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"...I don't think I'm the best, I simply like my voice..." "Shake it like a Peckerwood!!!"
Soooooooooooooooooooooo
A Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night
and finds himself a nice-looking prostitute.
He asks her, 'How much dae ye charge for an hour?'
'€100,' she replies.
So he asks, 'Okay, dae ye dae it Scottish style?'
She says 'No!'
He then says 'I'll gie you €200 to dae it Scottish style'.
She didn't even know what 'Scottish style' was, but again says, 'No',
He then offers her $300, but she declines his offer,
so finally he says, 'Last chance. I'll gie ye €500 to go Scottish style wi' me!'
Finally she agrees, thinking,
'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now.
I've been there and done that,
had every kind of request from weirdos
from every corner of the world.
How bad could 'Scottish style; be?'
So she goes ahead and has sex with him,
doing it in every kind of way
and in every possible position.
Finally, after several intense hours they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,
'That was really fantastic.
I've never enjoyed it so much.
But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting.
Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?'
The Scotsman replies,
'I'll pay ye next week'
Ok.... let's raise the bar a bit
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam,
goes up to his crusty old professor,
who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student, "Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?"
Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor,
would I?"
Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is.
If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".
Professor, "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"
Student, "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal,
and neither logical nor legal?"
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer.
Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed,
and the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon,
but still can't get the answer.
So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students
and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer,
"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "
To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment),
all the students immediately raise their hands.
"All right," says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer.
"It's quite easy, sir" says the student
"You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman,
which is legal, but not logical.
Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical,
but not legal.
And your wife's lover failed his exam
but you've just given him an "A",
which is neither legal, nor logical."
bone apple teeth...
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT... 
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him. The Devil made him an offer. “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife’s soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends.” The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, “But what’s the catch?” ....................................................................................................................................... A rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car that breaks down in the countryside one evening. They walk to a nearby farm and the farmer tells them it’s too late for a tow truck but he has only two extra beds and one of them will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu says, “I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn.” But minutes later he returns and knocks on the door and says, “There is a cow in the barn. It’s against my beliefs to sleep in the same building as a cow.” So the rabbi says, “It’s okay, I’ll sleep in the barn.” But soon, he is back knocking on the door as well, saying, “There is a pig in the barn, and I cannot shelter in a building with a pig.” So the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. Shortly, there is another knock on the door and the farmer sighs and answers it. It’s the pig and the cow. "Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato
https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0 | |
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How do you defend yourself against a group of clowns? Go for the juggler.
My uncle collapsed at our family reunion last year. The paramedics asked us for his blood type, but none of us knew it and he died as a result.
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i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
STOP ME IF YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE... | |
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U jumped the shark. All you others say Hell Yea!!  | |
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[Edited 7/24/21 8:52am] | |
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