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Thread started 05/27/14 5:09am

Estelle

So a friend

Of mine just got dumped by her boyfriend of about 4 months because she has two young kids (single mum) and he was finding it hard. Kids are 3 and 1.
She's 23, he is 28.

So my question is would u date someone with kids?
I have to say I would struggle with it. Don't get me wrong, kids would come first over anyone I was dating but as the person dating someone with kids I have to say it would be tough..especially with them so young.
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Reply #1 posted 05/27/14 7:05am

CarrieMpls

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Probably depends on the guy and the kids. I wouldn’t say a blanket “no” but it would be a factor for sure.

The things that would make it most likely to work out would be:

  • The person is a good parent
  • Has a good relationship with the co-parent/ex (I’m not getting in the middle of a yucky situation)
  • Kids are older than infants/toddler stages (I don’t want to deal w/potty training, getting up in the middle of the night and all that business.)

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Reply #2 posted 05/27/14 7:20am

luv4u

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moderator

Estelle said:

Of mine just got dumped by her boyfriend of about 4 months because she has two young kids (single mum) and he was finding it hard. Kids are 3 and 1. She's 23, he is 28. So my question is would u date someone with kids? I have to say I would struggle with it. Don't get me wrong, kids would come first over anyone I was dating but as the person dating someone with kids I have to say it would be tough..especially with them so young.



Yes I would. Since he dumped her then he was not worth it. She should forget him and move on. Someday a good man will come along and love her and accept the package that came with her.

canada

Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture!
REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince
"I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben
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Reply #3 posted 05/27/14 7:35am

chocolate1

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I used to say no, then I met a couple of guys who had kids.
One guy was a single dad with no involvement from the mom, but we just didn't work out.

I got engaged to the other, and his older daughter was a major factor in our never getting married.

At this stage in my life, I'm meeting guys with grown kids/grandkids. As someone who never had my own children, I think it'd really depend on the situation.


"Love Hurts.
Your lies, they cut me.
Now your words don't mean a thing.
I don't give a damn if you ever loved me..."

-Cher, "Woman's World"
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Reply #4 posted 05/27/14 10:34am

Stymie

Absolutely because I would want someone to do it for me.

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Reply #5 posted 05/27/14 11:18am

MoBettaBliss

yes... i have done a few times

the children weren't a factor in us breaking up... in one case in particular, it actually made it much harder for me to leave, as i cared about the kids a lot

we're all different though... i don't think it makes your friend's boyfriend a jerk

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Reply #6 posted 05/27/14 11:22am

Estelle

MoBettaBliss said:

yes... i have done a few times



the children weren't a factor in us breaking up... in one case in particular, it actually made it much harder for me to leave, as i cared about the kids a lot



we're all different though... i don't think it makes your friend's boyfriend a jerk



No I don't think it makes him a jerk either... It's a lot to take on especially when they are so young
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Reply #7 posted 05/27/14 1:21pm

novabrkr

I think it's a good way to "test" if you're into the other person enough. If you feel the kids aren't a problem then you might just have found someone you really like. If you feel that they really are a problem then that's a good indication that there's not enough attraction and personal chemistry involved with the other person either. I know it doesn't always go like that, but it's something to think about at least.

My previous gf was several years older than me and she had an 18 year old son living with her. It felt weird, but mostly because he wasn't interested in anything else than sitting in front of his PC playing computer games. He'd hardly ever spend his free time elsewhere and never hung out with his friends from school either. He always just sat at that one spot and didn't talk much. I figured out that I would probably never manage to get him interested in other things (reading, music, whatever), as he was already so old and didn't seem to have any sort of personal ambitions. It was one of the reasons why I didn't want to continue the relationship, because I know I was bound to fail in establishing a connection with that son of hers.

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Reply #8 posted 05/27/14 8:58pm

PurpleJedi

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I'm looking FORWARD to meeting someone with kids.

Only a fellow single parent could possibly understand & deal with the chaos.

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #9 posted 05/27/14 9:00pm

Ocean

If I was ever dating lol I would prefer he had no kids.... He would have to be one hell of a guy for me to take on another women's kids lol
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Reply #10 posted 05/28/14 2:42am

chocolate1

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PurpleJedi said:

I'm looking FORWARD to meeting someone with kids.

Only a fellow single parent could possibly understand & deal with the chaos.




hug


"Love Hurts.
Your lies, they cut me.
Now your words don't mean a thing.
I don't give a damn if you ever loved me..."

-Cher, "Woman's World"
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Reply #11 posted 05/28/14 3:41am

Ocean

PurpleJedi said:

I'm looking FORWARD to meeting someone with kids.

Only a fellow single parent could possibly understand & deal with the chaos.


U could end up with like 10 kids lol
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Reply #12 posted 05/28/14 7:09am

luv4u

Moderator

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moderator

Ocean said:

PurpleJedi said:

I'm looking FORWARD to meeting someone with kids.

Only a fellow single parent could possibly understand & deal with the chaos.

U could end up with like 10 kids lol



spit

canada

Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture!
REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince
"I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben
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Reply #13 posted 05/28/14 7:29am

PurpleJedi

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Ocean said:

PurpleJedi said:

I'm looking FORWARD to meeting someone with kids.

Only a fellow single parent could possibly understand & deal with the chaos.

U could end up with like 10 kids lol


bringiton

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #14 posted 05/28/14 7:32am

JoeTyler

HELL TO THE NAW

not that there's something wrong about it, it's not something I'm prepared to deal with, really

[Edited 5/28/14 8:27am]

tinkerbell
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Reply #15 posted 05/28/14 8:15am

Shyra

When I was dating, I had a few boyfriends who had kids. One guy was raising his 8 year old son alone. He was a nice kid, but I knew the father was looking for a mom for his son, and I wasn't ready for that, and I wasn't into the dude that much anyway. The second guy had two kids, a boy and a girl, about 10 and 12 years old. The boy was fine, but I knew the little girl would be a problem. She was the jealous type and wanted all her father's attention. They lived with their mother, so it wasn't much of a problem, but he and I didn't work out. Another guy had a daughter whom he spoiled rotten because he felt guilty for not being with her and the mother. She was a little manipulator. Nix that.

At this stage of my life, I'm not willing to take on any little kids. If a man has kids, they best be almost grown and out on their own. I'm not raising any man's kids, sorry. I didn't bring any kids into this world, and I'm not taking on the financial responsibility of helping some man raise his. hmph!

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Reply #16 posted 05/28/14 8:31am

JustErin

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Preferably no.

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Reply #17 posted 05/28/14 7:39pm

Lammastide

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Were I single, I'd be open to dating someone with kids. That said, my endgame would be becoming an integral part of that person's life and extended family, though -- so the long-term viability of the relationship would depend to a significant degree on my chemistry not only with that prospective partner, but also with his kid(s) and the other parent.

[Edited 5/28/14 19:43pm]

Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ
πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν
τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.”
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Reply #18 posted 05/29/14 9:52am

ThisOne

It's a very selfish and childish act to dump someone and use their kids as an excuse

What ppl need to realise is those children learn to love and accept you - by dating their parent you have become a big part of their life and you are also looked upon as a patent - they look up to u even tho they may not call u mum or dad

when you leave and use them as an excuse you hurt them immensely

I would date someone with children and treat those children as my own.....,
they need to know that they mean something and are as important to you as their own parent
mailto:www.iDon'tThinkSo.com.Uranus
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