Any tips/ideas are welcomed. I have a "friend" who I've know since 3rd grade (I'm 44 now), and in the past 10 years or so I've come to the realization that he's a narcissist!

Examples:

Topics of conversation always about him

When answering his phone calls, he asks how I'm doing but never follows up with anything of substance:

A: hello

B: what are you doing??

A: well I'm going to basketball practice right now, we won our first game last week so I'm excited to try out some new ideas

B: alright, alright...yeah I'm just .......(never comes back with anything, steals the conversation immediately and starts talking about himself)

When braggin about how much money he makes, he accuses people of being jealous of him if somebody says something like, "hey Tom, we really don't need to know how much money your making".

Puts people down at every opportunity, reminds people of their failures (a friend of his didn't change his greeting on his voice mail, it still had the company that he used to have) and of course Tom just had to remind him, in a mocking way that you need to change your voice mail greeting.

A recent party he threw (in his honor of course), only 4 people showed up out of the 20 or so that were invited. And 2 of those people that did show up were 4 hours late when it was almost bedtime. Heres the breakdown:

Sue - my sister (so in reality not even his friend, but was invited cause he's desperate)

Sue's 10 year old daughter - she had no choice in the matter

Jack - my brother (showed up 4 hours late on purpose)

Cindy - Tom's mom

and thats it!

Sad.

Thankfully I was busy that night.

I know I'll get the "run away" tips and just don't talk to him and ignore him, but in reality, not sure if thats going to happen, i'm looking for a way to deal with it. My wife has already refused to go with me down his house and just told me earlier DONT invite him to a get together we're having this Saturday.

Hey, I've dealt with their type before.

These people only care about one person, themselves. But despite their outwardly confident appearance in themselves, they cannot stand to see anyone do or be better than them. Even if it's in an area they are not interested in. It hurts them so bad, they will try to bring you down to satiate their fragile ego.

So my advice would be for you to distance yourself as much as you possible can from this "friend". And don't divulge much about your life or any successes you may have. Just be polite.

My advice (I deal with a lot of pains in the arses like this) - when you're talking to him, tell him about an 'annoying friend' who really pisses you off. Describe his behaviour and explain why it pisses you off, but put a different person's name to it. It might make him think.

It's worked for me a couple of times.

I know a few people like that and what I usually do when they take it overboard is simply cut them off and move on to another topic, or to another person all together.

if they ask me why I did that or tell me that I was being rude by doing it then hey, they had just given me the perfect set up to tell them off properly on their behaviour!

Rayan said:

I know a few people like that and what I usually do when they take it overboard is simply cut them off and move on to another topic, or to another person all together.

if they ask me why I did that or tell me that I was being rude by doing it then hey, they had just given me the perfect set up to tell them off properly on their behaviour!

I've been doing that lately. Totally change the subject without any segway. Takes him a few minutes to get it back and then hopefully by then I can say "hey I gotta go" and then run!!! It's sad it has to be like that.

Funkcreep said:

Takes him a few minutes to get it back and then hopefully by then I can say "hey I gotta go" and then run!!! It's sad it has to be like that.

sometimes it's hilarious though when it becomes an inside joke between you and a friend who happens to be there

Lisa10 said:

My advice (I deal with a lot of pains in the arses like this) - when you're talking to him, tell him about an 'annoying friend' who really pisses you off. Describe his behaviour and explain why it pisses you off, but put a different person's name to it. It might make him think.

It's worked for me a couple of times.

These people usually give you advice about how to handle that person because it couldn't possibly be them!

chocolate1 said:

Lisa10 said:

My advice (I deal with a lot of pains in the arses like this) - when you're talking to him, tell him about an 'annoying friend' who really pisses you off. Describe his behaviour and explain why it pisses you off, but put a different person's name to it. It might make him think.

It's worked for me a couple of times.

These people usually give you advice about how to handle that person because it couldn't possibly be them!

Actually, you're probably right.

It works when it comes to letting people know their kids are a pain in the arse though!

If your friend is truly, clinically suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, you're kind of S.O.L. if you're invested in him changing. What he exhibits is not a mere bunch of bad social habits, but likely a deep-seated part of his personality -- and personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat in adults.

I'm no doctor, but your best bet if you're trying to make a dent in him is not to confront it head-on... at least not persistently so. You may hint at it now and then, but if it becomes a regular observation, he'll chalk you up to simply another hater. Consider taking Lisa10's advise of drawing his attention to narcissism and its social fallout in others (something he'll absolutely notice and abhor) and perhaps, in seemingly unrelated moments, to the similar negative social environment he's starting to face "coincidentally." Consider a casual (and not mocking): "Hey, I noticed folk didn't come to your party. Hmm... what's that all about?" He may start to notice some correlations.

The trick is helping him face his own problem while not needing to admit it to you or others, because he will never do that.

Consider also that if he is successful, generally well liked, rich, handsome, etc., he may not be experiencing his own narcissism as a problem -- and if that's the case, count on him being this way until he dies.

[Edited 11/16/10 13:34pm]

Set him down next to a lovely pond and let him look at his own beautiful reflection until he turns into a flower.

Wait.....

Nevermind. When you have a person in your life like that all you can do is determine what your own actions will be. If you need to limit your time, limit your time with that person. Establish whatever boundaries you need.

You gotten really good suggestions up until this one

A person like this is very challenging to have in your life.

Nothinbutjoy said:

Set him down next to a lovely pond and let him look at his own beautiful reflection until he turns into a flower.

Wait.....

Nevermind. When you have a person in your life like that all you can do is determine what your own actions will be. If you need to limit your time, limit your time with that person. Establish whatever boundaries you need.

You gotten really good suggestions up until this one

A person like this is very challenging to have in your life.

The fact that someone talks about himself a lot doesn't make him a narcissist.

Lammastide said:

Consider taking Lisa10's advise

Lammastide, i've always thought you were a smart guy. Now you've just made my day!

Check this out:

http://www.winning-teams....ssist.html

This person may be very, very insecure. People who brag and have to describe their possessions and worth, etc. are often trying to compensate for something. Why don't you just come right out and ask him if he's aware that his behavior is alienating folk?

Lisa10 said:

Lammastide said:

Consider taking Lisa10's advise

Lammastide, i've always thought you were a smart guy. Now you've just made my day!

(This sort of thing is easy when your wife's a shrink. )

Shyra said:

This person may be very, very insecure. People who brag and have to describe their possessions and worth, etc. are often trying to compensate for something. Why don't you just come right out and ask him if he's aware that his behavior is alienating folk?

That.

Love him like he loves himself.......

No seriously it is a pain in the arse but just short sharp conversations are the best and then walk away!

I hate narcissists. They always fail to realise how much better I am then them.

CuddlyBear said:

I hate narcissists. They always fail to realise how much better I am then them.

I fuck them

Shyra said:

This person may be very, very insecure. People who brag and have to describe their possessions and worth, etc. are often trying to compensate for something. Why don't you just come right out and ask him if he's aware that his behavior is alienating folk?

Me: hey Tom, I've noticed that folk don't be comin' round much no more, I think it has something to do with the way you carry yourself

Tom: Nah, they just jealous of, cause I have a big house and I'm doing good and I have my own company etc.... Some folk just can' be happy for others.

CuddlyBear said:

I hate narcissists. They always fail to realise how much better I am then them.

Oh and, you misspelled 'than'.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

dammit, I'm a narcissist!

Walk away.. even if you do they probably won't notice...

I have no idea, evidently I am one according to the test I just took.

I love this modern image of Narcissus

NSFW

http://www.matarodavergat...cissus.jpg

.

[Edited 11/16/10 16:57pm]

Mach said:

I love this modern image of Narcissus

http://www.matarodavergat...cissus.jpg

Ugh. Please slap an NSFW label on that one.