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PrintableAnotherLoverToo said: I strongly believe that finding "the one" is about discovering the right combination of a.) chemistry, b.) good timing and c.) personality compatibility between two specific individuals--not just generic groups of "men" and "women".
Believing one gender is more (or less) 'in control' is sad. The need to even think that is strange, in my opinion, and only sets things up for future power struggles on the part of the person who cares so much about this 'control'. It's about two individuals responding to one another at a certain time, in a certain place--or not. ALT, I never doubt you and I don't disagree. indeed, all failed relationships boil down to power struggles. most relationships b/w men and women are "unsuccessful" in that they don't last. and maybe its not about the gender control thing, it's about the people. if namepeace allows himself to be manipulated by a female, then it's "on" 'peace, not on women in general, although if it happens to him enough times he will be apt to blame women in general (wrongly). i do think there are gender-specific issues, but that's another story. everybody's gonna get these things "wrong" until they get one "right." and all it takes is "one." Good night, sweet Prince | 7 June 1958 - 21 April 2016
Props will be withheld until the showing and proving has commenced. -- Aaron McGruder | |
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Slave2daGroove said: "Walk on, boy"
You can say that again! khaki  | |
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namepeace said: AnotherLoverToo said: I strongly believe that finding "the one" is about discovering the right combination of a.) chemistry, b.) good timing and c.) personality compatibility between two specific individuals--not just generic groups of "men" and "women".
Believing one gender is more (or less) 'in control' is sad. The need to even think that is strange, in my opinion, and only sets things up for future power struggles on the part of the person who cares so much about this 'control'. It's about two individuals responding to one another at a certain time, in a certain place--or not. ALT, I never doubt you and I don't disagree. indeed, all failed relationships boil down to power struggles. most relationships b/w men and women are "unsuccessful" in that they don't last. and maybe its not about the gender control thing, it's about the people. if namepeace allows himself to be manipulated by a female, then it's "on" 'peace, not on women in general, although if it happens to him enough times he will be apt to blame women in general (wrongly). i do think there are gender-specific issues, but that's another story. everybody's gonna get these things "wrong" until they get one "right." and all it takes is "one." You are more than welcome to doubt or disagree with me, namepeace. I know you and your intent, so I will always be open to it.
Key word in your statement about power struggles: "all failed relationships boil down to power struggles". Agreed (to a certain extent, although sheer incompatibility, bad timing, dishonesty, etc. are also factors) My point about it was that going into the search for a mate from a perspective of "who's in control" is bound to carry into the relationship, and probably cause trouble when the control-freak feels s/he's losing that control. And, yes, that's exactly what I was saying--that I think the ultimate success or failure in meeting someone compatible is about the two individuals rather than gender. Although, I also agree with you too, that there are gender differences/issues that can help create certain personality traits. I have come to a pretty interesting conclusion: that when the same bad thing keeps happening to me over and over again, I can no longer blame others. I must look at myself and determine how it is that I continue to choose the same type of person who aids me in creating the negative situation. I have to identify the pattern and my role in drawing that same type of person or situation towards myself. [This message was edited Sun Oct 19 0:31:13 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo] | |
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AnotherLoverToo said: Believing one gender is more (or less) 'in control' is sad. The need to even think that is strange, in my opinion, and only sets things up for future power struggles on the part of the person who cares so much about this 'control'. It's about two individuals responding to one another at a certain time, in a certain place--or not.
It's not "sad." It's sex. It's hot. You like getting swept off your feet and he likes sweeping you off your feet. That's not sad. I was not speaking about the terms of the relationship--this is about the chase.  Fear is the mind-killer. | |
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namepeace said: Cloudbuster said: applekisses said: But, anyway...you need to move on, sweetie and find someone who can be fully available to you...you deserve it!  
ps) Hey Namepeace, Just like to add that I think you rock! Thanks, Cloud, the love is mutual! | |
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Byron said: namepeace said: teller said: i suspect the boy comes across as desperate without meaning to--boy needs to stand tall, beam with pride, and let the women come to him.
i could be wrong, of course--i bring it up because this boy has been there, and that was his problem, and that's how he solved it.  the advice is very well reasoned. but suppose boy stepped strong because he just had a feeling, and then backed off when it was time to "turn mother's picture to the wall and get out"? if boy doesn't make himself known, he may miss out on "the" girl. matters of the heart are about taking calculated risks. the risk is that boy creates the perception described above. but it would be better than being timid and not saying anything. i've been there, too. the difference is, this writer took long years to come to his senses. this boy only needed a week. and so boy keeps moving. Boy just needs to be emotionally honest and sincere...and he needs to do so no because he desires certain results, but simply because the living and expressing of those emotions is reward in and of itself.  I couldn't have said it better myself...(but, I didn't)  | |
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