I've been invited to a late-afternoon wedding in May, and the invitation says Cocktail Attire. I used to think I knew what this meant, but I'm really thrown after doing some searches. It seems some people are knocking themselves out to make cocktail attire as casual as possible. So now I'm curious what the org thinks. I'm thinking of balancing the formal and informal by wearing khaki pants, black sport coat, dress shirt, and tie--good idea, org style gurus?

Efan said:

I've been invited to a late-afternoon wedding in May, and the invitation says Cocktail Attire. I used to think I knew what this meant, but I'm really thrown after doing some searches. It seems some people are knocking themselves out to make cocktail attire as casual as possible. So now I'm curious what the org thinks. I'm thinking of balancing the formal and informal by wearing khaki pants, black sport coat, dress shirt, and tie--good idea, org style gurus?

What you have in mind is perfect. You could probably ditch the tie, if you want.

I would ditch the tie.

I find that it's usually (or at least I personally feel) better to be a bit over than under dressed.

Thanks! The tie part, for some reason, has me flummoxed. Some style sites insist on it, while others don't. I'll probably just bring one along and put it on if the other men there are wearing one.

johnart said:

I would ditch the tie.

I find that it's usually (or at least I personally feel) better to be a bit over than under dressed.

Absolutely.

What they said you can even dress it down with a button-down collar pinpoint shirt.... no tie.

Efan said:

I've been invited to a late-afternoon wedding in May, and the invitation says Cocktail Attire. I used to think I knew what this meant, but I'm really thrown after doing some searches. It seems some people are knocking themselves out to make cocktail attire as casual as possible. So now I'm curious what the org thinks. I'm thinking of balancing the formal and informal by wearing khaki pants, black sport coat, dress shirt, and tie--good idea, org style gurus?

This will look smashing on you

Honestly, I think the outfit you've described is too casual for cocktail; it sounds more business casual to me. Khakis seem too casual for cocktail and wedding. I'd go for a darker pant, sport coat, dress shirt, and tie. If you get there and see no one else is wearing ties or jackets, take them off. It's better to be overdressed than under.

^This is all on the assumption the wedding is in New York City. If it's in the Hamptons or outside of New York, then your initial outfit would probably be fine.

jone70 said:

Honestly, I think the outfit you've described is too casual for cocktail; it sounds more business casual to me. Khakis seem too casual for cocktail and wedding. I'd go for a darker pant, sport coat, dress shirt, and tie. If you get there and see no one else is wearing ties or jackets, take them off. It's better to be overdressed than under.

^This is all on the assumption the wedding is in New York City. If it's in the Hamptons or outside of New York, then your initial outfit would probably be fine.

It's in Tarrytown. But yeah, I've been going back and forth on what you bring up here.

Mach said:

Efan said:

I've been invited to a late-afternoon wedding in May, and the invitation says Cocktail Attire. I used to think I knew what this meant, but I'm really thrown after doing some searches. It seems some people are knocking themselves out to make cocktail attire as casual as possible. So now I'm curious what the org thinks. I'm thinking of balancing the formal and informal by wearing khaki pants, black sport coat, dress shirt, and tie--good idea, org style gurus?

This will look smashing on you

Thanks!

jone70 said:

Honestly, I think the outfit you've described is too casual for cocktail; it sounds more business casual to me. Khakis seem too casual for cocktail and wedding. I'd go for a darker pant, sport coat, dress shirt, and tie. If you get there and see no one else is wearing ties or jackets, take them off. It's better to be overdressed than under.

^This is all on the assumption the wedding is in New York City. If it's in the Hamptons or outside of New York, then your initial outfit would probably be fine.

Bump them khakis

Khakis as cocktail attire =

Sorry but that is not a good look.

Efan said:

jone70 said:

Honestly, I think the outfit you've described is too casual for cocktail; it sounds more business casual to me. Khakis seem too casual for cocktail and wedding. I'd go for a darker pant, sport coat, dress shirt, and tie. If you get there and see no one else is wearing ties or jackets, take them off. It's better to be overdressed than under.

^This is all on the assumption the wedding is in New York City. If it's in the Hamptons or outside of New York, then your initial outfit would probably be fine.

It's in Tarrytown. But yeah, I've been going back and forth on what you bring up here.

Hmm. It's a tough one because it's late afternoon and May. I just think khakis = casual Friday, not cocktails or wedding at any level; but since it's May and afternoon, you could wear lighter colors. Maybe navy or a lighter fabric? (Although I'd think lighter fabrics like linen or seersucker aren't formal enough for cocktail, and it's still before Memorial Day.) Ugh. I have to go to a wedding in the Umbria region of Italy this summer and was worrying about what to wear because the bride has been very non-forthcoming with details as to whether it's indoors or out, evening or afternoon, casual or cocktail. I ended up just buying a nice dress that can be dressed up or down depending on shoes/accessories.

johnart said:

I would ditch the tie.

I find that it's usually (or at least I personally feel) better to be a bit over than under dressed.

wouldn't the tie help him to err on the side of over-dressed?

Or were those two sentences not related?

I mean that honestly, not with the condescending tone that it might read with

Here's what I'd prescribe: A well fitting black suit -- not a tux, a black suit. Almost every man I know looks better in one, and they are ridiculously versatile. Rock it with a crisp white button-down shirt and, instead of a tie, a smart pocket square to add a bit of pomp and personality. You'll be dressed up enough to acknowledge you're not at Applebees for happy hour, but also not exactly getting reading to accept your Oscar.

Lammastide said:

Here's what I'd prescribe: A well fitting black suit -- not a tux, a black suit. Almost every man I know looks better in one, and they are ridiculously versatile. Rock it with a crisp white button-down shirt and, instead of a tie, a smart pocket square to add a bit of pomp and personality. You'll be dressed up enough to acknowledge you're not at Applebees for happy hour, but also not exactly getting reading to accept your Oscar.

I like that. Except that if khakis are too casual, button-downs must be too, right?

Efan said:

Lammastide said:

Here's what I'd prescribe: A well fitting black suit -- not a tux, a black suit. Almost every man I know looks better in one, and they are ridiculously versatile. Rock it with a crisp white button-down shirt and, instead of a tie, a smart pocket square to add a bit of pomp and personality. You'll be dressed up enough to acknowledge you're not at Applebees for happy hour, but also not exactly getting reading to accept your Oscar.

I like that. Except that if khakis are too casual, button-downs must be too, right?

Good point. I'm not using "button-down" in the technically correct way. That is, don't do a button-down collar. I just meant a nice white dress shirt.

^

Also, if you think a straight black suit is too severe (which it ain't), consider black w/ a subtle chalk stripe or a charcoal grey suit.

[Edited 4/21/11 6:38am]

Lammastide said:

Efan said:

I like that. Except that if khakis are too casual, button-downs must be too, right?

Good point. I'm not using "button-down" in the technically correct way. That is, don't do a button-down collar. I just meant a nice white dress shirt.

If he opts for a crisp white broadcloth shirt... then it should be a straight collar.

When men don't do ties... button-down collars wear more neatly, but any button down collar is considered casual no matter the color of the shirt.

Pinpoint shirts do tend to look more wrinkled, so yeah... a broadcloth (untextured smooth dress) shirt should wear better.

Lammastide said:

Here's what I'd prescribe: A well fitting black suit -- not a tux, a black suit. Almost every man I know looks better in one, and they are ridiculously versatile. Rock it with a crisp white button-down shirt and, instead of a tie, a smart pocket square to add a bit of pomp and personality. You'll be dressed up enough to acknowledge you're not at Applebees for happy hour, but also not exactly getting reading to accept your Oscar.

Last year, my date to an evening wedding rocked tuxedo pants, a cumberbund, a nice white button down shirt, and a gorgeous black sweater tied across his shoulders, you know like the preppies. Chile, I had to beat the hoes back. Even the bride was all, "Who dat?" Girl, you JUST got yoked up, slow down, hussy!???

SCNDLS said:

Lammastide said:

Here's what I'd prescribe: A well fitting black suit -- not a tux, a black suit. Almost every man I know looks better in one, and they are ridiculously versatile. Rock it with a crisp white button-down shirt and, instead of a tie, a smart pocket square to add a bit of pomp and personality. You'll be dressed up enough to acknowledge you're not at Applebees for happy hour, but also not exactly getting reading to accept your Oscar.

Last year, my date to an evening wedding rocked tuxedo pants, a cumberbund, a nice white button down shirt, and a gorgeous black sweater tied across his shoulders, you know like the preppies. Chile, I had to beat the hoes back. Even the bride was all, "Who dat?" Girl, you JUST got yoked up, slow down, hussy!???

I don't think many straight guys quite appreciate just how powerful being smartly dressed is -- not pretty or primped, but smart, clean, masculine. Like you actually care a wee bit about how you present to others and haven't sacrificed your entire being to the comfort of sweatpants. Drives chicks crazy.

[Edited 4/20/11 15:00pm]

NDRU said:

johnart said:

I would ditch the tie.

I find that it's usually (or at least I personally feel) better to be a bit over than under dressed.

wouldn't the tie help him to err on the side of over-dressed?

Or were those two sentences not related?

I mean that honestly, not with the condescending tone that it might read with

Yes, absolutely. I thought it read contradictory after posting but was too lazy to go back and change it. I'm personally not someone who enjoys wearing a tie at all. It depends on his comfort level and what the actual deal is.

I've been to many afternoon outdoor weddings where a lot of men wore khakis and looked perferctly appropriate. Dress khakis.

If cocktail means it's indoors and going into the eve then I would opt for darker.

Efan,

When in doubt, just ask the person inviting you. Maybe they're the ones who don't know. They might have put cocktail and not know what the hell it means.

[Edited 4/20/11 15:12pm]

johnart said:

NDRU said:

wouldn't the tie help him to err on the side of over-dressed?

Or were those two sentences not related?

I mean that honestly, not with the condescending tone that it might read with

Yes, absolutely. I thought it read contradictory after posting but was too lazy to go back and change it. I'm personally not someone who enjoys wearing a tie at all. It depends on his comfort level and what the actual deal is.

I've been to many afternoon outdoor weddings where a lot of men wore khakis and looked perferctly appropriate. Dress khakis.

If cocktail means it's indoors and going into the eve then I would opt for darker.

Efan,

When in doubt, just ask the person inviting you. Maybe they're the ones who don't know. They might have put cocktail and not know what the hell it means.

[Edited 4/20/11 15:12pm]

Gracias.

I'm actually the "+1" at this gig. I'm the date of a female of the opposite sex. So while I can't ask the couple, I think I have a pretty good idea of what to do now. But honestly, all these fashion rules are quite perplexing.

Efan said:

johnart said:

Yes, absolutely. I thought it read contradictory after posting but was too lazy to go back and change it. I'm personally not someone who enjoys wearing a tie at all. It depends on his comfort level and what the actual deal is.

I've been to many afternoon outdoor weddings where a lot of men wore khakis and looked perferctly appropriate. Dress khakis.

If cocktail means it's indoors and going into the eve then I would opt for darker.

Efan,

When in doubt, just ask the person inviting you. Maybe they're the ones who don't know. They might have put cocktail and not know what the hell it means.

[Edited 4/20/11 15:12pm]

Gracias.

I'm actually the "+1" at this gig. I'm the date of a female of the opposite sex. So while I can't ask the couple, I think I have a pretty good idea of what to do now. But honestly, all these fashion rules are quite perplexing.

a female of the opposite sex

XxAxX said:

Mmm... chaps.

i googled 'cocktail attire' and this is the look that came back. do you have a monocle??

johnart said:

NDRU said:

wouldn't the tie help him to err on the side of over-dressed?

Or were those two sentences not related?

I mean that honestly, not with the condescending tone that it might read with

Yes, absolutely. I thought it read contradictory after posting but was too lazy to go back and change it. I'm personally not someone who enjoys wearing a tie at all. It depends on his comfort level and what the actual deal is.

I've been to many afternoon outdoor weddings where a lot of men wore khakis and looked perferctly appropriate. Dress khakis.

If cocktail means it's indoors and going into the eve then I would opt for darker.

Efan,

When in doubt, just ask the person inviting you. Maybe they're the ones who don't know. They might have put cocktail and not know what the hell it means.

[Edited 4/20/11 15:12pm]

I dress pretty casually, but it's out of control here in CA.

I was at a WEDDING and one guy had a tie & dress shirt that was not tucked into his pants (and this was not at the end of the night, it was by design) and wearing flip flops.

I am going to be hosting an event for my job in may. I will be wearing a suit & tie, but there will be some people there with alligator shirts & jeans because they don't even own suits

[Edited 4/20/11 16:50pm]

Do men wear linen? I've always found a pair of smart linen slacks attractive on a man. How about a linen sport coat and slacks with a nice shirt, like a dark "dressy" T shit. You know, nice collarless shirts that men wear under sport coats. Just a thought.

NDRU said:

johnart said:

Yes, absolutely. I thought it read contradictory after posting but was too lazy to go back and change it. I'm personally not someone who enjoys wearing a tie at all. It depends on his comfort level and what the actual deal is.

I've been to many afternoon outdoor weddings where a lot of men wore khakis and looked perferctly appropriate. Dress khakis.

If cocktail means it's indoors and going into the eve then I would opt for darker.

Efan,

When in doubt, just ask the person inviting you. Maybe they're the ones who don't know. They might have put cocktail and not know what the hell it means.

[Edited 4/20/11 15:12pm]

I dress pretty casually, but it's out of control here in CA.

I was at a WEDDING and one guy had a tie & dress shirt that was not tucked into his pants (and this was not at the end of the night, it was by design) and wearing flip flops.

I am going to be hosting an event for my job in may. I will be wearing a suit & tie, but there will be some people there with alligator shirts & jeans because they don't even own suits

[Edited 4/20/11 16:50pm]

It's funny you say this because when we were in Denver we were waiting for our cab outside the Botanic Gardens. They host events after hours and were hosting some sort of Save The Children fundraiser or something and I turned and said to Ron "I wanna know what the dress code on the invite was" because there were folk showing up very chic-ly and sharply dressed (from biz cas to cocktail) and then other folk in jeans and flip flops or sneakers...even shorts ). Now, if it was me...even no dress had been scpecified in the invite, I would assume (or at least want to) that an event being held at a Botanic Garden (just as if it were at a museum or something) would be something you dress for.

But then, I won't wear anything less than biz-casual to go see a play. Because it's the theatre, not the cinema at the mall.