LONDON—In an effort to find an occupant who doesn’t “bring the party home,” officials at the Ecuadorian embassy in London ran an ad Thursday on several local flat-sharing websites seeking a “no drama” tenant for a newly vacant room. “We’re looking for someone who can get along with a diverse group of foreign government dignitaries,” read the ad in part, noting that the ideal roommate to fill the vacancy in the spacious multi-story home located in the quiet Kensington neighborhood would keep regular hours and not spend all their time in the apartment. “You must have a steady job and pay rent on time—this is non-negotiable due to past issues we’ve had. Guests are okay, but if you’re constantly having over girlfriends, boyfriends, journalists, or activists, this is not the place for you.” The ad requested that all interested parties attend the embassy’s Saturday open house and be prepared with at least two past-roommate references and a security deposit of two months’ rent.

https://www.theonion.com/...833979539?

*********************************************************************


I mentioned to my landlord about the tenants in the apartment over mine. “Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight.” When the landlord asked if it bothered me, I replied,”Not really. I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway.”


*********************************************************************





******************************************************************

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute. When it was over she told him to pay $500. He said he'd send it to her in an envelope marked ''Rent for Apartment.'' The next day, however, he regretted that he spent the night with her and sent only $250. When she wrote him a letter asking why he didn't pay full price, he wrote her a memo saying:

1. I thought the apartment had not been used before.
2. It did not have adequate heating.
3. It was too large to properly furnish.

A few days later the prostitute sent him another letter saying:

1. You should have known the apartment had been rented previously.
2. The apartment did have adequate heating. You just didn't know how to turn it on.
3. The apartment was the perfect size. You just didn't have large enough furniture to fill it.


*******************************************************************