotness equally.

tackam said:

i'm not trying to offend you with what i'm about to say but it's the only way i know how to say it. it's also based on my experience with men who differ from mainstream liberal/white/college type crowd who seem to have similar views to yours. or at least the white college liberals I went to college with.

if a man loves you, he's not going to want you sleeping with anyone else. if he thinks you're a low down ho, then he won't mind because he doesn't have much respect for you anyway.

at least this is the attitude i hear from guys who i'm friends with as well as my ex-boyfirends (and no they weren't talking about me, i was raised to be homorable in relationsips) who for the most part have either caribbean or latino blood in them. perhaps it's cultural and perhaps it's not. i know that i was raised by both my parents, who are from different cultures, to respect my partner and make sure that my partner respects me. that respect includes love, friendship, support, and sexual fidelity. a man may cheat on you because he's a man and that's how men are but that doesn't mean you should sink as low as him. there's nothing wrong with being sexually satisfied and with being proactive in that satisfaction, but there's no reason to jump around like a common whore to do it.

so that's what i've been taught and i find that's what holds true for me and works quite well. i've seen friends of mine try and do the free love thing and just end up getting way too hurt or having to deal with a freaked out man. that's why i view polyamory with suspicion. for every guy who says he's a cool, laidback dude who is all about living an alternative lifestyle there's a red meat eating alpha male waiting to come out. every man has that in him and there will come a time when you'll see it. i don't think it's a bad quality either, i think it's natural especially since it's seen in virtually all of our primate relatives.

so yeah, be careful with who you mess with.

jessyMD32781 said:

Yeah, really - It seems that when a man does it on the side it's okay, but if a woman does it on the side she is either called a bitch, whore or slut, how come????

luv4u said:

there do seem to be some biological reasons for that but overall it's more of a societial double standard.

jessyMD32781 said:

Well, you're absolutely talking about the cultural norm, regardless of race/education. I don't deny that. I realize that the people I'm involved with are unusual. And poly people don't expect to live free of jealousy, we just expect to put it into perspective when we feel it. For the record, virtually all of our primate relatives cheat, just like most humans. Poly folks are much less likely to cheat, imho, because our natural human attractions and desire for intimacy are recognized up front. I feel that it is a very honorable and respectful way to conduct relationships, IF it's truly what all parties want.

tackam said:

that's cool but poly people are less likely to cheat because they are cheating by being poly. primates do cheat but the males also kill when they find out they've been cheated on. it's just interesting, that's all. it was nice talking to you about this but my attention span has worn out and i am bored.

jessyMD32781 said:

Well, feel free not to reply, then.

Poly people are not cheating by being poly. "Cheating" implies being dishonest. If you're doing something that is agreeable to all parties, I object to calling it cheating.

tackam said:

i wrote that early in the morning (for me) when i was feeling kinda bored in general. then wouldn't you know i went on thinking about it later in the day when i wasn't tired or bored. the human brain works in funny ways.

anyway, even if all parties are agreeing to a poly situation, someone is getting the short end of the relationship stick and is therefore being cheated. if you are having simultaneous relationships with more than one person it is inevitable that one person is getting more love than the other, more attention than then other, etc. the person who's not getting enough is the one who is getting cheated. or at least cheated the most. in a poly situation, everybody is technically getting cheated, just some people are getting cheated more than others.

the other thought i kept having when i was thinking about this issue is if you have a good father or mother. i know it's none of my business and i certainly don't expect you to answer it but it seems to me that a person who would live such a lifestyle must either have relationship issues in general or have a strained relationship with his or her family. many people who have bad relationships or alternative relationships had some stuff going on at home that wasn't the greatest and then they either replicate it or overcompensate for it in their relationships. the reason why i thought of that is because polyamory is so different from sexuality, dispite past arguments that polyamory and homosexuality are comparable. arguments that i find insulting to homosexuality.

When people say things like "all homosexuals had bad childhoods," it's a bunch of bunk because sexuality is a pretty much an inborn trait. no one turns gay, either you are or you're not (with shades of grey). but something like polyamory is a conscious relationship choice and one that could lead to many problems down the road. it just seems strange that someone would choose such an unstable kind of relationship. Of course monogamy can be plenty unstable in its own right but is seems like polyamory is inherently so.

jessyMD32781 said:

Myself and my two partners all grew up in two-parent, stable, loving households. We all had good childhoods. We've all been able to maintain long-term relationships. In fact, you can't maintain poly relationships unless you are very good at relationships/communication, and we know that. Really. Honestly. There's nothing wrong with us. We're normal, happy people. We just make choices that are different from yours. . .choices that wouldn't make you happy, but that make us happy. Why be so insistent that there is something wrong with it?

There is debate about the sexuality comparison. I personally feel that it is more of a lifestyle choice than an orientation, but there are people who disagree with me. Where it is comparable to homosexuality is that people have very personal, often negative reactions to the way we live our lives, even though we're not asking anybody else to be poly. It's also comparable in that we face some of the issues regarding the (lack of) legal recognition of our families. I can't marry Matt, and that causes all of the problems for us that it would for a gay couple. But I do think that the comparison has limits, personally.

Love is not a thing that we have a limited quantity of. Anybody who has multiple children will tell you that a new person creates a new love that doesn't detract from the old. Attention? I don't want anybody's undivided attention, that would be annoying. We're all pretty independant people. We certainly have to make each other priorities in our lives, just as a time-management issue. But nobody feels cheated. I think it's silly to look at somebody who is happy and enjoying their relationships and tell them, "no really, you're being cheated." Oh really? 'Cause I feel fine.

And lastly, I think monogamy is at least as unstable as polyamory. The challenges are just different.