So what is the difference? I think it is based more on what a person's definition of being passive agressive is and knowing when to let a situation roll off of your back.

Familar with the term "don't let it show that a person got you"? Is that being passive or taking the high road?

For instance, when you feel uncomfortable in a situation, do you call the person out and let them know right then and there OR do you let it go and make it seem like they didn't get to you?

To me, I think being a pushover is the constant behavior of letting people run all over you and then going to complain to friends, family or co-workers over and over again instead of doing something about it.

To some people, I think, not "handling" people or putting them in their place on the first chance is a pushover. For me, I'm not going to go off the meat handle immediately...some people make mistakes, could be going through something in their personal lives and just say things wrong at times. BUT if it happens again, then I say something to the person.

Just asking because I think it's a thin line between it all.

Discuss.

Yes it is a thin line, and IMO - more often than not - the DIFFERENCE between being a "pushover" and "picking your battles" all depends on whose point of view you're looking at.

missfee said:

So what is the difference? I think it is based more on what a person's definition of being passive agressive is and knowing when to let a situation roll off of your back.

Familar with the term "don't let it show that a person got you"? Is that being passive or taking the high road?

For instance, when you feel uncomfortable in a situation, do you call the person out and let them know right then and there OR do you let it go and make it seem like they didn't get to you?

To me, I think being a pushover is the constant behavior of letting people run all over you and then going to complain to friends, family or co-workers over and over again instead of doing something about it.

To some people, I think, not "handling" people or putting them in their place on the first chance is a pushover. For me, I'm not going to go off the meat handle immediately...some people make mistakes, could be going through something in their personal lives and just say things wrong at times. BUT if it happens again, then I say something to the person.

Just asking because I think it's a thin line between it all.

Discuss.

It's pretty simple isn't it?

Pushover = you get pushed over when people nudge. ie you don't have the guts to stand your ground.

Picking battles = you're happy to go either way with things you don't care about all that much and you only push back against people if it's something you REALLY care about. You've picked your battle and left the not so relevant conflicts. It's a good way to live, because 1) you keep other people happy generally 2) you don't waste energy on things that don't matter so much 3) others will often give in to your perspective on the things you DO care about, because they know you've given them their way on previous issues.

chocolate1 said:

missfee said:

So what is the difference? I think it is based more on what a person's definition of being passive agressive is and knowing when to let a situation roll off of your back.

Familar with the term "don't let it show that a person got you"? Is that being passive or taking the high road?

For instance, when you feel uncomfortable in a situation, do you call the person out and let them know right then and there OR do you let it go and make it seem like they didn't get to you?

To me, I think being a pushover is the constant behavior of letting people run all over you and then going to complain to friends, family or co-workers over and over again instead of doing something about it.

To some people, I think, not "handling" people or putting them in their place on the first chance is a pushover. For me, I'm not going to go off the meat handle immediately...some people make mistakes, could be going through something in their personal lives and just say things wrong at times. BUT if it happens again, then I say something to the person.

Just asking because I think it's a thin line between it all.

Discuss.

I agree... there is a thin line.

I think being a "pushover" is when you constantly let people run over you and don't do anything about it.

"Picking your battles" is when you don't feel it's important enough to just go off about...

I was called "passive-aggressive" on here because I said my piece and then said I was going to let it go instead of going back and forth about something stupid. The person clearly wanted to argue...

BUT if I had typed what I was thinking- which was "aggressive-aggressive"- I would have either been banned or gotten a warning... It wasn't worth the trouble (and being seen as a ) over something small.

PurpleJedi said:

Yes it is a thin line, and IMO - more often than not - the DIFFERENCE between being a "pushover" and "picking your battles" all depends on whose point of view you're looking at.

Yes very true...what is your point of view?

nd33 said:

It's pretty simple isn't it?

Pushover = you get pushed over when people nudge. ie you don't have the guts to stand your ground.

Picking battles = you're happy to go either way with things you don't care about all that much and you only push back against people if it's something you REALLY care about. You've picked your battle and left the not so relevant conflicts. It's a good way to live, because 1) you keep other people happy generally 2) you don't waste energy on things that don't matter so much 3) others will often give in to your perspective on the things you DO care about, because they know you've given them their way on previous issues.

Yes what you've described is very clear cut and straight to the point, however, some folks may think otherwise. I do agree with your view though.

A pushover to me is basically when you let everybody clown you and you don't do a damn thing.

Picking battles is basically knowing when to put someone in their place but also knowing when to let certain things slide. (I need to learn this with the quickness. )

As for me, I'm one of those dudes when someone says something fairly trivial about me, I say "The fuck did you say?" and it all goes off from there.

There's really a thin line between them IMO.

[Edited 8/1/12 6:30am]

AsherFierce said:

A pushover to me is basically when you let everybody clown you and you don't do a damn thing.

Picking battles is basically knowing when to put someone in their place but also knowing when to let certain things slide. (I need to learn this with the quickness. )

As for me, I'm one of those dudes when someone says something fairly trivial about me, I say "The fuck did you say?" and it all goes off from there.

There's really a thin line between them IMO.

[Edited 8/1/12 6:30am]

It took me a long time to learn it!

missfee said:

PurpleJedi said:

Yes it is a thin line, and IMO - more often than not - the DIFFERENCE between being a "pushover" and "picking your battles" all depends on whose point of view you're looking at.

Yes very true...what is your point of view?

Well...being considered by many to be a "pushover"...I believe in walking away/turning the other cheek whenever possible.

When you fight fire with fire, you risk becoming that which you loathe.

When you leap first and think later, you risk landing in a pile of shit.

For most of my marriage, I dealt with my ex having hissy fits over my brother's wife...everything that my bro's wife did or said was a personal attack. It was a constant source of friction. One time we got these "nasty" anonymous letters in the mail. They were "newspaper clippings" of ads for things like weight loss or erectile dysfunction products, with post-it notes saying "Try this".

So my ex of course became incensed and called my bro's wife and accussed her of sending these "offensive" material. "Who else could it be?" She told me.

Needless to say they stopped speaking for about a year, and caused a rift between my brother & I that lasted for YEARS.

She claimed I was too passive and chided me for not getting angry at what was being "done to us".

Much later on, I discovered that this was some sort of stupid marketing ploy, when I was helping out with the mail at work and found similar material (anonymous clippings for business-related ads with the post-its).

Moral of the story: Patience is a Virtue.

Had she followed my lead and not gotten all bent-out-of-shape over this, the truth would've eventually come out and the family drama could've been avoided.

PurpleJedi said:

missfee said:

Yes very true...what is your point of view?

Well...being considered by many to be a "pushover"...I believe in walking away/turning the other cheek whenever possible.

When you fight fire with fire, you risk becoming that which you loathe.

When you leap first and think later, you risk landing in a pile of shit.

For most of my marriage, I dealt with my ex having hissy fits over my brother's wife...everything that my bro's wife did or said was a personal attack. It was a constant source of friction. One time we got these "nasty" anonymous letters in the mail. They were "newspaper clippings" of ads for things like weight loss or erectile dysfunction products, with post-it notes saying "Try this".

So my ex of course became incensed and called my bro's wife and accussed her of sending these "offensive" material. "Who else could it be?" She told me.

Needless to say they stopped speaking for about a year, and caused a rift between my brother & I that lasted for YEARS.

She claimed I was too passive and chided me for not getting angry at what was being "done to us".

Much later on, I discovered that this was some sort of stupid marketing ploy, when I was helping out with the mail at work and found similar material (anonymous clippings for business-related ads with the post-its).

Moral of the story: Patience is a Virtue.

Had she followed my lead and not gotten all bent-out-of-shape over this, the truth would've eventually come out and the family drama could've been avoided.

Interesting story with a good moral, but what does it have to do with being a pushover?

Sounds like a good reply to a thread about jumping to conclusions!

nd33 said:

PurpleJedi said:

Well...being considered by many to be a "pushover"...I believe in walking away/turning the other cheek whenever possible.

When you fight fire with fire, you risk becoming that which you loathe.

When you leap first and think later, you risk landing in a pile of shit.

For most of my marriage, I dealt with my ex having hissy fits over my brother's wife...everything that my bro's wife did or said was a personal attack. It was a constant source of friction. One time we got these "nasty" anonymous letters in the mail. They were "newspaper clippings" of ads for things like weight loss or erectile dysfunction products, with post-it notes saying "Try this".

So my ex of course became incensed and called my bro's wife and accussed her of sending these "offensive" material. "Who else could it be?" She told me.

Needless to say they stopped speaking for about a year, and caused a rift between my brother & I that lasted for YEARS.

She claimed I was too passive and chided me for not getting angry at what was being "done to us".

Much later on, I discovered that this was some sort of stupid marketing ploy, when I was helping out with the mail at work and found similar material (anonymous clippings for business-related ads with the post-its).

Moral of the story: Patience is a Virtue.

Had she followed my lead and not gotten all bent-out-of-shape over this, the truth would've eventually come out and the family drama could've been avoided.

Interesting story with a good moral, but what does it have to do with being a pushover?

Sounds like a good reply to a thread about jumping to conclusions!

The "pushover" bit had to do with the fact that my lack of response to this "offense" was labeled as being passive and pushover-worthy in her mind.

It's part of my "depends on your point of view" stance that I posted in my first reply.

Oh...and I'm not passive in handing these out;

I always thought a pushover was someone who just let anyone run over them just to get along or not to create any ripples

Picking your battles, was deciding what's important to you, that you didn't have a problem jumping in someone's tail but not about every single infraction under the sun.

And passive aggressive as being sneaky about getting back at people instead of standing up to them face to face.

morningsong said:

I always thought a pushover was someone who just let anyone run over them just to get along or not to create any ripples

Picking your battles, was deciding what's important to you, that you didn't have a problem jumping in someone's tail but not about every single infraction under the sun.

And passive aggressive as being sneaky about getting back at people instead of standing up to them face to face.

I get the feeling this is along the same lines of the what is an agnostic vs a atheist debate, seems like everybody has a different definition. But this is what it is to me, keeps the lines from getting blurred.

morningsong said:

I always thought a pushover was someone who just let anyone run over them just to get along or not to create any ripples

Picking your battles, was deciding what's important to you, that you didn't have a problem jumping in someone's tail but not about every single infraction under the sun.

And passive aggressive as being sneaky about getting back at people instead of standing up to them face to face.

I also want to add, that many people tend to mistake kindness for weakness.

So if you decide to extend grace and not argue or turn the other cheek, some may see that as you being a pushover.

I have shocked a few people when I had enough of the disrespect and lack of consideration towards me. This generally happens to me because some people are controlling in nature and like to impose on all those around them so they push and since I tend to be nice and allow them to impose initially they see me as a pushover until I bust out on them.

I tend to be patient with people generally, but when I had enough I push beack, the problem is when I push back I do so in a very extreme way since I do so in anger and want to chase those people out of my life.

Now, I am not passive agressive... I enjoy confrontation too much. People who hate confrontation tend to be passive agressive since they hate the awkwardness of telling someone NO or putting them in their place if need be. They just don't want to hurt people's feelings.

I have no problem saying NO in a polite fashion or denying someone, the trick is achieving balance to aviod being passive agressive, but being a push over has more to do with how another will perceive you instead of how you actually behave in most cases.

[Edited 8/1/12 13:39pm]

A punch in the mouth, usually.

it takes a better person to walk away from pissy disputes, whatevs, who the fuck needs drama anyway?..