yesterday..my 3 year old daughter came up to me and asked me what happens to her when she dies....?...i didnt really know what to say to her...her goldfish died a few weeks ago and she understood that they had died but i wasnt ready for this question from my daughter....she does ask an awful lot of questions almost all day but i didnt expect this one.......i am not religious in the slightest so i told her that people go to sleep forever when they die...but that just led to more questions......

i didnt think i would have to handle those type of questions for a few years yet

give her an org account as the org can answer any question

There are many childrens' books about dying. Amazon.com has a ton.

Look them over, see which one you like the best and read it to her.

With her goldfish dying recently and her being 3 years old and in her "why?" type questioning phase, a book is a great way to help her begin to understand this very big topic.

explaining this 2 kids is easier when u believe in God ~ kids like to know about heaven

when u tell kids that ppl just sleep they dont understand why the ppl dont get woken up ~ kid logic

i dont expect my kids to keep the faith they have grown up with because as adults they get to make their own choices

but as children; telling them that their loved ones go to a beautiful place called Heaven makes it easier for them when someone they love and care for dies

kids like the idea and concept that their nana is in a happy place and its called Heaven

RIP fish ......... pets go there 2

ThisOne said:

explaining this 2 kids is easier when u believe in God ~ kids like to know about heaven

when u tell kids that ppl just sleep they dont understand why the ppl dont get woken up ~ kid logic

i dont expect my kids to keep the faith they have grown up with because as adults they get to make their own choices

but as children; telling them that their loved ones go to a beautiful place called Heaven makes it easier for them when someone they love and care for dies

kids like the idea and concept that their nana is in a happy place and its called Heaven

RIP fish ......... pets go there 2

very good points!

Nothinbutjoy said:

There are many childrens' books about dying. Amazon.com has a ton.

Look them over, see which one you like the best and read it to her.

With her goldfish dying recently and her being 3 years old and in her "why?" type questioning phase, a book is a great way to help her begin to understand this very big topic.

this is what i did, i found a book about heaven and bought it for my son, it really helped him with all of his questions.

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

was tough when that hapnd. I had to tell them and i did with helps from books n family.

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Tell the truth.

Some people think this , some people think that.

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

Genesia said:

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

Nope but neither has anybody come back top tell us how great heaven is. Bob's not a beliver so to tell the kid heaven is where everyone goes is a lie. I talk with my 2 1/2 year old in a frank way all the time. She likes the honesty and it soon puts a stop to the "why" so far she sleeps at bedtime and eats all her greens!

Genesia said:

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

awesome!

Genesia said:

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

i have used the ''heaven'' story as well....might as well as i dont think its any worse than telling her about santa claus and the tooth fairy...once she is old enough...i am sure she will make her own mind up....i just wasnt expecting those type of questions soo soon...

When i was in middle school I had some issues about death and my religion, so my mom took me to a priest... BIG MISTAKE! They couldnt answer my questions and told me shit that scared the hell out of me!!

My advise is this..

She's 3.. Even if you dont believe in heaven or hell, tell her we all go to heaven, along with our pets and are happy and can ACTUALLY see the people who are there waiting for us to join them in a happy fun beautiful place... trust me, it will save you lots of headaches and hyperventilating..

Her beliefs will form when shes old enough to understand and research on her own.. But for now, dont scare her with the truth or some half assed answer because you dont want to "lie'

ass edit

[Edited 1/5/12 15:50pm]

Im afraid your gonna have to tell a few fibs..."Of course your not gonna die, don't be silly neither is mammy and daddy were gonna cuddle you forever"....there you go that should fend off the wardrobe monsters for a while.

Kids are not daft all they want is to be reassured that everything is going to be ok when their feeling anxious . And as mom and dad that's our job to lie sorry

They have the rest of their lives to realize how shity things are....let them be kids. And like you and me will find out soon enough about reallity....grrrr i miss Father Christmas

[Edited 1/5/12 16:18pm]

blackbob said:

i asked them what they think it is n then took it from there n let them do all the talking/crying.

Genesia said:

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

You also don't know the truth. And why should I lie?

When I grew older I was angry against every person who lied to me as a kid. No one should do that.

If you couldn't handle such questions, you shouldn't become parents.

Genesia said:

Ace said:

How 'bout, "No one knows. Some people think your soul goes on forever and others think there's nothing"?

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

I did.
Well,
not all of me. Just a part of me died. A long time ago.
I could ask that part, but, well....y'know....
it's dead.
Now it just hangs listlessly from my body.
Looks pretty damn repulsive, to be honest.
Really prevents me from presenting myself in any kind of manner that could be considered as physically attractive to the opposite sex..... no matter how much I try to "clean myself" up.
Hell, there are days that even I can barely stomach the idea of touching myself. Thus allowing any & all carnalistic cravings that pop up to go torturously unsatiated (even those that most experts consider to be "normal").

I'd get into more detail, but since the topic of this thread is about talking to a 3 year on the subject of death,
I really don't think that here would be the appropriate place to do so.

Here, lemme go find that one "Older White Guy" thread, instead....

OMG...she's only 3. You dont want to bog her down and cause her to obsess over it which will cause stress and worry. Dont drag the topic out. Telling her what you hope happens or believe is not lying. Also, replace the damn goldfish for goodness sake!!! Take her with you to choose them.

When our puppy died, my 3 year old asked questions. I told her it eventually turns into a new life (which isn't a lie if I had to get philosophical about it.) Now, the 6 year old boy was a little more stressed, so I hugged him and gave him more age appropriate information, including telling him that I felt sad too but everything will be okay. Then I replaced the puppy which instantly reduced the sting, allowing them to move on in a healthy manner.

ludwig said:

Genesia said:

Uhhhhh...the child is three years old. That answer might work when a kid is a little older, but a 3-year-old either isn't going to understand or will be frightened.

And if you tell a 3-year-old that death is like going to sleep forever, you are going to have a royal ruckus come bedtime.

What's wrong with telling a child about heaven? A lot of you are saying, "Tell the truth." But how do you know, for sure, what the truth is? Have any of you died?

You also don't know the truth. And why should I lie?

When I grew older I was angry against every person who lied to me as a kid. No one should do that.

If you couldn't handle such questions, you shouldn't become parents.

Are you a parent?

The reason its not "lying" is because like Genesia said, NOONE really knows what happens... So what harm is there in telling a 3 year old who has NO concept of life or death nor can they comprehend ANY thing other than happy thoughts, that their is happiness after death..

And your seriously pissed because your parents told you there was a santa, easter bunny or tooth fairy... Seriously?...

blackbob said:

yesterday..my 3 year old daughter came up to me and asked me what happens to her when she dies....?...i didnt really know what to say to her...her goldfish died a few weeks ago and she understood that they had died but i wasnt ready for this question from my daughter....she does ask an awful lot of questions almost all day but i didnt expect this one.......i am not religious in the slightest so i told her that people go to sleep forever when they die...but that just led to more questions......

i didnt think i would have to handle those type of questions for a few years yet

tell her what you've told us. that she's young, and you feel a little surprised by her interest at such a young age, and then tell her how you feel about death, and the conclusions you've drawn through living life. tell her that, through living her life, she will find her own answers to the questions that no one can answer. that's alls i got

XxAxX said:

blackbob said:

yesterday..my 3 year old daughter came up to me and asked me what happens to her when she dies....?...i didnt really know what to say to her...her goldfish died a few weeks ago and she understood that they had died but i wasnt ready for this question from my daughter....she does ask an awful lot of questions almost all day but i didnt expect this one.......i am not religious in the slightest so i told her that people go to sleep forever when they die...but that just led to more questions......

i didnt think i would have to handle those type of questions for a few years yet

tell her what you've told us. that she's young, and you feel a little surprised by her interest at such a young age, and then tell her how you feel about death, and the conclusions you've drawn through living life. tell her that, through living her life, she will find her own answers to the questions that no one can answer. that's alls i got

Thats probably not gonna work if she is a question asker... My daughter would pepper me with questions to my answers!! "but why" "but why"...

One time when we were sight seeing at Hitlers Birdnest I had to fight to keep her from the edge... She started with they why's... so I told her because if you fell off the cliff you would die... But why would I die... because your body would be hurt very bad... But why...So that went on for a bit, finally I said in my Infinite parent wisdom... "BECAUSE GOD MAKES IT THAT WAY"... but why does God make it that way

This type of back and forth went on for most of her childhood... EVERY DAMN DAY! She STILL asks me a million questions but now I can say... GOOGLE IT!

.

[Edited 1/6/12 5:53am]

tinaz said:

ludwig said:

You also don't know the truth. And why should I lie?

When I grew older I was angry against every person who lied to me as a kid. No one should do that.

If you couldn't handle such questions, you shouldn't become parents.

Are you a parent?

The reason its not "lying" is because like Genesia said, NOONE really knows what happens... So what harm is there in telling a 3 year old who has NO concept of life or death nor can they comprehend ANY thing other than happy thoughts, that their is happiness after death..

And your seriously pissed because your parents told you there was a santa, easter bunny or tooth fairy... Seriously?...

No, I'm not a father. And I will never ever throw life in this world where everyone has to suffer and die.

And yes I was angry against anyone who told me lies about "god" and "heaven" and stuff like that.

When I realized that these are all lies told by adults only because they fear to deal with the anger of their kids, I became angry, disaffected and traumatized. No parent wants to be questioned why they did this to him, why they decided to force a new indivual to live this miserable life.

And yes, there are also good things in life, but overall I have my big problems with this existence. There is so much drama, so much pain, and the fact that we all have to die is just frightening.

Our parents are accountable for all the pain and misery that we have to go through. If life would be different with only good things and no pain, I wouldn't hesitate to become a father. But as it is, I simply can not take the responsibilty for this.

[Edited 1/6/12 6:23am]

ludwig said:

tinaz said:

Are you a parent?

The reason its not "lying" is because like Genesia said, NOONE really knows what happens... So what harm is there in telling a 3 year old who has NO concept of life or death nor can they comprehend ANY thing other than happy thoughts, that their is happiness after death..

And your seriously pissed because your parents told you there was a santa, easter bunny or tooth fairy... Seriously?...

No, I'm not a father. And I will never ever throw life in this world where everyone has to suffer and die.

And yes I was angry against anyone who told me lies about "god" and "heaven" and stuff like that.

When you realize that these are all lies told by adults only because they fear to deal with the anger of their kids. No parent wants to be questioned why they did this to him, why they decided to force a new indivual to live this miserable life. And yes, there are also good things in life, but overall I have my big problems with this existence. There is so much drama, so much pain, and the fact that we all have to die is just frightening.

Our parents are accountable for all the pain and misery that we have to go through. If life would be different with only good things and no pain, I wouldn't hesitate to become a father. But as it is, I simply can not take the responsibilty for this.

Wow... and im not saying that to be an ass, im saying that because I am saddened by your lifes outlook...

You as an adult are responsible for your happiness... Your parents are only accountable because they choose to bring you into the world, what you do with life now is all up to you...

Death scares the crap out of me as well, but I am alive NOW, I am going to enjoy it! Yes, there is bad stuff in everything and everyones life, but if you let it get to you, you will never get to enjoy living!! Why do you want to be so miserable and dwell on bad things? Why wouldnt you want to enjoy life?

Parents dont fear anger from their children, they just dont want their child hurt, or sad, so at times they sugar coat things to make them happy or placate them until a different time when their minds are able to process things... Is it wrong? I dont know, I do know my children miss the days of when they believed in santa, when things were carefree and innocent... They are now grown adults, having their own children and look forward to all the make believe and memories that they get to share with their own babies!

tinaz said:

ludwig said:

No, I'm not a father. And I will never ever throw life in this world where everyone has to suffer and die.

And yes I was angry against anyone who told me lies about "god" and "heaven" and stuff like that.

When you realize that these are all lies told by adults only because they fear to deal with the anger of their kids. No parent wants to be questioned why they did this to him, why they decided to force a new indivual to live this miserable life. And yes, there are also good things in life, but overall I have my big problems with this existence. There is so much drama, so much pain, and the fact that we all have to die is just frightening.

Our parents are accountable for all the pain and misery that we have to go through. If life would be different with only good things and no pain, I wouldn't hesitate to become a father. But as it is, I simply can not take the responsibilty for this.

Wow... and im not saying that to be an ass, im saying that because I am saddened by your lifes outlook...

You as an adult are responsible for your happiness... Your parents are only accountable because they choose to bring you into the world, what you do with life now is all up to you...

Death scares the crap out of me as well, but I am alive NOW, I am going to enjoy it! Yes, there is bad stuff in everything and everyones life, but if you let it get to you, you will never get to enjoy living!! Why do you want to be so miserable and dwell on bad things? Why wouldnt you want to enjoy life?

Parents dont fear anger from their children, they just dont want their child hurt, or sad, so at times they sugar coat things to make them happy or placate them until a different time when their minds are able to process things... Is it wrong? I dont know, I do know my children miss the days of when they believed in santa, when things were carefree and innocent... They are now grown adults, having their own children and look forward to all the make believe and memories that they get to share with their own babies!