as long as we both know we are in one!

I could totally do it - I want to be like Tilda Swinton!

I've heard it's more common in the artists' world [although god knows if there are any stats/studies on that, and if so, how reliable they would be..]. Salvador Dali and his wife Gala for example: both were at it/had open relationships on the side, and yet they stayed together all their lives until the end.

It's beautiful I think.. and yes, romantic too.

http://estrip.org/content/users/theecarey/0609/Gala02Pag21310623.jpg

co-sign on Erin and Zombie.

In some ways, I think it takes a much more secure person in themselves and much more trust to be in a relationship like this. there are true deep feelings there and yet a real understanding that sex can sometimes be a team sport (lol) and yet the two of you can still love and trust each other.

hell to the naw.

i have NOTHING against other people that do, that may work for them, and I don't mind it as it has nothing to do with me.

but for me?

JerseyKRS said:

hell to the naw.

There's my answer.

PositivityNYC said:

yeah.. I have never slept with a guy that I didn't truly care about, believed he cared about me.. had to be someone I felt I could trust, you know..

trust is a big thing for me

HotGritz said:

No. I don't share and I don't ride the backseat. Besides, open relationships aren't really relationships IMO so much as fuckbuddies with conversation thrown in. Even if said relationships were based on all that stuff that committed/faithful relationships were based on, then that makes you (the outside person) just a piece of ass at the end of the day.

I wouldn't want to feel like "just a piece of ass" as you so eloquently put it but for my friend at least, I guess that's how he views the other guy too

PositivityNYC said:

in most cases, probably -- presuming the other person is someone outside the couple's normal circle of friends.. someone they don't care about.

-- I had a friend in college who lived off-campus with both her boyfriend and her girlfriend (they all met at school). I don't recall who she started seeing first.. and since the lesbian gf and the straight bf didn't do each other, I guess that falls under "open".. but everybody was friends prior... and I know she loved them both...

How did the bf and lesbian gf get along? Was there fightin' over the girl? and tell me how long that arrangement lasted?

thekidsgirl said:

I wonder why this couple doesn't just consider themselves "friends" at this point (if they don't even kiss anymore). I mean, to me it sounds like a pair of very close friends who are both single and dating around.

I was thinking about that too-except that they live together and do things as a couple except sex

HotGritz said:

And finances probably play a role too. Cheaper to stay together kind of thing.

maybe, but in this case both guys are educated professionals and money isn't an issue.

Spinlight said:

I feel that sometimes your life doesn't have room for a full-blown relationship so open ones are easy to maintain. Also, I think sometimes when we drop the idealistic attitude we have towards relationships we realize that eventually a lot of people stop being horny or stop feeling excessively intimate while others don't. I think opening the relationship enough so that a spouse can get they not on is fine as long as both parties agree.

What about jealousy, or one partner possibly falling in love with someone else they're hooking up with? I could see that happening easily...

nd33 said:

I dont believe "the fuck buddies with conversation" is necessarily right. I don't see why it cant be the same as any other relationship, just with extra sexual experiences thrown in. Just because most people couldn't fathom themselves coping with their girl/boy having sex with someone else and still remaining willingly committed to them, doesn't mean others couldn't manage it. Its all mental But yeah I do agree, that most people who are in an open relationship, would be close with their one main squeeze and other people that came along would be just for sexual purposes.

For me, I wouldn't be able to separate my relationship from sex and just view sex with someone else as nothing more than that.

JustErin said:

Actually, it's quite the opposite. It's a strong companionship between two people who are very emotionally close and care for each other deeply. It's based on honesty and a real understanding of each other. It's more than just being friends because a sexual relationship is there but they also realize that being monogamous is not necessary to have a successful, happy long term relationship.

People who can't understand this type of relationship can not (or refuse to) separate love and sex.

Do you think it's different if, as in this case, the couple no longer has a sexual relationship? I don't know if that would make things easier or more difficult when they go out and get it from someone else.

ZombieKitten said:

as long as we both know we are in one!

I could totally do it - I want to be like Tilda Swinton!

Flo6 said:

I've heard it's more common in the artists' world [although god knows if there are any stats/studies on that, and if so, how reliable they would be..]. Salvador Dali and his wife Gala for example: both were at it/had open relationships on the side, and yet they stayed together all their lives until the end.

It's beautiful I think.. and yes, romantic too.

http://estrip.org/content/users/theecarey/0609/Gala02Pag21310623.jpg

I bet!

ButterscotchPimp said:

co-sign on Erin and Zombie.

In some ways, I think it takes a much more secure person in themselves and much more trust to be in a relationship like this. there are true deep feelings there and yet a real understanding that sex can sometimes be a team sport (lol) and yet the two of you can still love and trust each other.

anyway, I'm curious about how many couples who try this sort of thing stay together for a long time...I do think it could get very complicated

[Edited 4/27/11 9:24am]

mimi2 -- well, "L" and her bf always seemed happy, but the lesbian gf... I spent as little time around her as possible..

L (very femme) thought I was attractive so there was always a huge hello kiss on the cheek, hug, compliment on my hair or whatever.. and the gf (kind of butch punk rock) would just glare at me..

I always got the vibe that if I passed out or something, she'd step right over me & keep going..

-- I guess as long as another girly "femme" didn't get in the way, she was fine with sharing..

Unfortunately, L died in an accident before we graduated so I think they were only together a yr or two

No, not at all.