Okay, so this casual acquaintance of mine is celebrating her 40th birthday. Although she lives in Dallas she's having her party at a friend's house in a town that's 55 miles from my house. Because all of her guests would have a long ass drive, she's arranging limo service to and from the party at a cost to each GUEST of $25 per person.

Then when we get there, she's having a cash bar so everyone has to pay for their own drinks.

I dunno, maybe it's me but this whole scenario is kinda leaving a bad taste in my mouth and seems more than a lil tacky IMO. So I politely declined the invitation.

The dilemma is that every time i've run into the birthday girl since she sent the invitation a month ago she personally re-invites. She's even sent me a few emails asking if I'm coming, to which I've politely replied again, "No, I don't think I'm gonna make it cuz it's a bit of a trek."

To make matters worse, all of my friends are going and keep begging me to go. I'm being a whole lot more direct with them explaining that I have NO desire to go to a party behind God's back where I have, travel an hour each way, pay for transportation AND my own drinks when I get there. I don't feel the least bit guilty but I'm tired of folks asking me about it, including the Bday girl.

I don't know how this sounded like a good idea to her but I ain't feeling it. Am I wrong to decline due to the circumstances when my other friends are making the effort to go?

[Edited 8/3/11 15:49pm]

I don't think you're wrong at all. I sure as hell wouldn't put out all that money for a birthday party. You've been polite in explaining why you won't be attending... and it's not like this is your best friend in the whole world... it is no doubt annoying in the meantime to have to listen to everyone ask you again and again to go... but they will get over it.

shiloh66 said:

I don't think you're wrong at all. I sure as hell wouldn't put out all that money for a birthday party. You've been polite in explaining why you won't be attending... and it's not like this is your best friend in the whole world... it is no doubt annoying in the meantime to have to listen to everyone ask you again and again to go... but they will get over it.

All that scrilla before even getting a gift. All my friends are looking at ME like I'm crazy for not wanting to go. And they know her a whole lot better than I do. I've only hung out with her a few times. She seems like good people but damn, that's a lot of hoop jumping to put folks thru. And lord knows I'ma lazy bitch

shiloh66 said:

I don't think you're wrong at all. I sure as hell wouldn't put out all that money for a birthday party. You've been polite in explaining why you won't be attending... and it's not like this is your best friend in the whole world... it is no doubt annoying in the meantime to have to listen to everyone ask you again and again to go... but they will get over it.

I declined a baby shower that was set up in a similar way. In addition to bringing the gift, each guest had to chip in for the hotel room where it was held and chip in for the catering tab. Heffa didn't want to have the shower at her new house which none of the guests had even seen and it had been over a year since she moved in.

SCNDLS some people are just tacky when it comes to party planning. If you weren't being charged for the limo service then I'd say overlook the cash bar and attend cuz you could get away with buying one drink or no drink. Personally, I'd bring my own stash but that's just me. If the friend is a close friend then put up a good front and attend but if she's just a casual friend then pass. It is kind of weird that everyone is hammering you to go. You sure they're not trying to hook you up with someone there?

HotGritz said:

shiloh66 said:

I don't think you're wrong at all. I sure as hell wouldn't put out all that money for a birthday party. You've been polite in explaining why you won't be attending... and it's not like this is your best friend in the whole world... it is no doubt annoying in the meantime to have to listen to everyone ask you again and again to go... but they will get over it.

I declined a baby shower that was set up in a similar way. In addition to bringing the gift, each guest had to chip in for the hotel room where it was held and chip in for the catering tab. Heffa didn't want to have the shower at her new house which none of the guests had even seen and it had been over a year since she moved in.

SCNDLS some people are just tacky when it comes to party planning. If you weren't being charged for the limo service then I'd say overlook the cash bar and attend cuz you could get away with buying one drink or no drink. Personally, I'd bring my own stash but that's just me. If the friend is a close friend then put up a good front and attend but if she's just a casual friend then pass. It is kind of weird that everyone is hammering you to go. You sure they're not trying to hook you up with someone there?

If she were covering the limo, I woulda went. But it just seems extra tacky to host your party in a distant city YOU don't even live in then charge the majority of your guests for the pleasure of attending your party and have them buy their own drinks once they get there. Really, WTF???

I plan events big and small all the time and shit like this always take me back, especially coming from folks who are trying to be high fallutin'

SCNDLS said:

HotGritz said:

I declined a baby shower that was set up in a similar way. In addition to bringing the gift, each guest had to chip in for the hotel room where it was held and chip in for the catering tab. Heffa didn't want to have the shower at her new house which none of the guests had even seen and it had been over a year since she moved in.

SCNDLS some people are just tacky when it comes to party planning. If you weren't being charged for the limo service then I'd say overlook the cash bar and attend cuz you could get away with buying one drink or no drink. Personally, I'd bring my own stash but that's just me. If the friend is a close friend then put up a good front and attend but if she's just a casual friend then pass. It is kind of weird that everyone is hammering you to go. You sure they're not trying to hook you up with someone there?

If she were covering the limo, I woulda went. But it just seems extra tacky to host your party in a distant city YOU don't even live in then charge the majority of your guests for the pleasure of attending your party and have them buy their own drinks once they get there. Really, WTF???

I plan events big and small all the time and shit like this always take me back, especially coming from folks who are trying to be high fallutin'

She's tryna come up financially. This is a charity event disguised as a b-day party and the charitable cause is her. Tacky as all get out but maybe that's how she roll? I never want to feel like somebody is coming up off of me. Nuh uh....that shit will ruin a friendship if I even think for one minute you tryna jack my purse.

[Edited 7/6/11 12:44pm]

HotGritz said:

SCNDLS said:

If she were covering the limo, I woulda went. But it just seems extra tacky to host your party in a distant city YOU don't even live in then charge the majority of your guests for the pleasure of attending your party and have them buy their own drinks once they get there. Really, WTF???

I plan events big and small all the time and shit like this always take me back, especially coming from folks who are trying to be high fallutin'

She's tryna come up financially. This is a charity event disguised as a b-day party and the charitable cause is her. Tacky as all get out but maybe that's how she roll? I never want to feel like somebody is coming up off of me. Nuh uh....that shit will ruin a friendship if I even think for one minute you tryna jack my purse.

[Edited 7/6/11 12:44pm]

Oh, I forgot to mention that proceeds from the bar go to cancer research which is commendable and all but I already gave at the office.

SCNDLS said:

Okay, so this casual acquaintance of mine is celebrating her 40th birthday. Although she lives in Dallas she's having her party at a friend's house in a town that's 55 miles from my house. Because all of her guests would have a long ass drive, she's arranging limo service to and from the party at a cost to each GUEST of $25 per person.

Then when we get there, she's having a cash bar so everyone has to pay for their own drinks.

I dunno, maybe it's me but this whole scenario is kinda leaving a bad taste in my mouth and seems more than a lil tacky IMO. So I politely declined the invitation.

The dilemma is that every time i've run into the birthday girl since she sent the invitation a month ago she personally re-invites. She's even sent me a few emails asking if I'm coming, to which I've politely replied again, "No, I don't think I'm gonna make it cuz it's a bit of a trek."

To make matters worse, all of my friends are going and keep begging me to go. I'm being a whole lot more direct with them explaining that I have NO desire to go to a party behind God's back where I have, travel an hour each way, pay for transportation AND my own drinks when I get there. I don't feel the least bit guilty but I'm tired of folks asking me about it, including the Bday girl.

I don't know how this sounded like a good idea to her but I ain't feeling it. Am I wrong to decline due to the circumstances when my other friends are making the effort to go?

What you need, my dear, is a VALET to drive you around town & sh*t.

That way when something like this pops up... you save on the limo $ and buy drinks for us...er I mean YOU...instead.

SCNDLS said:

HotGritz said:

She's tryna come up financially. This is a charity event disguised as a b-day party and the charitable cause is her. Tacky as all get out but maybe that's how she roll? I never want to feel like somebody is coming up off of me. Nuh uh....that shit will ruin a friendship if I even think for one minute you tryna jack my purse.

[Edited 7/6/11 12:44pm]

Oh, I forgot to mention that proceeds from the bar go to cancer research which is commendable and all but I already gave at the office.

OIC. Well that's kind of different. But I see what you mean about giving at the office. I make direct charitable donations myself. Aint no middle man handling my cash...nah!!!

Nothinbutjoy said:

I would make the effort for a close friend, but not a casual one. I can see why this annoys you. The distance is an issue and the woman has addressed that, but guests shouldn't have to cough up that much money (limo & cash bar) to attend the party BEFORE the gift is even bought. Were you planning on getting her a gift or anything for her birthday? If so, you could do what you were planning on doing for her now with the explanation that you're doing it now because you won't be attending her party. HINT HINT!! I'm not coming to your party so QUIT ASKING ME! Though she and your friends seem to be a bit thick about this as you've clearly stated your intention not to go to the party, but they keep bringing it up, so you may be stuck until after the party is over.

I have really been asking myself if I would even do it for a close a friend. Maybe for a milestone bday like a 40th but not for say their 37th.

That 2-hr round trip, trip charge, and paying for my own drinks after all of that is really working my nerves.

PurpleJedi said:

SCNDLS said:

Okay, so this casual acquaintance of mine is celebrating her 40th birthday. Although she lives in Dallas she's having her party at a friend's house in a town that's 55 miles from my house. Because all of her guests would have a long ass drive, she's arranging limo service to and from the party at a cost to each GUEST of $25 per person.

Then when we get there, she's having a cash bar so everyone has to pay for their own drinks.

I dunno, maybe it's me but this whole scenario is kinda leaving a bad taste in my mouth and seems more than a lil tacky IMO. So I politely declined the invitation.

The dilemma is that every time i've run into the birthday girl since she sent the invitation a month ago she personally re-invites. She's even sent me a few emails asking if I'm coming, to which I've politely replied again, "No, I don't think I'm gonna make it cuz it's a bit of a trek."

To make matters worse, all of my friends are going and keep begging me to go. I'm being a whole lot more direct with them explaining that I have NO desire to go to a party behind God's back where I have, travel an hour each way, pay for transportation AND my own drinks when I get there. I don't feel the least bit guilty but I'm tired of folks asking me about it, including the Bday girl.

I don't know how this sounded like a good idea to her but I ain't feeling it. Am I wrong to decline due to the circumstances when my other friends are making the effort to go?

What you need, my dear, is a VALET to drive you around town & sh*t.

That way when something like this pops up... you save on the limo $ and buy drinks for us...er I mean YOU...instead.

You are really making me think that I may need to invest in a househusband

Nothinbutjoy said:

So is she throwing this as a charitable thing AND expecting birthday gifts? (Really tacky!!) If that's the case, my gift to her would be getting totally shit faced at the bar.

I hadn't even thought of that, but yeah. All this shit sound a hot ass mess don't it??? Usually you'll say "In lieu of gifts make donations to . . ." but you still provide food and drinks for guests.

[Edited 7/6/11 12:59pm]

SCNDLS said:

SCNDLS said:

PurpleJedi said:

What you need, my dear, is a VALET to drive you around town & sh*t.

That way when something like this pops up... you save on the limo $ and buy drinks for us...er I mean YOU...instead.

You are really making me think that I may need to invest in a househusband

"Where to next, Miss Daisy?"

PurpleJedi said:

SCNDLS said:

You are really making me think that I may need to invest in a househusband

"Where to next, Miss Daisy?"

You's a FOOL!

SCNDLS said:

SCNDLS said:

PurpleJedi said:

"Where to next, Miss Daisy?"

You's a FOOL!

PurpleJedi said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

SCNDLS said:

I hadn't even thought of that, but yeah. All this shit sound a hot ass mess don't it??? Usually you'll say "In lieu of gifts make donations to . . ." but you still provide food and drinks for guests.

[Edited 7/6/11 12:59pm]

It sounds like she's having the champaign party on a beer budget, passing the expenses on to her guests and trying to pass it off as charity. N.C.---No Class

Okay, so I'm not being overly bougie and demanding.

I think she chose the location because her friend's house is really nice or something. But who really cares if you gotta resort to this type of shit to have the party there? She coulda done it in her own home the right way and I'm sure folks woulda had as much fun and more people would come. I'm certain I'm not the only one balking at the distance and expense.

And now i'm gonna ignore all emails/inquiries pertaining to this event.

Lord no ~ screw that for the casual acquaintance ...

tell her to swing by your crib sometime and you'll make her drinks and she can call a cab for herself home

seriously ... people do that ? ( the "party" )

Machaela said:

Lord no ~ screw that for the casual acquaintance ...

tell her to swing by your crib sometime and you'll make her drinks and she can call a cab for herself home

seriously ... people do that ? ( the "party" )

Machaela said:

Lord no ~ screw that for the casual acquaintance ...

tell her to swing by your crib sometime and you'll make her drinks and she can call a cab for herself home

seriously ... people do that ? ( the "party" )

A friend of ours had a big 40th birthday bash at a catering hall.

They charged admission to cover the costs.

PurpleJedi said:

Machaela said:

Lord no ~ screw that for the casual acquaintance ...

tell her to swing by your crib sometime and you'll make her drinks and she can call a cab for herself home

seriously ... people do that ? ( the "party" )

A friend of ours had a big 40th birthday bash at a catering hall.

They charged admission to cover the costs.

Please stop

SCNDLS said:

PurpleJedi said:

A friend of ours had a big 40th birthday bash at a catering hall.

They charged admission to cover the costs.

Please stop

NO kidding ...

I would be quick with the NO GO ! ~ on the RSVP

Machaela said:

SCNDLS said:

Please stop

NO kidding ...

I would be quick with the NO GO ! ~ on the RSVP

I helped them design the invitations, so we got in for free.

Otherwise I would've politely "had other plans."

That's real popular now...having birthday parties at clubs and charging admission like you going to see Keith Sweat or something. People go all out promoting these booty wack parties. DJ so and so, billboards, 5x9 glossy ads, flyers at businesses and college campuses. That shit is soooo 2003.

PurpleJedi said:

Machaela said:

NO kidding ...

I would be quick with the NO GO ! ~ on the RSVP

I helped them design the invitations, so we got in for free.

Otherwise I would've politely "had other plans."

Speaking of invitations, she sent some bootleg evite shit called Punchbowl. I'm tired of new shit, let's stick to what everyone knows, Evite. Or better yet, mail REAL invitations since this supposedly a milestone. Lord, I'ma give myself a stroke thinking about this mess

HotGritz said:

That's real popular now...having birthday parties at clubs and charging admission like you going to see Keith Sweat or something. People go all out promoting these booty wack parties. DJ so and so, billboards, 5x9 glossy ads, flyers at businesses and college campuses. That shit is soooo 2003.

It's so " I am a needy attention seeking 13 yr old " no matter what year it is !