Can anybody do some ghetto shakespeare for me?

Just take some quotes from his major works and restate it in a trashy Chav, rednecky, or ghetto way?

I'm really bored but yall are clever and shit, so I want to see the Queen's language murdered a bit today.

Thanks.

I miss KingBad too.

imago said:

Can anybody do some ghetto shakespeare for me?

Just take some quotes from his major works and restate it in a trashy Chav, rednecky, or ghetto way?

I'm really bored but yall are clever and shit, so I want to see the Queen's language murdered a bit today.

Thanks.

"Oh, for reals Brute? You rollin' wit these muhfuckas now!?"

Pfff, I dunno if it'd work. Take this verbal onslaught, some funny shit as it is:

OSWALD

What dost thou know me for?

KENT

A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a
base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a
lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but
the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar,
and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I
will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest
the least syllable of thy addition

OSWALD

Why, what a monstrous fellow art thou, thus to rail
on one that is neither known of thee nor knows thee!

KENT

What a brazen-faced varlet art thou, to deny thou
knowest me! Is it two days ago since I tripped up
thy heels, and beat thee before the king? Draw, you
rogue: for, though it be night, yet the moon
shines; I'll make a sop o' the moonshine of you:
draw, you whoreson cullionly barber-monger, draw.

Prince already done did that =

"All that glisters is not gold." ~ Shakespeare

" all that glitters aint gold " ~ Princey

BRUTUS
Words before blows: is it so, fools?


OCTAVIUS
Not that we love words as you do, grandpa.


BRUTUS
Good words are betta than bad strokes, brat.


ANTONY
uh?
...
ehhh...watch the hole you made in Caesar,
Crying 'Long live! hail, Caesar!'


CASSIUS
who asked U anyway?
The posture of your blows are yet unknown;
But for your words, they rob the Hybla bees,
And leave them honeyless.


ANTONY
the hell does that mean?!


BRUTUS
O, yes, and soundless too;
For you have stole their buzzing,
And very wisely threat before you sting.


ANTONY
Ehhh…Fuckers!, you did not so
when you fawned like bitches, kissing Caesar's feet;
while that damned Casca, like a cur, behind
struck Caesar on the neck. Asslickers!


CASSIUS
Asslickers?! Now, Brutus, thank youself you
fool:This jerk wouldn’t be so cocky today
If I had chopped his fuckin head off, as
I wanted to.


OCTAVIUS
Cut the crap! if arguing make you all
hard,you’ll love it when stick this up yours. Look;
I draw a sword against traitors;
When think you that the sword goes up again?
Neva!, till Caesar's three and thirty wounds
Be well avenged; gonna get medieval on
your ass!

ANTONY

Medieval?

BRUTUS
Brat, you cannot die by traitors,
Unless you’re bringing them with you
dude.


OCTAVIUS

Oh, No shit! Really??
I was not born to die by your sword


BRUTUS
Young brat, you couldn’t die more honorably

CASSIUS
A fucking schoolboy, worthless of that honour,
joined by a shitstarter…


ANTONY
This old fool won’t change…


OCTAVIUS
Come, Antony, the hell out of here
I’m telling you, to your focking faces: drive-by time biatches!

(battle)

[Edited 9/2/11 9:23am]

Romeo, Romeo....where for you at?

Get thee to ya momma's house. Why would thou be breedin' no good muthafuccas?

MacBeth: Oh this is a sorry ass sight

Lady MacBeth: Ur dumber den a possum in a sand dune for sayin' dat

paintedlady said:

I miss KingBad too.

HotGritz said:

Lil'Romeo, Lil'Romeo....where the fuck you at?

Get thee to ya momma's house. Why would thou be breedin' no good muthafuccas?

THERE - fixed it for ya!

yo dude, be or not be? that's what i'm askin'

Its hot as hell in here, close that goddmed window!!!!

Romeo Romeo.... Where the fuck are ya!

PurpleJedi said:

HotGritz said:

Lil'Romeo, Lil'Romeo....where the fuck you at?

Get thee to ya momma's house. Why would thou be breedin' no good muthafuccas?

THERE - fixed it for ya!

but....he all grown up now

"a rose is a rose is a rose..."

"yo bitch, git over it. whuts in a name?

i called you a bitch and you took offense, yet

just the other night i hailed you as "the sweetest bitch

i ever had" and you gushed

you are you and perfect, no matter by whut name

you are called"

From bowdlerization to retardation....

Just cos it looks like bling don't mean it's bling

"WHY DOST THOU PLAYER HATETH???"

ScarletScandal said:

"WHY DOST THOU PLAYER HATETH???"

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

HotGritz said:

Romeo, Romeo....where for you at?

That's funny, but "wherefore" means why

So my redneck translation would be:

Romeo, oh Romeo, why you done gotta be my cousin?

Shakespeare requoted by orgeres:

"Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?" Hamlet Quote (Act III, Sc. II).

Org version: "I think my ass just got played online by this dude I'm sleeping with."---JustErin

"As he was valiant, I honour him; but, as he was ambitious, I slew him" . Quote (Act III, Sc. II).

org version: "How many different ways is Fauxie better than you?" --imago

"Tempt not a desperate man" Romeo and Juliet Quote (Act V, Sc. III).

org version: "Pictures Japanese women with big tits"---Fauxie

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" Romeo and Juliet Quote (Act II, Sc. II).

org version: "Lawd, you fine girl. I wish the camera would pan down a bit so I can see them tittays."--from any photowhore thread

"lord what fools these mortals be"

LAWDY LAWDY LAWDY.

y'all some stupid ass people

imago said:

Shakespeare requoted by orgeres:

"Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?" Hamlet Quote (Act III, Sc. II).

Org version: "I think my ass just got played online by this dude I'm sleeping with."---JustErin

"As he was valiant, I honour him; but, as he was ambitious, I slew him" . Quote (Act III, Sc. II).

org version: "How many different ways is Fauxie better than you?" --imago

"Tempt not a desperate man" Romeo and Juliet Quote (Act V, Sc. III).

org version: "Pictures Japanese women with big tits"---Fauxie

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" Romeo and Juliet Quote (Act II, Sc. II).

org version: "Lawd, you fine girl. I wish the camera would pan down a bit so I can see them tittays."--from any photowhore thread

"To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep,"

imagine Hamlet as a redneck female bartender

"y'all trying to kill me here?

baby Jesus might say turn the other cheek

while you boys get drunk and slap my ass

but I'm about to kick y'all in the nuts

so hard your grandbabies'll cry...lord, I need a Ambian"

NDRU said:

"To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep,"

imagine Hamlet as a redneck female bartender

"y'all trying to kill me here?

baby Jesus might say turn the other cheek

while you boys get drunk and slap my ass

but I'm about to kick y'all in the nuts

so hard your grandbabies'll cry...lord, I need a Ambian"

Full body shivers reliving my years in Alabama and visiting Texas

Shakespeare version

Hamlet:

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite
jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a
thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is!
My gorge rises at it.

ORG version

wow, that sucks, i knew the dude. yorick was cool, he was down with it.

guess we'll all be moldering skulls someday too

A google search yielded a ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet, I don't know whether to titter at this or collapse into a shivering wreck of pure rage.

'Sup yo? I'm bout to tell ya'll bout my homie, Romeo Montegue. See, he was diggin' this home girl named Roseline. But the chick wasn't feeling him back, you know. So Romeo's boy said, "There's gone be a hype party at the Capulets. We can hook you up!"

Romeo ain't want to go but they finally talked him into it 'cause they got skills like that, you know. Well, they all got these fake IDs so they could get in wit out them Cappies knowin'. But Romeo was still trippin' over Roseline. He said he was just goin' to watch home girl work it on the dance floor. So they went and got in.

Romeo was searchin', tryin' to peep Roseline when he saw the finest chick he ever seen! He was like, "Daaaaaaaaaamn!"

All Romeo's thoughts 'bout Roseline just went away. He walked over to her and was like, "Hey, baby! How you? Want to come wit me?"

"I don't know," the girl said.

"Come on baby," Romeo urged. He winked at her and that seemed to work 'cause all she said was "Hell yeah!"

http://www.fanfiction.net...and_Juliet

just watch theone with leo decaprio ...

cure for boredom....if ya dare.... ..

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

"I know that bitch be lyin'!"