Or are you more of an "actions speak louder than words" kinda dude/dudette? Do you feel it's important to verbalize these things? Any regrets in this regard? Any stories of overcoming inhibitions?

ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!

i believe in telling family you love them, i tell my son everyday, i think it's very important for a child to hear their parent tell them. but i also believe you should back up your words with action by showing your love for the person.

My son and I tell each other "I love you" several times a day. I always, ALWAYS tell him that whenever I go out and he doesn't come with me. If anything were to happen to me, I want those to be the last words he hears from me.

Actions do speak louder than words, but I think those words are just as important.

JustErin said:

My son and I tell each other "I love you" several times a day. I always, ALWAYS tell him that whenever I go out and he doesn't come with me. If anything were to happen to me, I want those to be the last words he hears from me.

Actions do speak louder than words, but I think those words are just as important.

I tell my mom, dad and niece I love them every time I talk to them or see them.

My bf hears it every day, sometimes several times a day.

And like you, I always say it when saying goodbye, whether on the phone or in person, as that way it's the last thing they'll hear.

And yes, actions and words are equally important.

I'll say, it took me several years to be able to say it to my dad on a regular basis. But that's just me learning and growing and forgiving for things over time.

*From a Latino family*

The men are not really taught to be lovey-dovey... zero physical affection is seldom given out for homophobic reasons.

I hug my boys up and tell them I love them. My older son now 21 is rarely hugged, but I tell him I love him often. When he was little I hugged him at least 3x's a day... folks in my family told me that he would surely be "soft" or gay because of it.

I didn't care, I would still love my son just as much, gay or not. Turns out he's straight... so um yeah, I guess the older generation can STFU.

I chaperoned a field trip with another Latino mother a bit younger than me and she criticized me for hugging my son while her son was a total whiny brat during the field trip.

Told her to mind her own business. Bitch.

The girls are encouraged to be loving, showering affection on a daughter is the thing to do before they are turned into little housemaids at the age of 7.

I let my daughter do her thing and tell her I love her and hug her up (if she lets me, she isn't fond of hugs) she is very independent.

I think things are changing regarding mentalities that showing boys affection makes them "soft".

I am a single mother and I am so glad for it. I can't stand the criticism for showing affection to my boys or allowing them to show emotion.

My younger son is very affectionate and an easy target for bullies, but I am teaching him to stand up for himself s that he is a well adjusted child. I rather my son be open and defend himself than to seem cold distant and unshakable to all around him.

I think it takes a stronger man to allow himself to just be who he is than pretend to fit in with others around him.

As for me... I show my mom lots of love and affection. We laugh together often... my father (he never raised me is still a work in progress, I do not think I will subject myself to his foolishness much longer if he keeps trying to badmouth my mom) but I still tell him I love him even though I don't feel like I do. I am glad he lives far away.

I absolutely hate the "machismo-ism" and traditional roles many older folks in my family still practice.

No, my family is not big on the whole "I love you" thing. I can tell my mom would like to be but I have to admit it's kind of uncomfortable for me. I have no doubt that my mom knows I love her and I know she loves me so if something were to happen, I don't think I'll have regrets over those words. With that being said, I do wish hearing and saying those words felt more natural to me. And if I do have children of my own, they will hear them from me daily.

I had to turn the question around, "Is my family good at telling ME they love me?" and when I did that - my answer became obvious. No.

So is it any wonder that I think to myself, you know, if I just met these people on the street, I probably wouldn't like them or care to know them. As a kid, I used to think it might have been more fun to be raised by wolves. I even asked my mom once, "Was I adopted?" I can't tell you how disappointed I was when she replied, "No." (I resisted asking if it was too late.)

As a side note, when I was ten, I found out other kids in the neighborhood were getting a weekly allowance. I decided to ask my mom if I could start earning an allowance for doing things and being good. She replied, "Why can't you be like your father and be good for nothing?"

Yeah.

I'm very lovey.

My mom is the typical doting Latina mom who babies her boys.

Even now, at 41, she treats me like a kid.

My dad was very distant in that respect. I don't recall ever hearing him say "I love you" to me, and even today hugging (birthdays, New Years, etc.) is a bit awkward. BUT I know he loves me and cares for me and my brother. He was always there for us and did his best to give us the best life he could provide.

I tell my kids that I love them all the time, and have no qualms displaying affection towards them, even the boys.

Real good. But the one person I say "I love you" directly to is my mom.

The others are more like "yo..." I did tell my dad I love him when he said "I love you" once.

Why would anyone want fake nipples?

Oh, and I hug and kiss my family rather than say "i love you". Talk is cheap!

JuliePurplehead said:

No, my family is not big on the whole "I love you" thing. I can tell my mom would like to be but I have to admit it's kind of uncomfortable for me. I have no doubt that my mom knows I love her and I know she loves me so if something were to happen, I don't think I'll have regrets over those words. With that being said, I do wish hearing and saying those words felt more natural to me. And if I do have children of my own, they will hear them from me daily.

This is how my family is, too. Mushy cards on birthdays and Valentine's Day is about as far as we go.

With my Sweetie, on the other hand...we're very vocal with the "I love yous." I don't hang up the phone without saying it, and we always say it before we go to work or to sleep.

It is really difficult for me to say it.

I know that is dumb and I should just get over it, but that's the way it is.

Every day before my kids leave for school, I tell them. Sometimes if they just walk by I tell them. My dad and I say every time we speak to each other on the phone.

Yeah, we're fine with it. But they seem to be saying it a lot more now. It's not that they didn't say it when we were growing up, but they were so strict and stern when we were kids. Now everything is all lollipops and daisies with these people . But to rib my parents a little, I like to tell them that the only reason they keep up the lovey dovey stuff with us kids and the grandkids- is because they're old and trying to get into heaven.

Not at all. The only person in my family that runs around saying "I love you" is my brother and that's only when he's drunk.

Ottensen said:

Yeah, we're fine with it. But they seem to be saying it a lot more now. It's not that they didn't say it when we were growing up, but they were so strict and stern when we were kids. Now everything is all lollipops and daisies with these people . But to rib my parents a little, I like to tell them that the only reason they keep up the lovey dovey stuff with us kids and the grandkids- is because they're old and trying to get into heaven.

I'm the same way. Back in the 1990s when I'd be sitting around for a few days waiting on AIDS test results, I was sweet as damn pie. Once the results came back negative, I was back to being a venomous rattlesnake again. It wasn't intentional, I just naturally went back to being mean because folks will drive you to being mean.

I'm good with telling immediate family that I love them -- my siblings, mother, wife and kid. Not so good with extended family and friends.

I sometimes wish I'd told my father more frequently that I loved him, but we were always close, and when he was dying of Alzheimers I visited him constantly to chat, cut his hair, and just be there. He lost many of his faculties before he died, but I recall expressly telling him I loved him once, and him replying that he honestly knew I did. I remember that being even more gratifying than hearing him say "I love you, too."

If I have a a point in all of this, I guess it's that I believe in the importance of complementary words and action.

[Edited 3/9/12 17:01pm]

I don't say "I love you" to anyone inside my family, apart from my little brother. I see him only once every couple of months and I miss him so much that when I'm with him, I tell him at least three times a day how I love him and how proud I am of him and how glad I am to have a little brother like him.

I know I shouldn't take my other family members for granted, like my parents for instance, - and I don't! - but with them (and many other people) I find it extremely hard to openly show emotion and affection. Even in actions. I would like to be able to show my dad more often that, even though he gets on my nerves quite often and even though he is not the "hero" he used to be (which I know hurts him), simply because I grew up and learned to develop own, valid, different opinions on many subjects, I actually do love him. And I actually hate that I am so unable to overcome my reluctance and fear of emotional and physical closeness and I often tell him, but I can still tell he would like me to not be as "cold" as I sometimes am - not engaging in small-talk, basically not talking much or sharing much and not agreeing with everything he does/says etc.

I'm from an Arabic family, and we're all pretty affectionate. We always say "I love you" and give out hugs and kisses.

Most arabic men I've met are rather affectionate with their family and children, but amongst themselves, they really don't show it. My grandfather was like that. He was always sweet with me, but he was always reserved with his own children. Funny how standards change as time goes by.

I always say I love you. To my friends, my family, everybody.

Cuz I really do.

When my siblings and I were younger our parents very seldom said, I love you. My mother says now its something she regrets, but none of use children were left with any doubts that we were very much loved, their actions reaffirmed that. Hence as Ace said, I've been more of actions speak louder than words type of woman, who had to learn that actions should be reaffirmed by expressing how you feel. I think the first time I ever told my oldest brother I loved him, is when we saw him off to War in Union Station. As we grew older and geography separated us saying, I love you came very easy. Wasn't an issue for me tell my little girl, I loved her. Those words weren't so easy to say to the man I would eventually marry, I didn't tell him I loved him until after we had been married a year.

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[Edited 3/10/12 0:01am]

Yeah I will say I love you and yet still call some of them shits. Well, because they are shits. However in my family The I love you can be used as a tool to get what they want??? (Not my immediate family, but extended family will.)

TD3 said:

When my siblings and I were younger our parents very seldom said, I love you. My mother says now its something she regrets, but none of use children were left with any doubts that we were very much loved, their actions reaffirmed that. Hence as Ace said, I've been more of actions speak louder than words type of woman, who had to learn that actions should be reaffirmed by expressing how you feel. I think the first time I ever told my oldest brother I loved him, is when we saw him off to War in Union Station. As we grew older and geography separated us saying, I love you came very easy. Wasn't an issue for me tell my little girl, I loved her. Those words weren't so easy to say to the man I would eventually marry, I didn't tell him I loved him until after we had been married a year.

whoa!

My husband and kids - every day.

Other family members - no, because none of them ever say it to each other. Though I do have a close bond with a couple of my nieces and we tell each other now and again.

And my best friend occasionally hears it from me.

Yes, I am. You can never tell someone you love them too many times.

I now tell everyone that I love, family or not, that I love them. It feels really good to say!

i tell them.

XxAxX said:

i tell them shit.

no dear...it's are you good with telling family you love them AND shit. not just the shit part.

I love you

BlackAdder7 said:

XxAxX said:

i tell them shit.

no dear...it's are you good with telling family you love them AND shit. not just the shit part.

I love your vast collection of birds, your hair, (yes and the hair on your head too), i love the woodpile you're slowly building against the power grid failure, and the way your toes smell in the morning.

i... i.. heart you too dear