paintedlady said:

Yes...

Had to learn to stand up fo them by myself and fight a few off.

As I got older, the bullies came in numbers... it was never just one (punk bitches... some were even dudes threatening to rape me)

So for the guys, I got me an overprotective, thug boyfriend that was an accomplished drug dealer.

For the wanna be gang banger female bullies, I learned to play on their insecurities and learned to outsmart them. They left me alone after that.

So as an adult my only bullies were my sister and a few bossy women I happened to get lucky enough to know .... checked all that bitchy bossy ass behavior, now I am bully free completely.

I learned to STOP being passive agressive and I was no longer fearful of some person not liking me.

I don't care if people get angry at me, if you hurt me... you will know. So I thank all my bullies for making me a strong person.

I grew up around gangs and thankfully for me, the Cholas protected me. I could very well be tatted up with gang monikers if they weren't there!

Yes, during middle and high school...nuff said.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I grew up around gangs and thankfully for me, the Cholas protected me. I could very well be tatted up with gang monikers if they weren't there!

No cholas in my hood, just angry chicks with box cuttuers and hunting knives that sported huge gold earrings and lots of baby hayuurr. They made you take the long way home.

But I still made the best of it and had many happy memories. Learned to run FAST too!

Actually a guy named Tony (cross-dresser) protected me a few times. He was no joke, carried a gun too.

[Edited 1/21/11 10:38am]

well when I was trying to be "popular" I was around people who knew people with drugs or drug dealers so I thought that would keep those who didn't like me away cause I would be surrounded by good looking people too, but it was so superficial and I wasn't myself with them...but like I said, I got away from that crowd cause my cousin was involved and betrayed me and my family as a result after an incident that I had to back away and retreat, and just talked to "safe" people for the next decade and threw myself into cultivating my musical talents and sharing it at school, university and after that, helping people less fortunate and sharing music for good causes. But my depression was increasing then too and by the time I reached work, I dealt with the worst bully ever and was so put off cause she's much older than me and was acting like a high school with those personal and profesional attacks, about stuff that bothered me then but not today. It really put me on edge and though I know it opened up old wounds, she was just a horrible human being, period. It's like it came back....and now I'm paranoid about a few people I hang out with turning into that if I don't agree with them and want to back out before I find myself in a mess again like over a decade ago.

Yes. I've been bullied and have been the bullier. Unfortunately this is all part of the growing process and the social environment of our schools. Bullying will never go away.

HotGritz said:

Yes. I've been bullied and have been the bullier. Unfortunately this is all part of the growing process and the social environment of our schools. Bullying will never go away.

This is such a false argument. Bullying does not have to be allowed in school. So many teachers look the other way. They should be cracking skulls and breaking fingers like the Catholic Nuns used to do!

There is a book called The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander. I should pull it out, as I'd bought it a few years back when I was on a spending spree but didn't get around to picking it up. I admit that at times I felt superior to people too when I was trying to find myself.

[Edited 1/21/11 10:48am]

alphastreet said:

well when I was trying to be "popular" I was around people who knew people with drugs or drug dealers so I thought that would keep those who didn't like me away cause I would be surrounded by good looking people too, but it was so superficial and I wasn't myself with them...but like I said, I got away from that crowd cause my cousin was involved and betrayed me and my family as a result after an incident that I had to back away and retreat, and just talked to "safe" people for the next decade and threw myself into cultivating my musical talents and sharing it at school, university and after that, helping people less fortunate and sharing music for good causes. But my depression was increasing then too and by the time I reached work, I dealt with the worst bully ever and was so put off cause she's much older than me and was acting like a high school with those personal and profesional attacks, about stuff that bothered me then but not today. It really put me on edge and though I know it opened up old wounds, she was just a horrible human being, period. It's like it came back....and now I'm paranoid about a few people I hang out with turning into that if I don't agree with them and want to back out before I find myself in a mess again like over a decade ago.

Provacative post!

See, it was different for me ..

I didn't want to be popular in my neighborhood (which extended into school) since the popular kids were all thugs. They all wore fancy clothes and lots of gold/silver. I was terrified of them.

So if you didn't want to hang with them, it was like rejecting them and they didn't like that at all.

I found one real friend at the age of 11. I would try to sneak and go seek her out since she didn't try to get me into trouble, and they would find me trying to get to her house.

They would chase me in packs throwing bricks, stones, bottles, etc. at me. I was always scared since I was a skinny little thing. But I still pressed on because that one friend became my refuge for safety, I was safe as soon as I hit her front porch. I didn't have to prove anything to her, just be myself and she liked my corny behind just the same.

When me and my friend would walk together they would gang up on us... all of them. We had a few rough scrapes, but we learned to stay safe and avoid trouble at all costs.

Then when I was 16 I started hanging out with "punk rockers" that wore swastikas and mohawks and they were like "WTF???" and they just got bored with me and my friend and went onto using crack cocaine.

Thank God for crack.

They started fighting and killing themselves after that and left me and my friend alone.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

HotGritz said:

Yes. I've been bullied and have been the bullier. Unfortunately this is all part of the growing process and the social environment of our schools. Bullying will never go away.

This is such a false argument. Bullying does not have to be allowed in school. So many teachers look the other way. They should be cracking skulls and breaking fingers like the Catholic Nuns used to do!

Nuns weren't that bad. They would never crack a skull.

Seriously, it's not about what's allowed in school it's about what kids will eventually do. A school can have a zero tolerance policy on bullyng but that won't stop kids from bullying anymore than policies on social contact, guns, drugs and sleeping in class will keep kids from engaging in such behavior. There will always be that one kid who violates the policy and when he/she is gone they will be replaced by another kid. Not all teachers look the other way but let's face it, we don't pay them enough to be both educators and baby sitters.

CarrieMpls said:

JerseyKRS said:

i've always assumed everyone has been bullied at some point in their lives.

That was my thought as well.

I never was. I was always the kid in school that everyone liked.

HotGritz said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

This is such a false argument. Bullying does not have to be allowed in school. So many teachers look the other way. They should be cracking skulls and breaking fingers like the Catholic Nuns used to do!

Nuns weren't that bad. They would never crack a skull.

Seriously, it's not about what's allowed in school it's about what kids will eventually do. A school can have a zero tolerance policy on bullyng but that won't stop kids from bullying anymore than policies on social contact, guns, drugs and sleeping in class will keep kids from engaging in such behavior. There will always be that one kid who violates the policy and when he/she is gone they will be replaced by another kid. Not all teachers look the other way but let's face it, we don't pay them enough to be both educators and baby sitters.

They are educators and baby sitters whether we pay them or not. And just because a kid will eventually do it doesn't mean that schools should be places where it's a free for all.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

MoniGram said:

Big time bullied!!!

There was this kid named Ryan Shutte...how sad that even after all these years I know his name and can see his face. Then there was my cousin Irma.

The bullying started with Ryan in about 3rd grade, he would call me flat face (I don't really have a profile) , and asked me what car did I chase to get a profile like that. He did this up until 6th grade. Then when we got to Jr. High, he was lost amoungst the kids that people didn't notice.

My cousin, she made my life hell up until 9th grade! She moved down the street from me at the end of 3rd grade, and I remember in 4th, 5th, 7th, and 8th grade she managed to get a group of people to stop talking to me and tease me behind my back. In 4th grade she managed to get the whole class to stop talking to me for half the school year. I would just walk around alone on recess. It got so bad I started skipping school. Skipping grade school, how crazy is that?? When we got to Jr. High, she managed to get all the kids at our bus stop to tease me and call me fat. Waiting for the bus and the bus rides to school and back were HELL!!! I look back on this now and realize I was not fat, I only weighed 125 lbs, at 5'5".

My cousin's bullying has had a huge effect on how I look at myself now. Even Ryan's bullying has caused me issues. I have low self esteem, I have trouble trusting and making friends, I am always looking for something, that I have yet to figure out. I have trouble looking in the mirror, and the depression of my self body image sadly back fired and I turned to food, and made what both Ryan and Irma said come true.

I am 39 yrs old and I still feel the hurt they both caused me. This is why I always told my kids, NEVER tease or pick on someone. Always be nice to your fellow classmates. The phrase is wrong "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" like hell they don't. I would have rather had sticks and stones thrown at me, then to forever hear the words of "Here comes flat face" and hear barking noises as I walked by. Or forever look in the mirror and hear my cousin's words telling me how fat and ugly I am.

I hope your boys are not having to deal with this. This would sadden me greatly!

Hugs X Infinity!

Where is your cousin now? is she still like this?

My cousin lives in Wyoming with her husband and 6 kids...I don't really talk to her. The last time I saw her face to face was over 15 yrs ago. I am not sure if she is still this way...she talks a lot about God etc...so maybe she changed.

paintedlady said:

alphastreet said:

well when I was trying to be "popular" I was around people who knew people with drugs or drug dealers so I thought that would keep those who didn't like me away cause I would be surrounded by good looking people too, but it was so superficial and I wasn't myself with them...but like I said, I got away from that crowd cause my cousin was involved and betrayed me and my family as a result after an incident that I had to back away and retreat, and just talked to "safe" people for the next decade and threw myself into cultivating my musical talents and sharing it at school, university and after that, helping people less fortunate and sharing music for good causes. But my depression was increasing then too and by the time I reached work, I dealt with the worst bully ever and was so put off cause she's much older than me and was acting like a high school with those personal and profesional attacks, about stuff that bothered me then but not today. It really put me on edge and though I know it opened up old wounds, she was just a horrible human being, period. It's like it came back....and now I'm paranoid about a few people I hang out with turning into that if I don't agree with them and want to back out before I find myself in a mess again like over a decade ago.

Provacative post!

See, it was different for me ..

I didn't want to be popular in my neighborhood (which extended into school) since the popular kids were all thugs. They all wore fancy clothes and lots of gold/silver. I was terrified of them.

So if you didn't want to hang with them, it was like rejecting them and they didn't like that at all.

I found one real friend at the age of 11. I would try to sneak and go seek her out since she didn't try to get me into trouble, and they would find me trying to get to her house.

They would chase me in packs throwing bricks, stones, bottles, etc. at me. I was always scared since I was a skinny little thing. But I still pressed on because that one friend became my refuge for safety, I was safe as soon as I hit her front porch. I didn't have to prove anything to her, just be myself and she liked my corny behind just the same.

When me and my friend would walk together they would gang up on us... all of them. We had a few rough scrapes, but we learned to stay safe and avoid trouble at all costs.

Then when I was 16 I started hanging out with "punk rockers" that wore swastikas and mohawks and they were like "WTF???" and they just got bored with me and my friend and went onto using crack cocaine.

Thank God for crack.

They started fighting and killing themselves after that and left me and my friend alone.

yeah after the incident, popularity didn't matter to me, but I realized recently that though I didn't give a shit for years what people thought of me and just did what I wanted telling them all to fuck off, maybe I was just craving some kind of acceptance though I already have it. I have a couple of friends from university that have always been there for me and I've been there for them hopefully and I trust them completely. But right now I'm friends with some people, though nice, I'm paranoid about cause when I disagreed with them a couple of times on their views, I felt stupid when I was asked about it and wondered if I would lose them. I want to distance myself very soon from them cause I've been getting a bad feeling lately and even in the beginning though I Told myself it's just paranoia and to ignore it, but now it's nagging at me and my mental health, and family have begun to notice I'm changing and not in a good way and I already knew that but hearing it is worse.

my "punk rockers" were people trying to be "gangsta" and such a joke....funny thing is though, I look like a punk rocker now though I'm not into punk, it's cause I like wearing black and silver. But yeah I agree it's good having a friend you can really trust.

[Edited 1/21/11 11:01am]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Yes, relentlessly so. In the 6th grade I did a solo dance in the talent contest and the boys in the front row spit at me, threw things at me and called me faggot both in English & Spanish. When my mother reacted to the Principal, he made her the problem telling her to calm down because she is causing a scene. My mother flipped out on him and yelled at him telling him he should be talking to the parents that don't know how to raise their children instead of her

For your Mom...I would have been calling those kids parents for sure if that happened to my kids.

HotGritz said:

Not all teachers look the other way but let's face it, we don't pay them enough to be both educators and baby sitters.

I teach in a high school, and I see some terrible things.

As someone who was bullied, I am hyper-sensitive to these things.

But it is hard to be able to catch everything.

chocolate1 said:

HotGritz said:

Not all teachers look the other way but let's face it, we don't pay them enough to be both educators and baby sitters.

I teach in a high school, and I see some terrible things.

As someone who was bullied, I am hyper-sensitive to these things.

But it is hard to be able to catch everything.

One time I was on the subway and these girls were telling their friend to cut her hair it's too long and she wasn't saying anything, it looked fine to me but sounded too familiar. I had to go up to them and tell her her hair is nice and she should do what SHE wants with it and looked at those girls and got off.

[Edited 1/21/11 11:04am]

HotGritz said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

This is such a false argument. Bullying does not have to be allowed in school. So many teachers look the other way. They should be cracking skulls and breaking fingers like the Catholic Nuns used to do!

Nuns weren't that bad. They would never crack a skull.

You should have been in my school. The eighth grade teacher, Sister Carol Anton was well known for slamming boys against the wall if they were out of line. Everyone was scared of her. That wouldn't fly today of course.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

HotGritz said:

Nuns weren't that bad. They would never crack a skull.

Seriously, it's not about what's allowed in school it's about what kids will eventually do. A school can have a zero tolerance policy on bullyng but that won't stop kids from bullying anymore than policies on social contact, guns, drugs and sleeping in class will keep kids from engaging in such behavior. There will always be that one kid who violates the policy and when he/she is gone they will be replaced by another kid. Not all teachers look the other way but let's face it, we don't pay them enough to be both educators and baby sitters.

They are educators and baby sitters whether we pay them or not. And just because a kid will eventually do it doesn't mean that schools should be places where it's a free for all.

True. But I don't think we're talking free for all. We're simply acknowledging that it happens and that unfortunately it will continue to happen. Part of the human condition. Humans are both predators and prey.

Yeah I was. Very badly too. Some of the kids started even discriminating against me. I had no friends and no siblings. I tried to report them to higher authority, I got a counsellor who was more on their side than mine, saying I asked for it all. It hurt, but I graduated and I never saw those awful people ever again.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess

I think there should be campaigns to promote anti-bullying and to educate students on signs of it and things like that. I wish psychology classes in high school, if any are offered, would talk more about that and even violence against women issues.

SherryJackson said:

Yeah I was. Very badly too. Some of the kids started even discriminating against me. I had no friends and no siblings. I tried to report them to higher authority, I got a counsellor who was more on their side than mine, saying I asked for it all. It hurt, but I graduated and I never saw those awful people ever again.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess

Yeah there was discrimination when I was a kid too, cause though the racial diversity was growing, some people would still laugh at names unfamiliar to them or things people wore related to their religion or culture if they didn't understand it. Sometimes they would ask what my non school friends names were and I would change their names to keep them from laughing and stuff like that

I know now it wasn't necessarily because of being racist, but out of ignorance or being unfamiliar, but no one at home taught them either to accept people who aren't like them, and I'm sure I could have learned a thing or two myself. I heard racist things at home sometimes, but knew it was wrong to repeat them cause I didn't quite get why all the hate, that stuff is learned.

alphastreet said:

paintedlady said:

Provacative post!

See, it was different for me ..

I didn't want to be popular in my neighborhood (which extended into school) since the popular kids were all thugs. They all wore fancy clothes and lots of gold/silver. I was terrified of them.

So if you didn't want to hang with them, it was like rejecting them and they didn't like that at all.

I found one real friend at the age of 11. I would try to sneak and go seek her out since she didn't try to get me into trouble, and they would find me trying to get to her house.

They would chase me in packs throwing bricks, stones, bottles, etc. at me. I was always scared since I was a skinny little thing. But I still pressed on because that one friend became my refuge for safety, I was safe as soon as I hit her front porch. I didn't have to prove anything to her, just be myself and she liked my corny behind just the same.

When me and my friend would walk together they would gang up on us... all of them. We had a few rough scrapes, but we learned to stay safe and avoid trouble at all costs.

Then when I was 16 I started hanging out with "punk rockers" that wore swastikas and mohawks and they were like "WTF???" and they just got bored with me and my friend and went onto using crack cocaine.

Thank God for crack.

They started fighting and killing themselves after that and left me and my friend alone.

yeah after the incident, popularity didn't matter to me, but I realized recently that though I didn't give a shit for years what people thought of me and just did what I wanted telling them all to fuck off, maybe I was just craving some kind of acceptance though I already have it. I have a couple of friends from university that have always been there for me and I've been there for them hopefully and I trust them completely. But right now I'm friends with some people, though nice, I'm paranoid about cause when I disagreed with them a couple of times on their views, I felt stupid when I was asked about it and wondered if I would lose them. I want to distance myself very soon from them cause I've been getting a bad feeling lately and even in the beginning though I Told myself it's just paranoia and to ignore it, but now it's nagging at me and my mental health, and family have begun to notice I'm changing and not in a good way and I already knew that but hearing it is worse.

my "punk rockers" were people trying to be "gangsta" and such a joke....funny thing is though, I look like a punk rocker now though I'm not into punk, it's cause I like wearing black and silver. But yeah I agree it's good having a friend you can really trust.

[Edited 1/21/11 11:01am]

I think having one friend that can call you on all your BS helped me tremendously.

I think we all naturally doubt ourselves from time to time. We also all want acceptance, I think this is at the very nature of bullying.

You have to guard yourself from depression, it sucks. Been there too, and that same one friend helped to pull me outta my funk too. Damn, that chick saved my life!

I think in life you find comrads, friends, and aquaintances. All play different roles and all are useful. You just have to know how to properly define them in your life. This helped me a lot... I joined a church and had a whole new apprciation for "bullying". Happens there too!

paintedlady said:

alphastreet said:

yeah after the incident, popularity didn't matter to me, but I realized recently that though I didn't give a shit for years what people thought of me and just did what I wanted telling them all to fuck off, maybe I was just craving some kind of acceptance though I already have it. I have a couple of friends from university that have always been there for me and I've been there for them hopefully and I trust them completely. But right now I'm friends with some people, though nice, I'm paranoid about cause when I disagreed with them a couple of times on their views, I felt stupid when I was asked about it and wondered if I would lose them. I want to distance myself very soon from them cause I've been getting a bad feeling lately and even in the beginning though I Told myself it's just paranoia and to ignore it, but now it's nagging at me and my mental health, and family have begun to notice I'm changing and not in a good way and I already knew that but hearing it is worse.

my "punk rockers" were people trying to be "gangsta" and such a joke....funny thing is though, I look like a punk rocker now though I'm not into punk, it's cause I like wearing black and silver. But yeah I agree it's good having a friend you can really trust.

[Edited 1/21/11 11:01am]

I think having one friend that can call you on all your BS helped me tremendously.

I think we all naturally doubt ourselves from time to time. We also all want acceptance, I think this is at the very nature of bullying.

You have to guard yourself from depression, it sucks. Been there too, and that same one friend helped to pull me outta my funk too. Damn, that chick saved my life!

I think in life you find comrads, friends, and aquaintances. All play different roles and all are useful. You just have to know how to properly define them in your life. This helped me a lot... I joined a church and had a whole new apprciation for "bullying". Happens there too!

I'm noticing common traits with those who end up putting pressure on me, one of them being those from the religious community, most of which I can't relate to. Like the religion, can't stand the gossip or people's narrow minded views, and i was accused of starting to become like that , which hurt!

I wish I can make them acquaintances, I will do it soon.

I got addicted to pop stars the whole time it was happening too, and it was filling so many holes and emotional voids though trying to have a life at the same time. When I was younger I felt I could relate to them more and wanted to be a part of that world, but not anymore.

[Edited 1/21/11 11:33am]

alphastreet said:

I'm noticing common traits with those who end up putting pressure on me, one of them being those from the religious community, most of which I can't relate to. Like the religion, can't stand the gossip or people's narrow minded views, and i was accused of starting to become like that , which hurt!

I wish I can make them acquaintances, I will do it soon.

I got addicted to pop stars the whole time it was happening too, and it was filling so many holes and emotional voids though trying to have a life at the same time. When I was younger I felt I could relate to them more and wanted to be a part of that world, but not anymore.

[Edited 1/21/11 11:24am]

[Edited 1/21/11 11:25am]

I made so many mistakes regarding this... this is why I am teaching my kids to watch character traits closely in people. To not care about where people come from or what they look like or do.

But to look at how people react to stiuations. If they gossip, treat others with no regard, and not listen, then I tell my kids to stay away from them.

As an adult I have to remind myself of the same things too... one a bully in school, usually those types of people find other avenues to be bullies.

Unless things are changed with lots of self discovery and therapy. Doormat syndrome is the same way.

I am a former doormat.

I remember being a bully when I was really young - the first couple of years at school. But my dad was a big bully so that's probably why.

When my mum left my dad I changed. I never bullied anyone after that - at all. I still cringe when I think about how I was at that young age (my kids are around that age now).

I was never bullied at school.

I bullied and have been bullied. I bullied some teachers bad. Usually I had good reason to do that, but after a while the power tripping became too much and my motivations were not pure anymore. Later in life I got my pay back, I guess, and was bullied back, by a teacher and then, later on, also by a co student.

When I was in preschool, there was a girl who bullied me in school. Yes it was a SCHOOL, not daycare! Nasty girl named Jordan wouldn't play with me because I was black. It sucked at the time, but I can laugh at it now because she looked like a boy Since then, ironically, I've been really confident. And since then, I've been the person to try to boost other peoples' confidence because I know bullies have different lasting effects on people.

Everyone's had a bullying experience at one point or another in their childhood. I listened to music like Prince and Michael and Cyndi. I got hell for it.

yep from elementary to middle school to high school

I remember bullying one kid in Grade 2 who just wouldn't leave me alone. I was in Grade 3, and in retrospect I realize he looked up to me. I shouldn't have been so mean to him.

And I was bullied as well. I could handle them, though, as I was generally more clever and could go toe-to-toe with whatever crap they tried to lay on me. What hurt me more was when friends would pitch on me in mixed company for being awkward, talking "proper," etc. and then be my absolute best buddies away from school.