namepeace said:

Ugot2shakesumthin said:

i i know exactly what you mean. For me, the more i think about it the less i like it. So im going to stop thinking about it.

****SPOILER ALERT****

Is it just me or was Leo's character based on Clint Eastwood?

The friend I saw it with felt that Rick/Cliff was a riff on Burt Reynolds/Hal Needham.

Ace said:

namepeace said:

****SPOILER ALERT****

Is it just me or was Leo's character based on Clint Eastwood?

The friend I saw it with felt that Rick/Cliff was a riff on Burt Reynolds/Hal Needham.

Yes, but also the Spaghetti Westerns are what Eastwood (a TV cowboy) got into which launched him as a movie star - so there is some comparison there too. Reynolds made that leap to movies - he was in rare company in those days

is the Brad Pitt character based on Kevin Gage?

jfenster said:

is the Brad Pitt character based on Kevin Gage?

My guess is that it's based on whatever was the last movie Tarantino saw before he wrote this.

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018) I found this film set in 1969 to be an entertaining, very Tarantino-esque, with an excellent ensemble cast. Chris Hemsworth was outstanding as Billy Lee, the charming and yet menacing leader of a cult. I give this a 4 out of 5

DiminutiveRocker said:

Ace said:

The friend I saw it with felt that Rick/Cliff was a riff on Burt Reynolds/Hal Needham.

Yes, but also the Spaghetti Westerns are what Eastwood (a TV cowboy) got into which launched him as a movie star - so there is some comparison there too. Reynolds made that leap to movies - he was in rare company in those days

DR: That's why I immediately thought of Eastwood.

Ace: That's a good "pull" by your friend. That's why I said to Ugot2 that the Rick/Cliff duo could have elements pulled from several real life actors/movie folks.

namepeace said:

DiminutiveRocker said:

Yes, but also the Spaghetti Westerns are what Eastwood (a TV cowboy) got into which launched him as a movie star - so there is some comparison there too. Reynolds made that leap to movies - he was in rare company in those days

DR: That's why I immediately thought of Eastwood.

Ace: That's a good "pull" by your friend. That's why I said to Ugot2 that the Rick/Cliff duo could have elements pulled from several real life actors/movie folks.

when you're right, you're right!

[Edited 7/31/19 12:17pm]

Ace said:

namepeace said:

****SPOILER ALERT****

Is it just me or was Leo's character based on Clint Eastwood?

The friend I saw it with felt that Rick/Cliff was a riff on Burt Reynolds/Hal Needham.

Ace!

BTW - some friends and I are going to El Coyote and then down the street to the New Beverly after to see it... again!

Well, if that don't beat all.

I typed a scintillating, well-thought-out review of "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" a couple days ago but when I hit "Post", I didn't notice I'd lost my internet connection here at the house. My bad, but the "Back" button did not retrieve my post. So it's gone, gone, gone.

Let's try again.

SPOILER ALERT //// SPOILER ALERT //// SPOILER ALERT //// SPOILER ALERT

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON: I WILL SPOIL THIS MOVIE LIKE IT'S NEVER BEEN SPOILED BEFORE.

You've been warned.

If you've seen "Inglorious Basterds" then you've already seen "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood". Same movie. Same plot device. Same alternate universe.

In fact, it would have been really cool if there'd been some reference in "Once Upon a Time" to the fact that back in WWII Hitler and Goebbels had been machine-gunned to death.

Like John Landis did in the "Twilight Zone" movie.

As I am SURE you remember from the greatest movie of all time - John Landis's "Animal House" - the closing credits informed us that Douglas Neidermeyer served in Vietnam, where he was killed by his own troops.

In a scene from John Landis's "Twilight Zone", some soldiers are slogging through a Vietnamese swamp. "Shit! I told you guys we shouldn't have killed Lt. Neidermeyer!" says one soldier. Those of us in the know got it, and that still ranks as one of the best movie sleeper lines of all time.

Sadly, Quentin Tarantino is no John Landis.

But he is Quentin Tarantino, and has no equal when it comes to re-creating pop culture.

I am 60. Sixty! You wouldn't believe it if you saw me, but thanks to a lot of hair paint and gym time, I can easily pass for 56 or 57. But as a 60-year-old, that means I was 10 in 1969, which is when "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood"' is set. Consequently, I remembered almost every reference Tarantino threw out.

The cars, the restaurants, the TV shows and commercials, the songs. A lot of songs. There must be 50 songs in this movie and for the most part, they're great.

Tarantino hit all the right notes. About the only thing from 1969 that wasn't in this movie was Quisp cereal. Remember Quisp? It was my favorite cereal. I once ate an entire box at one sitting! Here's the delightful cereal box, featuring a delightful cross-eyed space imp named, I think, Quisp:






According to Amazon, you can still buy Quisp! But since I'm now a Type II diabetic, I think I'll pass. As I recall, Quisp was basically sugar and cardboard.

BTW - WTF?

Here is the SECOND image that came up when I searched for Quisp:






BOOTY-O'S?!? The official cereal of WWE's The New Day wrestling group?!? "Booty-O's make sure you ain't booty. Just add milk and feel the power."?!? BOOTY-O'S??????

And then..."What other items do customers buy after viewing this item?" Hold on to your wigs, because it's -






POOP LIKE A CHAMPION?!?!?!?

HOW IS ANY OF THIS REAL? AM I DOWN THE SAME RABBIT HOLE WHERE HITLER GETS MACHINE-GUNNED AND THE MANSON MURDERERS GET EATEN BY A PITBULL OR IMMOLATED BY A FLAMETHROWER?!?!?!?

Get me out of here!

Oh yeah - I just gave away the ending of the movie. You could say I "pooped it out like a champion".

This movie is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong. Like, 160 minutes long or for you using the metric system, 2 hours and 40 minutes. Plus previews. Which are underwhelming. So underwhelming that our theater ran the preview for the Mr. Rogers movie twice in a row. It still looks very uninteresting.

Luckily, I hadn't ingested any Poop Like A Champion, but I still wanted to put myself in the best possible position to make it through the entire movie without having to heed nature's call, so I only had a half bottle of Movie Theater Quality Merlot.

And I did make it all the way through to the very very end. Aren't you impressed?

The movie is fun to look at but I have to tell you - not much happens. It's like you're watching some semi-interesting people do regular stuff, with a couple of explosions thrown in. But mostly, it's just fun to look at, and to listen to.

Except for the smoking. WHY SO MUCH SMOKING? Look, I don't care for the usual response of "Well, people smoked in 1969". So what? According to an old, official-looking report that I found, only 36.9% of adults smoked in 1969. But in this movie?

The only non-smoker is an 8-year-old but I bet you that at some point Tarantino asked the little girl, "Hey would you light up? You know, just for my artistic sense of how things should look - not because I got paid $$$$$$$$$$ by Big Tobacco to try and kill as many people as I can by showing so much smoking that people decide they want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio and smoke too. And just in case they didn't see enough smoking in the movie, my one and only post-credits scene will be a faux 1950's cigarette commercial with Leo. But all for art, mind you. Again - not for the $$$$$$$$$ i got from Big Tobacco. So anyway, little girl - how about a nice, refreshing Camel?"

While I'm on my soapbox, let me address the other argument that some imbeciles use for approving smoking - it's an artistic device.

No, it isn't. There is really no need to ever show someone smoking. There is literally no situation any actor could be in where you'd say, "If only this guy had a cigarette, this would be a great scene!" Nope.

Don't try to argue with me, because I reject your hypothesis in advance.

Actually, there is one other person who doesn't smoke, and that's Margot Robbie. She plays actress Sharon Tate and she gets pregnant. But even before she gets preganat, she doesn't smoke. neither does Austin Powers. At least, I think that was Austin Powers. He was dressed exactly like this:





And I mean EXACTLY like that. But yes, I know it was really supposed to be Roman Polanski. So did the movie theater audience, despite me whistling "Soul Bossa Nova" when Polanski appeared dressed like that.

Anyway, all these actors do mildly-interesting-but-visually-pleasing stuff for 2 1/2 hours. Brad Pitt kicks Bruce Lee's ass; kicks a Manson follower's ass; and beats a female Manson murderer's face into mush. Brad Pitt's dog de-testicles Manson murderer Tex Watson, and also mauls a female Manson murderer. Leo pulls out his flamethrower and immolates the other female Manson murderer.

I guess I should tell you that what happened was that the Manson murderers had come to kill Sharon Tate and her house guests, just like in real life, but their car was noisy. Leo was making margaritas and the noise displeased him, so he went outside with his pitcher of margaritas and told those dirty hippies to get the hell off his lawn.

One of the Manson murderers recognizes him as a TV star and says that since TV taught all of them to be killers, they should kill Leo The TV star instead of Sharon Tate. BIG mistake.

That's when all the ass-kicking, de-testicling, and immolation occurs. All the good guys live. All the bad guys die. Brad Pitt is 55 but like me, looks much younger.

Some of you have been speculating on who Leo and Pitt are supposed to be. Here's the answer - you are all right, and you are all wrong. But you are all cool.

I honestly can't decide if I'd recommend "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" to anyone who isn't at least 55, unless you're just a young hipster and want to see what 60's cultural cues you can appropriate for your own hipsterness.

Thus undecided, I will give "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" 2.5 Nicotine Patches out of a possible 5 Nicotine Patches. Enjoy?

.

[Edited 8/1/19 10:03am]

^BTW, I like this review much better than the one I lost, mainly because of Quisp, Booty-O's and Poop Like a Champion.

onlyforaminute said:

The Merchant of Venice (sigh) It's Shakespeare so how can one rate it low but that wzs very uncomfortable to watch, I've never known the storyline, loved Pacino's (Shylock) monologue but man it went left from there, all kinds of wrong in the end. Still too uncomfortable to rate objectively.

Well, you aren't rating Shakespeare; you're rating someone else's interpretation of Shakespeare. So if you didn't like it, don't feel guilty!

ALERT: Tonight, my wife, my favorite mother-in-law and I are going to a great happy hour and then we're walking (stumbling) over to the ACTUAL REAL-LIFE Booze and Chow to watch "Hobbs and Shaw".

If I can remember any of it, I'll review it in a day or three.

RodeoSchro said:

RodeoSchro said:

I watched a pair of kooky Swedish cult films this week.



Midsommar (2019) - A couple travels to Sweden to visit a rural hometown's fabled mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult.

I liked this one a lot. It works well when viewed as a revenge fantasy for the main character who was done wrong by her lame boyfriend. Good for her. 4/5




ABBA: The Movie (1977) - An incompetent radio DJ tries to get an interview with the Swedish pop group during their famous week-long 1977 tour of Australia.

Forget the flimsy plot about a DJ chasing a scoop for his station. Its all about seeing the live performances by the eternally fabulous ABBA during their peak. 3/5

"Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

"Hobbs and Shaw" is looooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuud.

And this is coming from a guy who couldn't hear out of one ear for the last two months.

My wife, my favorite mother-in-law and I kept the promise we made to you Friday, and went to a great happy hour and then to an actual Booze and Chow to watch "Hobbs and Shaw". We should have taken ear plugs.

I thought this movie would be great.

I was wrong.

Now, look - I mean no offense to you. I know that almost all of you like the Marvel superhero movies. I don't care for them, but I've not seen many of them, or even an entire Marvel superhero movie (except for "Deadpool" and "Antman", but do they really count?). However, my take on "Hobbs and Shaw" is that it's a Marvel superhero movie disguised as a "Fast and Furious" movie.

So I didn't care for it.

No real plot. No chemistry between The Rock and Jason Statham. Trite villian. Cliched sister-of-one-of-the-heroes. Even more-cliched supervillianous organization. Bad music. Too much green screen. Ridiculous fights. Impossible-to-believe side character who can get any weapon on the planet. Very stupid flash-backs. Cringe-worthy Samoan references. Wasted use of Kevin Hart. Complete lack of killing the bad guy.

All in all, a disappointment.

But it did have Deadpool in it; or at least, it had Ryan Reynolds. He was very funny.

The movie begins with Idris Elba showing up to steal some super-virus. "Who are you?" says the British soldier who turns out to be Jason Statham's sister. "Bad guy" says Elba who, in all actuality, thinks he's not only a Good Guy, but the Goodest Guy on the planet.

But the joke's on Elba. Even though it was Statham who shot Elba up some time back (was it in another movie? Maybe I missed it), he doesn't know that this chick is Statham's sister, and she's every bit as skilled as Statham. She's able to inject herself with the virus (why?) and escape.

Elba works for some organization called Eteon, which is the most ridiculously cliched organization I've ever seen. Their leader is a disembodied voice. They have thousands of people working for their terroristic organization. They have a white room with white desks and white consoles, where apparently they can control all media, because they make everyone think Statham's sister actually killed all the other soldiers and stole the virus for herself.

Hobbs and Shaw are paired to work together and naturally they hate each other. As I recall from "Fast and Furious 7", Statham was trying to kill Vin Diesel, The Rock, and that whole crew. Now they're working together?

Hobbs (The Rock) is a regular dude, albeit even bigger than he's ever been before. I seriously think I want to try whatever steroids he's using. Gee whiz, he is a GIANT.

Statham, who apparently was framed by Elba in such a way that everyone thinks Statham is a renegade traitor, is rich and has a house with more incredibly unbelievable gadgets than you can imagine. I mean, really - it stretches even the broadest of imaginations.

Hobbs and Shaw insult each other and then five minutes later, Hobbs has found Shaw's sister. Of course they fight first, then they get a crush on each other.

Elba finds them somehow and the only cool thing in this movie is the motorcycle that Elba rides. It's like a dog, or maybe a Jet Ski - if he falls off, he whistles and it comes back around to him, slides underneath him, and he's off and running again.

All kinds of stupid fights happen and in the course of the last one, the device that can undo the virus from Statham's sister is damaged. Only one person in the world can fix it - The Rock's brother, over in The Rock's Samoan homeland.

So Kevin Hart gets Hobbs, Shaw, and Shaw's sister a Gulfstream jet and they make it from London to Samoa in 20 minutes. There, they are not greeted warmly by The Rock's brothers or his friends, as they look at The Rock as a detestable police officer. You see, The Rock's father was a thief, as was The Rock's brother. Apparently only The Rock was honest and so naturally he abandoned everyone in Samoa and left to become an American crimefighter.

But now The Rock's brother has gone legit, creating custom cars and motorcycles. The Rock's mother makes everyone be friends, and it turns out The Rock's brother's experience fixing cars qualifies him to fix the anti-virus device.

At about that time, Elba and his henchmen show up. But The Rock and everyone else knew they were coming so in a scene stolen straight out of "Home Alone", they set up all kinds of traps for Elba and his henchmen. All that was missing was a drawing that said "We must protect his house!"

The Rock's mother informs Elba and his crew that "you are about to get a good, old-fashioned Samoan ass-whipping" which means, of course, that you are going to die.

Statham's sister somehow still has the Eteon Gun Jamming Device and jams all the Eteon guns. This gives the advantage to the Samoans, because they have a bunch of old-timey Samoan weapons, which are mainly jagged steel wleded onto steel shafts. Many, many Eteon baddies are beaten to death.

So Elba calls in his Apache gunship, and he kidnaps Statham's sister. She must be kept alive until the virus manifests itself into her body, whereupon he can kill her and release the virus.

But bad news for Elba - The Rock has a collection of Samoan wrecker trucks, and they form a wrecker-truck chain that drags down the Apached gunship but doesn't kill anyone on the gunship (except for the pilot, but he died becasue Elba kicked him out while they were still in the air, for some reason that never made sense).

So Elba, The Rock and Statham have the Big Fight. Now, Elba is basically Black Superman; in fact, that's what The Rock calls him. "That guy is Black Superman!" he says. And Elba is. He has superstrength and a body armor that can't be penetrated. Heck, he can even stop bullets with his hand.

Elba is steadily whipping ass when The Rock and Statham decide their only chance is teamwork. "He can't hit us both at once!" says The Rock, "so I'll let him hit me while you hit him. And vice versa, until we beat him. Team work!"

Team work! Get it? Two guys who hate each other must work as a team to win! Yay!

For some unexplained reason, Elba is completely covered in armor - except for his head. His head is completely uncovered. If he had had a helmet, he would have won the fight. But he didn't have a helmet, so ultimately The Rock and Statham are able to beat him into submission.

"Kill me!" says Elba. But The Rock and Statham won't, because of love. Love wins, you see. So even though Elba made everyone think Statham was a traitor, and apparently made Statham kill his own brother, and was about to kill Statham's sister, they decide to let him off because LOVE.

The disembodied voice at Eteon, however, is not hung up on love and deactivates Elba, which results in Elba falling 2,000 feet off a cliff into the ocean.

The end, except as a joke, The Rock tells the British police that Statham is a terrorist known as Hugh Jasshole or something like that. The movie ends with the police saying, "Come out, Hugh Jasshole! Surrender, Hugh Jasshole!" Hahahahahahahahahaha.

I can't recommend you waste your time, money or hearing on "Hobbs and Shaw". That's a bummer, but it's the hard truth. You heard it from me, Hugh Jasshole.

"Hobbs and Shaw" gets 1.5 helen Mirrens out of 5 Helen Mirrens. Oh, I forgot to tell you - she's Statham's mother and she's a crook too.

RodeoSchro said:

"Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

"Hobbs and Shaw" is looooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuud.

And this is coming from a guy who couldn't hear out of one ear for the last two months.

My wife, my favorite mother-in-law and I kept the promise we made to you Friday, and went to a great happy hour and then to an actual Booze and Chow to watch "Hobbs and Shaw". We should have taken ear plugs.

I thought this movie would be great.

I was wrong.

Now, look - I mean no offense to you. I know that almost all of you like the Marvel superhero movies. I don't care for them, but I've not seen many of them, or even an entire Marvel superhero movie (except for "Deadpool" and "Antman", but do they really count?). However, my take on "Hobbs and Shaw" is that it's a Marvel superhero movie disguised as a "Fast and Furious" movie.

So I didn't care for it.

No real plot. No chemistry between The Rock and Jason Statham. Trite villian. Cliched sister-of-one-of-the-heroes. Even more-cliched supervillianous organization. Bad music. Too much green screen. Ridiculous fights. Impossible-to-believe side character who can get any weapon on the planet. Very stupid flash-backs. Cringe-worthy Samoan references. Wasted use of Kevin Hart. Complete lack of killing the bad guy.

All in all, a disappointment.

But it did have Deadpool in it; or at least, it had Ryan Reynolds. He was very funny.

The movie begins with Idris Elba showing up to steal some super-virus. "Who are you?" says the British soldier who turns out to be Jason Statham's sister. "Bad guy" says Elba who, in all actuality, thinks he's not only a Good Guy, but the Goodest Guy on the planet.

But the joke's on Elba. Even though it was Statham who shot Elba up some time back (was it in another movie? Maybe I missed it), he doesn't know that this chick is Statham's sister, and she's every bit as skilled as Statham. She's able to inject herself with the virus (why?) and escape.

Elba works for some organization called Eteon, which is the most ridiculously cliched organization I've ever seen. Their leader is a disembodied voice. They have thousands of people working for their terroristic organization. They have a white room with white desks and white consoles, where apparently they can control all media, because they make everyone think Statham's sister actually killed all the other soldiers and stole the virus for herself.

Hobbs and Shaw are paired to work together and naturally they hate each other. As I recall from "Fast and Furious 7", Statham was trying to kill Vin Diesel, The Rock, and that whole crew. Now they're working together?

Hobbs (The Rock) is a regular dude, albeit even bigger than he's ever been before. I seriously think I want to try whatever steroids he's using. Gee whiz, he is a GIANT.

Statham, who apparently was framed by Elba in such a way that everyone thinks Statham is a renegade traitor, is rich and has a house with more incredibly unbelievable gadgets than you can imagine. I mean, really - it stretches even the broadest of imaginations.

Hobbs and Shaw insult each other and then five minutes later, Hobbs has found Shaw's sister. Of course they fight first, then they get a crush on each other.

Elba finds them somehow and the only cool thing in this movie is the motorcycle that Elba rides. It's like a dog, or maybe a Jet Ski - if he falls off, he whistles and it comes back around to him, slides underneath him, and he's off and running again.

All kinds of stupid fights happen and in the course of the last one, the device that can undo the virus from Statham's sister is damaged. Only one person in the world can fix it - The Rock's brother, over in The Rock's Samoan homeland.

So Kevin Hart gets Hobbs, Shaw, and Shaw's sister a Gulfstream jet and they make it from London to Samoa in 20 minutes. There, they are not greeted warmly by The Rock's brothers or his friends, as they look at The Rock as a detestable police officer. You see, The Rock's father was a thief, as was The Rock's brother. Apparently only The Rock was honest and so naturally he abandoned everyone in Samoa and left to become an American crimefighter.

But now The Rock's brother has gone legit, creating custom cars and motorcycles. The Rock's mother makes everyone be friends, and it turns out The Rock's brother's experience fixing cars qualifies him to fix the anti-virus device.

At about that time, Elba and his henchmen show up. But The Rock and everyone else knew they were coming so in a scene stolen straight out of "Home Alone", they set up all kinds of traps for Elba and his henchmen. All that was missing was a drawing that said "We must protect his house!"

The Rock's mother informs Elba and his crew that "you are about to get a good, old-fashioned Samoan ass-whipping" which means, of course, that you are going to die.

Statham's sister somehow still has the Eteon Gun Jamming Device and jams all the Eteon guns. This gives the advantage to the Samoans, because they have a bunch of old-timey Samoan weapons, which are mainly jagged steel wleded onto steel shafts. Many, many Eteon baddies are beaten to death.

So Elba calls in his Apache gunship, and he kidnaps Statham's sister. She must be kept alive until the virus manifests itself into her body, whereupon he can kill her and release the virus.

But bad news for Elba - The Rock has a collection of Samoan wrecker trucks, and they form a wrecker-truck chain that drags down the Apached gunship but doesn't kill anyone on the gunship (except for the pilot, but he died becasue Elba kicked him out while they were still in the air, for some reason that never made sense).

So Elba, The Rock and Statham have the Big Fight. Now, Elba is basically Black Superman; in fact, that's what The Rock calls him. "That guy is Black Superman!" he says. And Elba is. He has superstrength and a body armor that can't be penetrated. Heck, he can even stop bullets with his hand.

Elba is steadily whipping ass when The Rock and Statham decide their only chance is teamwork. "He can't hit us both at once!" says The Rock, "so I'll let him hit me while you hit him. And vice versa, until we beat him. Team work!"

Team work! Get it? Two guys who hate each other must work as a team to win! Yay!

For some unexplained reason, Elba is completely covered in armor - except for his head. His head is completely uncovered. If he had had a helmet, he would have won the fight. But he didn't have a helmet, so ultimately The Rock and Statham are able to beat him into submission.

"Kill me!" says Elba. But The Rock and Statham won't, because of love. Love wins, you see. So even though Elba made everyone think Statham was a traitor, and apparently made Statham kill his own brother, and was about to kill Statham's sister, they decide to let him off because LOVE.

The disembodied voice at Eteon, however, is not hung up on love and deactivates Elba, which results in Elba falling 2,000 feet off a cliff into the ocean.

The end, except as a joke, The Rock tells the British police that Statham is a terrorist known as Hugh Jasshole or something like that. The movie ends with the police saying, "Come out, Hugh Jasshole! Surrender, Hugh Jasshole!" Hahahahahahahahahaha.

I can't recommend you waste your time, money or hearing on "Hobbs and Shaw". That's a bummer, but it's the hard truth. You heard it from me, Hugh Jasshole.

"Hobbs and Shaw" gets 1.5 helen Mirrens out of 5 Helen Mirrens. Oh, I forgot to tell you - she's Statham's mother and she's a crook too.

Thanks for the review.

We were going to see this last night but we decided to go the other way and see The Farewell instead.

The Farewell 7.5/10

I really liked this movie. It's a breezy movie based on a true story about a woman's grandmother diagnosed with cancer and the cultural differences between Chineese and American cultures.

Lion King 6/10

I felt it didn't add anything to the original. It also annoyed me that all animals are realistic down to the last eyelash, but not of them have genitals.

hjd said:

Lion King 6/10

I felt it didn't add anything to the original. It also annoyed me that all animals are realistic down to the last eyelash, but not of them have genitals.

Agreed

Last night, after a really great Mexican food dinner, we adiosed it back to the hacienda and cranked up a pelicula. By the way, "pelicula" is one of my favorite Spanish words. It's like "Dracula" combined with "peloton". I almost want to move to California, so I can write about peliculas in Temecula.

Our pelicula last night was a movie I've wanted to see for a year or two. I remember when I read the synopsis for "Widows" in March 2018 or March 2017. Let me check...it was 2017. Wow, how time flies!

It flew so fast that "Widows" flew right by me. I don't even remember it being released, but I knew I loved the premise. Some dudes all get killed on a heist, so their widows decide to do the heist in their honor.

That would have been a great movie, but I think some time between March 2017 and whenever the final cut of "Widows" was released, something changed. The movie I saw wasn't exactly like the movie I thought I was going to see.

First off, I didn't know this was a Liam Neeson movie. But it's a Liam Neeson movie! He's the head of the crooked gang, and their caper goes south. One guy gets shot on the gang's way out after the heist. They barely make it to the warehouse where they're going to exchange getaway cars. But, surprise!

When they open the garage door, all the cops in the world are waiting for them and blow them to smithereens. Then for good measure, the van explodes. Well, not all Liam Neeson movies can be long Liam Neeson movies!

It turns out the money that got blown up was stolen from a dude named Jamaal Manning, who is some kind of crook but wants to be an alderman because he can direct tons of legitimate government contracts to his brother. This will be even more lucrative than whatever illegal stuff he and his brother (Daniel Kaluuya in yet another great performance) are currently doing.

Manning is running against legacy alderman Collin Farrell, who is the third generation of his family to represent their district. Robert Duval is his dad.

Farrell's part is incredibly clumsily written. I suspect his whole story line was added after I saw the "Widows" preview a couple years ago. That's never a good sign. In fact, I just read up on the British TV series this movie was based on. In the British "Widows" TV series, it's like I thought the movie would be - the husbands die, so the wives take over the operation. There is no political sub-plot to mess things up.

But for some unknown and misguided reason, director/writer Steve McQueen adds a sub-plot about Collin Farrell, but he (McQueen) really screws it up. On the one hand, Farrell hates politics and only wants to help people. In fact, he visits Manning and offers the throw the election (how?), and just be a silent advisor to Manning. HINT: Manning and his brother kill people for a living. I don't think they'd be open to having some fancy-pants third-generation politician as their "advisor".

Anyway, Farrell is supposed to be a man of the people, but he's also suspected of stealing $5 million from a transit line deal that he supported. Robert Duvall told him he was an idiot for supporting the deal, but Farrell did it so he could get rich.

MORAL - You make more money being a government crook than being a 'hood crook.

So anyway, Manning is understandably upset that his money got burned up. He goes to see Neeson's widow and says, "That was my money. Your husband's debt is now your debt. You have two weeks to pay me, or you die".

At just that time, Neeson's widow's driver gives Neeson's widow - whose name is Veronica - a key to a safe deposit box. In that box is Neeson's crime book, detailing all his past crimes as well as the next one he has teed up. That particular crime is notated to be a $5 million score, but all Veronica knows is that the money is in a room. She doesn't know where the room is, or even what kind of room it is. But she does know there's $5 million in it that apparently can be stolen. That's more than enough to pay off Manning and get a fresh start! Hooray!

One problem - Veronica has no crew. It turns out that the boys in the band never socialized after work, so none of the wives know each other. Veronica has to track them down. Three of them are in desperate straits and agree to join in. The fourth widow just had a baby, so she's on Maternity Leave From All Crime.

The ladies go through a few gyrations before everything falls into place. The hot blonde - who is now a high-priced escort that's fallen in love with a rich guy - gets the crew guns, and she gets her sugar daddy to figure out where the actual location is as represented on the plans Veronica found.

It turns out the plans are for Colin Farrell's safe room! It's the $5 million that he stole from the transit commission!

But think about this - apparently Liam Neeson stole $2 million in cash from Manning (it's never disclosed where or how Neeson knew about this cash). Next, Neeson was planning to rip off Colin Farrell. Doesn't anyone in Chicago have any money except the two guys running for the same office?!?

And get this SPOILER:

Seriously - SPOILER:

Actually - a ton of SPOILERS:

Liam Neeson isn't really dead! Not only that, Collin Farrell knows he isn't dead! Not only that, but we are never told HOW Farrell knows Neeson is alive. Not only that, but Farrell wants $1 million to keep quiet about Neeson's aliveness. Not only that, but as a dead man, Neeson has no money so how is he going to pay Farrell? Not only that, but his only source of money is that next job, which is robbing Farrell! Not only that, but that means that if Neeson is successful in paying Farrell, it means he paid Farrell with Farrell's own money! Not only that, but Neeson is seeing the fourth widow - the lady with the baby (Neeson's baby!) who didn't join the Widows gang. Not only that, but somehow Neeson knows that the Widows are going to steal Farrell's money! And not only that, but Neeson also knows WHEN they're going to steal Farrell's money!

All those "not only that's" are the result of that one poorly-written sub-plot involving Colin Farrell. I don't blame Farrell - he does just fine in the role. But the role is ridiculous and poorly conceived.

Y'all had no idea I can get this deep on filmography, did you? Hey - you can't watch "Animal House" 5,000 times and not learn a thing or two about movie making!

Well, one thing leads to another and the widows pull off the heist. By the way - the heist is pulled off on the night of the Colin Farrell/Manning debate, so Farrell's house is empty. Except for daddy Robert Duvall, who for some reason lives with Colin Farrell. And for some reason, didn't go to the debate for an alderman's seat that has been in his family for three generations, and now is in danger of being lost to Manning. And for some reason, was actually in bed at 8:00 PM or thereabouts.

There I go again, getting deep with the analysis.

So as the widows are making their escape with the loot - separated into two bags: (1) the Pay Manning Back bag; and (2) the Widows Retirement Plan bag - Robert Duvall opens his bedroom door while dressed in his nightgown, sees the ninja widows in their black masks and black garb, and says:

"So you're trying to steal my money?!?"

HIS money?

Think this through: Duvall was AGAINST Farrell joining the transit commission. One of his big scenes is telling Farrell "I told you not to join that thing!" when accusations came that Farrell had stolen commission money. But if, in fact, the goal had been to pilfer $5 million from the commission then Duvall would have been FOR Farrell being on that commission. How else could Farrell steal the money? So since Duvall was against Farrell's place on the commission, it stands to reason that Duvall did NOT know Farrell was there to steal all the money.

So why is Duvall calling it HIS money? He didn't even know it was there!

I've said more than once that I can and should write a great movie. If this analysis doesnt convince you that I can do just that, then...I don't know. I just know that I can and will write a good movie script one day soon. Two of them, in fact.

Let's see how this clusterbomb ends up.

Duvall shoots the hot blonde but doesn't kill her. Veronica shoots Duvall and does kill him. The widows make it to their van and are just about to pull away when who shows up but Daniel Kaluuya. He's been watching the widows, as after killing a couple Manning gang members/rappers who made the mistake of practicing their rapping while they were supposed to be on the job, I guess he has nothing better to do. But it pays off!

Kaluuya doesn't kill the widows which, honestly, is out of character for his character, but he does take their van and drive away. He's so happy! He can't quit smiling as he's driving. It's really quite funny and just another indication of what a fantastic actor Kaluuya is. I'm going to write a role for him in my second movie. Do you think he'd be a good high school football coach?

Kaluuya is just so dang happy that he doesn't notice the station wagon barrelling up on him from behind. Somewhere, somehow, the widows had jacked a Family Truckster, and they ram the van from behind. This causes Kaluuya to crash into a cement post, which he does not survive.

But the money survives, and the widows reclaim it. Then they drop the hot blonde off at a hospital. She's got a gunshot wound and as we all know, the cops take gunshot wounds really seriously. Even in Chicago, despite what the president might tell you.

Somehow though, we find out later that apparently doctors treated the hot blonde, completely fixed her, and just let her go.

Before that happens, it's still the night of the heist. Veronica and the remaining widows make it back to Neeson's old hideout warehouse, and they go their separate ways (but, I think, without money?). Veronica is just about to have a frosty one and relax when who shows up but Liam Neeson?

This is not a complete surprise to Veronica. She knew Neeson was still alive when she visited Widow Number Four and: (1) saw Neeson's favorite flask on the table; and (2) Veronica's dog smelled Neeson behind a door and went nuts. But Veronica didn't open that door, as she somehow realized that the baby Widow Number four had was Neeson's kid. So she left, but she knew Neeson was alive.

Neeson's appearance after the heist doesn't completely surprise Veronica but what does surprise her is that Neeson is going to shoot her dead. However, she has a bigger surprise for Neeson, which is that she has a bigger gun AND she is a faster shoot. I guess that's two surprises. But it's two too many for Neeson, who is now actually dead.

Veronica places the gun in Neeson's hand, which is a great move since it's not only the gun she killed him with, but it's also the gun that killed Duvall. So I guess everyone is supposed to think that Neeson was the guy who robbed Farrell and killed Duvall. But that's going to fall apart as soon as the cops figure out that the bullet that killed Neeson came from the gun Neeson's carcass is holding, yet the gunpowder residue and placement of the bullet are going to show that Neeson didn't shoot himself. Therefore, the real killer is still on the loose.

How many ways can this script be flawed?

The movie ends with Veronica giving her money to a school so it can build a new library, as long as they name it after her and Neeson's dead son (not that baby that Neeson had with Widow Number Four, but another son he had with Veronica, who was wrongfully shot dead by cops).

Michelle Rodriguez, who I never mentioned was in this movie because she didn't ever do anything, buys back the quinceanera store she used to own until her crook of a husband blew all the rent on gambling. The hot blonde either does or does not continue being the kept lady of the rich guy she met on her first escort job. I forgot what the fourth gang member did, but she was a babysitter recruited to be the gang's driver after Widow Number Four declined Veronica's job offer.

The movie ends with Veronica and the hot blonde just happening to be in the same diner, but not seeing each other until they both get up to leave. They give each other knowing grins and...fade to black.

"Widows" was a disappointment. I blame Steve McQueen but I bet you the blame really lies with some suit who read the script and said, "Great story but you know what it needs? Colin Farrell! Write a part for Colin Farrell!"

With that in mind, I must rate "Widows" as 1.5 Suits out of 5 Suits. Watch the British TV series instead, it has to be better than this mess.


.

[Edited 8/8/19 7:52am]

In preparation to watch Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) this Thursday I decided to watch one of Sharon Tate's films.....the cult classic Valley of the Dolls (1967). IMO its one of the most campiest films I have ever seen and I loved it. From Dione Warwick singing the theme song to the warbdrobe, hairstyles and the way over the top acting from Patty Duke and the ending where Anne walks out of her own house, barefoot in the snow, this film was Everything and more. Plus, RIP Sharon had some of the best lines in the film "Oh, to hell with them! (referring to her boobs) let 'em droop! I just wish Judy Garland had played Helen Lawson, it would have been so awesome, and given the film that extra edge. I give this a 4.5 out of 5 and that in the future that Ryan Murphy gives VOTD and the behind the scenes drama a Feud: Bette and Joan (2017) type treatment

Ugot2shakesumthin said:

RodeoSchro said:

"Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

"Hobbs and Shaw" is looooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuud.

And this is coming from a guy who couldn't hear out of one ear for the last two months.

My wife, my favorite mother-in-law and I kept the promise we made to you Friday, and went to a great happy hour and then to an actual Booze and Chow to watch "Hobbs and Shaw". We should have taken ear plugs.

I thought this movie would be great.

I was wrong.

Now, look - I mean no offense to you. I know that almost all of you like the Marvel superhero movies. I don't care for them, but I've not seen many of them, or even an entire Marvel superhero movie (except for "Deadpool" and "Antman", but do they really count?). However, my take on "Hobbs and Shaw" is that it's a Marvel superhero movie disguised as a "Fast and Furious" movie.

So I didn't care for it.

No real plot. No chemistry between The Rock and Jason Statham. Trite villian. Cliched sister-of-one-of-the-heroes. Even more-cliched supervillianous organization. Bad music. Too much green screen. Ridiculous fights. Impossible-to-believe side character who can get any weapon on the planet. Very stupid flash-backs. Cringe-worthy Samoan references. Wasted use of Kevin Hart. Complete lack of killing the bad guy.

All in all, a disappointment.

But it did have Deadpool in it; or at least, it had Ryan Reynolds. He was very funny.

The movie begins with Idris Elba showing up to steal some super-virus. "Who are you?" says the British soldier who turns out to be Jason Statham's sister. "Bad guy" says Elba who, in all actuality, thinks he's not only a Good Guy, but the Goodest Guy on the planet.

But the joke's on Elba. Even though it was Statham who shot Elba up some time back (was it in another movie? Maybe I missed it), he doesn't know that this chick is Statham's sister, and she's every bit as skilled as Statham. She's able to inject herself with the virus (why?) and escape.

Elba works for some organization called Eteon, which is the most ridiculously cliched organization I've ever seen. Their leader is a disembodied voice. They have thousands of people working for their terroristic organization. They have a white room with white desks and white consoles, where apparently they can control all media, because they make everyone think Statham's sister actually killed all the other soldiers and stole the virus for herself.

Hobbs and Shaw are paired to work together and naturally they hate each other. As I recall from "Fast and Furious 7", Statham was trying to kill Vin Diesel, The Rock, and that whole crew. Now they're working together?

Hobbs (The Rock) is a regular dude, albeit even bigger than he's ever been before. I seriously think I want to try whatever steroids he's using. Gee whiz, he is a GIANT.

Statham, who apparently was framed by Elba in such a way that everyone thinks Statham is a renegade traitor, is rich and has a house with more incredibly unbelievable gadgets than you can imagine. I mean, really - it stretches even the broadest of imaginations.

Hobbs and Shaw insult each other and then five minutes later, Hobbs has found Shaw's sister. Of course they fight first, then they get a crush on each other.

Elba finds them somehow and the only cool thing in this movie is the motorcycle that Elba rides. It's like a dog, or maybe a Jet Ski - if he falls off, he whistles and it comes back around to him, slides underneath him, and he's off and running again.

All kinds of stupid fights happen and in the course of the last one, the device that can undo the virus from Statham's sister is damaged. Only one person in the world can fix it - The Rock's brother, over in The Rock's Samoan homeland.

So Kevin Hart gets Hobbs, Shaw, and Shaw's sister a Gulfstream jet and they make it from London to Samoa in 20 minutes. There, they are not greeted warmly by The Rock's brothers or his friends, as they look at The Rock as a detestable police officer. You see, The Rock's father was a thief, as was The Rock's brother. Apparently only The Rock was honest and so naturally he abandoned everyone in Samoa and left to become an American crimefighter.

But now The Rock's brother has gone legit, creating custom cars and motorcycles. The Rock's mother makes everyone be friends, and it turns out The Rock's brother's experience fixing cars qualifies him to fix the anti-virus device.

At about that time, Elba and his henchmen show up. But The Rock and everyone else knew they were coming so in a scene stolen straight out of "Home Alone", they set up all kinds of traps for Elba and his henchmen. All that was missing was a drawing that said "We must protect his house!"

The Rock's mother informs Elba and his crew that "you are about to get a good, old-fashioned Samoan ass-whipping" which means, of course, that you are going to die.

Statham's sister somehow still has the Eteon Gun Jamming Device and jams all the Eteon guns. This gives the advantage to the Samoans, because they have a bunch of old-timey Samoan weapons, which are mainly jagged steel wleded onto steel shafts. Many, many Eteon baddies are beaten to death.

So Elba calls in his Apache gunship, and he kidnaps Statham's sister. She must be kept alive until the virus manifests itself into her body, whereupon he can kill her and release the virus.

But bad news for Elba - The Rock has a collection of Samoan wrecker trucks, and they form a wrecker-truck chain that drags down the Apached gunship but doesn't kill anyone on the gunship (except for the pilot, but he died becasue Elba kicked him out while they were still in the air, for some reason that never made sense).

So Elba, The Rock and Statham have the Big Fight. Now, Elba is basically Black Superman; in fact, that's what The Rock calls him. "That guy is Black Superman!" he says. And Elba is. He has superstrength and a body armor that can't be penetrated. Heck, he can even stop bullets with his hand.

Elba is steadily whipping ass when The Rock and Statham decide their only chance is teamwork. "He can't hit us both at once!" says The Rock, "so I'll let him hit me while you hit him. And vice versa, until we beat him. Team work!"

Team work! Get it? Two guys who hate each other must work as a team to win! Yay!

For some unexplained reason, Elba is completely covered in armor - except for his head. His head is completely uncovered. If he had had a helmet, he would have won the fight. But he didn't have a helmet, so ultimately The Rock and Statham are able to beat him into submission.

"Kill me!" says Elba. But The Rock and Statham won't, because of love. Love wins, you see. So even though Elba made everyone think Statham was a traitor, and apparently made Statham kill his own brother, and was about to kill Statham's sister, they decide to let him off because LOVE.

The disembodied voice at Eteon, however, is not hung up on love and deactivates Elba, which results in Elba falling 2,000 feet off a cliff into the ocean.

The end, except as a joke, The Rock tells the British police that Statham is a terrorist known as Hugh Jasshole or something like that. The movie ends with the police saying, "Come out, Hugh Jasshole! Surrender, Hugh Jasshole!" Hahahahahahahahahaha.

I can't recommend you waste your time, money or hearing on "Hobbs and Shaw". That's a bummer, but it's the hard truth. You heard it from me, Hugh Jasshole.

"Hobbs and Shaw" gets 1.5 helen Mirrens out of 5 Helen Mirrens. Oh, I forgot to tell you - she's Statham's mother and she's a crook too.

Thanks for the review.

We were going to see this last night but we decided to go the other way and see The Farewell instead.

The Farewell 7.5/10

I really liked this movie. It's a breezy movie based on a true story about a woman's grandmother diagnosed with cancer and the cultural differences between Chineese and American cultures.

https://slate.com/culture...btext.html

Rocketman 7.5 / 10

RJP1205 said:

Breakthrough...⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐. Love that it's a true story and needed the boost of positivity with all the 💩 going on in the world.