NinaB said:

Oh, I see, that can be tricky. Sometimes my friendliness/down 2 earthness gets read as flirting
& a man has 2 make it plain 2 me he likes me too.

JustErin said:

NinaB said:

Yeah, don't listen 2 my evil twin! she don't show up much but she's trouble still

JustErin said:

NinaB said:

Oh, I see, that can be tricky. Sometimes my friendliness/down 2 earthness gets read as flirting
& a man has 2 make it plain 2 me he likes me too.

JustErin said:

Is it affecting your job performance? When I was in your situation I could not for the life of me concentrate on what she was saying, because I constantly was fantasizing about her ... and the clothing she wore didn't help.

If it's not impacting your job performance, then enjoy it.

Think of it this way, you're spending presumably 40 hours a week with somebody you're really into. People who date tend to be together what, 15-20 hours a week tops? I'd take the 40 office hours over the 20 dating hours, especially because it makes work a lot more enjoyable and the workday flies by a lot faster.

Pokeno4Money said:

JustErin said:

JustErin said:

Not really affecting my work BUT if I do have to go see him for something I tend to not realize that I've just spent like an hour with him. When this happens I make sure to make up for lost time. The thing is it's happening more and more lately. I can't seem to help it. I say to myself, ok today I'm staying at my desk all day...but you know... We have joked saying we should just stay away from each other but there is always a reason to meet up, then we start to talk and oops I've been missing for way too long. To be fair he does get along with everyone and everyone does really like him - especially the women. I think he just loves to be around women in general and believe it or not does not ever give off a creepy dude vibe. But being a tyical female I want to know if it's at least different with me since we do spend the most time together and have talked about some pretty personal issues. I don't really want anything to happen between us I just want to know if it could. You can't really just flat out ask "hey, are you sexually attracted to me?"

I totally get what you're saying, it's no different than when a guy gets a really friendly/flirty server at a restaurant ... is she that friendly/flirty with all the male customers, or does she have a genuine interest in just you.

Two things that have honest to God worked for me in the past with flirtatious coworkers:

1) The best way to really get to know ANY coworker is to see what they're like outside of work. That's when their true personalities and thoughts come out, in a non-work environment. What you could do is organize an informal gathering of coworkers for drinks after work at a nearby establishment. You could make up an excuse for it like somebody's birthday or an upcoming holiday or whatever, but a specific reason for the gathering is not necessary. When people drink, their true feelings tend to come out. And if he's truly interested, you and him will be the last two at the establishment after everyone else leaves. If he's one of the first to leave after just one or two drinks, or if he doesn't give a valid reason for not going at all, then there's your answer.

2) You want to know if he's into you without putting the question out there? Simple, just talk to him about how hard it is to find a guy that's funny, intelligent, fun etc ... and then say something like "Do you have an identical twin brother somewhere that's available?" and smile/laugh when you say it. It's the perfect line, it really is!! Because it tells him that you would be attracted to someone just like him, but you're not putting yourself out there by expressing an interest in him specifically. His reaction and response will give you the answers you are seeking.

Horsefeathers said:

Oh. Oh, God. No. Some friends and I were very recently mocking the universal and transparent "someone like you" line recently. Maybe I am just extraordinarily cynical, and so are my friends. Trust that it absolutely indicates interest in that individual. If transparency is your goal and you want to go about it that way, go for it, but yeah, I think it is pretty transparent.

No, it indicates you don't see that person as anything more than a friend/coworker only because they are already taken and/or because they are a coworker.

Haven't you ever told a friend of the opposite sex who has been happily married for a long time that you wish you could find someone like them? It's not a come-on, it's a compliment. Only the person on the receiving end can turn it into something more, by indicating "Why not me"?

[Edited 7/30/16 18:16pm]

NinaB said:

How long has he been with his woman? They got any kids? Me personally, once I know he's got a woman I lose interest. I just ain't into other women's men. Mixing & blending. I've been on the receiving end, it wasn't pretty, she was a grass too. Came 2 find out my girl was a repeat offender, what we call a man teef. She's gonna lose some teef if I ever buck up on her. jokingnotjoking

Horsefeathers said:

Oh. Oh, God. No. Some friends and I were very recently mocking the universal and transparent "someone like you" line recently. Maybe I am just extraordinarily cynical, and so are my friends. Trust that it absolutely indicates interest in that individual. If transparency is your goal and you want to go about it that way, go for it, but yeah, I think it is pretty transparent.

No, it indicates you don't see that person as anything more than a friend/coworker only because they are already taken and/or because they are a coworker.

Haven't you ever told a friend of the opposite sex who has been happily married for a long time that you wish you could find someone like them? It's not a come-on, it's a compliment. Only the person on the receiving end can turn it into something more, by indicating "Why not me"?

[Edited 7/30/16 18:16pm]

JustErin said:

But then he said something that made me think ok, I'm just another co worker.

These days men are very careful about what they say to female coworkers. You can't really talk about certain subjects or compliment them on anything without fear of being hauled into HR if the female views it as inappropriate. Sucks that I can't even say "nice dress" or "like what you did with your hair", but that's today's world. So if your coworker seems to pull back at times, it's possible he's afraid whatever he says will get used against him someday. That slight fear is always in the back of our minds.

JustErin said:

I don't really want anything to happen between us I just want to know if it could.

May I ask why? I really don't understand why you want to know if he's interested, even though you have no desire of pursuing him if he is. You don't strike me as someone who has a hard time getting guys, so I don't think this is a confidence-building thing.