okay, this afternoon i got a call from a friend of mine and it turns out chad, my best friend these last ten years, has made his third suicide attempt in the time i have known him.

they are definately just please for attention, as the first time he took about 60 Alieves (or however that over the counter aspirin type medication is spelled), and the last two times he has taken alot of sleeping pills and then called someone or driven himself to someone's house.

he had just promised me days before that he wouldn't try to commit suicide, he made a sacred promise, and here we are again.

how do you tell someone that is only doing it for the attention to stop without making the situation worse?

Tact...again it is the issue.

With some people you just have to be straight forward. Say what you need to say. This is a friend so as a friend be honest about what you think about the behavior.

cborgman said:

These are desperate pleas for help...not just attention seeking..I suggest u call a professional and any of his kin to let them know asap...

cborgman said:

Difficult one, maybe take him to a medical ward and show him people who have made serious suicide attempts. Or images of people who took Asprin overdoses and how they are on Kidney machines all their lives.

Or a suicide watch ward and see how truely mentally ill people behave, then ask him if he wants to end up like that.

Call one of those hotlines in the phone book or something. You need to have professional advice in this very delicate situation. How the person is dealt with could make a huge difference. If you say he just wants attention, that might make him want to prove you wrong. Definitely need to get pros involved.
Prayers,
Anna

joy has spoken the truth...
If you are tired of this bullshit you're friend keeps pulling on you...and it seems that you are...tell your friend that.
I had to deal with a "friend" who constantly threatened suicide...it finally got to a point with me where I just said, "Either go through with it or shut the fuck up!"...and, yes, that was a direct quote. Then, I just walked away.
I don't see that person anymore, cuz I just have no time or patience for the C.R.A.P. in my life. However, I know that person is still alive and has met someone and has since created a family (got married, had a couple kids, etc.).
I don't know if I had anything to do with that...and I don't really care either. I am, however, glad that this person didn't become a chickenshit and take the easy way out.
I'm not saying that this is the right solution for you, but it is a possible one. Do what's best in your situation and somehow/someway, things will go the way they're supposed to.

rdhull said:

well, i wasn't even there for this one. he still lives in Odessa, Texas, where i lived before i moved to austin. he drove himself to a friends house, and they drove him to the hospital. i had to call his family, since the other friends knew i had been through this a few times with him. he is gonna be pissed as hell that i called his family, but i don't care. his mother and i both have been trying to get him to seee a therapist for some time now, but he won't.

part of what makes it so fucking frusterating too is that he really has nothing in his life that is bad. he just creates this huge drama around himself. it's like his life is too good, so he looks for ways to make it a big tennesee williams play. everything must be high melodrama with him.

cborgman said:

It probably does appear that way..but watch..one day if no intervention happens and people just keep thinking that its some melodramatic hijinks attitude...you're friend is going to end up dead.

rdhull said:

so should i confront him dead on?

I'm surprised that after 3 attempts, he hasn't been involuntarily hospitalized.

The fact that he refuses to get professional help makes me think there's some part of him that gets something out of his depression and suicide attempts. If he was truly that miserable, he'd accept the help.

I think his family and friends need to get together and confront him, "intervention-style", tell him what they observe of him and how what he does affects your lives, and insist that he seek help. Doing it as soon as possible after this latest attempt is important (while his throat is still sore from the tube, the bruises still on his arms from the IVs, etc.), so he can't make excuses or try to deny the gravity of the situation.
[This message was edited Sun Sep 7 17:36:55 PDT 2003 by AnotherLoverToo]

AnotherLoverToo said:

yea, he really anjoys being miserable. he is obsessed with southern gothic writers like tennessee williams and truman capote, and feels like his life should be like those kind of things even thoguh it isn't in the slightest. his family life is great, he has a great job that he worked his way from the bottom to middle management, really the only thing he is lacking is love. and he sabatages those relationships tenessee williams style too.

i just have had about enough, it's driving me crazy, because he stages these huge melodramas in his life, and then i have to drop whatever i am doing in my life, and go in and play cleanup.

the first time he was involuntarily hospitalized ALT... the second, i can't recall but i don't think so.

You seem liek a very nice person ..you should confront him, with compassion though, to find out what's really going on. He evidently needs someting and/or somebody. He's not connecting onto that T Williams gothic for nothing.

rdhull said:

true--seems like the guy has somewhat of a void in his life, and you're gonna have to have a little heart-to-heart with 'im, tell him how you feel.

this has got to be a very scary situation for you...your friend is really putting all this on your shoulders...like you know whats going on...and if you dont do the right thing, you could blame yourself...

that is not right...the first thing you need to do is take him very seriously...if you are right, you save his life...if hes doing it for attention of some kind, i believe he wont be doing this again.

does he have family in the area ? i would call them to met with them ...perferably while he is not there . explain your concerns and your fears...let them know whats going on so they can watch him as well.

the second thing i would do is to let some police officers know ...call them and tell them what he is doing...i know that seems harsh, but he will not do this again if it is all for attention...promise ya

hopefully there is record of the attempts he has made...and you will be able to use those for your benefit. if he is serious...he needs help ( therapy, medication, etc. )

and if hes not serious...he still needs help. suicide is never a game to be used for attention seeking.

i truely feel badly for you being put in this situation. the sooner you get this out in the open ...the better you will feel and the safer your friend will be

best wishes honey...i know you will do whats best for both of you
[This message was edited Sun Sep 7 19:45:05 PDT 2003 by justkelley]

All you can really do is get him help. Listen to him and
be a friend. If this is his third attempt, there is really nothing you can do. Something is setting him off and only he(or maybe a professional) can release himself from it. Just be a friend and listen to him. Be there when he needs it and show him the reasons to stay alive.

CtheUncanny said:

I was just about to say that!

And I think you should talk to him about going to some counseling.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

This is true. Yes, he's really magnifying whatever the reasons may be, but some people can appear to have almost everything they need, and still feel like life is worthless. Most likely, this man needs professional help because his brain chemistry is set in depression mode. He doesn't love himself. It's a hard situation for you to be in... because you're pretty much helpless since he's refusing to get help.

What do you think he might say if you refer him to a therapist who specializes in depression?

justkelley said:

I (very respectfully) disagree with this, Kelley. My experience is that quite a few people suffering from mental illness make multiple (but usually half-hearted) suicide attempts, primarily for attention. I'm not saying that they aren't truly miserable and depressed, but I'm saying that when some people are craving a certain type of attention, they know that suicide and hospitalization gets that attention.

Cborgman says his friend has done this 3 times now, and refuses psychiatric care. To me, this is pretty clearly showing the friend is getting some sort of emotional need met with these attempts.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Oh geez! I am so agree with you Ms. P.

sag10 said:

Oh Ms. L., I am sooo flattered by that!

I think rdhull is giving you very good advice.

People who are dealing with depression or some other mental issue that makes then suicidal do not have to have bad events in their lives that make them hurt. Their own brains make them hurt. Hurt is subjective. Believe that he hurts.

Listen. Let him know that you care about him. You don't have to fix him; really, he should be seeing a professional to help him deal with whatever is going on. You aren't a professional. You are a friend. All you have to do is act like one.

That said, you have to take care of yourself first. If you don't have the emotional resources to deal with his issues, that's not your fault. But if you do. . .I think it's amazing what listening can do.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, I know it's very hard.

i wasnt saying anything bad...i just feel sorry for chris being put in this situation...

simply put...

if hes doing it for attention...its mean to those around him...and makes them feel a certain responsibility...

if he needs help...he should get it..

either way...if im not mistaken...chris shouldnt have to carry the burden on his shoulders...

just my thoughts

It is a cry for help. Don't give up, showing your friend support and being non-judgmental will help. And get professional help for your friend.

I have a friend like this as well, although he hasn't made any attempts since I have known him. He threatens at times, and I know that sometimes if it happens a lot it can lead you to not take it as a serious statement of intent, but rather a plea for attention. As tackam said, I think the only thing that you can do is be a friend. He should be seeking professional advice about it. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

I had a friend who talked seriously of committing suicide long ago...actually, he was/is my best friend. He lived in Ohio at the time, and one time on the phone our conversation turned into one in which he started admitting so many things that where going thru his mind and his heart...and he told me that suicide was a choice he was considering. I didn't want to believe it, yet I didn't want to not believe it, either...I contemplated calling his family and telling them what he had just told me in confidence, I thought about flying out to Ohio on the very next flight...yet part of me wondered if I would be overreacting to someone just going thru a depressing, difficult moment of "life"...

Long story short, I talked to him a few times more that week...the next week he never answered his phone when I called. About two weeks passed without hearing from him, and I did indeed assume the worst ...Finally, I heard back from him, and he said that one of his local friends came over to see him, and found him more or less huddled on the floor of his bedroom, just unable to "do" anything but cry...he was immediately taken to get professional help (it was outpatient, but he stayed on site anyway..)...apparently he came to grips about a LOT of things he'd kept tucked away in his life, and how by doing so it was destroying his spirit and soul...the biggest one being that he was gay.

I flew him out to California a few weeks after that, and he stayed with me for about 5 days...we talked about everything, or rather he talked and I listened with an open heart. I didn't judge him or his actions...I didn't think it was my place to say whether or not his personal decisions were the "right" or "wrong" ones to make, even his thoughts of suicide...I don't know what path his soul was needing to take to reach it's ultimate life destination, and his actions and thoughts at the time--even of suicide--may have ultimately been what his soul needed to experience at that time to get him to that place where his soul seeked to be. As of right now, he's living in Seattle with his partner in an openly-gay relationship. I'm thankful he was able to get the professional help and assistance he needed to continue to where he is today...

Good luck with your friend, Cborgman...

Whatever you do, Chris, don't give up on him.

thank you all for the kind words and advice. i will be sure to keep you all posted. right now i ahve not spoken to him yet, as i am still pretty mad at him. within the next few days i am sure i will talk to him though, and let you know.