Do you guys & gals think people to much power on sex?

Now we all know sex can be a beautiful & great thing! That’s a given. But do you think people sometimes let it mean more then it does?

Fort example, last weekend me & my ex boyfriend ended up having sex, it was a great time & I enjoyed it. But we both knew it wasn’t like a sign we where going to get back together or anything. And we where fine with that…

While many other people I know think if you have sex with an ex. It means there are still a lot of feelings and you 2 want to get back together & there is love & this & that.

I have some people who have sex with people and can either be a fun thing, or impulsive or romantic. And then there are those who won’t have sex unless it’s romantic & spiritual… and they don’t want to go outside of the comfort zone and do anything new in the sex life

So what are everyone’s opinions on sex and what it plays in relationships whether it’s boyfriend, friend or even just a one-night stand?

My bonding hormones flood my brain and make me believe I'm in love if I have sex. Not everyone is like this, especially people I've had sex with so I've learned the hard way it's a fast track to broken heart for me. I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

ZombieKitten said:

My bonding hormones flood my brain and make me believe I'm in love if I have sex. Not everyone is like this, especially people I've had sex with so I've learned the hard way it's a fast track to broken heart for me. I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

And you married him anyway, knowing that?

ZombieKitten said:

My bonding hormones flood my brain and make me believe I'm in love if I have sex. Not everyone is like this, especially people I've had sex with so I've learned the hard way it's a fast track to broken heart for me. I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

awww i'm sorry to hear that zombiekitten.

I used to feel sex could be a fast track to a broken heart for me 2, i used to focu a TON on trying to find a bf.... or mate or whatever. But even though i told myself this for years.. i finally get it now. My career has just made huge leap past few months and i don't want a bf. I want to focus on work cause work is great & i wanna climb the ladder and i'm ready.

But i'm not ready to commit to a long lasting relationship yet, and my ex bf is in the same exact boat as me so we get each other in many way's.

I used to think having sex with an ex or something like that would bring back lots of feelings & such.. but for us it didn't.

But witha ll that said, i do hope someday to be in a living relationship with someone who loves me, i love them & the sex means a lot.

And i'm sure you mean a lot to your hubby

HuMpThAnG said:

I found that out last year.
We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids.
I've not felt the same way about him since.

ZombieKitten said:

HuMpThAnG said:

And you married him anyway, knowing that?

I found that out last year. We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids. I've not felt the same way about him since.

ummm....yeah, that would change things

ZombieKitten said:

HuMpThAnG said:

And you married him anyway, knowing that?

I found that out last year. We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids. I've not felt the same way about him since.

ZombieKitten said:

This hurts me. Yu are such a lovely, lovable woman.

Sex at various times in my life has meant something both profoundly sacred and profoundly profane. Frankly, I laugh at myself now for being such a twit in seeing it as either.

Sex is awesome -- it does carry a certain potential to build and destroy -- and, as a faith-y type, I do consider it a divine gift of sorts to be respected. But there's soooo much more to life and relationships. We should get over the obsession already.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:50pm]

Lammastide said:

Sex at various times in my life has meant something both profoundly sacred and profoundly profane. Frankly, I laugh at myself now for being such a twit in seeing it as either.

Sex is awesome -- it does carry a certain potential to build and destroy -- and, as a faith-y type, I do consider it a divine gift of sorts to be respected. But there's soooo much more to life and relationships. We should get over the obsession already.

[Edited 9/22/12 17:50pm]

Very good post lammastide

Those are good words to live by.

Stymie said:

thank you Ivy
It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He was INTO me and he was the one who wanted to marry and have babies. He just didn't feel the same way I felt about him, the catch my breath kind of way.

Advice from my late father: "Fucking and making love are not one in the same, just make sure you know the difference. Some people get tripped up on the former and mistake for the latter."

ZombieKitten said:

Stymie said:

This hurts me. Yu are such a lovely, lovable woman.

thank you Ivy It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He was INTO me and he was the one who wanted to marry and have babies. He just didn't feel the same way I felt about him, the catch my breath kind of way.

Forgive me, but men are such dickheads.

...And I say that as a man.

ZombieKitten said:

I know he loves you but you are the type of woman who deserves someone to be madly in love with you.

Stymie said:

ZombieKitten said:

Holy shit. I've had quite a few drinks but I just read that and my eyeballs starting ummm "sweating".

I guess most couples have fallen out of love in that "take my breath away" kind of way after 13 years anyway. Maybe sometimes real love transcends that kind of emotion anyway which is mostly a chemical reaction.

ZombieKitten said:

Stymie said:

I know he loves you but you are the type of woman who deserves someone to be madly in love with you.

Life like marriage is full of ebb and flows. There are peaks and valleys, all will pan out in the long run.

You both love each other and that is the most important thing. Being in love is sort of a romantic notion and comes in ebb and flows for most.

kewlschool said:

I do not entertain the unrealistic notion that there should still be that "in love/swoon" feeling NOW, but I am mourning the fact that he has never felt that with anyone, me included, and that he chose me to marry, which now feels as if it was a decision based on purely practical reasons - ie to be the helpmate. It makes sense to me in hindsight because he has never really sought out my company. I always put that down to him being too busy, but now we both work from home it's very obvious to me that he has no want/need to spend any time with me, I always have to ask for it.

lust said:

You have a better chance of that not happening if you were in love in the first place!

ZombieKitten said:

I hope u sort it out either in practice or in your mind. All the best ZK.

ZombieKitten said:

kewlschool said:

Life like marriage is full of ebb and flows. There are peaks and valleys, all will pan out in the long run.

You both love each other and that is the most important thing. Being in love is sort of a romantic notion and comes in ebb and flows for most.

I do not entertain the unrealistic notion that there should still be that "in love/swoon" feeling NOW, but I am mourning the fact that he has never felt that with anyone, me included, and that he chose me to marry, which now feels as if it was a decision based on purely practical reasons - ie to be the helpmate. It makes sense to me in hindsight because he has never really sought out my company. I always put that down to him being too busy, but now we both work from home it's very obvious to me that he has no want/need to spend any time with me, I always have to ask for it.

Well, when you both have time (and I know it's not much.) Do fun things together minus children regularly even if it's only 2 hours a week. If your both having fun, this in a way can form or reestablish bonding. It's the whole catch me if I fall thing that they do for team building etc.

ZombieKitten said:

My bonding hormones flood my brain and make me believe I'm in love if I have sex. Not everyone is like this, especially people I've had sex with so I've learned the hard way it's a fast track to broken heart for me. I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

My Aussie friend, Your response was brave to put out there but thank you for sharing something so personal with us...I know what U mean and unfortunatly, I was in a relationship where I loved her but not that "madly in love" with her. We lasted 7 years and it was painful that I never got to that point. She was my best friend and when she confessed her feelings, God knows I wanted to love her the same way...

There are a few people here on the Org. that only watch from the sidelines that knew us and thought we were a great couple so I can't believe that I'm putting this out there. Eventually, we both came to know that we weren't going to get to the same place. If I could give her those years back, I would.

There's my personal painful and bare honest...Now is sex powerful? I think it is for me most of the time and those bonding hormones flood my brain as well. I believe in making love and not just fuc**ng...99% of the time I set a romantic mood. I had one girlfriend back when I was 20 who said I was more of a woman than her...she meant it as a compliment...That was when I would be playing the entire Scandelous Sex Suite just to begin...

I've had my heart broken more than once but the truth is I would rather have my heart broken than break someone else's...I still have one person from my past that I owe an apology too...Don't want to depart this planet without her knowing that just because we were young that was no excuse for breaking her heart...I'm just rambling now...Thank you Zombie kitten for sharing and allowing me to put myself out there as well...I'm def. a Virgo to the core~~

wishuhvn said:

Lammastide said:

ZombieKitten said:

Stymie said: thank you Ivy It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He was INTO me and he was the one who wanted to marry and have babies. He just didn't feel the same way I felt about him, the catch my breath kind of way.

Forgive me, but men are such dickheads.

...And I say that as a man.

I'm a little heartbroken with ZK's post...

ZombieKitten said:

I do not entertain the unrealistic notion that there should still be that "in love/swoon" feeling NOW, but I am mourning the fact that he has never felt that with anyone, me included, and that he chose me to marry, which now feels as if it was a decision based on purely practical reasons - ie to be the helpmate. It makes sense to me in hindsight because he has never really sought out my company. I always put that down to him being too busy, but now we both work from home it's very obvious to me that he has no want/need to spend any time with me, I always have to ask for it.

You will know what to do with all of this when the time comes. Your situation reminds me so much of something I went through several years ago. And unfortunately for me, I was the glue holding the relationship together, and when I finally stopped trying (asking for time together etc), the relationship finally ended. But in reality it had fallen apart way before that.

Best of luck

Thanks everyone, sorry I took over your thread Gunners

Yes, in response to the original question. I don't get sex and love mixed up anymore, but I did as a younger man. I think everyone starts out at that same point of confusion, then comes to their own conclusions after more life experience.

You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be getting real hot sex! Either way, get yours. It releases your stress, it excercises your body, it stimulates your spirit. Nothing but goodness!

PS. ZK, you're a real choice chick! Good luck!

I see people keep tryin' to rationalize sex = BIG MISTAKE

ZombieKitten said:

HuMpThAnG said:

And you married him anyway, knowing that?

I found that out last year. We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids. I've not felt the same way about him since.

I found that out about my ex when we were together 10 years. (Actually my brain told me that after 5 years of dating, I left him but we ended up back together getting married and staying together 5 more years).

He was 24 when we met and never had been in love and had never had sex before me. Something I found out after we had sex.

He was never interested in dating or being romantic. We went to counceling after being married 5 years and she said she could see us being 80 years old together, living together fine since we never fought but she was not sure how happy we would be in the years leading up to that.

Luckily for me, we did not have kids together. He wasn't father material and I am glad I saw that early on.

It is tough when ppl are not capable of loving us in the way that we need to be loved.

[Edited 9/23/12 8:23am]

ZombieKitten said:

Thanks everyone, sorry I took over your thread Gunners

Oh no by all means It's good to have people to talk about issues like the one's you brought up

hiding that shit inside can make you fucked up on the inside