sexton said:

damosuzuki said:

i'm really looking forward to this movie. i'm planning on revisiting his films over the weekend.

whit stillman was interviewed on a podcast i follow recently. link below if you're interested. i thought it was quite a good listen.

https://ricochet.com/podc.../#comments

[Edited 7/1/16 9:17am]

Whit's first three movies were recently reissued as a nice Criterion Blu-ray box set. I may pick that up sometime this month during the Barnes & Noble Criterion half-price sale.

Nice. Time got away from me, so I only watched Metropolitan, which I still like quite a bit, though I'd definitely say it didn't resonate on a personal level the way it did when I first watched it. I would probably rate a 3.5 or so.

I still haven't watched Close-up (you told me to in 2012 - I looked it up yesterday), but with Kiarostami's unfortunate death this week, I did sit down to re-watch Taste of Cherry, and I loved it plenty...4.5 let's say.

Deadpool (2016)

An entertaining movie, well suited for Ryan Reynolds. I could watch Morena Baccarin make oatmeal.

Flash Gordon (1980)

One of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures. Loved it as a kid, still love it as an adult. Cool, awful flick.

1/2

We recently watched "Eddie the Eagle". Why did we watch that movie? In retrospect, that is the only question that needs to be asked.

FULL DISCLOSURE - I am on the top of a mountain. My internet download speed is 256K. I can actually hear the modem connecting to the satellite. It's like the olden days, which means: (1) I don't get online much; and (2) I can't post any pictures. (1) is meaningless but (2) is important, as there are some graphical images that would prove helpful in this review.

For instance, I had no idea how alike Hugh Jackman and Bruce Springsteen look. It's true, and if I could post some pictures, you'd know it. But since that's impossible, I must paint a picture with words.

ENTER: Hugh Jackman. His hair is short-cropped, but his sideburns are long. He hasn't shaved in a few days. He's wearing a black shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, top two buttons undone. The shirt has a European cut, and is tucked tightly into his black jeans. Jackman's work boots are worn but sturdy. He grabs a guitar and blasts into "Born in the USA". Well, he could have. That's how much he looks like the Boss. But enough picture-painting. Let's talk about this turkey of a movie.

This movie could have been great. There was no need have "(b)ased this movie on a true story". They should have just told the true story as it happened! It's a great story! But no - they had to interject all kinds of idiotic devices intended to touch every base in the How To Make A Feel-Good Movie handbook. Which is OK, except:

THESE MOTHERF******S SOLD OUT TO MARLBORO. What a major disappointment. Hugh Jackman was a non-stop commercial for Marlboro cigarettes. Why? Why in God's name did he have to light up a cancer stick EVERY SINGLE TIME HE WAS ONSCREEN? It made absolutely no sense; added nothing to Jackman's character; and was nothing more than an obvious money grab. I hope the producers of this movie lost every cent they have. They deserve it, for promoting cigarettes like they did. (Also, it should be noted that Bruce Springsteen does not smoke, so that ruined the Springsteen comparison.)

So right away, we know that no matter what else happens in this movie, I'm going to hate it. You should too. Anyone that promotes smoking deserves to lose everything they have. But you know what? Even if Jackman hadn't been a Merchant of Death, this movie would still have sucked. So, on to the sucking!

Eddie was stupid. Geez, whoever wrote his character should have their laptop confiscated. He was incredibly one-dimensional, and was supposed to be loveable because his glasses kept slipping down his nose, he only drank milk, and he refused the advances of a woman. Now honestly - would a person who did that in real life endear himself to you? Of course not! Eddie was a klutz, a doofus, and a character to who no one could relate.

Naturally, since this is a movie of stereotypes, he had a nice British mum and an a-hole British dad. Mum encouraged him, Dad berated him. Eddie had no visible means of support, or access to a ski mountain, but there was a fake ski bunny slope somewhere near where he lived, so we were to believe that he learned how to ski well enough on that bunny slope that he was good enough to try out for Britain's ski team. Yeah, right.

Of course, the British Ski Team is run by a stereotypical uptight, long-necked, haughty poopstick who isn’t about to let a guy like Eddie on the team. So what is Eddie to do?

Somehow, he finds out that once upon a time, Britain had a ski jumper. Now they don’t, so Eddie figures that all he has to do to fulfill his life-long dream of being an Olympian is to learn how to ski jump. So he steals his dad’s work truck, gets his mum to give him their life savings, heads out to the Chunnell and drives to Germany (I guess, how else could you get a stolen work truck to Germany?), intending to learn how to ski jump.

He arrives in Germany with no more money and nowhere to sleep, so he hides in the storage closet of the bar located at the bottom of the ski-jumping practice area. He’s discovered by a not-too-bad-looking lady, who says he can stay there if he will work, and if he will let her “visit” him sometimes. He agrees to the work part but not to the “visitations”. The lady lets him stay anyway. QUESTION – Does anybody know about the quake? And: why did they have to make this lady a slut? There was no reason. She was going to let him stay. Her sexual promiscuity added absolutely nothing to anything. She had no other boyfriend or lovers. It’s like that was one of the points the writers thought they had to check off on the How To Make A Hip Movie checklist. Just another stupid decision.

Eddie gets up the next morning, puts on his baby skis, and tries the 15-meter jump. He sticks the landing! Of course, he only jumped about 10 feet, but no matter! After one successful jump, he decides he’s ready for the 40-meter ramp! (The ramp heights are 15 meters; 40 meters; 70 meters; and 90 meters.) So, up he goes!

Off he goes! Into the air he goes! Plowing into the snow he goes! Whereupon he is discovered, laying in the snow and covered in blood, by Hugh Jackman, who drives the ski-slope Zamboni. Jackman isn’t so much concerned about Eddie’s injuries as he is by Eddie’s messing up of the snow. You see, the best ski jumpers in the world train at this facility, and even though they all make fun of Jackman because Jackman is an alcoholic who smokes all the time, Jackman cares about his mountain. Why?

Because Jackman was once a great ski jumper! Probably the best America ever had! But he got kicked off the team back in the 1970’s by Coach Christopher Walken because he was reckless and undisciplined. This action led Jackman to become a full-time drunk and part-time restorer of a Firebird Trans-Am.

POINT OF PARLIMENTARY PROCEDURE – The Trans Am is described by Jackman as a ’72 model but it is CLEARLY a ’76 – ’79 model. The grille has rectangular headlights which, as a former owner of two 1974 Super Duty 455 Trans Ams, I know means it can be no older than a 1976 model. Again – why? Why did the producers/director/writers screw up on such a meaningless point? There was no reason to mess this up, yet they did. This little item showcases the sloppiness and just general bad film-making skills that went into this movie.

So, everyone is making fun of Eddie – Jackman, the Finland ski jump team, the star Finnish ski jumper (who is a dead-ringer for a young David Bowie), and probably that bar lady he won’t have relations with. What is Eddie to do? Try to jump again!

He does, he crashes badly, and he is sent to the hospital. For some unknown reason Jackman goes to visit him. Eddie is asleep and Jackman notices that Eddie has a copy of Coach Christopher Walken’s book! This impresses Jackman, even though in the book Coach Christopher Walken says that Jackman is his greatest disappointment.

The next night, everyone is at the bar and the Finland ski team is once again making fun of Eddie. A drunken Jackman tells them to stop, whereupon the Finland coach punches his lights out. When Jackman wakes up, he decides the only thing to do is show these Finnish jerks who he is. Unbelievably, no one knows that Jackman was once one of the greatest ski jumpers in the world.

So Jackman goes to the top of the 90-meter jump – did I mention it’s about midnight and pitch black? – fires up a cancer stick, and takes off. Wearing no helmet, goggles, or other safety equipment. And, of course, lands a perfect jump. In the dark. While drunk. After just getting his lights punched out. Yay!

Jackman takes Eddie under his wing and they go to a contest where all Eddie has to do is land a jump and he qualifies for the Olympics. Eddie lands the jump, sends in his result to the British Olympic team, and they summon him back to England so they can tell him he is not ever going to be on the Olympic team. You see, even though Eddie is the “current British ski-jumping record-holder”, his jump was only 40 meters and they have decided that if you can’t jump 60 meters, then you can’t be on the team. This is all relayed to Eddie in a very snooty manner, of course. Eddie is disappointed.

Still in possession of his father’s stolen work truck (how is his father able to do his job as a masonry artist? This nagging question is never answered), Eddie and Jackman head out to various contests, where Eddie fails time after time to land that magic 60-meter jump. They end up at the last contest, run “by the book” by some very fastidious Germans. Eddie nails a 61-meter jump in warm-ups but in the real thing, he falls. He begs for another chance but the fastidious Germans say “we go strrrrrrrrrrictly by the book” so that’s that.

Except it isn’t! Going “by the book” means they certified his practice jump, so Eddie’s on the team! Hooray for fastidious Germans! (NOTE: This isn’t at all how it happened in real life. The real life story is waaaaaaaay better. Eddie lived in a Finnish mental hospital for a while!)

Jackman, however, has other plans. He thinks Eddie really can be a good jumper and he advises Eddie not to go to the Calgary Olympics, but to train for 4 more years and then go to the next Olympics as a competitor with a chance to win. Jackman is afraid that all Eddie will be at Calgary is a laughing stock. Which, he is but so what? Eddie’s going to the Olympics! He calls Jackman an alcoholic (saying nothing about his smoking, because he too was paid off by Big Tobacco) and splits for Calgary. POINT OF LOGIC – Who cares if they would have laughed at Eddie at Calgary? He still could have trained for the next four years, competed all over the world, and worked his way to the upper echelon of groove – you know, the Gold Standard! (Just seeing if you were paying attention.)

The rest of the British team makes fun of Eddie and gets him drunk so that he misses the opening ceremonies. Why? What in the Sam Hill did this have to do with anything? It only made Eddie look even more stupid, and it didn’t happen in real life. By this point of the movie, Eddie was so completely moronic and pathetic that we didn’t need any more reason to feel sympathetic towards him. I hate the people that made this movie.

Eddie comes in last in the 70-meter jump and sure enough, is feeling inadequate. There’s only one thing to do – compete in the 90-meter event! Never mind that he has never once jumped from that height. Who cares? It’s the Olympics! Olympic spirit! Cheerio! Jolly good show! Everyone is sure Eddie is going to die, but they let him enter the 90-meter event anyway.

Eddie gets on the elevator to go to the 90-meter jumping off place (not letting de-elevator take him down!), and in the elevator with him is the Finnish world champion – you remember, the guy that looks exactly like a young David Bowie? This time, he’s nice to Eddie and says that the only thing that matters is doing your absolute best. Which he (the Finland jumper) does – he goes first and sets a new Olympic jumping record. Now it’s Eddie’s turn.

But he’s scared. Man, that’s a long ramp! Even thinking of Bo Derek doesn’t help much (Bo Derek was his jumping thought – Jackman told him to imagine he was boinking Bo Derek as he raced down the ramp, and then just as he launched into air, he was supposed to imagine he was orgasming and let out a war/orgasm yell. The ONLY clever thing in this movie was the playing of “Bolero” as Jackman was telling Eddie all this. It was a reference Bo Derek’s break-out movie “10”, where that is the song played when Dudley Moore has sex with Bo Derek.)

You know what happens next, right? Of course you do! Everyone thinks Eddie has chickened out but he finally gets his Bo Derek boner (I assume), pushes off the ramp, and jumps. Oh, wait – I forgot to tell you. Even though Eddie had said a bunch of nasty things to Jackman, somehow Jackman makes it to Calgary and they make up. Now, where was I?

Oh yes – the jump of Eddie’s life! Guess what? He lands it! He almost doesn’t, but he recovers and now the whole world loves him. Life is great!

In the locker room afterwards, everyone is congratulating Eddie and who comes in but Coach Christopher Walken! He tells Eddie he is impressed, and then he tells Jackman that he was wrong about him. Jackman and Coach Christopher Walken hug it out, and now Jackman is no longer an alcoholic.

Eddie is a national hero in Britain, mobbed at the airport. His mum and dad are there (how did they get there when their truck was stolen by Eddie some months ago?). Eddie’s mum has a sweater that says “I’m Eddie’s Mum”. Eddie’s dad is wearing a jacket. Which he unzips to reveal an “I’m Eddie’s Dad” sweater! And they all live happily ever after! Except that we never do learn what happened to the 1976-pretending-to-be-a-1972 Trans Am. Or whether or not Eddie was ever prosecuted for stealing his dad's work truck.

Once again, the RodeoSchro Theorem of Review Length Versus Movie Ridiculousness proves correct. I’ve written over 2,300 words about a really crappy movie. The ONLY thing this movie has going for it is the germination of another movie that could star Jackman and the dude that played the Finnish jumper. It could be a Springsteen Meets Bowie plot. But I’ll tell you what – I am writing that movie. I wouldn’t let anyone involved in "Eddie the Eagle" within 1,000 miles of my screenplay.

Let's tie this all together. Eddie the Eagle should not be confused with Eddie Eagle. Eddie Eagle is the NRA’s mascot. But doesn’t that just make everything perfect? Here we have a movie that is incredibly stupid, was sold out to the murderers at Big Tobacco, and has a character that could possibly be confused with the mascot of the villainous and treacherous NRA. A perfect amalgamation of shit.


This movie gets ½ poop log out of 5 poop logs. In fact, if you see this DVD in the store, you should take it to the restroom and give it the other 4 ½ poop logs it deserves.

.

[Edited 7/7/16 10:10am]

Just finished "London Has Fallen". Boy, has it ever!

This is a great summer movie, and it's a great movie to watch after several glasses of fine Pinot Noir. So imagine how much I enjoyed it having watched it this summer after drinking several glasses of fine Pinot Noir!

This is another way of saying, "You should be pretty drunk when you watch this, so as to not get too worked up over incredible plot holes and impossible situations that could never happen in real life".

Mission accomplished - for me!

I rate "London Has Fallen" at 3 Exploded London Bridges out of 5 Exploded London Bridges. Watch it!

damosuzuki said:

sexton said:

Whit's first three movies were recently reissued as a nice Criterion Blu-ray box set. I may pick that up sometime this month during the Barnes & Noble Criterion half-price sale.

Nice. Time got away from me, so I only watched Metropolitan, which I still like quite a bit, though I'd definitely say it didn't resonate on a personal level the way it did when I first watched it. I would probably rate a 3.5 or so.

I still haven't watched Close-up (you told me to in 2012 - I looked it up yesterday), but with Kiarostami's unfortunate death this week, I did sit down to re-watch Taste of Cherry, and I loved it plenty...4.5 let's say.

Close-Up is great. I didn't know Kiarostami passed away. Certified Copy is another favorite of mine from him. I'll have to look up some more of his films too.

RodeoSchro said:

We recently watched "Eddie the Eagle". Why did we watch that movie? In retrospect, that is the only question that needs to be asked.

FULL DISCLOSURE - I am on the top of a mountain. My internet download speed is 256K. I can actually hear the modem connecting to the satellite. It's like the olden days, which means: (1) I don't get online much; and (2) I can't post any pictures. (1) is meaningless but (2) is important, as there are some graphical images that would prove helpful in this review.

For instance, I had no idea how alike Hugh Jackman and Bruce Springsteen look. It's true, and if I could post some pictures, you'd know it. But since that's impossible, I must paint a picture with words.

ENTER: Hugh Jackman. His hair is short-cropped, but his sideburns are long. He hasn't shaved in a few days. He's wearing a black shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, top two buttons undone. The shirt has a European cut, and is tucked tightly into his black jeans. Jackman's work boots are worn but sturdy. He grabs a guitar and blasts into "Born in the USA". Well, he could have. That's how much he looks like the Boss. But enough picture-painting. Let's talk about this turkey of a movie.

This movie could have been great. There was no need have "(b)ased this movie on a true story". They should have just told the true story as it happened! It's a great story! But no - they had to interject all kinds of idiotic devices intended to touch every base in the How To Make A Feel-Good Movie handbook. Which is OK, except:

THESE MOTHERF******S SOLD OUT TO MARLBORO. What a major disappointment. Hugh Jackman was a non-stop commercial for Marlboro cigarettes. Why? Why in God's name did he have to light up a cancer stick EVERY SINGLE TIME HE WAS ONSCREEN? It made absolutely no sense; added nothing to Jackman's character; and was nothing more than an obvious money grab. I hope the producers of this movie lost every cent they have. They deserve it, for promoting cigarettes like they did. (Also, it should be noted that Bruce Springsteen does not smoke, so that ruined the Springsteen comparison.)

So right away, we know that no matter what else happens in this movie, I'm going to hate it. You should too. Anyone that promotes smoking deserves to lose everything they have. But you know what? Even if Jackman hadn't been a Merchant of Death, this movie would still have sucked. So, on to the sucking!

Eddie was stupid. Geez, whoever wrote his character should have their laptop confiscated. He was incredibly one-dimensional, and was supposed to be loveable because his glasses kept slipping down his nose, he only drank milk, and he refused the advances of a woman. Now honestly - would a person who did that in real life endear himself to you? Of course not! Eddie was a klutz, a doofus, and a character to who no one could relate.

Naturally, since this is a movie of stereotypes, he had a nice British mum and an a-hole British dad. Mum encouraged him, Dad berated him. Eddie had no visible means of support, or access to a ski mountain, but there was a fake ski bunny slope somewhere near where he lived, so we were to believe that he learned how to ski well enough on that bunny slope that he was good enough to try out for Britain's ski team. Yeah, right.

Of course, the British Ski Team is run by a stereotypical uptight, long-necked, haughty poopstick who isn’t about to let a guy like Eddie on the team. So what is Eddie to do?

Somehow, he finds out that once upon a time, Britain had a ski jumper. Now they don’t, so Eddie figures that all he has to do to fulfill his life-long dream of being an Olympian is to learn how to ski jump. So he steals his dad’s work truck, gets his mum to give him their life savings, heads out to the Chunnell and drives to Germany (I guess, how else could you get a stolen work truck to Germany?), intending to learn how to ski jump.

He arrives in Germany with no more money and nowhere to sleep, so he hides in the storage closet of the bar located at the bottom of the ski-jumping practice area. He’s discovered by a not-too-bad-looking lady, who says he can stay there if he will work, and if he will let her “visit” him sometimes. He agrees to the work part but not to the “visitations”. The lady lets him stay anyway. QUESTION – Does anybody know about the quake? And: why did they have to make this lady a slut? There was no reason. She was going to let him stay. Her sexual promiscuity added absolutely nothing to anything. She had no other boyfriend or lovers. It’s like that was one of the points the writers thought they had to check off on the How To Make A Hip Movie checklist. Just another stupid decision.

Eddie gets up the next morning, puts on his baby skis, and tries the 15-meter jump. He sticks the landing! Of course, he only jumped about 10 feet, but no matter! After one successful jump, he decides he’s ready for the 40-meter ramp! (The ramp heights are 15 meters; 40 meters; 70 meters; and 90 meters.) So, up he goes!

Off he goes! Into the air he goes! Plowing into the snow he goes! Whereupon he is discovered, laying in the snow and covered in blood, by Hugh Jackman, who drives the ski-slope Zamboni. Jackman isn’t so much concerned about Eddie’s injuries as he is by Eddie’s messing up of the snow. You see, the best ski jumpers in the world train at this facility, and even though they all make fun of Jackman because Jackman is an alcoholic who smokes all the time, Jackman cares about his mountain. Why?

Because Jackman was once a great ski jumper! Probably the best America ever had! But he got kicked off the team back in the 1970’s by Coach Christopher Walken because he was reckless and undisciplined. This action led Jackman to become a full-time drunk and part-time restorer of a Firebird Trans-Am.

POINT OF PARLIMENTARY PROCEDURE – The Trans Am is described by Jackman as a ’72 model but it is CLEARLY a ’76 – ’79 model. The grille has rectangular headlights which, as a former owner of two 1974 Super Duty 455 Trans Ams, I know means it can be no older than a 1976 model. Again – why? Why did the producers/director/writers screw up on such a meaningless point? There was no reason to mess this up, yet they did. This little item showcases the sloppiness and just general bad film-making skills that went into this movie.

So, everyone is making fun of Eddie – Jackman, the Finland ski jump team, the star Finnish ski jumper (who is a dead-ringer for a young David Bowie), and probably that bar lady he won’t have relations with. What is Eddie to do? Try to jump again!

He does, he crashes badly, and he is sent to the hospital. For some unknown reason Jackman goes to visit him. Eddie is asleep and Jackman notices that Eddie has a copy of Coach Christopher Walken’s book! This impresses Jackman, even though in the book Coach Christopher Walken says that Jackman is his greatest disappointment.

The next night, everyone is at the bar and the Finland ski team is once again making fun of Eddie. A drunken Jackman tells them to stop, whereupon the Finland coach punches his lights out. When Jackman wakes up, he decides the only thing to do is show these Finnish jerks who he is. Unbelievably, no one knows that Jackman was once one of the greatest ski jumpers in the world.

So Jackman goes to the top of the 90-meter jump – did I mention it’s about midnight and pitch black? – fires up a cancer stick, and takes off. Wearing no helmet, goggles, or other safety equipment. And, of course, lands a perfect jump. In the dark. While drunk. After just getting his lights punched out. Yay!

Jackman takes Eddie under his wing and they go to a contest where all Eddie has to do is land a jump and he qualifies for the Olympics. Eddie lands the jump, sends in his result to the British Olympic team, and they summon him back to England so they can tell him he is not ever going to be on the Olympic team. You see, even though Eddie is the “current British ski-jumping record-holder”, his jump was only 40 meters and they have decided that if you can’t jump 60 meters, then you can’t be on the team. This is all relayed to Eddie in a very snooty manner, of course. Eddie is disappointed.

Still in possession of his father’s stolen work truck (how is his father able to do his job as a masonry artist? This nagging question is never answered), Eddie and Jackman head out to various contests, where Eddie fails time after time to land that magic 60-meter jump. They end up at the last contest, run “by the book” by some very fastidious Germans. Eddie nails a 61-meter jump in warm-ups but in the real thing, he falls. He begs for another chance but the fastidious Germans say “we go strrrrrrrrrrictly by the book” so that’s that.

Except it isn’t! Going “by the book” means they certified his practice jump, so Eddie’s on the team! Hooray for fastidious Germans! (NOTE: This isn’t at all how it happened in real life. The real life story is waaaaaaaay better. Eddie lived in a Finnish mental hospital for a while!)

Jackman, however, has other plans. He thinks Eddie really can be a good jumper and he advises Eddie not to go to the Calgary Olympics, but to train for 4 more years and then go to the next Olympics as a competitor with a chance to win. Jackman is afraid that all Eddie will be at Calgary is a laughing stock. Which, he is but so what? Eddie’s going to the Olympics! He calls Jackman an alcoholic (saying nothing about his smoking, because he too was paid off by Big Tobacco) and splits for Calgary. POINT OF LOGIC – Who cares if they would have laughed at Eddie at Calgary? He still could have trained for the next four years, competed all over the world, and worked his way to the upper echelon of groove – you know, the Gold Standard! (Just seeing if you were paying attention.)

The rest of the British team makes fun of Eddie and gets him drunk so that he misses the opening ceremonies. Why? What in the Sam Hill did this have to do with anything? It only made Eddie look even more stupid, and it didn’t happen in real life. By this point of the movie, Eddie was so completely moronic and pathetic that we didn’t need any more reason to feel sympathetic towards him. I hate the people that made this movie.

Eddie comes in last in the 70-meter jump and sure enough, is feeling inadequate. There’s only one thing to do – compete in the 90-meter event! Never mind that he has never once jumped from that height. Who cares? It’s the Olympics! Olympic spirit! Cheerio! Jolly good show! Everyone is sure Eddie is going to die, but they let him enter the 90-meter event anyway.

Eddie gets on the elevator to go to the 90-meter jumping off place (not letting de-elevator take him down!), and in the elevator with him is the Finnish world champion – you remember, the guy that looks exactly like a young David Bowie? This time, he’s nice to Eddie and says that the only thing that matters is doing your absolute best. Which he (the Finland jumper) does – he goes first and sets a new Olympic jumping record. Now it’s Eddie’s turn.

But he’s scared. Man, that’s a long ramp! Even thinking of Bo Derek doesn’t help much (Bo Derek was his jumping thought – Jackman told him to imagine he was boinking Bo Derek as he raced down the ramp, and then just as he launched into air, he was supposed to imagine he was orgasming and let out a war/orgasm yell. The ONLY clever thing in this movie was the playing of “Bolero” as Jackman was telling Eddie all this. It was a reference Bo Derek’s break-out movie “10”, where that is the song played when Dudley Moore has sex with Bo Derek.)

You know what happens next, right? Of course you do! Everyone thinks Eddie has chickened out but he finally gets his Bo Derek boner (I assume), pushes off the ramp, and jumps. Oh, wait – I forgot to tell you. Even though Eddie had said a bunch of nasty things to Jackman, somehow Jackman makes it to Calgary and they make up. Now, where was I?

Oh yes – the jump of Eddie’s life! Guess what? He lands it! He almost doesn’t, but he recovers and now the whole world loves him. Life is great!

In the locker room afterwards, everyone is congratulating Eddie and who comes in but Coach Christopher Walken! He tells Eddie he is impressed, and then he tells Jackman that he was wrong about him. Jackman and Coach Christopher Walken hug it out, and now Jackman is no longer an alcoholic.

Eddie is a national hero in Britain, mobbed at the airport. His mum and dad are there (how did they get there when their truck was stolen by Eddie some months ago?). Eddie’s mum has a sweater that says “I’m Eddie’s Mum”. Eddie’s dad is wearing a jacket. Which he unzips to reveal an “I’m Eddie’s Dad” sweater! And they all live happily ever after! Except that we never do learn what happened to the 1976-pretending-to-be-a-1972 Trans Am. Or whether or not Eddie was ever prosecuted for stealing his dad's work truck.

Once again, the RodeoSchro Theorem of Review Length Versus Movie Ridiculousness proves correct. I’ve written over 2,300 words about a really crappy movie. The ONLY thing this movie has going for it is the germination of another movie that could star Jackman and the dude that played the Finnish jumper. It could be a Springsteen Meets Bowie plot. But I’ll tell you what – I am writing that movie. I wouldn’t let anyone involved in "Eddie the Eagle" within 1,000 miles of my screenplay.

Let's tie this all together. Eddie the Eagle should not be confused with Eddie Eagle. Eddie Eagle is the NRA’s mascot. But doesn’t that just make everything perfect? Here we have a movie that is incredibly stupid, was sold out to the murderers at Big Tobacco, and has a character that could possibly be confused with the mascot of the villainous and treacherous NRA. A perfect amalgamation of shit.


This movie gets ½ poop log out of 5 poop logs. In fact, if you see this DVD in the store, you should take it to the restroom and give it the other 4 ½ poop logs it deserves.

.

[Edited 7/7/16 10:10am]

RodeoSchro said:

Just finished "London Has Fallen". Boy, has it ever!

This is a great summer movie, and it's a great movie to watch after several glasses of fine Pinot Noir. So imagine how much I enjoyed it having watched it this summer after drinking several glasses of fine Pinot Noir!

This is another way of saying, "You should be pretty drunk when you watch this, so as to not get too worked up over incredible plot holes and impossible situations that could never happen in real life".

Mission accomplished - for me!

Ace said:

RodeoSchro said:

My incredibly long yet hilarious review of "Eddie the Eagle".

.

[Edited 7/7/16 10:10am]

I hope no one actually poops on this movie. Because if they do, I will be held responsible. Then my wife will find out about this review and she will kill me, because she LOVED this movie.

So, mum's the word! (BTW, do I get any kudos for my repeated use of "mum" when describing the British mother?)

.

[Edited 7/7/16 14:21pm]

RodeoSchro said:

Ace said:

I hope no one actually poops on this movie. Because if they do, I will be held responsible. Then my wife will find out about this review and she will kill me, because she LOVED this movie.

So, mum's the word! (BTW, do I get any kudos for my repeated use of "mum" when describing the British mother?)

.

[Edited 7/7/16 14:21pm]

Forrest Gump..Fantastic movie..

blueshouse21 said:

Forrest Gump..Fantastic movie..

Beautiful, moving and meaningful movie, specially every single time Jenny left him behind.