AnotherLoverToo said:

Do it! Lets all go!

Lleena said:

Every Orger should go and jump into their bed!

(It clearly isnt being used.. They are sat by their PC )

REDFEATHERS said:

Yeah lets go and wear the dressing gowns and order room service!

matt said:

Oh, knock it off, ya little photo whore. (And yes, fine, you have very lovely eyes. )

Hey, wait--here's a question that went unasked!

I seem to recall that Melissa and her husband are bi-sexual. Will Martin be a part of this relationship with Matt, or will it be purely platonic between them?

AnotherLoverToo said:

I got 50 bucks that says Matt will either be getting his as fucked or there will be a dick in his mouth by midnight ..not that there's anything wrong with that.

rdhull said:

swingers

AnotherLoverToo said:

I got 50 bucks that says Matt will either be getting his ass fucked or there will be a dick in his mouth by midnight ..not that there's anything wrong with that.

rdhull said:

<--- finds this tasteless, and yet it's the reason he's willing to pay money to see rd in concert

Dear fellow .orgers,

Greetings from Matt and Mel!ssa (tackam)! As we post this, we are by each other’s side in the W Hotel in Seattle, where we have been enjoying each other’s company.

Put simply, we are deeply in love with each other, and we want to share our joy with everyone here at the .org.

We figure that some of you will have questions about our relationship, and in this post, we’ll do our best to answer some of the questions we think you might have. Because we're big freakin’ nerds, we’ve neatly organized things into a very informative question-and-answer format. If there’s anything else you want to know, just ask—for the most part, we’ll be happy to answer.


Question: Aren’t you two both married to other people?

Mel!ssa: “Yeah, and as many of you know, my husband and I are polyamorous, meaning that we are open to intimate relationships with other people.”

Matt: “I have a divorce petition pending in court. I do not yet have a dissolution of marriage decree, and until I do (probably by the end of September), I remain legally married to my wife. However, she and I have agreed that we are free to seek other partners. Our marriage has essentially ended—we just have some legal and other matters to wind up.”


Question: Matt, are you polyamorous too?

Matt: “Yes.”


Question: This polyamory thing sounds interesting. How can I learn more?

Two good online resources are the alt.polyamory FAQ and the Loving More FAQ.

As for books, we both like Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, by Dr. Deborah M. Anapol (1997). While a bit new-agey for our tastes, this book does a good job of explaining the philosophy behind polyamory, as well as giving some idea of what functional poly relationships can look like.

We also recommend The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (1997). Despite the title, it’s about more than sex—the book contains a lot of discussion about relationships that even monogamous people might find beneficial. Although some folks disagree, many others consider The Ethical Slut to be something of a “Polyamory 101” course.


Question: Is this “swinging”?

No. Swinging, at least to us, is simply recreational sex with multiple partners. By contrast, we have a much broader, deeper relationship. Neither of us is particularly opposed to swinging, but it’s not what we ultimately want for ourselves.


Question: Both of you have been in the online Prince community for many years, and you never interacted much, did you?

No, we didn’t. Matt has been around for about eight years, Mel!ssa just slightly less, and we didn’t become friends (and then partners) until very recently. It’s interesting, but in a way we’re glad because we think that any attempt to have a relationship back in the “olden days” would have failed. We’re different people now than we were back then.


Question: Is this a “real” relationship?

We think it is. If it weren’t, we probably wouldn’t be willing to deal with the geographical distance between us. Mel!ssa lives here in Seattle, and Matt lives in Indianapolis. The two cities are over 2,000 miles apart. We have each experienced online long-distance relationships in the past, as well as more traditional relationships, and we do not feel that they are essentially different on an emotional level. The question is, is it more “real” to fall in love with a body or a mind? We know what our answer to that question is. Nonetheless, it has been important to us to meet face-to-face and make sure that this thing between us “works” on a practical level in person. So far, so good. So good.


Question: How are you going to deal with the distance issue?

In the short term, we’re going to be racking up a lot of frequent flyer miles. As for the long term, we don’t know. But we do know it’s an issue we need to deal with, and we’ve been discussing several possibilities. As time goes on and our relationship develops, we hope to work out a solution. We’ll let you know.


Question: Mel!ssa, how does your husband feel about this?

Aforementioned husband, Martin: It is a big step into unknown. I would be lying if I said that being poly is somehow easy or that it comes naturally. However, I am excited about the whole thing and want to give it a try. It appeals to my unconventional freaky side. So far my friends have been supportive, though I don't know how my parents will feel about it. In some ways I view it as a test of limits. My limits and the limits of the society I live in. Perhaps by knowing those limits it will become easier to transcend them.


Question: How do your parents feel about this?

Mel!ssa: “After an initial ‘freak out’ period from my mother, followed by lots of questions and discussion, everything is OK. My dad got his B.A. in anthropology and actually recognizes polyamory as a very valid, and not that uncommon, way for people to have relationships, so he was very chill about it. Really, my parents are awesome.”

Matt: “My parents have been very supportive. They already had some understanding of polyamory, so the concept wasn’t foreign to them. Coincidentally, my father is an anthropologist, and he too recognizes that there is nothing unnatural about polyamory. According to him, most primates are not monogamous.

While they are quite content with their traditional, monogamous relationship, they have no problem with me being polyamorous. Ultimately what they want is for me to be happy. Looking back upon my ‘coming out’ to them as polyamorous, I don’t think I could have gotten a better response.”


Question: Matt, you’re a moderator on the .org. How can we be sure that you’ll be fair with respect to any moderation issues involving Mel!ssa?

Matt: “I’ve discussed this with the rest of the .org moderators. Basically, I’m going to recuse myself from any moderation issues involving Mel!ssa that might arise. I want to avoid any appearance of possible favoritism.”

Mel!ssa: “I initially demanded that I be granted all possible special privileges, but then Matt told me that all he can really do for me is delete my account. Take-home message: don’t bother fucking a moderator unless you actually like them. Otherwise, there's really nothing in it for ya.


Conclusion

We know that this relationship may seem strange to some people. We don’t expect everyone to understand it. All we ask is that people treat us the same as they would any other couple. Or, perhaps treat us as you would treat a somewhat-more-fabulous-than-average couple, because we are really quite fabulous.

With our best wishes for all,

Matt and Mel!ssa
Seattle
August 31, 2003

althom said:

that is sooo not a wink

TrialByLiar said:

No it's not!

althom is wondering if his wife would be down with the polyamory thang, is planning to show his wife this thread

Get a room you two.

Oh wait. Never mind...

2the9s said:

OMG, you are such a dork, Nines! Lleena and I are sooo going to kick dat ass soon!

AnotherLoverToo said:

Yeah? Well get in line!

P.S. Did you the present I got you?