I'm on a huge deadline and toiling away like a mine mule lately. But there is a guy on the street right below my window who shouts--and I mean shouts--all day, every day about the sale going on in his store. I'm not kidding when I say it's been from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m every single day for the past two weeks. Constant. Repetitive. Shouts. He never tires, and he seems to take no food or bathroom breaks. (Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, really, his English is not good, so all he can say is, "Check out! Check out! Check out! On sale! On sale! On sale!")

Anywho, so today I'm at my breaking point, and I'm pretty sure any higher power who exists would absolve me of any moral guilt in this upcoming murder. But a jury of my peers could be tricky--you know how pompous those douchebags are.

So any tips on how to make it look like an accident?

(Or...who or what is annoying you so much today that you'd kind of like to get a hypothetical get away with murder card?)

accidentally tip a cauldron of boiling oil out the window?

just a thought. hope things calm down for you.

XxAxX said:

accidentally tip a cauldron of boiling oil out the window?

just a thought. hope things calm down for you.

Oooooooh the medieval approach! I like it!!

[Edited 3/7/11 15:52pm]

Actually, my evil mind did think of dumping a bucket of ice water on him back when it was really, really, really cold here.

Efan said:

I'm on a huge deadline and toiling away like a mine mule lately. But there is a guy on the street right below my window who shouts--and I mean shouts--all day, every day about the sale going on in his store. I'm not kidding when I say it's been from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m every single day for the past two weeks. Constant. Repetitive. Shouts. He never tires, and he seems to take no food or bathroom breaks. (Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, really, his English is not good, so all he can say is, "Check out! Check out! Check out! On sale! On sale! On sale!")

Anywho, so today I'm at my breaking point, and I'm pretty sure any higher power who exists would absolve me of any moral guilt in this upcoming murder. But a jury of my peers could be tricky--you know how pompous those douchebags are.

So any tips on how to make it look like an accident?

(Or...who or what is annoying you so much today that you'd kind of like to get a hypothetical get away with murder card?)

Oh, my dear - I so feel your pain. Many's the time I've been forced to sit with non-creative co-workers. Now, inventory people may not find someone else listening to some lame-ass country music without headphones annoying. But when I'm writing, I need my music or nothing. Headphones help - they really do.

Of course, you've heard me bitch about Ms. Baby Carrots before. And today, another co-worker was heard from: somebody with what smelled like a urinal puck stinking up the work space.

Geezuz lawd - what I have to put up with!

Luckily for him, though, I don't own any buckets.

You could start out dropping little stones/rocks then gradually increase the size.

If he's not smart enough to get the hint he deserves to be hit by the great big boulder.

Public service...

I also thought about calling the police, but I imagine NYC cops wouldn't consider him the same level of public enemy that I do.

Only one more hour till the store closes. Hopefully I can just suck it up till then.

Oh! And the good news is that the store has a "Going out of business" sign hanging up. I've never been so happy about an economic misforture. I can only hope that the sign is not a trick.

Genesia said:

Efan said:

I'm on a huge deadline and toiling away like a mine mule lately. But there is a guy on the street right below my window who shouts--and I mean shouts--all day, every day about the sale going on in his store. I'm not kidding when I say it's been from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m every single day for the past two weeks. Constant. Repetitive. Shouts. He never tires, and he seems to take no food or bathroom breaks. (Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, really, his English is not good, so all he can say is, "Check out! Check out! Check out! On sale! On sale! On sale!")

Anywho, so today I'm at my breaking point, and I'm pretty sure any higher power who exists would absolve me of any moral guilt in this upcoming murder. But a jury of my peers could be tricky--you know how pompous those douchebags are.

So any tips on how to make it look like an accident?

(Or...who or what is annoying you so much today that you'd kind of like to get a hypothetical get away with murder card?)

Oh, my dear - I so feel your pain. Many's the time I've been forced to sit with non-creative co-workers. Now, inventory people may not find someone else listening to some lame-ass country music without headphones annoying. But when I'm writing, I need my music or nothing. Headphones help - they really do.

Of course, you've heard me bitch about Ms. Baby Carrots before. And today, another co-worker was heard from: somebody with what smelled like a urinal puck stinking up the work space.

Geezuz lawd - what I have to put up with!

The urinal puck line just made me

Never mind the accident, knock him out and shit on his fucking face.

TheDigitalGardener said:

Never mind the accident, knock him out and shit on his fucking face.

Evil genius!

When someone bugs my daughter at school, I always tell her to knuckle punch them in the throat, and when they open their mouth to gasp for air to toss in a live baby rat or a cup of urine.

I'm totally stealing your idea, though. I'll just need to clean up the language.

I would be calling 311 every hour on the hour until they shut that fucker up. My apartment is in the back of the building and it's normally quiet except for the murder of crows that thinks the tree in the back yard is a great hang out at 7am. (I don't get up until later.) It's exacerbated by the fact that there's an old German woman who lives about 4 buildings down and insists on keeping a bird feeder on her terrace, which attracts them and the dirty pigeons. I've often considered calling 311 about those fucking crows, but then I think they'd probably laugh at me. And also, how would the city get to them as we're in the back of the buildings? I wish I could get all Iowa on them with a bb gun.

Yesterday I woke up with what I think is an eye infection and had to wear my glasses to work (I hate wearing my glasses), so I was already not in the best mood. Once I got to work I discovered we had no phone service. On any lines. All day. On one hand it was nice because it was really quiet without the phones ringing off the hook, but on the other hand, I know it means tomorrow is going to be a pain in the ass because we have two classes and I'm sure there were several people trying to sign up today.

.

[Edited 3/7/11 21:08pm]

Poisoned Dim Sum.

my kids all have the flu... they sneeze and splatter everywhere - on everything and everyone

u can borrow them.... he is sure to get their germs and sick for at least 4 days

but i don't want them back until they r healthy!!!!...........DEAL??????

Lammastide said:

TheDigitalGardener said:

Never mind the accident, knock him out and shit on his fucking face.

Evil genius!

When someone bugs my daughter at school, I always tell her to knuckle punch them in the throat, and when they open their mouth to gasp for air to toss in a live baby rat or a cup of urine.

I'm totally stealing your idea, though. I'll just need to clean up the language.

johnart said:

Poisoned Dim Sum.

I've been thinking about poisioning a gal in my math class. She is just plain stupid and it gets on my nerves! It's her fourth time taking the class and she still doesn't get it! My whole row has been plotting her death for weeks!

Michelesky said:

johnart said:

Poisoned Dim Sum.

I've been thinking about poisioning a gal in my math class. She is just plain stupid and it gets on my nerves! It's her fourth time taking the class and she still doesn't get it! My whole row has been plotting her death for weeks!

Never mind the poisoning, simply knock her out, cut off her head, and shit down her neck.

I'll let you borrow my "Horny Toad" glass frog with a big dick. The next time he opens his mouth to holler, throw that frog out the window and aim for his mouth. When he gets a mouth full of that big ole green dick, he won't be able to say shit.

Efan said:

any tips on how to make it look like an accident?

Call Fratto and tell him, "You know what to do. ...You know what to do...".

TheDigitalGardener said:

Michelesky said:

I've been thinking about poisioning a gal in my math class. She is just plain stupid and it gets on my nerves! It's her fourth time taking the class and she still doesn't get it! My whole row has been plotting her death for weeks!

Never mind the poisoning, simply knock her out, cut off her head, and shit down her neck.

You're evil... I like it!