Today is the 10th anniversary of Bill Hick's untimely death. The guy was an inspiration. R.I.P.

Reeeeeaaaaal fuckin high on drugs.

I love talking about Kennedy. I was just down in Dallas, Texas. You know you can go down there and, er, to Dealey Plaza where Kennedy was assassinated. And you can actually go to the sixth floor of the Schoolbook Depository. It's a museum called... 'The Assassination Museum'. I think they named that after the assassination. I can't be too sure of the chronology here but... Anyway they have the window set up to look exactly like it did on that day. And it's really accurate, you know, cos Oswald's not in it.

"Yeah, yeah so wow that's cool." Painstaking accuracy, you know. It's true, it's called the 'Sniper's Nest'. It's glassed in, it's got he boxes sitting there. You can't actually get to the window as such but the reason they did that of course, they didn't want thousands of American tourists getting there each year going [Mimes looking out of window]

"No fucking way!

I can't even see the road.

Shit they're lying to us.

Fuck!

Where are they?

There's no fucking way.

Not unless Oswald was hanging by his toes, upside down from the ledge. Either that or some pigeons grabbed onto him, flew him over the motorcade... Surely someone would have seen that. You know there was rumours of anti-Castro pigeons seen drinking in bars... Someone overhead them saying 'coup, coup'

Coo.

Unbelievable. And you know what's wild, people's, er, attitudes in the States about it. Talking about Kennedy, people come up to me:

"Bill, quit talking about Kennedy, man. Let it go. It's a long time ago - just forget about it."

And I'm like alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me.

As long as we're talking shelf life here.



Dinosaurs.

You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point.

"And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!'

But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.

And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills.

Get this, I actually asked one of these guys, OK, Dinosaurs fossils - how does that fit into you scheme of life? Let me sit down and strap in.

He said, "Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith."

Thank God I'm strapped in right now here man.

I think God put you here to test my faith, Dude.

You believe that?

"uh huh."

Does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God.. might be.. fuckin' with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around:

"Hu hu ho. We will see who believes in me now, ha ha."

They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh?

"I think what God meant to say..."

I have never been that confident.

Next we have a bible out called 'The New Living Bible', it's the bible in updated and modern English. I guess to make it more palatable for people to read. But its really weird, when you listen to it.

"And Jesus walked on water. And Peter said, 'Awesome!'"

Suddenly we got Jesus hanging ten across the Sea of Galilee. Christ's Bogus Adventure, you know. Deuteronomy 90210, you know.

Such a weird belief. Lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a fucking cross, man?

"Oaww"

May be why he hasn't shown up yet.

"Man, they're still wearing crosses. Fuck it, I'm not goin, dad. No, they totally missed the point. When they start wearing fishes I might show up again, but... Let me bury fossil heads with you Dad, Fuck em - Let's Fuck with them! They're fuckin with me now, lets get em. Give me that brontosaurus head, Dad."

You know, kinda like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on, you know.

"Thinkin' of John, Jackie. We love him. Just tryin to keep that memory alive, baby."

[mimes sniper, mimes being shot in the head]

Back and to the left, back and to the left, back and to the left, back and to the left.

Which, by the way, that action you see Kennedy's head go through in the Zapruder film - caused by a bullet... [points behind him] comin from up there, ha.

Yes, I know it looks to the layman or someone who might dabble in physics... This action here would be caused by a bullet coming from...

Well...

[thinks]

Up here, did you see that? Did everyone see that? Yeah, but no. What happened was Oswald's gun went off, causing an echo to echo through the buildings of Dealey Plaza and the echo went by the limo on the left up into the grassy knoll hitting some leaves causing dust to fly out which 56 witnesses testified was a gun shot, cos immediately...

Kennedy's head went over.

But the reason his head went over is cause the echo went by the motorcade one the left and he went "What was that?"

We love ya Bill, wherever ya are ya fucker.

Not a time to quit smoking kids, hahaha

But I fucking did it.

And yes, I miss' em.

It is hard to quit smoking. Everyone of them looks real good to me right now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus, and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy right now

Wwwww. "Golly that looks tasty"

Every time I'm here something weird happens. This time Bush lost. Cool.

People ask me where I stood politically you know. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy. But that I do believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth.

Frightening people man. Bush tried to buy votes towards the end of the election. Goes around, you know, selling weapons to everyone, getting that military industrial complex vote happening for him. Sold 160 fighter jets to Korea and then 240 tanks to Kuwait and then goes around making speeches why he should be Commander-in-Chief because, "We still live in a dangerous world."

Thanks to you, you Fucker!



Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... un-natural? You know what I mean?

It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law? It grows everywhere. Serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. You know what I mean, it's like God on the seventh day looked down on his creation:

"There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest."

[Mimes God looking around - spotting pot]

"Oh my."

"I left fucking pot everywhere."
"I should never have smoked that joint on the third day ..shit."

That was the day I created possums. Haha. Still gives me a chuckle."

"If I leave pot everywhere that's gonna to give humans the impression they're supposed to... 'use' it."

"(sigh)Now I have to create Republicans."

Not all drugs are good, now. Okay? Some of em are great. Just gotta know your way around em that's all.

Yeah I've had good times on drugs. I've had bad times on drugs too. I mean shit, look at this haircut. There are dangers.

I think some of y'all have tripped here before perhaps yeah?

I used to love tripping, man. There's always one guy when you're tripping who wants you to do something to enhance the trip. You know what I'm talking about.

"You're tripping? Oh duuude, you gotta play miniature golf."

Ha ha Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking, man.

I'm just sitting over here watching the pyramids be built by UFOs right now, but get me to that fucking golf course.

I'm watching Jesus flying around on a unicorn, but I bet that little miniature golf would be just the thing to make this trip peak.

So you guys can use your legs huh?

No, it's just that I'm turning into a fish right now and er how 'bout I meet you there later? Thanks, I'm pretty fucking high right now. Thank you. You know. You just gotta be careful, I don't know what you gotta be, fuck it.

We got pulled over tripping on acid one night, pulled over by the cops. Don't recommend it.

Cops don't appreciate fish driving around.

They frown on that.

Long night, man. Cops were tapping on this window. We're staring at him in this mirror.

"How tall are you?"

"A liddle cop, look at him!"

"How does he drive that big fucking car?"

"Urr, there could be thousands of them, shit!"

"What are we gonna do?"

"Let's put him in the jar."

Made perfect sense at that moment.

Put him in a jar, poke some holes in the lid, leave him by the road.

"You'll never get us copper. Haha."

"We'll send some little firemen to let you out."

"Hey I bet they know where the miniature golf course is!"

"Boo! Haha.. Fuck it, they scared us."

"Son d'you wanna stand up please?"

"I just found the driver."

"We don't need a driver, we're playing miniature golf."

True story. Now, later, when I was released [laughter] I mean spiritually... Oh God.

"I need to see some ID."

"I'm me, he's him, you're you."

"Put your hands against the car please."

"Which one. The UFO, the unicorn or your cruiser?"

Drugs have done good things for us, if you don't believe they have, do me a favour - take all your albums, tapes and CDs and burn em cos you know what, the musicians who made that great music that has enhanced your lives throughout the years?

Rrrrreal fucking high on drugs man, ha ha ha ho ho.

And these other musicians today who don't do drugs and in fact speak out against them?

Boy, do they suck!

What a coincidence!

Ball-less, souless, spiritless corporate little bitches, suckers of Satan's cock, each and every one of them. Gnorr.

"We're rock stars against drugs cos that's what the President wants."

Aw, suck Satan's cock.

That's what we want isn't it, government approved rock n roll? Whooh, we're partying now!

"We're rock stars who do Pepsi Cola commercials."

Gnorr. Suck Satan's cock.

Ha ha ha. Send in Vanilla Ice.

Hello Vanilla.

Says here on your application, you have no talent, and yet you want to be a star.

I think something can be arranged.

Whuh. Suck Satan's cock. Gnoor.

Now send in MC Hammer.


[This message was edited Thu Feb 26 17:50:24 2004 by PanthaGirl]

God bless him, he was a serious fucking legend.

He was a good, honest man.
Strange how that's so controversial these days.
Religion retarding human evolution?
:yes:

Number23 said:

i agree with you
but what i want to know is
how many times is bill hicks worth than me

he was funny as hell but smoked wayyyyy too much... isnt that what killed him?? i remember he did a routine about the messages on cigs... " nah... i dont want the cancer ones... lets see i'll take.... yellow fingertips..thats it..

blackcherry said:

Twenty three times and a wee bit.

I love it that u dig Hicksy now baby!! heheh i told u ud luv him, as 4 me, im sorta in the same mould, dunno weather 2 b a religous dude or a rock star, or end up like hicksy in the middle... mwa bubbu Thanks 2 U Fuckers!!! heheh

TheRealFiness said:

Strangely no, it was pancreatic cancer that killed him.
You can read his bio here http://www.billhicks.com/bio.html

from www.billhicks.com
"That this house notes with sadness the 10th anniversary of the death of Bill Hicks, on February 26th 1994, at the age of 33; recalls his assertion that his words would be a bullet in the heart of consumerism, capitalism and the American Dream; and mourns the passing of one of the few people who may be mentioned as being worthy of inclusion with Lenny Bruce in any list of unflinching and painfully honest political philosophers." - Stephen Pound MP; Parliamentary House of Commons

Great guy he was.

BILL WAS A GOD!!!!

but don't all great men die young....



Rant in E-minor, edit
[This message was edited Tue Mar 2 6:42:41 2004 by FiveFootNine]