I don't usually talk about things like this on the Org, but I am curious about what you guys have to say.

I am just about fed up with this one friend of mine. I worked with him for about 2 years, from 2008-2010 and we've been friends since. We had run in the same circles prior, but he was not really around like that as he didn't live in the Bay Area as long as the rest of us. I digress.

At work, I would observe him take advantage of others and slack off, while collecting accolades time and time again. He and I were in the same department, but not competitive with me directly. Anyway, I saw him neglect his own responsibilities and it fell on others' shoulders and he got promoted for it. He'd lie, lie, lie about his output without breakin' a sweat. He'd lie through a cheshire grin each time.

After I moved to a different position with a different company and we remained friends outside of work, things were cool for a minute, but then the Occupy stuff started. This cat said, "I was born for this." The revolution is something he really believes in and he works every day and holds down a job while also being a medic for the movement. However, he would often make sweeping statements about the movement and was not inclusionary. "We", "my", "us" rather than "everyone" if you catch my drift.

After one of the nastier police encounters in Oakland last month, he claimed to have PTSD from witnessing police brutality. He posted about this ish on facebook asking if people knew of a therapist for PTSD cuz he had PTSD from Occupy and oh my god PTSD PTSD PTSD I have PTSD guys did you know.

He's also one of those self proclaimed writers who never fucking write a thing, ever, except blog entries. Sorry, but that ain't a writer and I know some people might gripe about that, but I mean an AUTHOR? Don't call yourself a fucking writer if all you do is write blogs cuz when people hear 'writer' they are waiting for your book. Oh and he is planning like 4 books, which he loves to talk about, and he knows so many details and plot lines but NOTHING IS WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! Every time he sits down to try, he gets sucked into cat memes online or he says he has writer's block.

"Blanche, you have to write something first before you can have writer's block." - Dorothy

All along he has also been maintaining this fake gluten sensitivity shit. It's so San Francisco, so bear with me, but this motherfucker copped this disease from our one-time supervisor who legitimately would get ILL if she ate shit with gluten in it. Then all the sudden, HE can't eat it and oh he never could he just would deal with the bloating and cramps. Mind you, I straight up witnessed him eat ice cream or burritos or cheeseburgers and whathaveyou for lunch. All things w/ gluten. Never did he ever complain about being anything but bloated because HE OVEREATS and then says he earned the privilege for working so hard that day.

I am sick of this dude. I feel bad because I don't want to not be his friend. He has a lot to offer aside from the annoying stuff I've listed here. Suffice it to say, I consider him a person I want to keep as a friend but that I have serious fundamental issues with. I know he is also a sometimes-liar and once told a lie on ME to someone close to me! As if I would never find out??

Why do people need to be so fucking fake? What is the reason to throw shit out there like that that doesn't apply to you. What's the allure other than having people show their superficial concern? And even then, what's so attractive about that fake concern??

/vent

[Edited 2/23/12 15:55pm]

Why do you feel bad? Let him go.

I say this as a person whose life is a bit too much for people and they have to/choose to walk away. I don't blame them: they did what was best for them.

Do what is best for you.

Vendetta1 said:

Why do you feel bad? Let him go.

I say this as a person whose life is a bit too much for people and they have to/choose to walk away. I don't blame them: they did what was best for them.

Do what is best for you.

I suppose I feel bad because outside of the Org, I am a sensitive person and I give people the benefit of the doubt. He and I have shared many meaningful times together, but the stuff that rubs me raw rubs me VERY raw.

Is it me? Maybe I should be more accepting, but I feel I've given this stuff so much acceptance already and he never really comes around. He never really sees it my way. Don't people ever change for the better?

Spinlight said:

Vendetta1 said:

Why do you feel bad? Let him go.

I say this as a person whose life is a bit too much for people and they have to/choose to walk away. I don't blame them: they did what was best for them.

Do what is best for you.

outside of the Org, I am a sensitive person and I give people the benefit of the doubt.

smoothcriminal12 said:

Spinlight said:

outside of the Org, I am a sensitive person and I give people the benefit of the doubt.

Hahahaha, chut up!

Spinlight said:

smoothcriminal12 said:

Hahahaha, chut up!

Anyways, back to the topic at hand...

Spinlight said:

Vendetta1 said:

Why do you feel bad? Let him go.

I say this as a person whose life is a bit too much for people and they have to/choose to walk away. I don't blame them: they did what was best for them.

Do what is best for you.

I suppose I feel bad because outside of the Org, I am a sensitive person and I give people the benefit of the doubt. He and I have shared many meaningful times together, but the stuff that rubs me raw rubs me VERY raw.

Is it me? Maybe I should be more accepting, but I feel I've given this stuff so much acceptance already and he never really comes around. He never really sees it my way. Don't people ever change for the better?

I don't know you very well vut I can't see you being friends with a person like this. You seem very real to me.

Have you told him how you feel?

Vendetta1 said:

Spinlight said:

I suppose I feel bad because outside of the Org, I am a sensitive person and I give people the benefit of the doubt. He and I have shared many meaningful times together, but the stuff that rubs me raw rubs me VERY raw.

Is it me? Maybe I should be more accepting, but I feel I've given this stuff so much acceptance already and he never really comes around. He never really sees it my way. Don't people ever change for the better?

I don't know you very well vut I can't see you being friends with a person like this. You seem very real to me.

Have you told him how you feel?

Perhaps not as abruptly as I'd like to. I'd like to simply be free to put it on the table and move on, but I feel that it would put us at the end of our rope. I feel if I brought it up and said flat out that I didn't believe him and I took his behavior as dishonesty that he'd be mega-offended by this and just flounce off.

Maybe that is what he needs to do anyway since it bothers me so damn much, but it sucks that it has to come down to this. I kind of feel bamboozled by it, a bit, because I felt this dude was a genuine person when I first became friends with him. Otherwise, I wouldn't have even wasted my time.

I was close friends with a faker just like this for years! I had to cut him loose after a couple of disagreements with him. Now that I've gotten older, I have no room or tolerance for insincere people in my life. They are actually quite dangerous.

Spinlight said:

Vendetta1 said:

I don't know you very well vut I can't see you being friends with a person like this. You seem very real to me.

Have you told him how you feel?

Perhaps not as abruptly as I'd like to. I'd like to simply be free to put it on the table and move on, but I feel that it would put us at the end of our rope. I feel if I brought it up and said flat out that I didn't believe him and I took his behavior as dishonesty that he'd be mega-offended by this and just flounce off.

Maybe that is what he needs to do anyway since it bothers me so damn much, but it sucks that it has to come down to this. I kind of feel bamboozled by it, a bit, because I felt this dude was a genuine person when I first became friends with him. Otherwise, I wouldn't have even wasted my time.

I felt the same way. However, in hinesight, I knew what kind of person he really was. I saw how he used people. How he played with them and thought it was funny. I saw all of the awful things he was doing to other people but I had somehow convinced myself he would never do it to me.

One thing the situation taught me is if someone tells/shows you who they really are, believe them!

kitbradley said:

Spinlight said:

Perhaps not as abruptly as I'd like to. I'd like to simply be free to put it on the table and move on, but I feel that it would put us at the end of our rope. I feel if I brought it up and said flat out that I didn't believe him and I took his behavior as dishonesty that he'd be mega-offended by this and just flounce off.

Maybe that is what he needs to do anyway since it bothers me so damn much, but it sucks that it has to come down to this. I kind of feel bamboozled by it, a bit, because I felt this dude was a genuine person when I first became friends with him. Otherwise, I wouldn't have even wasted my time.

I felt the same way. However, in hinesight, I knew what kind of person he really was. I saw how he used people. How he played with them and thought it was funny. I saw all of the awful things he was doing to other people but I had somehow convinced myself he would never do it to me.

One thing the situation taught me is if someone tells/shows you who they really are, believe them!

Maybe that's what my problem is - Because I feel bamboozled, I don't want admit that I got suckered by the same shit he plays on others. Here I am expecting someone to be a legitimate, genuine person and he merely plays his little flute and everyone follows like rats.

He and I are very different people. If people can call me out on my honesty and say I'm abrupt or brazen (which I am), then this guy's disingenuous nature makes him just look like a hot emotional mess.

No one is perfect, that said.... you take any relationship you choose to make and the demons that go with it. Dumping a friend can be the hardest thing a person can do.

You can not control his actions or teach this 'grown' man how to behave, but one thing you can be is honest with him. If you lie about how you really feel about this person and smile up in his face, then you are as much a liar as he is.

So I guess be as honest with yourself about what place this person holds in your life. If you feel that this person isn't like-minded and you feel like his set of "demons" is something you can not deal with, then its best to separate yourself so that you do not feel as if you are wasting your time with him.

Friends are sometimes only fake to certain people, cause either they think they can get away with it, or they think you are not true to them. They may be thinking you are fake too. If i were you I'd talk with him about everything that pisses you off, but only if you still wanna stay in touch with him, that doesn't mean you still have to be good friends. If he has the same intentions he'll change his behaviour, if not he will get out of your life, cause he will be upset obviously but then you know he was never meant to be a friend to begin with.

Edit:

Sometimes fake friends can be fun too, if you make them understand u know they are fake, and still be friends. It works, trust me

[Edited 2/23/12 17:48pm]

kitbradley said:

I was close friends with a faker just like this for years! I had to cut him loose after a couple of disagreements with him. Now that I've gotten older, I have no room or tolerance for insincere people in my life. They are actually quite dangerous.

Thank you. Same here. It got to the point where I just got tired of the BS, tired of giving the benefit of the doubt and realized I was being a straight up fool for continuing a friendship that should have ended long ago. People SHOW you who they truly are eventually. It's up to you to recognize the signs and decide whether or not you are going to put up with it. You'd be surprised how much relief you feel once you cut all ties from fake folks and negative folks and their manipulating ways. I just cut one last person out my life a couple of weeks ago and have been feeling ever since.

kitbradley said:

Spinlight said:

Perhaps not as abruptly as I'd like to. I'd like to simply be free to put it on the table and move on, but I feel that it would put us at the end of our rope. I feel if I brought it up and said flat out that I didn't believe him and I took his behavior as dishonesty that he'd be mega-offended by this and just flounce off.

Maybe that is what he needs to do anyway since it bothers me so damn much, but it sucks that it has to come down to this. I kind of feel bamboozled by it, a bit, because I felt this dude was a genuine person when I first became friends with him. Otherwise, I wouldn't have even wasted my time.

I felt the same way. However, in hinesight, I knew what kind of person he really was. I saw how he used people. How he played with them and thought it was funny. I saw all of the awful things he was doing to other people but I had somehow convinced myself he would never do it to me.

One thing the situation taught me is if someone tells/shows you who they really are, believe them!

Preach! Same here again. I thought that since I was important to him that he would "never" treat me the way he treated some other folks. How wrong was I to believe that. Once I realized that I was no different and he had started his manipulations on me I felt like such a fool and actually blamed myself for being so blind. But I had to get over that and learn from it. You have to see situations and people for who they REALLY are instead of the person you know they can be.