Why, why do I rely on musical artists to fill my fucked up emotional voids? Why do their 80's work especially do something to me that not only bring me joy, but make me cry so hard? I could have known the songs then, but also not have known them.

[Edited 3/7/11 22:42pm]

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i may not have a degree....

but i am good at psycho analysing ppl

so.... relax - take a seat

why... cause u r crazier than me.... but there is hope... just and you'll b fine

good morning sir psycho... ...

myfavorite said:

good morning sir psycho... ...

good morning 2 u Ms Favorite

u do realise we r still waiting on critical information from you...

re your bro and his vital statistics

alphastreet said:

Why, why do I rely on musical artists to fill my fucked up emotional voids? Why do their 80's work especially do something to me that not only bring me joy, but make me cry so hard? I could have known the songs then, but also not have known them.

[Edited 3/7/11 22:42pm]

I'm fresh outta psychology class so I'ma give this my best shot. *cracks knuckles*

Pull up a couch ...

First off, I know who you're talking about. I know it's hard because I'm dealing with the same things. And I'll use "him" in my discussion...

These "voids" you talk about...what are their nature exactly? Are they fear-based? Based from emotional or physical trauma? Have you ever tried addressing the reasons as to why they're there to begin with? Perhaps these voids can be healed on there own without the use of say...a musical artist, to fill them with. This artist may be similar to you in some emotional aspects and perhaps behavioral aspects, and hence, you feel a long distance kinship with them and feel like they're the best friend you've missed out on all these years. Although, using music or a musical artist is a lot less self destructive than using alcohol or drugs, it can be rather emotional destructive...particularly when that artist meets an early demise.

Because of the deep bond you've established with their image and/or their person, you grieve or react as if they were blood related. And the songs they produced that used to bring such joy, now bring along pain and memories, which in turn lead to more emotional despondence.

If it's depression we're talking about, then I suggest seeing either a psychiatrist (don't be scared, they're actaully more helpful than they appear) or, a behavioral-cognitive psychologist. They can help you deal with your thoughts and perhaps figure out why you have them in the first place.

As for "Why do their 80's work especially do something to me that not only bring me joy, but make me cry so hard?"....I suggest going to see a behavioural psychologist and doing some systematic desensitization treatment. But since that's not really covered by gov't health plans, you can try to do this yourself. First, construct a model ranking these songs from one to ten, one being the least emotion provoking, and ten being the songs that bring on the crying fits, or the greatest emotional pains. Then begin a series of relaxation techniques that help put you in a calm state of mind. I've found some that maybe be helpful. Emphasis on deep breathing and meditation...

Deep breathing for stress relief

With its focus on full, cleansing breaths, deep breathing is a simple, yet powerful, relaxation technique. It’s easy to learn, can be practiced almost anywhere, and provides a quick way to get your stress levels in check. Deep breathing is the cornerstone of many other relaxation practices, too, and can be combined with other relaxing elements such as aromatherapy and music. All you really need is a few minutes and a place to stretch out.

How to practice deep breathing

The key to deep breathing is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible in your lungs. When you take deep breaths from the abdomen, rather than shallow breaths from your upper chest, you inhale more oxygen. The more oxygen you get, the less tense, short of breath, and anxious you feel. So the next time you feel stressed, take a minute to slow down and breathe deeply:

• Sit comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
• Breathe in through your nose. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
• Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
• Continue to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough so that your lower abdomen rises and falls. Count slowly as you exhale.

If you have a hard time breathing from your abdomen while sitting up, try lying on the floor. Put a small book on your stomach, and try to breathe so that the book rises as you inhale and falls as you exhale.

Progressive muscle relaxation for stress relief

Progressive muscle relaxation is another effective and widely used strategy for stress relief. It involves a two-step process in which you systematically tense and relax different muscle groups in the body.

With regular practice, progressive muscle relaxation gives you an intimate familiarity with what tension—as well as complete relaxation—feels like in different parts of the body. This awareness helps you spot and counteract the first signs of the muscular tension that accompanies stress. And as your body relaxes, so will your mind. You can combine deep breathing with progressive muscle relaxation for an additional level of relief from stress.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Sequence

• Right foot
• Left foot
• Right calf
• Left calf
• Right thigh
• Left thigh
• Hips and buttocks
• Stomach
• Chest
• Back
• Right arm and hand
• Left arm and hand
• Neck and shoulders
• Face

Most progressive muscle relaxation practitioners start at the feet and work their way up to the face. For a sequence of muscle groups to follow, see the box to the right:

• Loosen your clothing, take off your shoes, and get comfortable.
• Take a few minutes to relax, breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths.
• When you’re relaxed and ready to start, shift your attention to your right foot. Take a moment to focus on the way it feels.
• Slowly tense the muscles in your right foot, squeezing as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10.
• Relax your right foot. Focus on the tension flowing away and the way your foot feels as it becomes limp and loose.
• Stay in this relaxed state for a moment, breathing deeply and slowly.
• When you’re ready, shift your attention to your left foot. Follow the same sequence of muscle tension and release.
• Move slowly up through your body — legs, abdomen, back, neck, face — contracting and relaxing the muscle groups as you go.

Mindfulness meditation for stress relief

Meditation that cultivates mindfulness is particularly effective at reducing stress, anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions. Mindfulness is the quality of being fully engaged in the present moment, without analyzing or otherwise “over-thinking” the experience. Rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, mindfulness meditation switches the focus to what’s happening right now.

For stress relief, try the following mindfulness meditation techniques:

• Body scan – Body scanning cultivates mindfulness by focusing your attention on various parts of your body. Like progressive muscle relaxation, you start with your feet and work your way up. However, instead of tensing and relaxing your muscles, you simply focus on the way each part of your body feels without labeling the sensations as either “good” or “bad”.
• Walking meditation - You don’t have to be seated or still to meditate. In walking meditation, mindfulness involves being focused on the physicality of each step — the sensation of your feet touching the ground, the rhythm of your breath while moving, and feeling the wind against your face.
• Mindful eating – If you reach for food when you’re under stress or gulp your meals down in a rush, try eating mindfully. Sit down at the table and focus your full attention on the meal (no TV, newspapers, or eating on the run). Eat slowly, taking the time to fully enjoy and concentrate on each bite.

Mindfulness meditation is not equal to zoning out. It takes effort to maintain your concentration and to bring it back to the present moment when your mind wanders or you start to drift off. But with regular practice, mindfulness meditation actually changes the brain – strengthening the areas associated with joy and relaxation, and weakening those involved in negativity and stress.

Starting a meditation practice

All you need to start meditating are:

• A quiet environment. Choose a secluded place in your home, office, garden, place of worship, or in the great outdoors where you can relax without distractions or interruptions.
• A comfortable position. Get comfortable, but avoid lying down as this may lead to you falling asleep. Sit up with your spine straight, either in a chair or on the floor. You can also try a cross-legged or lotus position.
• A point of focus. Pick a meaningful word or phrase and repeat it throughout your session. You may also choose to focus on an object in your surroundings to enhance your concentration, or alternately, you can close your eyes.
• An observant, noncritical attitude. Don’t worry about distracting thoughts that go through your mind or about how well you’re doing. If thoughts intrude during your relaxation session, don’t fight them. Instead, gently turn your attention back to your point of focus.

Then, starting at the lowest ranking of the scale, you listen to each song. Then as you progress up the rankings..and you begin to feel uncomfortable, start the relaxation techniques. If that helps, then continue. If you get to a point where the relaxation technique doesn't work, then stop. And come back to it a week later and start again. If again, it doesn't work, come back to it in a week. Eventually, once you reach the highest level in the scale, you should be able to control those feelings of sadness.

I would like to state that I am NOT a behavioural or cognitive psychologist and I strongly suggest doing this or any kind of therapy with a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist(or whatever therapy they see fit for your condition). Because then you have someone on the journey with you. Systematic desensitization does have a 90% success rate...but the downside is...it takes a lot of time.

While this treatment is used to treat irrational fears, I think the same techniques demonstrated here can be used so that feelings sadness or grieve can be dealt with until all you fear when you hear those songs are the original feelings of happiness. And perhaps, it can help you deal with those emotional voids if they are, in themselves caused by fears.

Best of luck, and I hope I've helped somewhat.

alphastreet said:

Why, why do I rely on musical artists to fill my fucked up emotional voids? Why do their 80's work especially do something to me that not only bring me joy, but make me cry so hard? I could have known the songs then, but also not have known them.

[Edited 3/7/11 22:42pm]

you're the only one who can answer this question Alpha..not us psychologists, although we can guide you to the answer. and it can't be done over the internet. one question about your feelings leads to an answer, and that answer leads to another question, etc...while guiding you to YOUR answer.

alphastreet said:

Why, why do I rely on musical artists to fill my fucked up emotional voids? Why do their 80's work especially do something to me that not only bring me joy, but make me cry so hard? I could have known the songs then, but also not have known them.

[Edited 3/7/11 22:42pm]

oh, this one's easy. it's nostalgia. you're suffering an attack of nostalgic sadness. it's a kind of spiritual midlife crisis where part of you feels adrift and misses that which was.

the reason for that is because underlying your conscious wareness, is the deeper fear of your own mortality. you're afraid to face the thought of your own death.

once you realize life is part of death and vice versa your fear and sadness will fade. *

*disclaimer: the above post is a shot in the dark and not to be mistaken for actual medical advice from a qualified professional.

.mostalgic edit

[Edited 3/8/11 19:29pm]

XxAxX said:

alphastreet said:

Why, why do I rely on musical artists to fill my fucked up emotional voids? Why do their 80's work especially do something to me that not only bring me joy, but make me cry so hard? I could have known the songs then, but also not have known them.

[Edited 3/7/11 22:42pm]

oh, this one's easy. it's nostalgia. you're suffering an attack of mostalgic sadness. it's a kind of spiritual midlife crisis where part of you feels adrift and misses that which was.

the reason for that is because underlying your conscious wareness, is the deeper fear of your own mortality. you're afraidmto face the thought of your own death.

once you realize life is part of death and vice versa your fear and sadness will fade. *

*disclaimer: the above post is a shot in the dark and not to be mistaken for actual medical advice from a qualified professional.

sorry Dear, I am ethically obligated to report you to the American Psychologists Association. While you did have a disclaimer, you still gave counseling without getting paid. That, my dear, will never fly in Denmark.!

BlackAdder7 said:

XxAxX said:

oh, this one's easy. it's nostalgia. you're suffering an attack of mostalgic sadness. it's a kind of spiritual midlife crisis where part of you feels adrift and misses that which was.

the reason for that is because underlying your conscious wareness, is the deeper fear of your own mortality. you're afraidmto face the thought of your own death.

once you realize life is part of death and vice versa your fear and sadness will fade. *

*disclaimer: the above post is a shot in the dark and not to be mistaken for actual medical advice from a qualified professional.

sorry Dear, I am ethically obligated to report you to the American Psychologists Association. While you did have a disclaimer, you still gave counseling without getting paid. That, my dear, will never fly in Denmark.!

any money i'd make on counseling would have to go toward paying that fine that PTA group Mothers Against Typos gave me