nd33 said:

Yes, in response to the original question. I don't get sex and love mixed up anymore, but I did as a younger man. I think everyone starts out at that same point of confusion, then comes to their own conclusions after more life experience.

You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be getting real hot sex! Either way, get yours. It releases your stress, it excercises your body, it stimulates your spirit. Nothing but goodness!

PS. ZK, you're a real choice chick! Good luck!

I like this response, and Lammie's too. For the most part, to me, sex has always been different things at different times...and it still is. Sometimes it is a means to connect spiritually, or for pure fun, or for consolation, or to exert some dominance. It just is. Especially in long-term and monogamous relationships, it is important to communicate your wants and needs. It's not so simple, at times. But necessary.

ZombieKitten said:

My bonding hormones flood my brain and make me believe I'm in love if I have sex. Not everyone is like this, especially people I've had sex with so I've learned the hard way it's a fast track to broken heart for me. I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

Is it that you have different perspective of what "in love" means? I never swooned or had butterflies for my wife either, and over the years it has bothered her at times. And even I can admit that my wife, to this day, has still never really "reached" out to me in ways that I assocaite wih being in love. We've talked at length about our needs and expectations, the whys and how comes of it all. I hasn't been easy for either of us, but...we can both identify with how you feel and we've moved on from it in healthy ways.

But yeah, it still sucks at times...

Adisa said:

RenHoek said:

Lammastide said:

Forgive me, but men are such dickheads.

...And I say that as a man.

I'm a little heartbroken with ZK's post...

I am too.

for ZK

I think too many people let it mean less than what it could/should mean

A lot of people barely scratch the surface of sexual intimacy

[Edited 9/24/12 8:49am]

ZombieKitten said:

Adisa said:

Is it that you have different perspective of what "in love" means? I never swooned or had butterflies for my wife either, and over the years it has bothered her at times. And even I can admit that my wife, to this day, has still never really "reached" out to me in ways that I assocaite wih being in love. We've talked at length about our needs and expectations, the whys and how comes of it all. I hasn't been easy for either of us, but...we can both identify with how you feel and we've moved on from it in healthy ways.

But yeah, it still sucks at times...

What do you mean by this? What should she have done exactly? He broke up after going out with me for a year because he said he didn't think he loved me and that I didn't seem interested in kids. After about 8 months he had an about face and moved in with me for fairly practical reasons (his lease expired and he was hours sitting my place while I was overseas). His mother told him that she hoped he wasn't using me (for free graphic design). I don't know, the more I think about it the practical all his reasons for being with me seem He clearly said to me he had never been in love despite having been with many women before he met me.

Yeah it sucks.

As to the part in bold that's irreleavant. The point is that, for many years, we both held onto our ideas of what "being in love" meant, and all it did was plant seeds on our minds that we didn't really love each other. In your case it was different because he told you he's never been in love. In my case I said that I never swooned, caught butterflies, that i love you, but that is NOT why we are together or I married you. She interpretted that to me that maybe I wasnt truly in love in with her. And likewise, i had my own opinions about her lack of responses, emotions, etc. that said to me she's in this thing for practical reasons also. So we've just had to sort all of this out over the years.

Yeah it sucks.

ZombieKitten said:

Stymie said:

This hurts me. Yu are such a lovely, lovable woman.

thank you Ivy It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He was INTO me and he was the one who wanted to marry and have babies. He just didn't feel the same way I felt about him, the catch my breath kind of way.

shocking. You're one of the hottest chicks ever All the best to you

OldFriends4Sale said:

I think too many people let it mean less than what it could/should mean

A lot of people barely scratch the surface of sexual intimacy

[Edited 9/24/12 8:49am]

Maybe because sex means different things to different people. But you are right; for some people sex is not emotional or meaningful. It's just a response to a physical need and something to "do."

if i may,

i agree with the comments about sex being different things to different people. that is a very important thing to remember.

concerning the other, i think most people put toomuch emphasis on the "in love" part. that isn't themost important OR lasting aspect to any meaningful longterm relationship. i would never suggest that people are wrong to want thatfeeling or to mourn it when its gone but its reaining commited to people and realationships when youre NOT "in love" that shows depth.

its always tempting to pour out the drink when the ice has melted and its a bit watered down and luke warm-but the truth is that that drink keeps you from going thirsty all the same.....

Gunsnhalen said:

Do you guys & gals think people to much power on sex?

Now we all know sex can be a beautiful & great thing! That’s a given. But do you think people sometimes let it mean more then it does?

No I really don't. I can't say enough great things about the transcendent nature of sex (but then I'm a Scorpio).

Each year I live sex becomes more important, sacred and powerful to me. However, I will say that from what I've observed most people don't understand sex or evolve sexually over their life time. Most people stay at the very basic level of sex -- primal, animalistic seekers of orgasm.

So, I can understand why most think that's all there is and wonder what's so powerful about it.

Just like there are layers and a hierarchy in human development (and most people don't mature to the highest levels) there are also tiers in sexual development. American society in particular right now is perhaps at one of the lowest, most degraded points of growth in sexuality. Looking at the art of the people (film, music, videos) you can see how society regards men, women and sexuality and it's just lowly and sad. So, given that popular art acts as both a thermometer and reinforcement I'm not surprised the idea of sex as transformative, transcendent and powerful isn't understood. The gift of human sexuality from the Divine/Nature has truly been a gift of pearls thrown into a sty of pigs.

To live decades and not evolve sexually is not really something I can personally comprehend. But people are wired differently and need different things. So, maybe those who don't see it as more dont' need more.

I'm sad to read that some people have gone from viewing sex as sacred to less sacred; I would hope the growth would be in the opposite direction. Sex definitely was not always sacred for me. I like to think I went from experimental explorer (i.e. slut) to goddess in the sex dept.

SynthiaRose said:

Gunsnhalen said:

Do you guys & gals think people to much power on sex?

Now we all know sex can be a beautiful & great thing! That’s a given. But do you think people sometimes let it mean more then it does?

No I really don't. I can't say enough great things about the transcendent nature of sex (but then I'm a Scorpio).

Each year I live sex becomes more important, sacred and powerful to me. However, I will say that from what I've observed most people don't understand sex or evolve sexually over their life time. Most people stay at the very basic level of sex -- primal, animalistic seekers of orgasm.

So, I can understand why most think that's all there is and wonder what's so powerful about it.

Just like there are layers and a hierarchy in human development (and most people don't mature to the highest levels) there are also tiers in sexual development. American society in particular right now is perhaps at one of the lowest, most degraded points of growth in sexuality. Looking at the art of the people (film, music, videos) you can see how society regards men, women and sexuality and it's just lowly and sad. So, given that popular art acts as both a thermometer and reinforcement I'm not surprised the idea of sex as transformative, transcendent and powerful isn't understood. The gift of human sexuality from the Divine/Nature has truly been a gift of pearls thrown into a sty of pigs.

To live decades and not evolve sexually is not really something I can personally comprehend. But people are wired differently and need different things. So, maybe those who don't see it as more dont' need more.

I'm sad to read that some people have gone from viewing sex as sacred to less sacred; I would hope the growth would be in the opposite direction. Sex definitely was not always sacred for me. I like to think I went from experimental explorer (i.e. slut) to goddess in the sex dept.

Damn synthia that was a fun read.

wavesofbliss said:

if i may,

i agree with the comments about sex being different things to different people. that is a very important thing to remember.

concerning the other, i think most people put toomuch emphasis on the "in love" part. that isn't themost important OR lasting aspect to any meaningful longterm relationship. i would never suggest that people are wrong to want thatfeeling or to mourn it when its gone but its reaining commited to people and realationships when youre NOT "in love" that shows depth.

its always tempting to pour out the drink when the ice has melted and its a bit watered down and luke warm-but the truth is that that drink keeps you from going thirsty all the same.....

Another good one

You guys are actually giving some really great quotes abotu sexually. But i mean this is a site dedictated to a man who used to do everything under the sun

Gunsnhalen said:

But i mean this is a site dedictated to a man who used to do everything under the sun

Yeah, but Prince also had a very deep and complex view of sex. That ranged for raw to spiritual, primal to elevated.

Some of his lyrics offer some great views on majesty of sexuality and the wide range of things it can be used for: creating revolution, salvation, etc.

His views on sex are one of the reasons I love him!

You can have mind blowing sex with people you love and with people you don't. Just because someone has had this mind blowing sex with someone they aren't in love with, doesn't mean they are any less capable of loving the right person than anyone else!

99% of sex had by humans is for pleasure

DysregulatedToxicity said:

OldFriends4Sale said:

I think too many people let it mean less than what it could/should mean

A lot of people barely scratch the surface of sexual intimacy

Maybe because sex means different things to different people. But you are right; for some people sex is not emotional or meaningful. It's just a response to a physical need and something to "do."

Yes, it does mean different things to different people.

I'm a serious gemini, and I understand both sides of the drive.

I've seen a lot of wrong communication between people where a lot of hurt is involved

Right now I know a guy who is divorced and newly engaged father of 2 whose trying to fuck anything he can get at. And I asked him did he love her/his fiance, and he said Yes.

that is just wrong, because she didn't agree to that. the Madonna/Whore syndrome is in effect in his life

I've had great sex with someone I wasn't in a relationship with, it got better and better the more we had sex. 7 years later we were still having wonderful sex. And I finally had to break it off because outside of pleasure it wasn't going anywhere, we weren't getting to know each other. She was seriously detached, i developed feelings. And I knew if I still held onto her, I would not be able to move into a real relationship.

In no way am I judging anyone, I love studying human sexuality.

People have a lot of issues why they have NSA sex, and I also know people who have mental/emotional issues when it comes to relationship ie people in love with the idea of being in love etc both are detached from the individual they are with.

Again my best most creative sexual experiences have been with someone I had strong feelings for. And I realized I could go further with someone I was in some kind of relationship,

Sex can heal and it can destroy

[Edited 9/25/12 9:37am]

to me a one stand is considered to be with someone you just met or known for a while and just straight having sex with no feelings attached. u really just fullfilling that need and having the say that you had sex with that person..on the other hand, in my opinion, people that were once dating and had a relationship, i feel like it can be kind of hard,speaking from a man, you dont want another man eating your cookies!!!! like i say just my opinion

ZombieKitten said:

HuMpThAnG said:

And you married him anyway, knowing that?

I found that out last year. We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids. I've not felt the same way about him since.

i know that feeling, it sucks. i'm really sorry you're feeling that. but remember you two have a strong friendship, and children. enough to raise the kids and take it from there. you're totally lovable, as far as i can tell from here and i bet you could find that guiy who 'll catch his breath when you walk into the room.

as far as the flipside, i've also been the one who doesn't return the love thing. once upon a time one of my best male friends had feelings for me but i just .. didn't.

as far as having sex? i love sex but i've never really been slutty, in fact i learned not to become involved sexually with a guy unless we're both on the same wavelength, which is rare.

i get that there's just plain good old fashioned f6cking, but imo that complicates things even when it's understood it will not. as far as i've observed, with fu%k buddies, eventually one party or the other leans too far this way or that and things become unbalanced. it only works for a while.

in general, societally, i think sex is just overdone. buy tooth whitener so you can get a hot man and have hot sex. (the kiss). buy this type of clothing, because hot guys will follow you with their eyes where'er you roam. (the look). buy this car because it screams hey i've got MONey and find hot women who will spread their implants right across the hood of that bright red dollar sign.

imo sex is overdone. and because it's sensationalized, the real meaning kind of gets lost. people forget it's sort of sacred, the ultimate act of creation - a new life. one of the biggest things we can do, as human beings.

then again, we humans are big old animals, with physical chemistry which demands we pay attention to sex. all living creatures ultimately want mostly to procreate, the good of the species and all that good stuff.

that's all i got. i'll let you know when i figure it out

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

HuMpThAnG said: I found that out last year. We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids. I've not felt the same way about him since.

i know that feeling, it sucks. i'm really sorry you're feeling that. but remember you two have a strong friendship, and children. enough to raise the kids and take it from there. you're totally lovable, as far as i can tell from here and i bet you could find that guiy who 'll catch his breath when you walk into the room.

as far as the flipside, i've also been the one who doesn't return the love thing. once upon a time one of my best male friends had feelings for me but i just .. didn't.

as far as having sex? i love sex but i've never really been slutty, in fact i learned not to become involved sexually with a guy unless we're both on the same wavelength, which is rare.

i get that there's just plain good old fashioned f6cking, but imo that complicates things even when it's understood it will not. as far as i've observed, with fu%k buddies, eventually one party or the other leans too far this way or that and things become unbalanced. it only works for a while.

in general, societally, i think sex is just overdone. buy tooth whitener so you can get a hot man and have hot sex. (the kiss). buy this type of clothing, because hot guys will follow you with their eyes where'er you roam. (the look). buy this car because it screams hey i've got MONey and find hot women who will spread their implants right across the hood of that bright red dollar sign.

imo sex is overdone. and because it's sensationalized, the real meaning kind of gets lost. people forget it's sort of sacred, the ultimate act of creation - a new life. one of the biggest things we can do, as human beings.

then again, we humans are big old animals, with physical chemistry which demands we pay attention to sex. all living creatures ultimately want mostly to procreate, the good of the species and all that good stuff.

that's all i got. i'll let you know when i figure it out

actually we don't at all we never really were FRIENDS so weird

we were just strangers on a one-night stand, that's how we met. Nothing in common except the kids (and we have very different parenting styles) and our finances and work.

In between the occasional sex and the myriad of obligations it would be nice if he sought out my company now and then, you know, as if he liked me. I want a companion

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

i know that feeling, it sucks. i'm really sorry you're feeling that. but remember you two have a strong friendship, and children. enough to raise the kids and take it from there. you're totally lovable, as far as i can tell from here and i bet you could find that guiy who 'll catch his breath when you walk into the room.

as far as the flipside, i've also been the one who doesn't return the love thing. once upon a time one of my best male friends had feelings for me but i just .. didn't.

as far as having sex? i love sex but i've never really been slutty, in fact i learned not to become involved sexually with a guy unless we're both on the same wavelength, which is rare.

i get that there's just plain good old fashioned f6cking, but imo that complicates things even when it's understood it will not. as far as i've observed, with fu%k buddies, eventually one party or the other leans too far this way or that and things become unbalanced. it only works for a while.

in general, societally, i think sex is just overdone. buy tooth whitener so you can get a hot man and have hot sex. (the kiss). buy this type of clothing, because hot guys will follow you with their eyes where'er you roam. (the look). buy this car because it screams hey i've got MONey and find hot women who will spread their implants right across the hood of that bright red dollar sign.

imo sex is overdone. and because it's sensationalized, the real meaning kind of gets lost. people forget it's sort of sacred, the ultimate act of creation - a new life. one of the biggest things we can do, as human beings.

then again, we humans are big old animals, with physical chemistry which demands we pay attention to sex. all living creatures ultimately want mostly to procreate, the good of the species and all that good stuff.

that's all i got. i'll let you know when i figure it out

actually we don't at all we never really were FRIENDS so weird

we were just strangers on a one-night stand, that's how we met. Nothing in common except the kids (and we have very different parenting styles) and our finances and work.

In between the occasional sex and the myriad of obligations it would be nice if he sought out my company now and then, you know, as if he liked me. I want a companion

fred12 said:

to me a one stand is considered to be with someone you just met or known for a while and just straight having sex with no feelings attached. u really just fullfilling that need and having the say that you had sex with that person..on the other hand, in my opinion, people that were once dating and had a relationship, i feel like it can be kind of hard,speaking from a man, you dont want another man eating your cookies!!!! like i say just my opinion

nicely put

I only see a 1 night stand as someone you just met, and it is just a 1 time thing

a 'hook up' might be someone you've known and somehow you 2 end up having sex 1 time

I heard the term trick used before too, I think that's with gay men though but its some kind of similar

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

i know that feeling, it sucks. i'm really sorry you're feeling that. but remember you two have a strong friendship, and children. enough to raise the kids and take it from there. you're totally lovable, as far as i can tell from here and i bet you could find that guiy who 'll catch his breath when you walk into the room.

as far as the flipside, i've also been the one who doesn't return the love thing. once upon a time one of my best male friends had feelings for me but i just .. didn't.

as far as having sex? i love sex but i've never really been slutty, in fact i learned not to become involved sexually with a guy unless we're both on the same wavelength, which is rare.

i get that there's just plain good old fashioned f6cking, but imo that complicates things even when it's understood it will not. as far as i've observed, with fu%k buddies, eventually one party or the other leans too far this way or that and things become unbalanced. it only works for a while.

in general, societally, i think sex is just overdone. buy tooth whitener so you can get a hot man and have hot sex. (the kiss). buy this type of clothing, because hot guys will follow you with their eyes where'er you roam. (the look). buy this car because it screams hey i've got MONey and find hot women who will spread their implants right across the hood of that bright red dollar sign.

imo sex is overdone. and because it's sensationalized, the real meaning kind of gets lost. people forget it's sort of sacred, the ultimate act of creation - a new life. one of the biggest things we can do, as human beings.

then again, we humans are big old animals, with physical chemistry which demands we pay attention to sex. all living creatures ultimately want mostly to procreate, the good of the species and all that good stuff.

that's all i got. i'll let you know when i figure it out

actually we don't at all we never really were FRIENDS so weird

we were just strangers on a one-night stand, that's how we met. Nothing in common except the kids (and we have very different parenting styles) and our finances and work.

In between the occasional sex and the myriad of obligations it would be nice if he sought out my company now and then, you know, as if he liked me. I want a companion

I'm a reformed romantic, and I know how you feel especially your last paragraph

Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."

Analysis

As the literary selections suggest, the inability to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. A universal feeling, by some estimates affecting 98% of all people during their lifetimes, unrequited love has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture.

The object of unrequited love is often a friend or acquaintance, someone regularly encountered in the workplace, during the course of work or other activities involving large groups of people. This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her true feelings, a fear that revelation of feelings might invite rejection, cause embarrassment or might end all access to the beloved, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association.

In terms of the feelings of the hopeful one, it could be said that they undergo about the same amount of pain as does someone who is going through the breakup of a romantic relationship without ever having had the benefit of being in that relationship. On the other hand, some research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.

Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering, though contemporary western culture may give greater weight to practical, goal-oriented and self-assertive behavior. Literary and artistic depictions of unrequited love may depend on assumptions of social distance which have less relevance in democratic societies with relatively high social mobility, or less rigid codes of sexual fidelity. Nonetheless, the literary record suggests a degree of euphoria in the limerence associated with unrequited love, which has the advantage as well of carrying none of the responsibilities of mutual relationships.

Moreover, while it is not identical with puppy love, it can be associated with the underconfidence and emotional immaturity of extreme youth, as illustrated by its prominence as a theme in the work of Charles Schulz; his Peanuts character Charlie Brown suffers from unrequited love for the Little Red-Haired Girl, as does Peppermint Patty for Charlie Brown, Lucy van Pelt for Schroeder, Sally Brown for Linus van Pelt, and Linus for his teacher, Miss Othmar (and later a girl in his class, Lydia). Charlie Brown famously notes in one strip: "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." According to Aron, Aron and Allen, "incidence of unreciprocated love [is] greatest for those whose self-reported attachment style was anxious/ambivalent."

OldFriends4Sale said:

ZombieKitten said:

OldFriends4Sale said:

I'm a reformed romantic, and I know how you feel especially your last paragraph

Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."

Analysis

As the literary selections suggest, the inability to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. A universal feeling, by some estimates affecting 98% of all people during their lifetimes, unrequited love has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture.

The object of unrequited love is often a friend or acquaintance, someone regularly encountered in the workplace, during the course of work or other activities involving large groups of people. This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her true feelings, a fear that revelation of feelings might invite rejection, cause embarrassment or might end all access to the beloved, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association.

In terms of the feelings of the hopeful one, it could be said that they undergo about the same amount of pain as does someone who is going through the breakup of a romantic relationship without ever having had the benefit of being in that relationship. On the other hand, some research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.

Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering, though contemporary western culture may give greater weight to practical, goal-oriented and self-assertive behavior. Literary and artistic depictions of unrequited love may depend on assumptions of social distance which have less relevance in democratic societies with relatively high social mobility, or less rigid codes of sexual fidelity. Nonetheless, the literary record suggests a degree of euphoria in the limerence associated with unrequited love, which has the advantage as well of carrying none of the responsibilities of mutual relationships.

Moreover, while it is not identical with puppy love, it can be associated with the underconfidence and emotional immaturity of extreme youth, as illustrated by its prominence as a theme in the work of Charles Schulz; his Peanuts character Charlie Brown suffers from unrequited love for the Little Red-Haired Girl, as does Peppermint Patty for Charlie Brown, Lucy van Pelt for Schroeder, Sally Brown for Linus van Pelt, and Linus for his teacher, Miss Othmar (and later a girl in his class, Lydia). Charlie Brown famously notes in one strip: "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." According to Aron, Aron and Allen, "incidence of unreciprocated love [is] greatest for those whose self-reported attachment style was anxious/ambivalent."

I was always under the impression it was reciprocated but that he was just too busy, so I couldn't say I've suffered that kind of thing at all. At the moment I feel like I'm trapped, if I had no kids I couldn't see much reason for hanging around.

You are never really trapped and one always has a choice.

Life is really too short to live it unhappy and a some hardship and unhappiness in the short-term is so much better than a lifetime of being unfulfilled and unhappy.

ZombieKitten said:

OldFriends4Sale said:

I'm a reformed romantic, and I know how you feel especially your last paragraph

Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."

Analysis

As the literary selections suggest, the inability to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. A universal feeling, by some estimates affecting 98% of all people during their lifetimes, unrequited love has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture.

The object of unrequited love is often a friend or acquaintance, someone regularly encountered in the workplace, during the course of work or other activities involving large groups of people. This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her true feelings, a fear that revelation of feelings might invite rejection, cause embarrassment or might end all access to the beloved, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association.

In terms of the feelings of the hopeful one, it could be said that they undergo about the same amount of pain as does someone who is going through the breakup of a romantic relationship without ever having had the benefit of being in that relationship. On the other hand, some research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.

Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering, though contemporary western culture may give greater weight to practical, goal-oriented and self-assertive behavior. Literary and artistic depictions of unrequited love may depend on assumptions of social distance which have less relevance in democratic societies with relatively high social mobility, or less rigid codes of sexual fidelity. Nonetheless, the literary record suggests a degree of euphoria in the limerence associated with unrequited love, which has the advantage as well of carrying none of the responsibilities of mutual relationships.

Moreover, while it is not identical with puppy love, it can be associated with the underconfidence and emotional immaturity of extreme youth, as illustrated by its prominence as a theme in the work of Charles Schulz; his Peanuts character Charlie Brown suffers from unrequited love for the Little Red-Haired Girl, as does Peppermint Patty for Charlie Brown, Lucy van Pelt for Schroeder, Sally Brown for Linus van Pelt, and Linus for his teacher, Miss Othmar (and later a girl in his class, Lydia). Charlie Brown famously notes in one strip: "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." According to Aron, Aron and Allen, "incidence of unreciprocated love [is] greatest for those whose self-reported attachment style was anxious/ambivalent."

I was always under the impression it was reciprocated but that he was just too busy, so I couldn't say I've suffered that kind of thing at all. At the moment I feel like I'm trapped, if I had no kids I couldn't see much reason for hanging around.

how do the kids connect?

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

i know that feeling, it sucks. i'm really sorry you're feeling that. but remember you two have a strong friendship, and children. enough to raise the kids and take it from there. you're totally lovable, as far as i can tell from here and i bet you could find that guiy who 'll catch his breath when you walk into the room.

as far as the flipside, i've also been the one who doesn't return the love thing. once upon a time one of my best male friends had feelings for me but i just .. didn't.

as far as having sex? i love sex but i've never really been slutty, in fact i learned not to become involved sexually with a guy unless we're both on the same wavelength, which is rare.

i get that there's just plain good old fashioned f6cking, but imo that complicates things even when it's understood it will not. as far as i've observed, with fu%k buddies, eventually one party or the other leans too far this way or that and things become unbalanced. it only works for a while.

in general, societally, i think sex is just overdone. buy tooth whitener so you can get a hot man and have hot sex. (the kiss). buy this type of clothing, because hot guys will follow you with their eyes where'er you roam. (the look). buy this car because it screams hey i've got MONey and find hot women who will spread their implants right across the hood of that bright red dollar sign.

imo sex is overdone. and because it's sensationalized, the real meaning kind of gets lost. people forget it's sort of sacred, the ultimate act of creation - a new life. one of the biggest things we can do, as human beings.

then again, we humans are big old animals, with physical chemistry which demands we pay attention to sex. all living creatures ultimately want mostly to procreate, the good of the species and all that good stuff.

that's all i got. i'll let you know when i figure it out

actually we don't at all we never really were FRIENDS so weird

we were just strangers on a one-night stand, that's how we met. Nothing in common except the kids (and we have very different parenting styles) and our finances and work.

In between the occasional sex and the myriad of obligations it would be nice if he sought out my company now and then, you know, as if he liked me. I want a companion

oh. dang. that's hard. you deserve to be with someone who really appreciates you. i hope you find him.

ZombieKitten said:

My bonding hormones flood my brain and make me believe I'm in love if I have sex. Not everyone is like this, especially people I've had sex with so I've learned the hard way it's a fast track to broken heart for me. I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

I'm married to someone who has never been in love, including with me.

That breaks my heart to read that.....aww (((((((

ZombieKitten said:

HuMpThAnG said:

And you married him anyway, knowing that?

I found that out last year. We have been married 13 years and have 3 kids. I've not felt the same way about him since.

Oh man 13 years...I' wouldn't feel the same way either. U have my number sweets just call if u want

Speaking as someone who has never been in a relationship I think so is the answer to your question. Advertisers and marketers do it all the time. Sex is everywhere, because it equates to love and romance and lust.

When I was younger I used to think sex equated to love but now I know that isn't true.

One time, for the purposes of spicing up to our sex life, me & my GF tried to add a marital aid called the "Electric Intercourse" into our routine.
Being that it was our first time using such a device, we inadvertently set it on it's highest setting.
We both almost died as a result.
So I'd say that that was probably the only time she and I ever put too much power on the sex.

Nowadays, we just stick to doing it the old fashioned way. Totally unplugged.