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Thread started 11/01/19 8:45am

KingBAD

"KingBAD… last night a stranger took my picture..."

"I got a job, why don't y'all get a job? It's a dishonest one, but..."

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:


Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #1 posted 11/01/19 3:11pm

mELdOURADOsELV
AGEM

I don't get number 12? 🤔

Other than that, 😂 are the things that I would probably do. Don't forget, ROLLING IN THE AISLES!
mushy
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Reply #2 posted 11/01/19 5:52pm

XxAxX

avatar

^ Madonna look as in holding said orange cones to his chest, pointing out

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Reply #3 posted 11/01/19 5:53pm

XxAxX

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Fun things to do while riding in an elevator:

  1. Go into a crowded elevator and say “I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you all here.”
  2. Looking nowhere in particular, say “That’s a weird place to put a piano.”
  3. Sit down (possibly in a chair you bring with you).
  4. After someone exits the elevator, just as the doors are closing, say “Wait, you forgot your…”
  5. Get everyone on the elevator to agree to bust out laughing as soon as the elevator opens on the ground floor as if you just said an amazing joke. –
  6. When someone goes to push a button, stop them and ask “Wait, can I push it for you? I like the way it feels.”
  7. Wear headphones that aren’t plugged into anything. Quietly “sing along” to a ridiculous song.
  8. Face the wrong way.
  9. When going down, press the button for 3 floors. Get off at the first stop, run down and get back on the same elevator on the third spot.
  10. Hold the elevator doors open and explain to the other passengers that you’re waiting for your friend, George. Wait a few seconds and then turn to the empty space and ask “George, what took you so long?”
  11. Stand in the corner, whispering.
  12. Make race car noises any time someone gets on or off.
  13. Repeatedly whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World.”
  14. Offer name tags to people who enter the elevator.
  15. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  16. Yell “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
  17. Lean against the button panel.
  18. As the door closes on someone’s way out, whisper softly “I love you”, with enough time for them to turn around and make eye contact.
  19. As you get on, make a point of being seen slipping a $1 bill between the crack of the elevator car and the floor. Let a moment pass and ask them in your most nonchalant manner, “Do you think I should have tipped more?”
  20. As someone gets off, follow them and hold your finger to ear while saying “Target on the move.”

https://www.humorthatworks.com/database/20-fun-things-to-do-in-an-elevator/

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Reply #4 posted 11/01/19 5:59pm

mELdOURADOsELV
AGEM

^ http://www.margolin.us/i/...edface.gif


.
[Edited 11/1/19 17:59pm]
mushy
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Reply #5 posted 11/01/19 6:00pm

mELdOURADOsELV
AGEM

XxAxX said:

^ Madonna look as in holding said orange cones to his chest, pointing out




Ok, I got it now duh
mushy
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Reply #6 posted 11/02/19 3:17pm

KingBAD

XxAxX said:

Fun things to do while riding in an elevator:

  1. Go into a crowded elevator and say “I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you all here.”
  2. Looking nowhere in particular, say “That’s a weird place to put a piano.”
  3. Sit down (possibly in a chair you bring with you).
  4. After someone exits the elevator, just as the doors are closing, say “Wait, you forgot your…”
  5. Get everyone on the elevator to agree to bust out laughing as soon as the elevator opens on the ground floor as if you just said an amazing joke. –
  6. When someone goes to push a button, stop them and ask “Wait, can I push it for you? I like the way it feels.”
  7. Wear headphones that aren’t plugged into anything. Quietly “sing along” to a ridiculous song.
  8. Face the wrong way.
  9. When going down, press the button for 3 floors. Get off at the first stop, run down and get back on the same elevator on the third spot.
  10. Hold the elevator doors open and explain to the other passengers that you’re waiting for your friend, George. Wait a few seconds and then turn to the empty space and ask “George, what took you so long?”
  11. Stand in the corner, whispering.
  12. Make race car noises any time someone gets on or off.
  13. Repeatedly whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World.”
  14. Offer name tags to people who enter the elevator.
  15. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  16. Yell “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
  17. Lean against the button panel.
  18. As the door closes on someone’s way out, whisper softly “I love you”, with enough time for them to turn around and make eye contact.
  19. As you get on, make a point of being seen slipping a $1 bill between the crack of the elevator car and the floor. Let a moment pass and ask them in your most nonchalant manner, “Do you think I should have tipped more?”
  20. As someone gets off, follow them and hold your finger to ear while saying “Target on the move.”

https://www.humorthatworks.com/database/20-fun-things-to-do-in-an-elevator/

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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