StillGotIt said:

Shyra said:

I have only one brother and we are very close. He's 3 years older than me. My mom told me he was very jealous when I was born because he had always gotten all the attention. She told me one day she laid me in my crib to take a nap. When she came back to check on me, Mike had painted my face like an Indian with Mercurochrome. Even in the pictures she had taken of us together when I was about a year old shows him with this pitiful look on his face. Sure, we had our little fights and squabbles, but at then end of the day, he's my brother and I love him dearly. I know he feels the same way. Example. I got fired from a job years ago and was afraid to let my parents know. Mike knew something was wrong and kept after me until I told him. I expressed my fear that mom and dad would be very upset and give me a severe dressing down. When I told him, "Mommy and Daddy are going to disown me!" he said, "No they won't because I WON'T LET THEM!"

It makes me sad to hear of people hating their immediate family members. I guess because mine was such a small family we were always close. I can't say that about my extended family, like cousins. As kids, we used to see each other during summer vacations (they lived out of state), but as we got older, we grew apart. I keep in contact with only one cousin on my mother's side. The rest of them can go straight to hell in a handbasket...

I didn't say "hate". I just have had moments where I wanted to beat the shit outta my youngest sibling. If I hated her, I certainly would have done all kinds of evil stuff to her by now. When people treat me all jacked up, I dont give them additional opportunities because I value my life, my lifestyle and my children's way of life. People who are envious of that, regardless of their bloodline, need to step aside. My family are the people in my life who treat me like they love me, and like they care about those that I love. Blood relation is overrated---hell, aren't most children who are sexually abused victimized by a blood relative? I'll cut somebody outta my life if they mean me or my loved ones harm, and I have no need to feel sad or sorry about it.

I think a tragedy is when people allow their lives to be ruled and ruined by somebody just because of a biological relationship.

Ironically, I love most of my cousins.........

OK. Hate is rather strong. But even still, it's sad when family members hurt each other. I guess I'm an old softy because I have always felt that one's family is most important and should instill nurturing, comforting relations. I am blessed in that I was fortunate enough to have that type of family all my life. I wish more people had the same.

Shyra said:

StillGotIt said:

I didn't say "hate". I just have had moments where I wanted to beat the shit outta my youngest sibling. If I hated her, I certainly would have done all kinds of evil stuff to her by now. When people treat me all jacked up, I dont give them additional opportunities because I value my life, my lifestyle and my children's way of life. People who are envious of that, regardless of their bloodline, need to step aside. My family are the people in my life who treat me like they love me, and like they care about those that I love. Blood relation is overrated---hell, aren't most children who are sexually abused victimized by a blood relative? I'll cut somebody outta my life if they mean me or my loved ones harm, and I have no need to feel sad or sorry about it.

I think a tragedy is when people allow their lives to be ruled and ruined by somebody just because of a biological relationship.

Ironically, I love most of my cousins.........

OK. Hate is rather strong. But even still, it's sad when family members hurt each other. I guess I'm an old softy because I have always felt that one's family is most important and should instill nurturing, comforting relations. I am blessed in that I was fortunate enough to have that type of family all my life. I wish more people had the same.

Me too. I guess those that don't make the best of what they have to work with. At least I hope they do.

Every time I read one of those articles on finding Mr Right or Ms Right it says "Pay close attention to whether or not they are close to their family; you want to date someone who is close to their siblings". Well, by that rule I am a bad person to date. My mother was very close to 2 of her sisters. She always reminded me of that when my sister and I fought. Hurray for her, but she had 5 sisters in all and barely spoke to the other 3. She also had 5 brothers, 3 of whom she hadn't seen in years when she died.

Surely if I was one of 7 or more kids I would get along with at least 2 of them! Unfortunately I am not close to either my brother or my sister and I guess that makes me Ms Wrong. Oh well, I know for a fact that I spent years trying.

Deadflow3r said:

Every time I read one of those articles on finding Mr Right or Ms Right it says "Pay close attention to whether or not they are close to their family; you want to date someone who is close to their siblings". Well, by that rule I am a bad person to date. My mother was very close to 2 of her sisters. She always reminded me of that when my sister and I fought. Hurray for her, but she had 5 sisters in all and barely spoke to the other 3. She also had 5 brothers, 3 of whom she hadn't seen in years when she died.

Surely if I was one of 7 or more kids I would get along with at least 2 of them! Unfortunately I am not close to either my brother or my sister and I guess that makes me Ms Wrong. Oh well, I know for a fact that I spent years trying.

In my home I do not allow my kids to tease each other, hit, or bully.

I will beat my kids ass quick if they think they can put their hand on their sibling actually that's really the only time I ever spanked them. If you hit, you get hit by me in my home. I also encourage and direct the kids in apologies and seeing things through each others POV.

This makes for all the kids being happy and heard, something I NEVER had as a child. It was like Lord of the Flies in my mom's house.

Deadflow3r said:

Every time I read one of those articles on finding Mr Right or Ms Right it says "Pay close attention to whether or not they are close to their family; you want to date someone who is close to their siblings". Well, by that rule I am a bad person to date. My mother was very close to 2 of her sisters. She always reminded me of that when my sister and I fought. Hurray for her, but she had 5 sisters in all and barely spoke to the other 3. She also had 5 brothers, 3 of whom she hadn't seen in years when she died.

Surely if I was one of 7 or more kids I would get along with at least 2 of them! Unfortunately I am not close to either my brother or my sister and I guess that makes me Ms Wrong. Oh well, I know for a fact that I spent years trying.

Deadflower, throw away the magazine. Closeness to siblings is a 2 way street, and people back away from siblings for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes people just become adults and choose the wrong road, and because of it, you can't keep them close into your life. I am an awesome, loving companion--ask my husband of 17 years--and you've seen my family status. My children are close not ust to me, but to one another to the point where they are inseperable, and they are teens.

TD3 said:

I have two older brothers and we all very close to each other. Our parents -especially our mother - stressed that we should love, respect, and support each other no matter what. The only issue we've had is my middle brother says our parents treated him differenlty, that's true. He was so rebellious and tried to do whatever he wanted to do under our parents roof, it didn't work. Even so, it hasn't affected our relationship. My older brother -just the two of us- have lunch every Wed. and I talk to my younger brother everyday.

============

[Edited 3/2/11 1:59am]

See...that right there is key. That is what I've stressed with my 2 children and it makes a huge difference. Like Painted said, I also didn't allow bullying, hitting or teasing. As a result, that didn't end up being central to their relationship with one another....and they are very close

StillGotIt said:

TD3 said:

I have two older brothers and we all very close to each other. Our parents -especially our mother - stressed that we should love, respect, and support each other no matter what. The only issue we've had is my middle brother says our parents treated him differenlty, that's true. He was so rebellious and tried to do whatever he wanted to do under our parents roof, it didn't work. Even so, it hasn't affected our relationship. My older brother -just the two of us- have lunch every Wed. and I talk to my younger brother everyday.

============

[Edited 3/2/11 1:59am]

See...that right there is key. That is what I've stressed with my 2 children and it makes a huge difference. Like Painted said, I also didn't allow bullying, hitting or teasing. As a result, that didn't end up being central to their relationship with one another....and they are very close

Co-sign x's a million!

My daughter is an only child so the only one she can smack is me!

I have an Italian mother " Blood is thicker then water' is a saying that I heard all the time. I bit my tongue a lot and kept telling myself "don't make mountains out of molehills. Truth is those molehills add up and I am now realizing I was loyal to a woman who talked about me behind my back and often and has done some pretty creepy things.

I think there is a point were you should be allowed to stop working on it, especially when you feel like your being played. Some family members have the "she'll get over it ' mindset because they know that you'll eventually forgive them for anything because " they're family". They play on that loyalty card and eventually, as is now my case, it is eventually played out. I would have never put up with half of the bullshit from a coworker or friend and blood may be thicker then water but it should never feel so thick that it's like cement, just pulling you down.

StillGotIt said:

MoniGram said:

My sister and I are NOT close at all! Growing up she always made me feel like I didn't belong in the family. I am adopted and she made sure she reminded me often that I was. She was always jealous of my relationship with my Dad, saying he does nothing but spoil me etc... I remember one time she chased me around the house with a knife until I fell and almost broke my nose. Things got worse when her eldest son offered drugs to my girls. When I went to talk to her about it, she said I need to get off my high horse and stop acting like a snobby bitch. That moment I stopped talking to her and we didn't talk for almost 7 yrs. It was not until recently when my grandbaby Seyhan was born did I start talking to her again and I will do all I can not to really chat with her. It's hard to forget the horrible things she did to me and my kids.

Now see....if you need me to come twist her arm for you let me know. that is the UGLIEST thing I have ever heard. I had a family member that was doing that to another family member who was adopted and I wanted to hurt her.........physically hurt her. I never did.....but I did tell her this:

Your mom had to jump through hoops and everything just to be able to have Susan. She wanted Susan really bad. You on the other hand, she was forced to keep because she birthed you.

Yea...maybe it was mean, but we were young and it sure burned her biscuits

I will keep that in mind!

It was horrible and I am still dealing with those issues now. Sadly I have grown up feeling like I do not belong to my family, and even now when I go to visit I feel very out of place. My sister had to remind me all the time that I was the "half breed" of the family, and up until I was told I was adopted I thought I was a full blown mexican girl, once I was told I was adopted at the age of 5 and on my first day of school my life changed. I really wish they would have NEVER told me, but I get a feeling my sister would have told me anyway, just to be mean.

Deadflow3r said:

My daughter is an only child so the only one she can smack is me!

I have an Italian mother " Blood is thicker then water' is a saying that I heard all the time. I bit my tongue a lot and kept telling myself "don't make mountains out of molehills. Truth is those molehills add up and I am now realizing I was loyal to a woman who talked about me behind my back and often and has done some pretty creepy things.

I think there is a point were you should be allowed to stop working on it, especially when you feel like your being played. Some family members have the "she'll get over it ' mindset because they know that you'll eventually forgive them for anything because " they're family". They play on that loyalty card and eventually, as is now my case, it is eventually played out. I would have never put up with half of the bullshit from a coworker or friend and blood may be thicker then water but it should never feel so thick that it's like cement, just pulling you down.

I feel you, I had to pull away myself until I could draw some serious boundaries for my sister to prevent her from hurting my family.

Family can hurt you worst than anyone... they know were you are most vulnerable. So yeah, if they are toxic to your emotional well being, I say you are better off ridding yourself of that cancer.

Deadflow3r said:

Every time I read one of those articles on finding Mr Right or Ms Right it says "Pay close attention to whether or not they are close to their family; you want to date someone who is close to their siblings". Well, by that rule I am a bad person to date. My mother was very close to 2 of her sisters. She always reminded me of that when my sister and I fought. Hurray for her, but she had 5 sisters in all and barely spoke to the other 3. She also had 5 brothers, 3 of whom she hadn't seen in years when she died.

Surely if I was one of 7 or more kids I would get along with at least 2 of them! Unfortunately I am not close to either my brother or my sister and I guess that makes me Ms Wrong. Oh well, I know for a fact that I spent years trying.

lol.
I'm sometmes very concious of this popular fallacy.

I've played with thoughts of not letting on that I've got siblings.

In fact, I think I'll give this a try!

The good people get to know you, the truth surfaces, if they don't understand.
Then good riddance of dumb people. I get along pretty well on a level playing field.

MoniGram said:

StillGotIt said:

Now see....if you need me to come twist her arm for you let me know. that is the UGLIEST thing I have ever heard. I had a family member that was doing that to another family member who was adopted and I wanted to hurt her.........physically hurt her. I never did.....but I did tell her this:

Your mom had to jump through hoops and everything just to be able to have Susan. She wanted Susan really bad. You on the other hand, she was forced to keep because she birthed you.

Yea...maybe it was mean, but we were young and it sure burned her biscuits

I will keep that in mind!

It was horrible and I am still dealing with those issues now. Sadly I have grown up feeling like I do not belong to my family, and even now when I go to visit I feel very out of place. My sister had to remind me all the time that I was the "half breed" of the family, and up until I was told I was adopted I thought I was a full blown mexican girl, once I was told I was adopted at the age of 5 and on my first day of school my life changed. I really wish they would have NEVER told me, but I get a feeling my sister would have told me anyway, just to be mean.

I'm so sorry Moni.....Maybe she's just not your real sister because she is instead the spawn of Satan....after all...real sisters dont try to hurt you.

StillGotIt said:

MoniGram said:

I will keep that in mind!

It was horrible and I am still dealing with those issues now. Sadly I have grown up feeling like I do not belong to my family, and even now when I go to visit I feel very out of place. My sister had to remind me all the time that I was the "half breed" of the family, and up until I was told I was adopted I thought I was a full blown mexican girl, once I was told I was adopted at the age of 5 and on my first day of school my life changed. I really wish they would have NEVER told me, but I get a feeling my sister would have told me anyway, just to be mean.

I'm so sorry Moni.....Maybe she's just not your real sister because she is instead the spawn of Satan....after all...real sisters dont try to hurt you.

She is the spawn of something...but she is her Mother's Daughter for sure....my adoptive Mom is just as cruel.

MoniGram said:

She is the spawn of something...but she is her Mother's Daughter for sure....my adoptive Mom is just as cruel.

MoniGram said:

StillGotIt said:

I'm so sorry Moni.....Maybe she's just not your real sister because she is instead the spawn of Satan....after all...real sisters dont try to hurt you.

She is the spawn of something...but she is her Mother's Daughter for sure....my adoptive Mom is just as cruel.

My dad's son was an unmerciful beast, he still is....he got abused as a child until he grew up and realized women wanted to fuck him.....after like pussy number ..whtever, he became an insufferable asshole that nobody but his tricks want to be around...smh...very sad.

that people dont intervene at the right moments...!! I often wondered, if a counselor or psychologist was passing by, wtf would he say about the fuckery i have to put up with....seriously.. smh.

Shorty said:

MoniGram said:

She is the spawn of something...but she is her Mother's Daughter for sure....my adoptive Mom is just as cruel.

oh god! this breaks my heart.

It's okay...it's made me a stronger woman and a bit nuts too.

chocolate1 said:

MoniGram said:

She is the spawn of something...but she is her Mother's Daughter for sure....my adoptive Mom is just as cruel.

MoniGram said:

Shorty said:

oh god! this breaks my heart.

It's okay...it's made me a stronger woman and a bit nuts too.

:hugs: I love nuts