alphastreet said:

Just finished crying again. I wish I could move out, but I have no money and am in debt. I spend a lot on entertainment events to feel that rush and feel better about myself, but then I feel like shit again. And though I love my religion, I feel like being around the people I was has really harmed me and has damaged me from loving it the way I could have. It can't be undone I'm afraid I just need to leave really badly, cause I'm mentally going crazy and would like my own space. I'm too misunderstood, dealing with too much mentally with mental people including myself, I don't know what I want to do with life. I really feel like shit today.

Take a deep breath, and clear your mind.

Things will seem better when your head is clear.

Thanks, I feel better tonight, had tea just to feel better tonight though I should be asleep. I have made a few changes that I feel okay about, but it means dealing with the pain of my own shit now though I keep saying I'll do something about it and it's a vicious cycle.

I feel I won't be clear headed till I pay it all off. I wish I could go on vacation, but can't do that either.

The answer to this question is so simple.

I wouldn't do anything differently for myself because I've learned from the mistakes I've made.

If I could I would do everything I could to change the outcome so people I love never died.

I would not change 2 much...beside staying away from Mercedes Benz automobiles.

I would never get that car or a beetle, as nice as they look.

tinaz said:

I wouldnt change anything... Life isnt perfect, you live, you learn..

going back to change even one little thing no matter how small ends up bigger than you can imagine..if my life had been different in any aspect on my timeline, i wouldnt have my boys, and i just cant imagine that..ten years..things you think to change because it might be better.. might not be the better you were hoping for..although there are people in the 10 years i could have without ever knowing, there are many more that i also wouldnt have known that are worth knowing

Biggest, rush, ever tonight. I could relive it tomorrow, I have a chance. But it's going to cost me and I'll regret it later. I find myself telling lies now too about how much I'm spending and hiding. I should just stop it.

tinaz said:

I wouldnt change anything... Life isnt perfect, you live, you learn..

This!

MJ may be gone, but I want to freaking follow Cirque Du Soilel after what I saw, though it would financially kill me....now I know what MJ fans who followed him went through after seeing him for the first time, I think I'm feeling something like that.

In my twenties I would have gone to study theater instead of music and not gotten my master's degree in the field that I am now in. This way I would have avoided my first crappy boyfriend as well. I may also have stayed home for awhile instead of going away to school; it was very expensive & I am still paying off loans for it.