formallypickles said:

im sorry im not impressed

99.9% of the people who think like that are not educated

can we glorify black people with self esteem and individuality for once.. damn

I kinda feel similarly.

Yeah, I know this issue still exists in the Black community, but I'm sick of always hearing about it, to be perfectly frank.

armpit said:

formallypickles said:

im sorry im not impressed

99.9% of the people who think like that are not educated

can we glorify black people with self esteem and individuality for once.. damn

I kinda feel similarly.

Yeah, I know this issue still exists in the Black community, but I'm sick of always hearing about it, to be perfectly frank.

armpit girl dont hide in a box

its ok to feel this way

formallypickles said:

it's interesting that the film seems to focus on women. humann beings are complex creatures.. black women not happy cuz they're too black??!!

but as well white women are not happy unless they got a good tan going on wtf!

i don't mean to make light of this (no pun intended) but could it be that women just have perceptions of their ideal image & maybe some black women feel conflict/guilt because they should be 'black & proud'?

i'm very white & without a tan my complexion is disgusting! sometimes i get spray tan.. my daughter used some tanning wipes recently & now looks like an umperlumpa bless her..

& i know plenty black women that sunbathe to get darker!

so isn't this the same thing?

formallypickles said:

armpit said:

I kinda feel similarly.

Yeah, I know this issue still exists in the Black community, but I'm sick of always hearing about it, to be perfectly frank.

armpit girl dont hide in a box

its ok to feel this way

Documentaries keep being made about our 'issues'. I get it, we have em. So does every other group on earth.

I'm just sick of seeing negativity in regards to African-Americans. Why can't we have some documentaries about the positive things. Movies, as well - can we have some movies that are....I don't know, I just can't relate to "Precious", and neither can anyone else I know.

CocoRock said:

formallypickles said:

im sorry im not impressed

99.9% of the people who think like that are not educated

can we glorify black people with self esteem and individuality for once.. damn

And so it begins.

what begins ?

just stating how i feel about it

im not throwing shade

armpit said:

formallypickles said:

armpit girl dont hide in a box

its ok to feel this way

Documentaries keep being made about our 'issues'. I get it, we have em. So does every other group on earth.

I'm just sick of seeing negativity in regards to African-Americans. Why can't we have some documentaries about the positive things. Movies, as well - can we have some movies that are....I don't know, I just can't relate to "Precious", and neither can anyone else I know.

me either

i didnt understand how people thought Precious was so good and a tearjerker

i laughed the whole time

formallypickles said:

armpit said:

Documentaries keep being made about our 'issues'. I get it, we have em. So does every other group on earth.

I'm just sick of seeing negativity in regards to African-Americans. Why can't we have some documentaries about the positive things. Movies, as well - can we have some movies that are....I don't know, I just can't relate to "Precious", and neither can anyone else I know.

me either

i didnt understand how people thought Precious was so good and a tearjerker

i laughed the whole time

I heard it's quite sad, but I've never seen it and have no interest in doing so because I cannot relate to the subject matter and I'm tired of always seeing so many movies about the black community come out that are along those lines.

I remember hearing about that movie and going, "Can we just have a movie about a happy, normal black family for once? Well adjusted black people, even? Cuz they do exist."

WaterInYourBath said:

Graycap23 said:

Amazed that people are still falling 4 this nonsense.

Those Black woman are beautiful and need 2 wake up and reject B.S. where it stands.

I'd love 2 wake up tomorrow and be the same skin tone as Wesley Snipes.......

What do you mean by that?

It's fairly CLEAR isn't it?

My only issue with the documentary... black men should have been apart of this discussion. Not only in terms of who how they view themselves, how they define beauty, and how society treats them as a whole. This IS NOT a black women issue this is an African American community issue. Colorism and being color struck is a major issue with many Black men... many lie about, wanna change the subject, play dumb and/or remain silent when this issue is brought up.

================================================================

[Edited 5/27/11 7:38am]

TD3 said:

My only issue with the documentary... black men should have been apart of this discussion. Not only in terms of who they view themselves, how they define beauty, and how society treats them as a whole. This IS NOT a black women issue this is an African American community issue. Colorism and being color struck is a major issue with many Black men... many lie about, wanna change the subject, play dumb and/or remain silent when this issue is brought up.

I hear u..............but I really see this as a weakness issue on behalf of those who allow this nonsense 2 effect them.

imago said:

I remember my first exposure to black-on-black skin color discrimination was in Haiti.

I had spent some time there in my mid 20s as part of a UN envoy during one of their

many tense moments.

Anyways, I befriended a Haitian guard who taught me a little bit of creole, explained

voodoo and some of his beliefs, and other things. One day, he mentioned the Mulattos (this is

a term Hatians actually formally use to identify themselves if they are mixed or light skinned).

10 percent of the population in Haiti is Mulatto. Either they are mixed due to colonial heritage (when the french owned slave plantations in Haiti) or they have been mixed with Native Caribbean. At any rate, to be mixed and light skinned is extremely valued in Haiti. There is absolutely nothing worse than being a pure black or dark skinned Haitian. You might as well be slave labor in that country.

To own a political office or important position in Haiti, one must speak French. Only the Mulattos speak French. This means, 90% of the population is not adequately represented. How the Mulattos are getting away with this is beyond me. I've seen them mistreat black skinned Haitians with verbal insults. I stood there stunned once watching this.

All the TV commercials show light skinned blacks and dark skin blacks when they are shown are seldom depicted as multi-dimensional people.

Here in Asia, I'm seeing it repeated to a lesser extent. But, it's nasty.

Skin bleaching and skin lightening products are not just sold, they are completely accepted in this society. There is actually a drug (That's supposed to be illegal, but is sold anyways) that stops your skin's natural ability to produce melanin thereby dramatically whitening your appearance. Asians will openly admit to wanting to take it (or even to have taken it). There's absolutely no shame in doing it.

I'm half asian/half white---what they call a "Luk Krueng" which literally means "half person." , and I am at the very top of the heap stack in desirability when it comes to skin features. They all desire the height of a westerner, the strong nose (we have big noses--they like that shit). I lack the epicanthic fold, and my frame is western. BUT, I'm visibly Thai in appearance--or at least Thai enough. But this adoration of white features doesn't mean an Asian wants to be a Caucasian. Aside from our eyes and a few features, there are very few Asians who would want to be one--they even vew many western features as a bit freakish. It's as if they want to build their own perfect Frankenstein from the features of other races to build a master race that looks relatively Asian.

The worst thing in the world to be in Thailand is a dark skin Thai woman with 100% Thai features. I absolutely HATE the commercials here that depict Thai women with super whitened skin, big-EYE contacts, and ridiculously over-exposed lighting. It's creepy, creepy, creepy.

And white folks reading this--don't think I'm picking on yall. I'm not. I love sleeping with white folks! You guys are absolutely adorable and gorgeous!!! What I'm picking is the idea that you guys are the only representation of adorable and gorgeous.

Oh, btw, your thread will probably get locked.

I wouldn't necessarily say that describes Mon but it gave me pause one time when my brother mentioned how she's dark-skinned. I think in the short time he was here he'd noticed the TV and print ads and spent a little time walking around places like Siam Square and it had struck him Mon was darker than many of the women he'd seen. I don't consider her to be that dark skinned for a Thai given how dark some are, but I think she kinda stands out a little, at least around where we live, for (among other things) not really consciously making an effort to lighten her skin. It's like she's expected to talk about it, think about it, and definitely always be in the process of doing something about it, since that's always got to be the goal, right? I mean, obviously you want to have lighter skin and you do as much to that end as you can afford.

Even worse, when I tanned I was met by some with a response that seemed like a mix of confusion, anger and disdain. As in, 'you have white skin and you're ruining it, and now you look ugly, poor and dirty, like lo-so Thai ppl' I didn't even get the usual 'special' treatment a farang gets in certain situations here.

.

[Edited 5/27/11 7:35am]

armpit said:

formallypickles said:

me either

i didnt understand how people thought Precious was so good and a tearjerker

i laughed the whole time

I heard it's quite sad, but I've never seen it and have no interest in doing so because I cannot relate to the subject matter and I'm tired of always seeing so many movies about the black community come out that are along those lines.

I remember hearing about that movie and going, "Can we just have a movie about a happy, normal black family for once? Well adjusted black people, even? Cuz they do exist."

[img:$uid]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XibkgYzsjas/TbrM3f9y1wI/AAAAAAAAACc/PkYNo-6TYcw/s1600/jumping-the-broom-movie-poster-550x814.jpg[/img:$uid]

[Edited 5/27/11 9:11am]

DoffieParker said:

it's interesting that the film seems to focus on women. humann beings are complex creatures.. black women not happy cuz they're too black??!!

but as well white women are not happy unless they got a good tan going on wtf!

i don't mean to make light of this (no pun intended) but could it be that women just have perceptions of their ideal image & maybe some black women feel conflict/guilt because they should be 'black & proud'?

i'm very white & without a tan my complexion is disgusting! sometimes i get spray tan.. my daughter used some tanning wipes recently & now looks like an umperlumpa bless her..

& i know plenty black women that sunbathe to get darker!

so isn't this the same thing?

Well IMO it's a deeper issue with black women. You don't have to worry about getting a mate because you are too white. You don't have to worry about getting a job because you are too white. You don't have to to deal with stereotypes to the degree that a dark skinned girl would and you don't have to deal with stereotypes created by people outside your race as well as within your race the way a dark skinned woman would. You don't have to deal with your womahood being dismissed in lieu of your race the way a dark skinned woman would. Ever notice how we separate "women's issues" from "black people's" issues as if black women aren't even women and don't have to deal with things like sexism, violence, inequitable healthcare and education etc?

There are a host of issues that go along with being a dark skinned woman than just "prettiness" although standards of beauty are a big part of it because we live in a culture that puts so much emphasis on how women look. Have you ever been told "you're pretty for a white-skinned woman"? I hear this from my dark skinned sisters all the time. They are either told they are pretty despite being dark or they are flat out called ugly/unattractive/too dark.

The whole tanning thing to me is a trend. I will admit I spray tan - yes - but I don't do it because my own olive complection is looked down upon, I do it because I like the glow and even tone that results from the spray tan.

DoffieParker said:

it's interesting that the film seems to focus on women. humann beings are complex creatures.. black women not happy cuz they're too black??!!

but as well white women are not happy unless they got a good tan going on wtf!

i don't mean to make light of this (no pun intended) but could it be that women just have perceptions of their ideal image & maybe some black women feel conflict/guilt because they should be 'black & proud'?

i'm very white & without a tan my complexion is disgusting! sometimes i get spray tan.. my daughter used some tanning wipes recently & now looks like an umperlumpa bless her..

& i know plenty black women that sunbathe to get darker!

so isn't this the same thing?

no it's not.

Oh, I forgot to add this little tidbit. I very rarely do this, but I entered a chat room and joined in the conversation. I think we were talking about pets. All of a sudden someone instant messaged me and we began a chat. He asked me about myself and I described myself as a "black woman." Well the next line this mofo typed was, "Oh, good. Does that mean you like to fuck a lot?" I cussed his ass out. He turned around and aplolgized. That was the last time I entered a chat room.

Shyra said:

Oh, I forgot to add this little tidbit. I very rarely do this, but I entered a chat room and joined in the conversation. I think we were talking about pets. All of a sudden someone instant messaged me and we began a chat. He asked me about myself and I described myself as a "black woman." Well the next line this mofo typed was, "Oh, good. Does that mean you like to fuck a lot?" I cussed his ass out. He turned around and aplolgized. That was the last time I entered a chat room.

Aah the good ole "sexually promiscuous" stereotype used to excuse men for mistreating and abusing black women. I mean if you're a whore, you're not worthy of respect right?

I'm glad you cussed his ass out.

I think that type of perception is one of the reasons black women are reluctant to date outside their race. They don't want to be some non-black man's sexual experiment nor do they want to relegated to just a sex object.

TD3 said:

My only issue with the documentary... black men should have been apart of this discussion. Not only in terms of who how they view themselves, how they define beauty, and how society treats them as a whole. This IS NOT a black women issue this is an African American community issue. Colorism and being color struck is a major issue with many Black men... many lie about, wanna change the subject, play dumb and/or remain silent when this issue is brought up.

================================================================

[Edited 5/27/11 7:38am]

I agree. However I think they mainly just wanted to focus on women; however they could have brung this documentary universal. It could have even been about all colors of people.

Graycap23 said:

WaterInYourBath said:

What do you mean by that?

It's fairly CLEAR isn't it?

Not really. This documentary is about Black women, not men. I don't see what you becoming the same complexion of Wesley Snipes has anything to do with the topic.

Fauxie said:

imago said:

I remember my first exposure to black-on-black skin color discrimination was in Haiti.

I had spent some time there in my mid 20s as part of a UN envoy during one of their

many tense moments.

Anyways, I befriended a Haitian guard who taught me a little bit of creole, explained

voodoo and some of his beliefs, and other things. One day, he mentioned the Mulattos (this is

a term Hatians actually formally use to identify themselves if they are mixed or light skinned).

10 percent of the population in Haiti is Mulatto. Either they are mixed due to colonial heritage (when the french owned slave plantations in Haiti) or they have been mixed with Native Caribbean. At any rate, to be mixed and light skinned is extremely valued in Haiti. There is absolutely nothing worse than being a pure black or dark skinned Haitian. You might as well be slave labor in that country.

To own a political office or important position in Haiti, one must speak French. Only the Mulattos speak French. This means, 90% of the population is not adequately represented. How the Mulattos are getting away with this is beyond me. I've seen them mistreat black skinned Haitians with verbal insults. I stood there stunned once watching this.

All the TV commercials show light skinned blacks and dark skin blacks when they are shown are seldom depicted as multi-dimensional people.

Here in Asia, I'm seeing it repeated to a lesser extent. But, it's nasty.

Skin bleaching and skin lightening products are not just sold, they are completely accepted in this society. There is actually a drug (That's supposed to be illegal, but is sold anyways) that stops your skin's natural ability to produce melanin thereby dramatically whitening your appearance. Asians will openly admit to wanting to take it (or even to have taken it). There's absolutely no shame in doing it.

I'm half asian/half white---what they call a "Luk Krueng" which literally means "half person." , and I am at the very top of the heap stack in desirability when it comes to skin features. They all desire the height of a westerner, the strong nose (we have big noses--they like that shit). I lack the epicanthic fold, and my frame is western. BUT, I'm visibly Thai in appearance--or at least Thai enough. But this adoration of white features doesn't mean an Asian wants to be a Caucasian. Aside from our eyes and a few features, there are very few Asians who would want to be one--they even vew many western features as a bit freakish. It's as if they want to build their own perfect Frankenstein from the features of other races to build a master race that looks relatively Asian.

The worst thing in the world to be in Thailand is a dark skin Thai woman with 100% Thai features. I absolutely HATE the commercials here that depict Thai women with super whitened skin, big-EYE contacts, and ridiculously over-exposed lighting. It's creepy, creepy, creepy.

And white folks reading this--don't think I'm picking on yall. I'm not. I love sleeping with white folks! You guys are absolutely adorable and gorgeous!!! What I'm picking is the idea that you guys are the only representation of adorable and gorgeous.

Oh, btw, your thread will probably get locked.

I wouldn't necessarily say that describes Mon but it gave me pause one time when my brother mentioned how she's dark-skinned. I think in the short time he was here he'd noticed the TV and print ads and spent a little time walking around places like Siam Square and it had struck him Mon was darker than many of the women he'd seen. I don't consider her to be that dark skinned for a Thai given how dark some are, but I think she kinda stands out a little, at least around where we live, for (among other things) not really consciously making an effort to lighten her skin. It's like she's expected to talk about it, think about it, and definitely always be in the process of doing something about it, since that's always got to be the goal, right? I mean, obviously you want to have lighter skin and you do as much to that end as you can afford.

Even worse, when I tanned I was met by some with a response that seemed like a mix of confusion, anger and disdain. As in, 'you have white skin and you're ruining it, and now you look ugly, poor and dirty, like lo-so Thai ppl' I didn't even get the usual 'special' treatment a farang gets in certain situations here.

.

[Edited 5/27/11 7:35am]

Chile, Mon is fine as hell.

Beuatiful.

Most of my students (80 to 90 percent) have her skin tone (or something close to it) in their first year at my Uni.

By year 3 they're all pale and look like Zombies.

Bear with me, cause this is gonna be long. My mom is about Halle Berry's complexion, as is my dad. BUT my mother's biological maternal side (my mom is adopted), could have passed for white. Her father was brown skinned. My dad's maternal side was VERY light. My dad's grandmother "looked like a foreigner" as my grandma would say. She had a beige complexion, but with hair down to her butt-she could sit on it. For some reason, as a kid, I had trouble understanding she was related to me. I am MUCH lighter than my folks. I got the "light" gene. I am so fair that I have had relatives put me in the sun, so I could get darker.

My fair skinned grandma on my dad's side had to elope with my much darker grandpa because grandma's mom did not like my grandfather because he was so dark. When great grandma found out her daughter had married my grandpa, she threw a fit. For years, actually, I think their whole marriage, great grandma would walk out of a room if my grandpa entered it. Great Gran was so color struck that she locked my aunt, her grandchild out in the rain, because she was dark and didn't have good hair.

I have been teased all my life, called yellow girl, oreo, light skin, zebra, albino. A lot of black girls hated me on sight and once a class mate told me "I was too white to be black and too black to be white."

When I was in 8th grade, a girl teased me mercilessly about my skin color or lack thereof. The funny thing was, although she was not as light as me, she was still light.

My mom's mom, came from a mixed family. They were considered black, but to be honest, most likely had more Native American in them than black ancestry. My great aunt Elizabeth was brown skinned with "good" hair and all her life, people would tell her it was a shame "good hair" was wasted on someone so dark.

My grandma told me the story one time of how a teacher singled out my great aunt for detention constantly, just because she was the darkest girl in the class. And this shit happened about 80 years ago. Shameful

It's sad that black people have so bought in to this perception of light skin that we a hurt our own selves and our children with this; I really felt for that girl who heard her mum bragging on her that must have been crushing.

You hear kids talk about this in the hallways sometimes. We also have real African girls in the school, straight out of refugee camps. They are not even considered real people. Sometimes they are called "African Booty Scratchers".

Just out of curiousity I did a youtube search for this phrase and found this:

A typical day at an inner city public school - 2 girls have the time to make fun of African girls

another guy (dark skinned) and his take on African girls

this shit makes me sick........will it ever stop though?

[Edited 5/28/11 8:30am]

WaterInYourBath said:

Graycap23 said:

It's fairly CLEAR isn't it?

Not really. This documentary is about Black women, not men. I don't see what you becoming the same complexion of Wesley Snipes has anything to do with the topic.

....it is also about skin tone.

Wow, I say Wow. Good to see Duke do a film again. Why didn't Spike Lee do this? Wink.

Remember Eddie Murphy, his super light skinned wife and now his other light skin wife.

Eddie used to talk shit about not dating white women, but he also has to admit he hates dark women.

Spike Lee, Mr. Black has a butter skined black girl. Shameful.

This has to be a black community thing because I notice that white guys who date black women tend to go with dark sisters. I break my neck looking at hot dark sisters. Love em.

The black dude who said that shit in the video should be stabbed by some dark sister.

The little girl broke my heart too. I wanted to hug her. Maybe a white family will adopt her and set her straight..lol

I do notice that white women love to adopt dark babies. Now we know why the media loves Halle Berry's light child. Shame. We all need to be checked.

All women are beautiful, k.

from youtube...this is true too.

paisleypark4 said:

armpit said:

I heard it's quite sad, but I've never seen it and have no interest in doing so because I cannot relate to the subject matter and I'm tired of always seeing so many movies about the black community come out that are along those lines.

I remember hearing about that movie and going, "Can we just have a movie about a happy, normal black family for once? Well adjusted black people, even? Cuz they do exist."

[img:$uid]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XibkgYzsjas/TbrM3f9y1wI/AAAAAAAAACc/PkYNo-6TYcw/s1600/jumping-the-broom-movie-poster-550x814.jpg[/img:$uid]

[Edited 5/27/11 9:11am]

I haven't seen these, but generally find that the majority of 'black' movies suck.

I mean, so do white ones, but being that there are so few black movies, you'd think the directors

would give it more effort.

They remind me alot of those 'gay' movies where they're so paper thin in concept

and so fluffy and pointless, I wonder why the directors bother to make them at all.

Shyra said:

PositivityNYC said:

:nods: it goes both ways, most unfortunately

have darker toned men said anything unpleasant to you, or just women?

The hurtful comments came from women mostly. Men were a little more subtle with their insults, but they still hurt.

I remember an incident at college. I had arrived at Howard University in Washington, DC fresh out the Garden State, naive as Shirley Temple, and itching to "get with my people" after having attended predominately white public schools all my life. This was back in the day when dormitories were not coed and usually there were two girls to a room. The first week, everyone was getting acquainted and making new friends, and one afternoon I and about 4-5 girls were in someones room just chatting and getting to know one another. I'll never forget this. Paula Greenfield from Corpus Christie, Texas lit into my ass something fierce. Paula was very dark and a beautiful girl. We were talking about something, I really can't remember what, but Paula burst out with, "Oh, Patricia! You make me sick cause you light skinned with that long, flyblow hair and you just think you better than me!" I was flabbergasted. I had said nothing inflammatory or insulting. It was like she just came out of the blue with it. I told her, "What are you talking about and where the hell did that come from?!? I said noting about color or hair! You really hurt my feelings!" And I ran out the room in tears.

Men would make comments like, "Hey, Red Bone! Can I have a bite o' that fish sammich?" or, "Yeah, I know you got all the dudes flockin round you, red bone! All you gotta do is fling that long hair, huh?" It would piss me the fuck off, and as I got older and gained more street smarts and confidence, I'd cuss a nuccah out quick! I got tired of defending me because of the way I was born, and fuck you if you had a problem!

Wow.. what an F'd up thing to say to someone you just met...

for me, it was usually women, too - even though I was never light enough for "red bone" (just "tan" or whatever).. so the comments never made much sense to me (I never even considered myself "yella" but a darker southern cousin told me I was a few yrs ago)

when I was in college, I worked part time at a bookstore. a few of my coworker "sistas" would joke about how I wasn't "black enough" (due to looks, and my intelligence--and lack of 'street cred') -- which shocked and hurt just as much as the Italian boy in high school who said, as part of the reason he gave for wanting to date me, "you're not too black" [also due to my looks, and lack of street cred -- he even named a few black girls as examples... .... I did not go out with him.. and he ended up marrying a white girl]

also while at the bookstore, this Dominican guy that worked there, Pablo, explained to me that I had 'that look' that men like.. "nice hair, small lips, just enough color..." (wtf is "just enough"?? ).. Even worse, I later found out that one of the girls there that I did get along with was his girlfriend! I didn't care what he thought of my looks b/c it was stupid, but he got an earful from me for trying to talk to me behind his girl's back!

My mom's sister married a very dark skinned black guy from the south & had two daughters w/him. Both my mom & her older sis are/were a very light "tan"; father's mostly white European, mother's half Cherokee... when I was little, I remember them saying, "the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice" ...

My cousins ~ while not as dark as their dad, they are a lot darker than me & my sibs (my dad's a "mutt" too).. One time at their house, I was hanging out on the backyard deck with the oldest one. She started checking out my arms, looking them over, running her fingertips over my skin.. then remarks how light they were -- she sounded kind of.. fascinated (I was maybe 20 at the time, she's 10 yrs younger) and it felt weird/bad.. especially the look on her face when she noticed all the little blonde hairs on my upper arms. I guess it didn't make "sense"..

The other one, 3 yrs younger than the first (and the darkest), made a crack a few yrs ago about all us "yella" folks in the family... Not mean or angry (I don't think..), but I said "I'm not yella.." and she corrected me insisting that I'm in that category b/c my face & arms have turned brown b/c of the sun. (which reminded me of the movie, Rabit-Proof Fence http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0252444 In it, mixed aboriginal kids in Australia have to go thru skin color tests... white ppl took them form their families (like they did here w/Native Americans) and had them take off their shirts to see their real color; if they were "light enough" they were chosen for some servant training )

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised; they both wear blue contact lenses that I think look fake. They "have to" relax their hair ~ it can't do an afro either, but, they see it as still not being as "good" as what my sisters and I ended up with.

-- after my parents broke up, my mom moved down there and my sisters went to HS there.. one had to dye her med. brown hair black and cut it short to try to blend in; some rough girls picked on her for being smart and b/c she "didn't look right" (like them).

In my late 20s, I also had an ex who was Jamaican & Panamanian.. He's on the darker end of the spectrum (color/"race" doesn't matter to me; I'll date anybody I think is cute ) -- but I later found out that he's a bit obsessed w/the whole "dark guy, light/white woman" thing This ass actually told me after we had started dating that he was first [physically] attracted to me b/c I "don't look like Grace Jones" -- and that that was the nicest way he could put it!

this was over the phone so he didn't see my face.... he has a younger half sister who's very pale and blonde (but she has afro-centric features and hair texture).. when he noticed my blonde body hair, and met my family - I have a niece & 2 cousins that are very pale w/straight blonde hair - he was so convinced we would have a light, blonde kid...... -- that relationship didn't last long

That kind of stuff really screwed with my head though for most of my 20s, I would spend the summers trying to get darker to "prove" I was ok, no matter what color I was (but only ended up with damaged skin/permanent tan lines... ). I couldn't really talk about it with my mom; she has her own issues from growing up in the '50s & '60s a "mutt" (ppl down south ask her "what are you?/what are you mixed with?" and she'll lie and say "just black" ) .. I just wish it didn't take until my 30s to become comfortable enough with myself to be able to ignore other ppl's hang ups about me. I hope that someday all women [people] will know this.. not have to go thru being judged on looks or skin color, no matter where it falls on the hueman spectrum

Damn those BPB (Brown Paper Bag) Tests.

That is all.

HotGritz said:

DoffieParker said:

it's interesting that the film seems to focus on women. humann beings are complex creatures.. black women not happy cuz they're too black??!!

but as well white women are not happy unless they got a good tan going on wtf!

i don't mean to make light of this (no pun intended) but could it be that women just have perceptions of their ideal image & maybe some black women feel conflict/guilt because they should be 'black & proud'?

i'm very white & without a tan my complexion is disgusting! sometimes i get spray tan.. my daughter used some tanning wipes recently & now looks like an umperlumpa bless her..

& i know plenty black women that sunbathe to get darker!

so isn't this the same thing?

Well IMO it's a deeper issue with black women. You don't have to worry about getting a mate because you are too white. You don't have to worry about getting a job because you are too white. You don't have to to deal with stereotypes to the degree that a dark skinned girl would and you don't have to deal with stereotypes created by people outside your race as well as within your race the way a dark skinned woman would. You don't have to deal with your womahood being dismissed in lieu of your race the way a dark skinned woman would. Ever notice how we separate "women's issues" from "black people's" issues as if black women aren't even women and don't have to deal with things like sexism, violence, inequitable healthcare and education etc?

There are a host of issues that go along with being a dark skinned woman than just "prettiness" although standards of beauty are a big part of it because we live in a culture that puts so much emphasis on how women look. Have you ever been told "you're pretty for a white-skinned woman"? I hear this from my dark skinned sisters all the time. They are either told they are pretty despite being dark or they are flat out called ugly/unattractive/too dark.

The whole tanning thing to me is a trend. I will admit I spray tan - yes - but I don't do it because my own olive complection is looked down upon, I do it because I like the glow and even tone that results from the spray tan.

ok but i'm not completely convinced. women are women, most all cultures got insecurities! white women are not excluded from strerotyping, bullying, worrying about getting a bloke/job cuz of their hair & skin colour!

u would expect in a civilized society that this shit was not happening & women can be so spiteful.

the only explanation is racism, it happens in white culture as well