I'm glad I don't have to do it...I'm a happily married man!

My three year wedding anniversary will be next Wednesday, and we've been together for eight years. Most of our friends are single and have drama filled relationships, if they have any relationship at all. They are often unhappy with their situations and tell us all the time that they are "jealous" of us (but in a good way.) My wife and I try to offer our advice and support to them, but we realize that they bring a lot of the drama on themselves...30-45 year old people still acting like teenagers!

Turn on the tv and there are COUNTLESS dating/lets-get-married-type of tv shows. ( Fifth Wheel, Blind Date, Ex-treme Dating, Dismissed, Etc., etc. ), not to mention the millions of singles ads and commercials. So my question is this: Is it really that hard to meet a decent person to be in a love relationship with? Why?

Serious responses only...

I'm dating someone right now and I wanna be like that chick in American Splendor who says "I think we should skip the courtship and move right into marriage."















Ok, on second thought, maybe I DON'T think that...nevermind....

Adisa said:

Yes, it is. I don't know why that is. I rarely meet boys I'm interested in dating. But then, I'm not too worried about it either. I know I don't want children and getting married has never really been a goal of mine. If it happens, it happens, but if not, c'est la vie. I receive love from so many people in my life, I don't feel a desperate need to have a boyfriend.

I think part of it is that so many of my generation and the one that follows has watched their parents go through horrible divorces or stay together "for the kids" when they'd be better off apart and our standards are just higher. We'd rather be alone than with the wrong person (at least I hope we do).
[This message was edited Tue Mar 2 19:07:25 2004 by CarrieMpls]

CarrieMpls said:

Absolutely.

Dating is cool. Being "in between" dates is what sucks. It's exciting getting to know a new woman thinking that this could be the one. When you're not meeting anybody even remotely interesting to you (kinda like right now) is when it gets frustrating. People who say they don't want to get married just haven't met the right person yet. When you fall hard that's exactly what you want. Maybe you don't think you need the official government sanctioning but that person's all you want to be with and eventually marriage is the likely destination. You do it to make it official, telling your mate that there's nobody else in this world you'd rather be with, not because you've been brainwashed by television, magazines, and the Church.
[This message was edited Fri Mar 5 11:33:35 2004 by whodknee]

I'm happily married for 13 years, my worst nightmare is having to
date again... Too much drama, time, money and expectations.

I'd be a HELL of a friend for you though...

Adisa said:[quote]I'm glad I don't have to do it...I'm a happily married man!

Good for you , congrats! Just gotta be inventive to keep the sparks flying - the Honeymoon phase

I guess it's some kind of solace that dating sucks just as much for the person you're going out with as it does for you.



Does anyone really like dating for the sake of dating?

Dating is fun as long as both people are on the same page. When one person wants a relationship and another one doesn't, it sucks.

EvilWhiteMale said:

Exactly. I've been in that spot more than once and it sucks.

I mean, why can't two people just fuck each other's brains out without all the drama?

Sheesh!

EvilWhiteMale said:

That's true. I have a theory that if you're going on lousy dates with someone, it's because the chemistry just ain't there. Otherwise, you'll rise above the formality and not even realize it's a "date".

EvilWhiteMale said:

Emotions always get in the way.

being and staying single!

Yes, it is difficult, even when you're a Christian trying to adhere to church doctrine/expectations and to be respectful of women and not dog 'em. A lot of games get played, even by church women. I mean, a lot of sisters have made bad decisions in the past with dudes who didn't care about them.

When I was in college and getting passed over for the "bad, dangerous" type (but still being the friend that got the brokenhearted phone calls), it was bad enough. Now, a decade or so later, I've seen a steady stream of sisters walking in the consequences of those decisions. Chief among those consequences is a strong distrust of men, Christian or not. None of which is to suggest that I'm perfect.

It just seems consistently difficult to befriend, date and love desirable, quality women who also love the Lord. But, hey, the Bible says all things work for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. I just gotta believe it'll work out one day. I just hope I'm not 45 by the time it does...
[This message was edited Tue Mar 2 23:16:10 2004 by ThreadBare]

Happy anniversary to you and your wife, Adisa...

Adisa said:

No.



Because, everyone wants to be loved.

I'll admit that I'm boring on dates because I'm always nervous and if I'm really attracted to the person I'm extremely intimidated. Also, if I don't like them I'm boring because I have nothing to say. I'm also the type to try to make it work with a pretty face even if I have nothing in common with them. I don't date. I don't like it and I don't know how. I like to get to know people as friends first, but I'm realizing most people don't like that approach. Once you become good "friends" romance seems to be out of the question. I fell in love with a friend which was the most horrible experience of my life to this day. I don't understand dating. I hate the typical "dinner and a movie" shit. I've had enough dinner and enough movies. I've had enough of ass grabbing while dancing. I've had enough of being invited over at 2:00 in the morning and not being called back when I say "No." I've had enough of people wanting to know my sexual past and then judging me on it or throwing it in my face. I just want friends with the purchase option of something more later...did what I said make any sense? Dating scares me

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Little darlin' if Ur free fo' couple o' hours!

Adisa said:

Your right.. It IS really hard to find a decent person... I feel when you are lucky enough to find someone who you click with. try to make things work! Too many people get walked all over and treated like shit There aren't too many of the good ones left out there..

It is unfortunate that some people have such sour attitudes towards "dating"... or just getting a piece of ass.. They BELONG on those reality fuck shows! Que sera sera!!!
[This message was edited Wed Mar 3 5:51:10 2004 by BabyCakes]

EvilWhiteMale said:

They can, just not long term. That kind of relationship has a shelf life of no more than 2 monhts. Eventually one of them wants it to be more than fucking and that's where the drama starts.

Janfriend said:

I remember a long time ago when I was feeling the same way!

For whatever reasons people have a hard time accepting the shortcomings of others, or have unrealistic expectations from the beginning. There is also this phenomenon where one person may start to "grow" in mental or emotional ways that the other is not! For instance, there's this couple at my church that has been married for 50 years! They attend church regularly and have several adult (and beautiful) children and grandchildren. But she's a devout Christian and he's an atheist! A lot of people at our church still don't know he's atheist, and when people find out, they question how they could be so happily married! I tell these people, "Because they've accepted each other unconditionally!"

If you truly love somebody, that's what you should do...but even I can tell you...it ain't easy!

CarrieMpls said:

I agree... however, I am not sure if it would be correct in saying that the other person may want "more" as in a relationship, but I am sure you would want more than just "HI.. how are you??.. take your pants off...." Ya would kind of want to know that the other person's brain waves are at least functioning...

Adisa said:

Thanks for this post. Sometimes the truth isn't as clear when you're trying to meet people.

EvilWhiteMale said:

Hello!!! I keep telling you to get your ass on a plane to Chicago.

Adisa said:

Adisa, that was so beautiful.

It is hard meeting someone of quality. Not very many diamonds in the ruff. My problem with dating is that I went through a very horrible and abusive relationship and now if someone looks at me the wrong way it's over. I am forgiving to a point but if someone shows me right away that they are a person I know I'm not going to get along with, I cut it off.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Your signature is beautiful...

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Oh, Supa! If you weren't into guys and I wasn't into girls, we would so get to rammin' right now.

TheOrgerFormerlyKnownAs said:

.....your body's heck a slammin, if love is good, let's get to rammin.....

Stymes if ever I'm ever lured by sin to commit a heterosexual act, I'll call ya!

Sometimes I do wish I was sexually attracted to women because I have the best and most fantastic relationships with women. No matter if you're gay or straight, men for the most part fucking suck.

Adisa said:

3 words... ONE NITE STANDS
1 important sub word... CONDOMS