teller said:

Edd's person didn't, and apparently doesn't want to, and now they have to deal with that. Seems to me that he's in a hard and confusing situation.

You monogamous people also give up intimate relationships with all of the other people on the planet. For some of us, that intimacy is where much of the joy in life is to be found. It's fine if that's not what you want, but do realize that, in exchange for simplicity, you give something up.

I do resent a bit your implication that poly folks are just unable to resist temptation. I'm perfectly capable of being monogamous, and was for several years (as was Matt). I'm just happier poly.

tackam said:

Thanks, dear. I found some info about it. As I said, I really need to watch more films, but alas, my wife got both the VCR and DVD player in the property division.

matt said:

You know that VCRs cost about $50, doncha darling?

(and whoops, her name is spelled 'Frida')

tackam said:

No implication, dearest...just our own freakish way. If anything, it was a semi-sarcastic backlash at how "normal" you seem as the polymories come on out of the closet in force on this thread.

Humor. Seriously. :LOL:

"I was born poly! I had no choice!" :LOL:

:O

(seriously babe, it's just friendly ribbing--but do get ready for more, and not from me, and not as friendly)

tackam said:

Oh, good... now I've got a way to get rid of the mountain of loose change on my desk before your arrival.

teller said:

Yes, dear, I caught the sarcasm part. But I know there is some seriousness behind it. . .I know how bizarre you think this is.

I'm prepared to catch crap, and (clearly) prepared to hand it back.



[This message was edited Tue Sep 16 16:16:16 PDT 2003 by tackam]

tackam said:

I enjoy watching it unfold...it teaches me. You may set an example for us all.

But...you must also prepare for the possibility that it cannot be done. I've read your references re: poly and they have no mass. The true research is being done only now...by YOU.

teller said:

I have always been monogomous and "resisted temptation". Hell, I have this friend I've known since high school so we're real chummy and touchy-feely sometimes and he is SUPER HOT. He and I used to be bed buddies and we still hang out on occasion and I keep my pants on, no matter how much I'd like to take them off.

My situation with loving two people at once was unavoidable. I mean, what do you do when you swear the Perfect person for you has found you and you're with someone else? I felt AWFUL about it, but at the same time could not refuse such beauty. The things I have ALWAYS wanted to hear. A man that could love the way I love. A once in a lifetime fairytale experience and it was beautiful. I will never forget it.

matt said:

The rest of your divorce settlement?

You should buy a VCR on ebay and send a jar of pennies as payment. See what they say in your feedback.

VinaBlue said:

If you're asking me, I say you must choose. Sometimes you must leave the comfortable and take what you know is right. Or recognize that this other is so green that it might simply be the other side of the fence. Use The Force.

teller said:

Interesting. Please explain.

teller said:

That's what the Rules say. (Actually, maybe the Rules say that one shouldn't even be capable of falling in love with the new person, and if you are, there's something wrong with you.) But really... why must one choose? What's wrong with Melissa loving both me and Martin? What harm is she doing?

matt said:

I don't have a lot of time to do so here...but I'll simply state that they don't ring true to what I understand to be human nature. Perhaps an entire thread could be devoted to it, and it might likely be as bouyant as this one...right now I have to help my child with her math homework.

teller said:

Teller, I'm confused. . .you do realize that there are actually quite a few poly people who have been having relationships like this for many years, right? I've met poly folks my age, but the majority have been much older than myself, and have been doing this for some time. This aside from the fact that monogamy is not a universal cultural norm.

We aren't very socially visible. . .we don't have little poly pride flag stickers to put on our cars. . . but this "coming out of the woodwork" thing you see here isn't an accident. Monogamy is something that plenty of people have very mixed feelings about, to say the least.

I know you're trying to keep an open mind, and that you want this to turn out well, at least in my case, even if you think it's unlikely. . .and I very much appreciate you for that. As I've said before, I know that I don't have a crystal ball. But I know what I want my life to look like, and just getting to that point was, *gasp*, hard and confusing.

matt said:

You can fall in love with a 2nd person at any time. But only at the expense of the first...depending on how deep you are willing to get with a partner. Your love is finite, like it or not.

teller said:

How many children do you have, Teller?

tackam said:

Yes...it's just that I've never observed such people in real life--only their testimonials, and I detest testimonials. When you actually check real people out, you find that reality re-asserts itself with complete and utter disregard for their desires.

That said, I am ignorant about this--and worse--I have no philosophical defense of monogamy--I've never been able to defend it. So you are a vicarious kind of adventurer to me.

Bless you, and understand that I know only what I know.

teller said:

I wasn't asking you per se. I was trying to explain how it isn't just about temptation. The other lives in europe and we have never met, only talked on the phone. The connection is strong and very real. No way to really have a relationship with him... If he lived in my city, that would be REALLY hard.

My boyfriend didn't make me choose, and that made me love my boyfriend even more. That he didn't get mad or vindictive about the situation. I am also aware that if I ever meet the other things might be a little different. Who knows if he could put up with my emotions...

So what I'm saying is, I know I have a good thing with my man. I love him, we've been through so much. I wouldn't leave him for ANYONE because that's not me. I could never do that. But, this "relationship" was a sort of intimacy I've never experienced with another human being. I took it for what it was worth and I was honest with everyone involved.

tackam said:

Just the one step-child. She's 10.

VinaBlue said:

That's cool...this is a thread where we share our thoughts, so I shared mine. I'm sure yours and everyone's circumstances are unique...I'm speaking mostly in generalizations...I barely even know Mel!ssa to tell the truth, except that we've played mental chess, which is one of the best ways to experience another, IMO.

teller said:

Cool.

I just wanted to make it clear that I don't consider myself a polyamourous whatever... I just know what it's like to be in love with 2 people at once. This only happened once and it was very hard. So I'm sharing my experience to maybe help other people understand themselves and/or other people.


Now show me some luv...

teller said:

I know what you mean about testimonials. And if you ever discover a good philosophical defense of monogamy, you know I wanna talk about it.

I do understand. As I say, I appreciate you very much.

teller said:

I asked because I think that parenthood is the context where most monogamous people are able to experience the expansion of love. Parents, when having their second children, often express that they weren't sure they could love another the way they loved the first, but they find that they can. Love isn't a thing that we have a finite amount of, to be depleted each time we love somebody. A new person inspires a new love, rather than sucking away from some pool of existing love. Read that last sentence twice. Does that make any sense to you at all?

Here's to more mental chess in the future.

tackam said:

All true. I told you I had no philosophical defense, goddamnt!

:LOL:

If I ever aquire one, you'll be the first to know.

First!

tackam said:

spot on.

I mean, that's the hardest thing, the battle between what everybody is telling you what to do, and what you feel you should do. With me that are two totaly different things.

And then there is that continiuous inner battle: is this really what it is or is this just a smart way to get away with cheating ?

And, the mood swings:
I feel I am loved, very deeply, but a fraction of a second later I feel that I'm negleted, lied to, and not respected.
that's what's confusing.

and then the guilty feelings, both ways,
I want to see her happy, she want's me to be happy,
but we are hurting eachother at the same time.

just to explain what hard and confusing is.
till recently I really had no idea,
we were in an perfect harmonious monogamous relation.

but like it seems now, my wife has found some new aspects of herself ...
and she saw the movie frieda, (two times) I didn't. I should catch up with that .

poly want a cracker?

Beautiful thread about HUMAN NATURE.

You two; Go for it! Enjoy life.

I just now clicked on this thread...

People are always gonna comment on shit others post, but that's what's expected 'round here... otherwise, it wouldn't be posted in the first place.

Got that?

Anyways... Congrats to both of you, I hope all works out and that you find what you're looking for. Life is funny that way - risk takers live life to the fullest!

Carry on...

it's back! again