High

Currently travelling in India and looking for a job as a French or English teacher in Asia, I have learnt that 2 local univesities (local being where I am at the moment) may be lookin for a French lecturer. I will go there but in case I couldn't meet the right person I have written a motivation letter to be given to him/her alongside my CV. Could some native English speakers please give me a feedback about the letter's language, proofreading it and maybe help me avoid some repetitions or poorly written sentences?

Many thanks

Here's the letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is with great enthusiasm that I submit my resume in consideration for a position as a French lecturer/teacher with NAME OF SCHOOL. I have a DAEFLE degree in teaching French, granted by the renowned Alliance Française de Paris, a TEFL certificate and an 18 months experience as both an English and French teacher.

After dedicating the first 13 years of my professional life to cultural management in France, I have decided to move to Asia after several exciting travels to India and China. This led me to pursue adequate trainings in teaching both French and English, and obtain the aforementioned degrees. I have gained my first experience in that field as an ESL teacher in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I have worked daily with young children for a year and a half, while at the same time tutoring French to a few adult students.

My experience with the children (aged 3 to 12) has been a particularly rewarding one. I have been given the opportunity to conceive not only lessons but the whole curriculum, which allowed me to get a full understanding of, and constantly adjust our activities to my students' specific and evolving capacities. Due to young children's short attention spans, I've kept diversifying classroom activities, using various material such as games, pictures, flashcards, storybooks, oral storytelling, cartoons and open conversations about a vast number of topics. Teaching students of different age categories all at the same time, I've had to be particularly careful to each student's unique needs and pace. Eventually, I was glad to observe that my mission had been a success: after 18 months, beginners who knew neither how to write, read nor speak English were able to speak at a low-intermediate level. I left them with the ability to read and write all the roman alphabet's letters as well as a basic understanding of the phonic system, a lot of vocabulary, the skills to communicate easily about their personnal experiences, environment and activities, and the capacity to tell simple stories.

I am a compassionate teacher with excellent communicative and empathic abilities that allow me to put people at ease. Therefore, I consider it a priority to make my students feel comfortable, secure and engaged, as well as constantly encouraged no matter their difficulties. After this experience with children, I look forward to teach different kinds of age categories, including university students, and to experiment new teaching methodologies.

Passionate with intercultural exchanges, I have a profound interest in, and deep understanding of the specifics of the Indian culture. I am convinced that teaching a language is not only about the language as an end in itself, but also about creating the right context for a thought-provoking mutual understanding between the source culture and its target counterpart. By all means, I will be glad to bring my contribution to a great Indian university such as yours.

I would enjoy the possibility to meet you in person to discuss how my diverse skills and experiences will enable me to be a valuable addition to NAME OF SCHOOL's team. I will be residing in Fort Cochin until around April 27^th. I currently don't have an Indian sim card to be reached by phone but I am connected to the internet on a daily basis, therefore I invite you to send me an email at EMAIL ADDRESS in order to give me an appointment at your convenience, that I shall confirm and honor.

Sincerely,

where in Asia do you wish to work?

imago said:

where in Asia do you wish to work?

India

PANDURITO said:

imago said:

where in Asia do you wish to work?

India

I'm not asking where the OP is currently travelling.

You are obviously fluent in English and a very eloquent writer, so please take no insult to what I have written below.

Your resume/CV cover letter should always be about brevity, but highlighting your skillset (minus telling too much of the story). In other words, you are burdened with hooking the employer with your skills, but not burdening him with too much detail.

As a result, you have to minimize your wants and desires, and stress your accomplishments.

Skills come in secondary.

Your desire is always:

a job, opportunity

Your accomplishment/skills are always:

What you have accomplished--what you can do is fine, but accomplishments are better.

Always aim for an ecomony of words--if you can say it in fewer words, then you should.

The cover letter, for all the sweat you put into it, gets a VERY QUICK glance.

And, the empoyer HATES flowery language or too many words.

So again, great job, so don't think I'm taking a piss at you with my response.

---------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is with great enthusiasm that I submit my resume in consideration for a position as a French lecturer/teacher with NAME OF SCHOOL. I would like to submit my resume to teach French at NAME OF SCHOOL. (Strip the 'forma' language out of your resume--use an economy of words)The environment and mission of the school is in line with my personal beleifs and interests. (here you want to establish that you've done your research) I have a DAEFLE degree in teaching French, granted by the renowned Alliance Française de Paris, a TEFL certificate and an 18 months experience as both an English and French teacher, and feel qualified for the position.

As you can see from my resume, I have an extensive education and professional background. (here, you need a topic sentence) After dedicating the first 13 years of my professional life to in cultural management in France, I have decided to move to Asia after several exciting travels to India and China (superflous and unecessary towards the paragraph's aim). Here, I obtained my to pursue adequate trainings in teaching both French and English the DAEFLE and TEFL and work experience. I was an ESL teacher in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I have worked daily with young children for a year and a half, while at the same time tutoring French to a few adult students.

My experience with the children (aged 3 to 12) has been a particularly rewarding one. I have been given the opportunity to conceive not only lessons but the whole curriculum I have designed both lesson plans and entire curriculums addressing my students' specific and evolving capacities. Due to young children's short attention spans, Adapting to young children's speciic needs I've kept diversifying classroom activities, using various material such as games, pictures, flashcards, storybooks, oral storytelling, cartoons and open conversations about a vast number of topics. Each lesson addressed the needs of various ages and learning styles (visual, auditory, and kenesthetic). Teaching students of different age categories all at the same time, I've had to be particularly careful to each student's unique needs and pace. Eventually, I was glad to observe that my mission had been a success: after 18 months, beginners who knew neither how to write, read nor speak English were able to speak at a low-intermediate level. Students in my program who started without the ability to read and write could speak at a low intermediate level within 18 months. The aquired skills included reading and writing all the roman alphabet's letters as well as a basic understanding of the phonic system, a lot of vocabulary, the skills to communicate easily about their personnal experiences, environment and activities, and the capacity to tell simple stories.

I am a compassionate teacher with excellent communicative and empathic abilities that allow me to put people at ease. Therefore, I consider it a priority to make my students feel comfortable, secure and engaged, as well as constantly encouraged no matter their difficulties. After this experience with children, I look forward to teach different kinds of age categories, including university students, and to experiment new teaching methodologies.

( good, but very wordy for what it says). Perhaps: My lecture style promotes a non-intimidating but goal oriented classroom, and I am interested in discovering new teaching methodologies in different age groups. Moreover, being a firm believer in diversity and multiculturalism, I feel that I can foster an environment that incorporates these ideals at your INSERT UNVERSITY NAME HERE. (this is a combination of the previous paragraph and the one below)

Passionate with intercultural exchanges, I have a profound interest in, and deep understanding of the specifics of the Indian culture. I am convinced that teaching a language is not only about the language as an end in itself, but also about creating the right context for a thought-provoking mutual understanding between the source culture and its target counterpart. By all means, I will be glad to bring my contribution to a great Indian university such as yours.

I would enjoy the possibility to meet you in person to discuss how my diverse skills and experiences will enable me to be a valuable addition to NAME OF SCHOOL's team. I will be residing in Fort Cochin until around April 27^th. I currently don't have an Indian sim card to be reached by phone but I am connected to the internet on a daily basis, therefore I invite you to send me an email at EMAIL ADDRESS in order to give me an appointment at your convenience, that I shall confirm and honor.

Sincerely,

.

[Edited 4/6/13 12:01pm]

imago said:

You are obviously fluent in English and a very eloquent writer, so please take no insult to what I have written below.

Your resume/CV cover letter should always be about brevity, but highlighting your skillset (minus telling too much of the story). In other words, you are burdened with hooking the employer with your skills, but not burdening him with too much detail.

As a result, you have to minimize your wants and desires, and stress your accomplishments.

Skills come in secondary.

Your desire is always:

a job, opportunity

Your accomplishment/skills are always:

What you have accomplished--what you can do is fine, but accomplishments are better.

Always aim for an ecomony of words--if you can say it in fewer words, then you should.

The cover letter, for all the sweat you put into it, gets a VERY QUICK glance.

And, the empoyer HATES flowery language or too many words.

So again, great job, so don't think I'm taking a piss at you with my response.

---------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is with great enthusiasm that I submit my resume in consideration for a position as a French lecturer/teacher with NAME OF SCHOOL. I would like to submit my resume to teach French at NAME OF SCHOOL. (Strip the 'forma' language out of your resume--use an economy of words)The environment and mission of the school is in line with my personal beleifs and interests. (here you want to establish that you've done your research) I have a DAEFLE degree in teaching French, granted by the renowned Alliance Française de Paris, a TEFL certificate and an 18 months experience as both an English and French teacher, and feel qualified for the position.

As you can see from my resume, I have an extensive education and professional background. (here, you need a topic sentence) After dedicating the first 13 years of my professional life to in cultural management in France, I have decided to move to Asia after several exciting travels to India and China (superflous and unecessary towards the paragraph's aim). Here, I obtained my to pursue adequate trainings in teaching both French and English the DAEFLE and TEFL and work experience. I was an ESL teacher in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I have worked daily with young children for a year and a half, while at the same time tutoring French to a few adult students.

My experience with the children (aged 3 to 12) has been a particularly rewarding one. I have been given the opportunity to conceive not only lessons but the whole curriculum I have designed both lesson plans and entire curriculums becoming highly capable of my students' specific and evolving capacities. Due to young children's short attention spans, Adapting to young children's speciic needs I've kept diversifying classroom activities, using various material such as games, pictures, flashcards, storybooks, oral storytelling, cartoons and open conversations about a vast number of topics. Each lesson addressed the needs of various ages and learning styles (visual, auditory, and kenesthetic). Teaching students of different age categories all at the same time, I've had to be particularly careful to each student's unique needs and pace. Eventually, I was glad to observe that my mission had been a success: after 18 months, beginners who knew neither how to write, read nor speak English were able to speak at a low-intermediate level. Students in my program who started without the ability to read and write could speak at a low intermediate level within 18 months. The aquired skills included read and write all the roman alphabet's letters as well as a basic understanding of the phonic system, a lot of vocabulary, the skills to communicate easily about their personnal experiences, environment and activities, and the capacity to tell simple stories.

I am a compassionate teacher with excellent communicative and empathic abilities that allow me to put people at ease. Therefore, I consider it a priority to make my students feel comfortable, secure and engaged, as well as constantly encouraged no matter their difficulties. After this experience with children, I look forward to teach different kinds of age categories, including university students, and to experiment new teaching methodologies.

( good, but very wordy for what it says). Perhaps: My lecture style promotes a non-intimidating but goal oriented classroom, and I am interested in discovering new teaching methodologies in different age groups. Moreover, being a firm believer in diversity and multiculturalism, I feel that I can foster an environment that incorporates these ideals at your INSERT UNVERSITY NAME HERE. (this is a combination of the previous paragraph and the one below)

Passionate with intercultural exchanges, I have a profound interest in, and deep understanding of the specifics of the Indian culture. I am convinced that teaching a language is not only about the language as an end in itself, but also about creating the right context for a thought-provoking mutual understanding between the source culture and its target counterpart. By all means, I will be glad to bring my contribution to a great Indian university such as yours.

I would enjoy the possibility to meet you in person to discuss how my diverse skills and experiences will enable me to be a valuable addition to NAME OF SCHOOL's team. I will be residing in Fort Cochin until around April 27^th. I currently don't have an Indian sim card to be reached by phone but I am connected to the internet on a daily basis, therefore I invite you to send me an email at EMAIL ADDRESS in order to give me an appointment at your convenience, that I shall confirm and honor.

Sincerely,

.

[Edited 4/6/13 11:34am]

[Edited 4/6/13 11:37am]

good man

imago said:

You are obviously fluent in English and a very eloquent writer, so please take no insult to what I have written below.

Your resume/CV cover letter should always be about brevity, but highlighting your skillset (minus telling too much of the story). In other words, you are burdened with hooking the employer with your skills, but not burdening him with too much detail.

As a result, you have to minimize your wants and desires, and stress your accomplishments.

Skills come in secondary.

Your desire is always:

a job, opportunity

Your accomplishment/skills are always:

What you have accomplished--what you can do is fine, but accomplishments are better.

Always aim for an ecomony of words--if you can say it in fewer words, then you should.

The cover letter, for all the sweat you put into it, gets a VERY QUICK glance.

And, the empoyer HATES flowery language or too many words.

So again, great job, so don't think I'm taking a piss at you with my response.

---------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is with great enthusiasm that I submit my resume in consideration for a position as a French lecturer/teacher with NAME OF SCHOOL. I would like to submit my resume to teach French at NAME OF SCHOOL. (Strip the 'forma' language out of your resume--use an economy of words)The environment and mission of the school is in line with my personal beleifs and interests. (here you want to establish that you've done your research) I have a DAEFLE degree in teaching French, granted by the renowned Alliance Française de Paris, a TEFL certificate and an 18 months experience as both an English and French teacher, and feel qualified for the position.

As you can see from my resume, I have an extensive education and professional background. (here, you need a topic sentence) After dedicating the first 13 years of my professional life to in cultural management in France, I have decided to move to Asia after several exciting travels to India and China (superflous and unecessary towards the paragraph's aim). Here, I obtained my to pursue adequate trainings in teaching both French and English the DAEFLE and TEFL and work experience. I was an ESL teacher in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I have worked daily with young children for a year and a half, while at the same time tutoring French to a few adult students.

My experience with the children (aged 3 to 12) has been a particularly rewarding one. I have been given the opportunity to conceive not only lessons but the whole curriculum I have designed both lesson plans and entire curriculums addressing my students' specific and evolving capacities. Due to young children's short attention spans, Adapting to young children's speciic needs I've kept diversifying classroom activities, using various material such as games, pictures, flashcards, storybooks, oral storytelling, cartoons and open conversations about a vast number of topics. Each lesson addressed the needs of various ages and learning styles (visual, auditory, and kenesthetic). Teaching students of different age categories all at the same time, I've had to be particularly careful to each student's unique needs and pace. Eventually, I was glad to observe that my mission had been a success: after 18 months, beginners who knew neither how to write, read nor speak English were able to speak at a low-intermediate level. Students in my program who started without the ability to read and write could speak at a low intermediate level within 18 months. The aquired skills included reading and writing all the roman alphabet's letters as well as a basic understanding of the phonic system, a lot of vocabulary, the skills to communicate easily about their personnal experiences, environment and activities, and the capacity to tell simple stories.

I am a compassionate teacher with excellent communicative and empathic abilities that allow me to put people at ease. Therefore, I consider it a priority to make my students feel comfortable, secure and engaged, as well as constantly encouraged no matter their difficulties. After this experience with children, I look forward to teach different kinds of age categories, including university students, and to experiment new teaching methodologies.

( good, but very wordy for what it says). Perhaps: My lecture style promotes a non-intimidating but goal oriented classroom, and I am interested in discovering new teaching methodologies in different age groups. Moreover, being a firm believer in diversity and multiculturalism, I feel that I can foster an environment that incorporates these ideals at your INSERT UNVERSITY NAME HERE. (this is a combination of the previous paragraph and the one below)

Passionate with intercultural exchanges, I have a profound interest in, and deep understanding of the specifics of the Indian culture. I am convinced that teaching a language is not only about the language as an end in itself, but also about creating the right context for a thought-provoking mutual understanding between the source culture and its target counterpart. By all means, I will be glad to bring my contribution to a great Indian university such as yours.

I would enjoy the possibility to meet you in person to discuss how my diverse skills and experiences will enable me to be a valuable addition to NAME OF SCHOOL's team. I will be residing in Fort Cochin until around April 27^th. I currently don't have an Indian sim card to be reached by phone but I am connected to the internet on a daily basis, therefore I invite you to send me an email at EMAIL ADDRESS in order to give me an appointment at your convenience, that I shall confirm and honor.

Sincerely,

.

[Edited 4/6/13 12:01pm]

imago said:

You are obviously fluent in English and a very eloquent writer, so please take no insult to what I have written below.

Your resume/CV cover letter should always be about brevity, but highlighting your skillset (minus telling too much of the story). In other words, you are burdened with hooking the employer with your skills, but not burdening him with too much detail.

As a result, you have to minimize your wants and desires, and stress your accomplishments.

Skills come in secondary.

Your desire is always:

a job, opportunity

Your accomplishment/skills are always:

What you have accomplished--what you can do is fine, but accomplishments are better.

Always aim for an ecomony of words--if you can say it in fewer words, then you should.

The cover letter, for all the sweat you put into it, gets a VERY QUICK glance.

And, the empoyer HATES flowery language or too many words.

So again, great job, so don't think I'm taking a piss at you with my response.

---------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is with great enthusiasm that I submit my resume in consideration for a position as a French lecturer/teacher with NAME OF SCHOOL. I would like to submit my resume to teach French at NAME OF SCHOOL. (Strip the 'forma' language out of your resume--use an economy of words)The environment and mission of the school is in line with my personal beleifs and interests. (here you want to establish that you've done your research) I have a DAEFLE degree in teaching French, granted by the renowned Alliance Française de Paris, a TEFL certificate and an 18 months experience as both an English and French teacher, and feel qualified for the position.

As you can see from my resume, I have an extensive education and professional background. (here, you need a topic sentence) After dedicating the first 13 years of my professional life to in cultural management in France, I have decided to move to Asia after several exciting travels to India and China (superflous and unecessary towards the paragraph's aim). Here, I obtained my to pursue adequate trainings in teaching both French and English the DAEFLE and TEFL and work experience. I was an ESL teacher in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I have worked daily with young children for a year and a half, while at the same time tutoring French to a few adult students.

My experience with the children (aged 3 to 12) has been a particularly rewarding one. I have been given the opportunity to conceive not only lessons but the whole curriculum I have designed both lesson plans and entire curriculums addressing my students' specific and evolving capacities. Due to young children's short attention spans, Adapting to young children's speciic needs I've kept diversifying classroom activities, using various material such as games, pictures, flashcards, storybooks, oral storytelling, cartoons and open conversations about a vast number of topics. Each lesson addressed the needs of various ages and learning styles (visual, auditory, and kenesthetic). Teaching students of different age categories all at the same time, I've had to be particularly careful to each student's unique needs and pace. Eventually, I was glad to observe that my mission had been a success: after 18 months, beginners who knew neither how to write, read nor speak English were able to speak at a low-intermediate level. Students in my program who started without the ability to read and write could speak at a low intermediate level within 18 months. The aquired skills included reading and writing all the roman alphabet's letters as well as a basic understanding of the phonic system, a lot of vocabulary, the skills to communicate easily about their personnal experiences, environment and activities, and the capacity to tell simple stories.

I am a compassionate teacher with excellent communicative and empathic abilities that allow me to put people at ease. Therefore, I consider it a priority to make my students feel comfortable, secure and engaged, as well as constantly encouraged no matter their difficulties. After this experience with children, I look forward to teach different kinds of age categories, including university students, and to experiment new teaching methodologies.

( good, but very wordy for what it says). Perhaps: My lecture style promotes a non-intimidating but goal oriented classroom, and I am interested in discovering new teaching methodologies in different age groups. Moreover, being a firm believer in diversity and multiculturalism, I feel that I can foster an environment that incorporates these ideals at your INSERT UNVERSITY NAME HERE. (this is a combination of the previous paragraph and the one below)

Passionate with intercultural exchanges, I have a profound interest in, and deep understanding of the specifics of the Indian culture. I am convinced that teaching a language is not only about the language as an end in itself, but also about creating the right context for a thought-provoking mutual understanding between the source culture and its target counterpart. By all means, I will be glad to bring my contribution to a great Indian university such as yours.

I would enjoy the possibility to meet you in person to discuss how my diverse skills and experiences will enable me to be a valuable addition to NAME OF SCHOOL's team. I will be residing in Fort Cochin until around April 27^th. I currently don't have an Indian sim card to be reached by phone but I am connected to the internet on a daily basis, therefore I invite you to send me an email at EMAIL ADDRESS in order to give me an appointment at your convenience, that I shall confirm and honor.

Sincerely,

.

[Edited 4/6/13 12:01pm]

Hi Imago

No way I could feel insulted when u provided the exact kinda help I was asking for! Thanks a lot for taking the time to do it, your corrections r great, I guess I will use most of what u've done.

As for where I wanna work I'm open to any place on this continent at this point, save going back to Cambodia. India of course would be great, but it's close to impossible to get a work visa here so I don't count on it too much. I'll be aiming at Sri Lanka mostly, and possibly places in Thailand where I have friends that I'd like to get closer to, so we'll see

Best

Data.

Nice to see another Prince fan in this part of the world..... Where in India are you? (orgnote me if you don't wannna post it here)

domainator2010 said:

Nice to see another Prince fan in this part of the world..... Where in India are you? (orgnote me if you don't wannna post it here)

I'm in Kochi in Kerala at the moment. I know an Indian fan in Punjab (though we haven't met yet, only here and FB). Where are you? (orgnote me if u don't wanna post it here )