I'm a chick who I think really is scared to death of any type of long-term, committed relationship. Is that weird or is it just the way things are now in society? I just really can't see myself being with a guy for longer than maybe a few years....I've only had one relationship that was longer than a year...all the others were a few weeks or months. Is that weird?

I dont think its weird... Maybe you just havent really fallen in love yet..

tinaz said:

I dont think its weird... Maybe you just havent really fallen in love yet..

Thanks Tina---I remember one guy I got sick of after about the 2nd or 3rd time I saw him and it was over a few weeks later, he was a real weird-o that seemed unmotivated, lazy and just a bum all around it seemed

tinaz said:

I dont think its weird... Maybe you just havent really fallen in love yet..

When she does fall in love thats when the crazy shit starts and she better b afraid......very afraid:evillol:

davetherave6767 said:

tinaz said:

I dont think its weird... Maybe you just havent really fallen in love yet..

When she does fall in love thats when the crazy shit starts and she better b afraid......very afraid:evillol:

SeventeenDayze said:

tinaz said:

I dont think its weird... Maybe you just havent really fallen in love yet..

Thanks Tina---I remember one guy I got sick of after about the 2nd or 3rd time I saw him and it was over a few weeks later, he was a real weird-o that seemed unmotivated, lazy and just a bum all around it seemed

See, you just havent found that one to knock your socks off!

Never get married....never get married...

davetherave6767 said:

Never get married....never get married...

I remember a few years ago at work, there was a discussion started by co-workers talking about marriage. I was the only one who wasn't married (was the intern there) and they were talking about it like it was horrible. I guess one of the ladies sinced the look of horror on my face and she's like, "No, marriage is great" and I told the group, "Oh well to me it seemed like you'd lose your freedom, fight a lot and get bored" and the GUYS agreed with me lol

SeventeenDayze said:

davetherave6767 said:

Never get married....never get married...

I remember a few years ago at work, there was a discussion started by co-workers talking about marriage. I was the only one who wasn't married (was the intern there) and they were talking about it like it was horrible. I guess one of the ladies sinced the look of horror on my face and she's like, "No, marriage is great" and I told the group, "Oh well to me it seemed like you'd lose your freedom, fight a lot and get bored" and the GUYS agreed with me lol

Chances r he would want 2 change u/control u/keep u from seeing ur friends/then will punch and kick u either b4 during and after ur pregnant........u will grow tired of watching him eat/sleep/what ever he does u will grow 2 hate it.........when he touches u it will make u feel sick inside....Marriage can work but its a coin flip SeventeenDayze......What ever u decide remember............Theres always divorce and u can start again............Thats if he doesnt hunt u down a chop u up 4 rejecting him!!

You're not alone in this one -- I'm in the same boat .. well, kinda. I'm not scared to be committed, it's just I'm not interested

I absolutely LOATHE being told "I love you" if I've only known the person for a short time. And this goes along with exclusive dating, or strong commitments. I LOATHE it.

I mean, full body shivers. How the hell does someone who you've known a few weeks or months love you? In my case, I try to cough it up to language barriers, but no no no.

.... but I go through phases. I'll probably be married next year.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

It sounds like you just haven't found the person who can calm your relationship fears. When you find the right guy, you might still be daunted by the thought of commitment, but the fear won't overwhelm you.

No, it's not bad or weird nor do I think one feels this way because they just haven't fallen in love.

SeventeenDayze said:

tinaz said:

I dont think its weird... Maybe you just havent really fallen in love yet..

Thanks Tina---I remember one guy I got sick of after about the 2nd or 3rd time I saw him and it was over a few weeks later, he was a real weird-o that seemed unmotivated, lazy and just a bum all around it seemed

I don't think you should worry about being afraid of committing to someone like this.

SeventeenDayze..........When u 1st fall in love u think hes the 1..........everything uve ever wanted in a man.......There r many woman who have felt the fist of that man......Eye want u 2 watch the j-lo film Enough......Perfect man then WHAM!!!! If u havnt seen this film plz go get it....Watch it and learn...

Genesia said:

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

It sounds like you just haven't found the person who can calm your relationship fears. When you find the right guy, you might still be daunted by the thought of commitment, but the fear won't overwhelm you.

early 30s Seems like every year that passes I grow more doubtful that the tide will turn and I think it's finally sinking in that I don't have to want such a "normal" husband, kids, living in the suburb type of life....

the other day I was watching some daytime talk show and (sorry but) it seemed like the ladies who were on the show complaining about being rundown and tired from raising a family and being a wife seemed to represent everything I never want to be. I dunno I kinda felt "bad" by having that feeling but I just cant see myself waking up one day in sweatpants in a Walmart with screaming kids and a husband who stayed at home because he's in a "really important" tournament on PlayStation...

Don't sweat it.

All that "marriage/committment" crap is highly overated.

EveryTHING is not for everyBODY.

Do what makes ya happy.

SHOCKADELICA1 said:

Don't sweat it.

All that "marriage/committment" crap is highly overated.

EveryTHING is not for everyBODY.

Do what makes ya happy.

Yeah, there's no law that says a person has to be married to be happy. It seems to me that a lot of people I meet equate marriage as a given in life, something you have to do. And that there's something wrong with you if you're not married. A lot of it is to do with the expectation of what it means to follow an organised religous life and I think that belief has affected societies expectations as well. Although obviously the need to be married in todays society is not as prevalent as it used to be.

I work with a lot of students who profess a religion and they are surprised/shocked when I answer them that I am not married. They say "why??!!", and I reply "because I'm single!".

Not at all. It's just not your thing, and don't let anyone tell you you are wrong for it. I'm not into it myself, and I found out last year after trying to have a long term relationship.

Well, I'm in my early twenties and just got divorced, so yeah. NOT doing that again! LOL. I'm in NO rush and having fun being on my own

ConsciousContact said:

SHOCKADELICA1 said:

Don't sweat it.

All that "marriage/committment" crap is highly overated.

EveryTHING is not for everyBODY.

Do what makes ya happy.

Yeah, there's no law that says a person has to be married to be happy. It seems to me that a lot of people I meet equate marriage as a given in life, something you have to do. And that there's something wrong with you if you're not married. A lot of it is to do with the expectation of what it means to follow an organised religous life and I think that belief has affected societies expectations as well. Although obviously the need to be married in todays society is not as prevalent as it used to be.

I work with a lot of students who profess a religion and they are surprised/shocked when I answer them that I am not married. They say "why??!!", and I reply "because I'm single!".

AMEN to both posts!

SeventeenDayze said:

Genesia said:

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

It sounds like you just haven't found the person who can calm your relationship fears. When you find the right guy, you might still be daunted by the thought of commitment, but the fear won't overwhelm you.

early 30s Seems like every year that passes I grow more doubtful that the tide will turn and I think it's finally sinking in that I don't have to want such a "normal" husband, kids, living in the suburb type of life....

the other day I was watching some daytime talk show and (sorry but) it seemed like the ladies who were on the show complaining about being rundown and tired from raising a family and being a wife seemed to represent everything I never want to be. I dunno I kinda felt "bad" by having that feeling but I just cant see myself waking up one day in sweatpants in a Walmart with screaming kids and a husband who stayed at home because he's in a "really important" tournament on PlayStation...

I'm in my late 20's and I feel a little similar to you. Whenever people ask me if I have any kids or if I'm married and I say no to both, the look at me in AWE and say "well take your time, you got plenty of time to deal with all of that" and its said in a negative tone like "enjoy your single free life while you can for as long as you can". A friend of mine who is married with two kids just told me last week that she wished she was single again. I was like wow. I asked was it just marriage in general or was it her husband irking her, she said both, she doesn't think she's in love with her husband anymore. But as others have said on here, I've had people to say that I just haven't met the right guy that is for me that will let me see things differently.

Militant said:

Well, I'm in my early twenties and just got divorced, so yeah. NOT doing that again! LOL. I'm in NO rush and having fun being on my own

Wow, I thought you were my age! You HAVE a life!!! And yeah, being single is the best!

I suppose the real question for you Seventeendayze is do YOU want those things?

SeventeenDayze said:

I'm a chick who I think really is scared to death of any type of long-term, committed relationship. Is that weird or is it just the way things are now in society? I just really can't see myself being with a guy for longer than maybe a few years....I've only had one relationship that was longer than a year...all the others were a few weeks or months. Is that weird?

No. Not weird at all. And pretty SMART actually!

SeventeenDayze said:

Genesia said:

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

It sounds like you just haven't found the person who can calm your relationship fears. When you find the right guy, you might still be daunted by the thought of commitment, but the fear won't overwhelm you.

early 30s Seems like every year that passes I grow more doubtful that the tide will turn and I think it's finally sinking in that I don't have to want such a "normal" husband, kids, living in the suburb type of life....

the other day I was watching some daytime talk show and (sorry but) it seemed like the ladies who were on the show complaining about being rundown and tired from raising a family and being a wife seemed to represent everything I never want to be. I dunno I kinda felt "bad" by having that feeling but I just cant see myself waking up one day in sweatpants in a Walmart with screaming kids and a husband who stayed at home because he's in a "really important" tournament on PlayStation...

Here's the thing. If you know that you don't want a "normal" life, that's okay. Rock on in your child-free singleness. There isn't a damn thing wrong with that - or with you.

I'm going to catch a lot of shit for what I'm about to say, but here goes. Women have been sold a bill of goods with this notion that we can have it all (or that we should want it all). Guess what? We can't. Nobody can. If you want marriage and children and to be a success at that, you and your partner will have to compromise in other areas (ie, maybe one of you won't have a career). If you (personally) want a career, you might have to let go of the idea of an idyllic family life and making a perfect home.

We've spent a lot of time in the last 40 to 50 years trying to ignore biology and human nature. Choosing not to live a traditional life is absolutely fine. (I'm living proof of that.) Just know that some of the choices you make now may be permanent - and make sure you can be okay with that.

SeventeenDayze said:

Genesia said:

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

It sounds like you just haven't found the person who can calm your relationship fears. When you find the right guy, you might still be daunted by the thought of commitment, but the fear won't overwhelm you.

early 30s Seems like every year that passes I grow more doubtful that the tide will turn and I think it's finally sinking in that I don't have to want such a "normal" husband, kids, living in the suburb type of life....

the other day I was watching some daytime talk show and (sorry but) it seemed like the ladies who were on the show complaining about being rundown and tired from raising a family and being a wife seemed to represent everything I never want to be. I dunno I kinda felt "bad" by having that feeling but I just cant see myself waking up one day in sweatpants in a Walmart with screaming kids and a husband who stayed at home because he's in a "really important" tournament on PlayStation...

Don't give it up to the pressure that society puts on women. I'm 32, I don't want this kind of life either and I don't feel guilty anymore for not wanting it. There's other accomplishments in life than laying kids, cooking all day long and waiting quietly for sweet hubby to be back home. For some it will be carreer, for other it will be spiritual quests, artistical accomplishments or reconstructing oneself after a trauma...

Besides this way of living doesn't have anything to do with marriage. You can get married to a man according to your standards, a childfree man, a swinger, or a man agreeing with being in an open relationship.

it doesn't seem like your "affraid" of any of that....you just don't want it, and there ain't nothing weird or wrong about that.

I actually think it goes against natural human nature to be monogomus for life....funny coming from me...I've only ever been in one LOOOOOONG relationship my whole life but, it's not easy.

ehh...you never know....don't worry about it being a decision you have to make, just go day by day.

The only good reason to inhabit the same house with a partner is when you have children IMO.

I'm in my late thirties and I would love to have a family. However, I never met a man that I thought I would be able to raise children with and deal with all the challenges of daily life. I'm very happy as a nanny, because I do experience that family life a little bit, eventhough it's distant. Chances are that I'm not going to meet a man soon that I can have a family with.

When I'm beyond the age of reproduction, that struggle will be over for me. Then I can cry about it, however, also be happy that there will not be any pressure anymore to maintain a relationship with someone nor live together. Allthough I still hope I could have a family of my own, if that's not for me, I'll be happy with the good things that come with being single and no more need for a longterm relationship.

If you are certain you don't want any children, then you don't have to worry about anything. Just enjoy your life being alone.

dJJ said:

The only good reason to inhabit the same house with a partner is when you have children IMO.

I'm in my late thirties and I would love to have a family. However, I never met a man that I thought I would be able to raise children with and deal with all the challenges of daily life. I'm very happy as a nanny, because I do experience that family life a little bit, eventhough it's distant. Chances are that I'm not going to meet a man soon that I can have a family with.

When I'm beyond the age of reproduction, that struggle will be over for me. Then I can cry about it, however, also be happy that there will not be any pressure anymore to maintain a relationship with someone nor live together. Allthough I still hope I could have a family of my own, if that's not for me, I'll be happy with the good things that come with being single and no more need for a longterm relationship.

If you are certain you don't want any children, then you don't have to worry about anything. Just enjoy your life being alone.

I don't really see that as a good reason. In my experience....it's actually caused many conflicts.

sometimes I wonder if the ideal situation would be to have an agreement with a man about having a child or children together in seperate house holds from the get go. You want a child, he wants a child, draw up a contract that sets the stipulations and go from there.

ofcourse nothing is so simple but...it couldn't be any worse than the outcome of most traditional situations.