When there is no one to call. When no one visits. When I have a child, no means for childcare at present, so can't go out in the evening.

There is no one I have in my life right now that I can get my intimacy needs met with.

I feel as if humanity has turned its back on me.

I want to go out there and put the feelers out and meet people. It will take time to organise.

I just feel icy cold sometimes - knowing that there's not one person I can reach out to at times. Jesus I feel so sad man. I want to change my situation. What I actually want is to form intimate friendships with people. Not sexual, but personally intimate.

It's so hard. Please feel free to share your experiences.

I see somebody has paid your ransome.

hey, it was monopoly money...you know HayStack is thick as

Hi Therapy..

back 2 the matter at hand...

Therapy















(my advice/solution usually involves )

I know how you feel Therapy, I feel like that too a lot.

sinisterpentatonic said:

Bastardo.

Sweeny79 said:

Great avatar Sweeny

Therapy said:

Just when I thought we were becoming friends.

Therapy said:

thanks

sinisterpentatonic said:

Friends? Hey, did you pay my randsome then?

Go pay it, and then we friends

Therapy said:

Well that nutcracker I gave you doesn't count?

I understand exactly how you feel. I´m going through a rough and isolated time myself. Very soon though (in a week in fact if everything goes well) I will move to another country to study. I see it almost as planting myself as a seed in new fertile soil, and hopefully a new life will spring from that. On the other hand it´s a poor quality seed right now, so who knows what will happen... I just felt the need to change not one thing or two things but the whole sort of life I´ve been living all at once. Otherwise it´s hard to keep your spirits up since progress often is so slow it´s barely noticable (or - even worse - if things keep moving in the wrong direction).

However, I understand that your situation is different since you´re a parent. Parenthood means a lot of responsibility (that you may not always be ready for). On the other hand it means a lot of happiness too. You´re never completely alone for one thing (there´s a huge difference between having one person in your life and having zero persons in your life), and children radiate a desire to live which you can learn from. Of course that isn´t enough, you need friends too, but it´s a good "platform" to start from - one that I´m often envious of. Maybe you can even get to know people through your children?

Yeah, know what you're saying, it's just that I can't get my intimacy needs met from a 2 1/2 year old - its not right and doesn't happen that way. That would place a kind of emotional insest about our relationship. The kind of thing I am looking for is 2 way giving in an adult way.

sinisterpentatonic said:

Nope. It wasn't even on the same thread!

Therapy said:

I´m not saying you should let your child take the emotional responsibility of your partner. I was just saying that maybe your child´s prescence keeps you from feeling completely isolated and maybe brings a smile to your face more often than if you had been totally alone?



I know. What about the last comment in my previous post? Doesn´t your child´s friends have parents you could easily talk to? (just trying to help)

What are your barriers with childcare? (money, availability of someone trustworthy?) Do you have places you'd go or people you'd see if you had childcare?

Seems like you need to build a foundation in your new community...what's available, give me the scoop...

I am a single mother of 2 who has changed total direction of my life. I am blessed in that the kids father is very involved and very good to them!

However on the subject of loneliness... I know it well... A little different then yourself in that I am surrounded by deep and solid people (now). However, I found in the midst of that it was very difficult not to feel lonely. At times it seems I am the only one who wasn't going in any direction. They had there mates picked etc. Good or bad they were on a road.

For me... I made several changes and am being challenged further every single day. I started with spirituality. I decided that I need to have a basis in faith. An understanding with something greater then myself. After all if I knew so much about this life running business then why am I here? I came to the conclusion I had been running my life like a slum Lord. If I want a different result then I was going to have to put a different energy out there. It was just so much easier to hide in here! ( The org became a great place to hide! ) Then Tony recked my world! I am thankful for it! (Everyone loves to view him as a hard ass and that he brought on his own head...but I am forever thankful for the love and care and heavy stick he poked me with over this year) During our phone marathons he showed me how I have never truly loved because I had a wall so high to block out pain. ALL TRUE! In order to experience love and intimacy on that level (with friends or lovers) You must be willing to experience pain. I was not! I thought I would break. I kept track shoes ready to roll at all times! I now know and pulled this from Phoenix ... that I will be ok. I will try and if it hurts I trust myself to be ok again. Iri reminded me often to go out there and enjoy the moments. I have done that and shared that. That simple little thought has changed my thinking. Maria(CHOC) laughed loved and encouraged me. Virginia (LaVvish) and I have shared both laughs and our difficult moments. Julie (Freespirit) and I have shared some of the most intimate friendship moments I have allowed in. Step was a BIG part of my growing earlier this year! Ariel has been a beautiful solitude through the spiritual changes! Paster Steve walking by me once a week looking me dead in the eye and saying how you doin Karen... you hanging in there?( I have taken to collecting something from each one to remind me when I feel lonely and misery takes hold) I can look around this house and tell you a story from each one... A flower dried in the window from the night I stole the best man from a wedding and had him run around with us ... The name tags I have in the window from the wedding my brother and I just attended. The wine bottles from a crazy night of laughs he had with me a year ago! :shake:The hideous plant thingy that a girlfriend brought me to cheer me up... The rose last nights beautiful man gave me ...which came out of another beautiful couple who loved me enough to want to see me get out for once. Art items from the gallery opening I attended. Many things from my travels over the last year.

Relationships:
It may have appeared that it would be better to "settle" but I knew in the long run that was death to my spirit. Last night I had a date with a beautiful wonderful man. (He is not my future I am already given to know this) BUT he was powerfully beautiful. I learned volumes from him. Some I liked and some I wrestle with. At this point I feel like all is challenging me and stretching me. ( and it is) Often it hurts. My girlfriend Cris has taught me its ok to cry. I thought she was but I SO get that now. Cleaning house hurts like hell! Elevation does and that is ok. I will be better for it.

What I am trying to say here is... I had to reach outside of myself and what it is I was doing to affect a new life. I had to put away a lot of things that created complacency in my spirit. Distraction, hindrance and preoccupation were my enemies. creating a spirit of apathy in me. I needed to cultivate endurance patience and perseverance even in the sight of the discomfort that comes along with reaching outside my comfort zone. That possibility was all around me. The Org ... the streets ... the beach while my kids were jumping in the waves. As I have become more open people are drawn more to me.

I have no idea Therapy if this helps at all. I do know you reached out so I stuck myself on the line to say hey... You're not alone! There are lots of us out there thinking and feeling the same! Feel the pain AND DO IT ANYWAY! You can get there from here. Dig for the peace that surpasses understanding. Be good to yourself! Eat well, sleep well and avoid mood altering substances. I have found they only dragged me in he wrong direction. People care. I do!

Therapy said:

...I can easily relate/understand much of what you've said, Therapy...I had a long talk with my sister this afternoon...it did help ...

Check your orgNotes...

Wow, Muse...that took awhile to read (probably longer to think up and write..lol), but it was well worth it...

Starting over...((long sigh))...it can come with some damn hard times, some unexpected emotions and feelings...and lonliness/feeling alone can be an unfortunate by-product (as Therapy so beautifully said )...The desire for interaction and the need for reassurance that you're not alone can sometimes be overwhelming... ...especially when everything that surrounds you constantly tells you that you are.

We all, each of us, will have sooo many opportunities to start and experience relationships, both platonic and romantic...we can only hope that the warm, loving, sincere and positive ones will continue to exist throughout our lives...they are indeed rare to find.


.
[This message was edited Sun Aug 24 19:18:24 PDT 2003 by Byron]

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Beautifully written and expressed! I too have had these feelings since my divorce and a few xpirences in the dating world. Sometimes I'm on trak and sometimes i have to take 2 steps backwards b 4 i make some progress, and that is always expected, but one must always beleive in themselves and believe that things will get better as long as u are working to love and understand yourself instead of hiding the truth about yourself. U must first truly know and love yourself b 4 some else can love, care and connect with you- be it intimately or just good and true friends.- u have amazing insights.

dawnrose said:

I love that! Solid thought!


I have always loved me. I think maybe I loved folly too much! I have spent far to much time on things that just don't matter! (With the beautiful exception of my kids) For me to be a whole person I need to have purpose. In my case to fulfill my calling. I have sold myself short over the past 7 years. I may have album loads of photos with great stories to go along but that doesn't satisfy the soul! It created a great void in me. I am now going to find my way through that void! Everyone has a different path... My goal in life is to find out where that path is in my life. To get in where I fit in on many levels! Friends I have in abundance but not the sort that were elevating me. More individuals who loved folly as much as I did. It hurt like hell to reach outside my circles to place myself in surroundings that would acquire friends I could elevate with. ( My set were not yet ready. Though most understood I needed to seek higher ground.) To either end I am still me but I am more aware of different things I put out of my mind entirely! Damn it hurts when you have a lot of catching up to do.

The harder part is to avoid the old comfortable mind numbing paths. The Karen "all you have to do is jump on a plane" we have the rest routines. I would LOVE to but it just isn't gonna get the job done! I am up for the task and loneliness and sneers are part of the gig!

Thanx to you all for your kindness and for sharing your experiences.

Seems something similar happens when a person chooses self truth... In my quest to be a more authentic person, most of the people I've known have fallen away, like you said Muse. This happened to you when you no longer chose folly. Then, as you said Byron, starting over can come with some hard times. It is so hard because I have hope. What I mean is, I am really hopeful that I can meet people, new people and keep contact with a small number of people in my life already. It is processing those feelings of loss from the ones that have fallen away... Those people are my parents, my best friend and my sons Dad, to mention a few. All key major players in a person's life, usually. So, in the meantime, I feel to be suffering with loss and grieving - although these people are still on this earth, there is still a loss.

I think things like 'Maybe things aren't happening right now for a reason. Maybe I need to do something within my internal process before making new connections.' Trouble is, I don't know if this is really the case, or whether I say this to myself to make myself feel better for being alone.

A lot of the time, I'm not really able to properly express what is going on for me at all - I feel like the whole experience is pushed right down under the surface with something sitting on top of it, stopping it from flowing forth. What I've explained so far on this thread feels incomplete to me.

Ho hum

A for you, Therapy. I know exactly where you're coming from.

Hi Therapy. Sorry to hear that you are feeling sad. I want you to know that you are one of the few people that has touched me deeply with friendship. Honestly, that one time we had a misunderstanding was a great moment, for I heard some of the most beautiful words I've ever heard when we cleared things up. Even though we have never met, you have touched me deeply. You are truly a beautiful person and I wish for you to feel the same love that you give out to others, because it is very beautiful and healing!

Even though I have my boyfriend who I live with, he does not supply all the things I need to feel truly at peace. There is still the ocasional lonely feeling for me because he does not understand certain things about me. So, it is possible to feel lonely even though someone is around all the time. In those times I am greatful that I have a creative outlet, as well as friends online that I can communicate with.

Sooo, with that, my suggestion is to turn on some music and some candles and incense, and paint or make some collages. Sing! Put on songs that remind you of the connection we all have to the source. If that doesn't work, rent a dramatic movie and have a good cry. Sometimes, all you need is a release. Take care sweetie.

Vina, thank you. I enjoyed that interaction with the misunderstanding too...

I wonder sometimes if the Universe, or life or 'fate' has offered me this chance of being alone, to solidly form a connection to the source... do you know what I mean? It would be hard to form a fundamental connection to the source while making connections to other people. That 'always-a-positive-growthful-opportunity' that is ever present... Am I looking in the wrong place? Am I putting my energy into what does not work, or could I "push where it moves" (my therapists phrase )?

If I take the concept of 'pushing where it moves' or 'doing what works' rather than doing what doesn't work - then surely going with the flow of what IS in my life, than what is NOT in my life, is the way to go.

Thinkin'

Therapy said:

Some random thoughts:

The losses...do they hurt fully? Sometimes in the therapeutic process we're in such a hurry to heal that we forget to feel the pain...we want to be past it before it's really time. Or to put it really bluntly--sometimes you need to get more depressed first.

Part of you must die. Or has died, from the sound of it. To make room for the new. Have your grieved for this inner loss, as opposed to everyone outside that has fallen away? Do you miss any parts of your old self?

Fertile soil is wonderful...but what are you planting in this recently tilled-over garden? Purpose is the engine of growth.

And of course...during times of loneliness, there is always this nutty bunch at the org. :Hug:

Awesome brain food people!

Thank you!

Hang in there Therapy! :F: